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1^ DEMOCRACY UNVEILED, 

OR, 

T T R A N N r 

STRIPPED OF THE 
GARB OF PATRIOTISM. 



BY CHRISTOPHER CAUSTIC, L. L. D. 

!^c. Sfc. 8fc. 8fc. Sfc. S^c. S^^c. 4'c. S^c. 

d?.0 (J. ^P 

CcBcum domus scelus ornne retexit. 



You rogues ! you rof^ues ! you're al! found out 
And, " We the People," I've no doubt. 
Will put a period to your dashing,. 
And Iwnest mm will come in fashion. 



IN TWO VOLUMES. VOL. I. 



THIRD EDITION, WITH LARGE ADDITIONS. 



NEW-YORK: 

PRINTED FOR I. RILEY, 4- CO. 

180G. Wr 



*^ §rf §SiRE IT,|^EMEMBERED, That on the Fifth 



^■^|;^i3|8fe^cU4:ot-1^ in the Thirtieth year of 

tii^S653ePli^ice of the United States of America, 
Thomas Green Fessenden, of the said district, hath 
deposited in this office tlie title of a book, the right 
whereof he claims as proprietor, in the words and figures 
following, to wit, 

" Democracy Unveiled, or Tyranny Stripped 
** of the Garb of Patriotism. 

" By Christopher Caustic, L. L. D. &c. &c. &c. 
&c. &c. &c. &c. &c. &c. 

" Ccecmn domus scdus omne retexit. J 

'* You rogues ! you rogues ! you're all found out . L** 
*' And ** We, the People," I've no doubt, .^(L I^O A 
" Will put a period to your dashing, \ "^ \y 

" And honest men will come in fasliion. OT*^ 

" In Two Volumes, Vol. I. Third Edition, with la 

** Additions. ' -^^ 

In Conformity to the Act of Congress of the Uni-^\ 
ted States, entitled " An Act for the encouragement of 
Learning, by securing the Copies of Maps, Charts and 
Books to the authors and proprietors of such copies during 
the times therein mentioned," ap.d also to an act, entitled 
" An Act, Supplementary to an Act, entitled *' An Act 
for the encouragement of Learning, by securing tlic co- 
pies of Maps, Charts and Books to the Authors and P o- 
prietors of such copies during the times therein mention- 
ed ; and extending the benefit thereof to the Arts, De- 
signing, Engraving, and etching Historical Prints." 

EDWARD DUNSCOMB, 
Clerk of the District of New York. 



irge \^V - 



preface* 



■W. 



ITH a solicitude to conliibute to the amount 
of what my exertions can eiTect, for the welfare of my 
country, I have ventured to appear before tlie Tribunal 
of the Ajnerican Public, in the character of an author. 
1 hope I shall receive credit for the assertion, when I as- 
sure my countrymen, that my motives arise from a deep 
conviction, that our civil and political rights — all that 
can stamp a value on Society — are menaced by bad men 
now dominant, and bad principles, inculcated by the de- 
magogues and philosophists of the day. 

I am fully aware, that this publication will make rae 
not a few inveterate personal enemies ; but a wish to be 
serviceable to my country, is paramount to every other 
consideration. 

I have indeed shown but little lenity to those men 
whom I have thought deserving of the lash. But I have 
been careful to bring forward "no " railing accusation" 
against any man ; and I am confident thalpHiese voluin€<s 



iv PREFACE. 



contain nothing which is calculated to convey incorrect 
ideas of our public men aod public measures. 

In our Government, time was not allowed for the con- 
solidation of its parts, nor was the value of the '* machine" 
fairly tested by being put completely in motion, befor« 
our Gallatins began to clog " its wheels," and our Kan* 
dolphs and Nicholsons now threaten to pull it <o pieces, 
and to throw us into a state of society bordering on that 
of the savage. An exposition of their arts is absolutely 
incumbent on every man who possesses the means of in- 
formation, and who holds the pen of a writer. 

The people cannot be materially injured in their inter- 
est, unless they are deceived, and they cannot long be 
deceived, if as great efforts are made to enlighten thera 
by their true friends, as by their pretended friends to keep 
them in ignorance. It would be, indeed, a most infamous 
aspersion on the People of the United States, to insinuate, 
that if theTj had known, that many men who now fill the 
highest offices in government, were destitute of common 
honesty, they would liave hoBoured them with their suf- 
frages. Yet it is a fact, that the characters of many of 
them are stained with crimes of the dee]iest dies, and in- 
stead of being placed at the head of government, they 
deserve to be arraigned at the bar of justice. 

With respect to the maainer in which I hare executed 
this Poem, 1 am sensible i shall not escape the shafts of 



PREFACE. 



the small critics, and doubtless, my faults will deserve the 
animadversion of those who are qualified suo«essors of 
Louginus.* 

" But do I then, (abjuring every aim) 
All censure slight, and all applause disclaim? 
Not so : where Judgment holds the rod, I boMT 
My humble neck, aw^i by her angry brow." 

GiFFORD. 

I have divided the poetry, although of the Hudibrastic 
kind, i«to four-line stanzas. For this singularity I am not 
positive I can justify myself. The division appeared to 
me to give the work an apophtliegmatica! appearance, 
and to facilitate the reading, and by (if I may be allowed 
an Americanism) locating each line with more precision 
than would otuei wi'^e be done, to assist the memory ot 
the reader. 



* Gentlemen or' ihis (inscription should not, however, 
pronounce a vr: ;;r^ without .* proper aliention to the 
merits of tiie c.:'' e. A Reviewer, m that respectable 
puoiication, th>' B.»?:on Monthly Anthology, trips a. little, 
in supposing thdf wo have stumbled cm an Anachronism. 

" In the n-xt Canto, Mobocracy," he tells us, ** is an 
Anachronism •)! • 'iUle u;-e that perhaps the author, so 
fai i'io;n -ntc <;.r.; '^oclerivt^ advantage from if, in the 
hniry 'jf C'M^ •■'■•:.. (.I'rl not observe it. The rebellion 
of J7S6is (. j; ; . ■. :' one of the consequences of that 
spirit, exciiec '.r • utionary proceedingsin France."' 

ii. 2 If; 



M PREFACE. 



I am likevrise aware, that I shall be accused of puns, 
alliteralions, iterations, and other deviations from the 
precise path in which their reverences, the Critics, would 
fain have me walk. 

" With these grave fops, who, (bless their brains) 
Most cruel to themselves, take pains 
For wretchedness, and would be thought 
Much wiser than a wise man ought 
For bis own happiness to be, — 
Who what they hear, and what they see, 
And what they smell, and taste, and feel. 
Distrust, ** till Reason sets the sea!." — 



If the gentleman will examine that Canto more min- 
utely, he will perceive that the spirit of the 'rebellion of 
1786 is represented ^% preparing the way for the introduc- 
tion of French revoliationary principles. It is true that 
the events alluded to in the Poem are not set down in 
chronological order, for that was not possible without des- 
troying the connection of the Poem. The following lines 
will furnish him with a clue to the labyrinth of which he 
complains : 

*' Now, certain causes, most untoward. 
Prepared the people to be fro ward," &c. 

[P. 59, lst& 2d edition. 

After stating, among those causes, the half extinguish- 
ed fire of rebellion in Massachusetts, the Poem proceeds: 

" The smouldering flame in secret burn'd. 
When Jefferson from France return'd," &c. 

[P. C4, 1st & 2d edition. 



PREFACE. vii 



With whom 
" Not one idea is allowM 
To pass unquestion'd in the crowd, 
But ere it can obtain a place 
Of holding in the brain a place 
Before the Chief in congregation, 
Must stand a strict examination,"^ 

I shall not attempt to reason, but quietly await their 
sentence. 

+ Churchill. 



fntroliuctiort 



TO 



THE THIRD EDITION. 



>'.>• 



JL HE foregoing prefatory remarks were writtcB 
for the first edition of the following Poem. The addi- 
tions made to this impression, having doubled the size 
of the work, seem to require additional observations of an 
introductory nature. Some strictures, remarks, and hints 
for the improvement of this Poem, which were proffered 
on the appearance of the first edition, present, likewise, 
claims to attention, which I now respectfully beg leave t» 
acknowledge, and will attempt to cancel. 

I hate been accused of undue severity in the applica* 
tion of my satirical scourge ; and some have afilirmed 
that I appear disposed rather to scarify than to chastise in 
areasonable manner those culprits, who are so unfortunate 
as to come under my lash. To such a charge I would 
reply in the language of Mr. Giflford, in his description 
of Anthony Pasquin, that some of the subjects of th« 
following satire are *'so lost to every sense of decency and 



INTRODUCTION. ix 



shajne, as to he fitter objects for the headle than the 
muse." Emollients, palliatives and even gentle caustics 
avail nothing when a gangrene has taken place ; but 
when less powerful escharotics prove ineffectual, perhaps 
the clue application of Lapis InfernalU may preserve a 
defective limb from amputation. 

To those whom I have thought myself in justice bound 
to expose on the Gibbet, I have no other apology to make 
for the treatment they have experienced than is contained 
in the following couplets: 



•" Enfin ton impudence 



Temeraire Vieilard ? aura sa recompeiiGe."* 

*' Miscreant, the scourge which you to day endure. 
Cuts to the bone — but then it cuts to cure."f 

Those men, who hare *' set the country and constitu- 
tion in a blaze"§ have no right to expect any thing emin- 
ently civil in return for such a favour. The Dunnes, the 
Cheelhams, and ihe Pasquins of our distracted country 
are as little entitled to that civility which regulates the 
intercourse of gentkjiicn, as are a band of night-prowling 
banditti to the courtesy of chivalry. f[ 



■* Boiltau. f Gijford. § Hon Fiaher Ames. 

% " In a state of refinen^.ejit an avoidance in company, 



INTRODUCTION. 



It has likewise been urged that I have displayed but 
little of the " spirit of poetr}'"§ in this production ; have 
»ot poured from my 



-" Big breast's piolific rone. 



A proud poetic fervour, only known 
To souls like theirs.*' 



a look of contempt, a silent glance cf Indiginalion may 
prove a sufficient restraint to a person susceptible of the 
nicer feelings"*; but a horde of Calmucks, or a gang of 
Democrats must be disciplined with more severity. 

* Chipman's '* Principles cf GoTernment." 

§ So says a writer in the Baltimore Evening Post of July 
24th, 1805, My excuse lor takini^ notice of such a com- 
pound of malice and stupidity may be found in page 7th 
note 1 1th of the following work. An English Satirist, in 
apologizing for having stooped to attack a malignant 
scribbler, declared, in substance, that it was not consistent 
with the true interests of literature that ignorant and ma- 
licious blockheads of that description should be forgot- 
ten — that they ought to be gibbelted for the scorn of the 
wise and the terror of fools. 

I shou'd not, however, have been induced by i\\e folly 
merely of this Baltimore Evening Post man to expose 
him, but his .v/'eer A-^flrerz/, demands the lash. A wit- 
ling, who will niisquGte Irom iin autlior, in order to find 
fault with absurdities which did not originally exist, but 
were manufactured by the critic for the occasion, would 
not hesitate to comn it any other species of forgery, could 
fee hope to dt> it with impunity. 

After a quantum sufficit of prefatory nonsense, in which, 
among other things, he hugs himself for his sagacity in 



INTRODUCTION. xi 



Or, in other words, have exhibited no signs of that mad- 
ness, whicli half-'*vita rulslake for poetic inspiration. To 



not calling *•' quotations" ** criticisrmV' he vaults upon 
his Pegasus. 

That limps along, so heavy moulded. 

That Sttrnhold's self seems out-Sternholded, 

Here they go ! 

** Other folks shall sound his fame 
Who have or have not heard his name, 
Ages unborn shall chaunt his praise. 
And Butler's self begin the lays." 

He next accuses the author of Democracy Unveiled of 
tautology ,hec2Lu^e theorised and theorising both occur in 
the same Canto ! 

This man would, no doubt, have proved Pope a most 
egregious tautologist, for he says, 

♦< Where wigs \\\ih ivigs, with sword-knots sword-knots 

strive. 
Beaux banish beaux, and coaches coaches drive." 

'* Of various habit and of "carious die," &c. 

This forni'dable Critic j)roceed> to pass sentence of con- 
demnation upon the rhymes, which happen not to suit his 
fancy. This is a specimen of iiis carping: 

" Philosophists Illuminati, 
Beings of whom at any rate I." 

<Mf you sound (says he) the *a'in * illuminati' as iij 
* far' you will be sure not to make a rhyme." 

In justificati -n of this rhyme 1 shall not rely on the li- 
cence allowed in Hudibrastic verse, but shall give exam- 
ples of greater liberties taken by the best architect of 
rhymes among tiie English Poets. 

" Of man, what see we but his station here. 
From \ihich to reason or to which refer-*' 



Xli 



INTRODUCTION. 



sucli I would beg again to reply in the words of Mr. 
Gifford: 



— 0. " My lays 

That wake no envy, and invite no praise. 
Half creeping, and half flying, yet suffice 
To stagger iinpudence ami ruffle vice." 



•" Pleas'dtothelast he crops the flowery /oorf, 
And licks the hand just ra.^'d to shed his blood-" 
" O biindne«^s to the future ! kindly given, 
That each may fill the circle mark'd by heaven ." 

*' Oh thou ! whatever title please ihine ear. 
Dean, Drapier, Buckersiaff, or Gullircr!" 

Kow will this mole-eyed scribbler pretend that Pope did 
not understand rhyming; or would he iiave us believe 
that the rhvmes must be more exact in Hudibrastic poe- 
try, than inEiigli-h Hexameter. 

Again he informs us that *' n'^w how" and " pow 
wow," manage ill, and *'ansel," ''sedulity" and " cre- 
du'ity," " Louisiana" atul " rainy," "Calcutta" and " a- 
bout'a," "nation" and *' oppugnation," "treaty" and 
«' yet he," are bad rhymes. 

But we find such 1icenc>"s can be justified by the 
authority of authors of ucknowledged merit, who have 
written the same s-pecies of poetry. 

In Hudibras we have die fallowing: 

" When pul})it, drum ecclesiastic 
Was beat with fist instead of a stick." 



INTRODUCTION. xi 



Or, if my own language will be acceptable, I will repeat 
what I once before observed, when engaged in hunting 



Although my rambling muse, so airy, 

Is wild as Oberon the fairy. 

Her ladyship is forc'd to stoop, 

To hit the Jacobinic group, 

Must dig, and delve or take her aim 

A thousand leagues above her game. 



" Quarrel with mincM pies and cYisparcige 
Their best and dearest friend, plumb porridge.^* 

" Thus was he giftf^d and d-ccoutred. 
We mean on th inside not the outivard.'' 

** It doth behove us to say something 

Of that which bore our viiWunt bumpkin.'^ 

*'The bear is safe and out of peril, 

Though lugg'd indeed and wounded very ill.''* 

" They count a vile ahomwation. 
But not to slaughter a whole nation,^^ 

Instances of similar licences niay be produced from 
Prior, Swift and Huddesford ; but'l forbear to enlarge; 
and should not have troubled the reader with these re- 
marks had I not heard such objections urged by critics of 
more respectability than this Baltiniore dabbler^ But the 
malignity discovered by the inisquotations shows that in 
him the heart of a jacobin is united with the head of a 
sciolist. 

In the first editions of Democracy Unveiled the fol- 
lowing couplet occurs : 

B 



xiv INTRODUCTION, 



I have preferred rhyme as a vehicle of my sentiments, 
chiefly, because I could express more, and impress certain, 
axioms, with more energy in the same number of words in 
rhyme than in prose. But tlights of fancy were out of 
the question in wading through the disgusting details of 
individual enormity, which an attention to my subject 
rendered necessary. For the abundant use which I have 
made of notes, I have the example of some of the best 
English satirists, and njay, perhaps, be allowed theapolo* 



Is it not true, he left no stones 
Unturn'd for Gabriel Jones. 

The horizontal stroke, was intended to supply the place 
of a word descriptive of Jefferson's conduct in his transac- 
tion with Mr. Jones. But this honest critic has misqunted 
the couplet by leaving out the stroke, and declared that 
the defect was in the poem as it originally stood ! 

Again he misquotes the following couplet : 

*' A single Jacobin, or scarce one 

More mischievous than this said parson," 

the last word of which he has altered io ''person,^* in 
order to find fault with the rhyme. 

He next states what is not true about theEnglishKeviews 
of "Terrible Tractoration," which he says '* the English 
lleviewers mention in very vague terms indeed." The 
testimonies subjoined to this work will show thefalsehood 
of that assertion. But I wash my hands of this 

" Unfinish'd thing, one knows not what to call. 
His generation's so equivoc«/ ;"* 

and if his folly is not superior to his malignity, he will 
keep out of my path in future. 

* Pope's Essay on Criticism. 



INTRODUCTION. xv 



gy of the author of the " Pursuits of Literatures'^ who, 
speaking of satire, says, '^ as it is a view of life, designed 
to.be presented to other times, as well as those in which 
it is written, the necessity of an author's furnishing notes 
to his own composition is evident, to clear up such diffi- 
culties as the lapse of time would unavoidably create." 

I have been not a little amused by the suggestions of 
my friends respecting wliat might and ought to have been 
done for rendering this poem more complete. Some 
would have had me fabricate a production in the mock 
heroic stile, and fashioning a hero after the model of Don 
Quixotte, send iiim a tilting and tournamenting thro' the 
world, assailing the windmills, giants and dragons of de- 
Kiocracy in the true stile of chivalry. Others would have 
me sit. down and in sober sadness attempt to imitate the 
''Pursuits of Literature." But with becoming deference to 
the opinion of such sage advisers, an author must be al- 
lowed the privilege of consulting his own genius, for ^'no 
man." says Swift, '* ever made an ill figure, who under- 
stood his own talents, nor a good one who mistook them." 

It has been objected to this poem, that the connection 
of its different parts is not sufficiently obvious: But in 
embracing a field so extensive as I have chosen, it would 
be found extremely difficult to proceed step by step like 
a mathematical demonstration. I am sure that the great- 
er part of what I have written will be found to tend di' 
rectly or indirectly to the main object of the poem, t« 



xTi INTRODUCTION. 



strip the mask from democracy, and expose in their true 
colours the men, who are either ignorantly or maliciously 
busied in prostrating the pillars of social order, and whose 
disorganizing efforts threaten to deliver America, bound 
hand and foot, to domestic usurpers or foreign tyrants.* 

I have followed no model in the construction of this 
poem, excepting so far as to observe the general rules of 
composition for HudiUrastic poetry. In my rhymes, I 
think I have been as exact as the best English authors, 
w ho have written poetry of this description. Indeed I hope 
the work, with all its faults, will serve as a sort of coiri- 
pendiinn of Federal principles, a key to facts,3nd a concise 
exposition of the arts of demagogues, and may enable 
some honest federalists to give a reason for the political 
faith which they profess. 

I have, probab'y, been indebted for some of my ideas, 
aiid,possibly,some of my expressions, to au-.horsto whom 
I may have omitted to give credit for their performan- 
ces.f No man, however, has a more thorough contempt 



*'*'rhere may be much diversity in tlie process, but the 
result is nearly the same; the chief difference is, that 
small states, generally, call in a master from abroad, and 
great nations make a master for themselves." 

Governor Stroni^'s Speech. 

f An acknowledgment to theRev SethParson, for some 
passages extracted from his tract, entitled *' Proofs of the 



INTRODUCTION. xvii 



for a plagiarist than myself ; but in the hurry of com- 
position, I may have, inadvertently, stumbled on the 
sentiments of others, without being able to distinguish 
them from my own conceptions. 

Repetitions of ideas and of words, in the following 
poem, frequently occur, and will, perhaps, subject me to- 
the censure of critics. I thought, however, that it might be 
useful in some instances '' to give line upon line." If 
I am wrong, in this particular, it is not owing to careless^ 
ness, but defect in judgment. 

Many passages in the following pages will, perhaps, be 
thought of too trifling import to be allowed a place in a 
work which treats of some of the most important topics 
which can interest humanity. But for this I shall borrow 
an apology from Horace : 

'* Ego si risi quod inepLus Pastillos Rufillus olet, lividus- 
et mordax videar ?"]: 



existence and dangerous tendency of lUuminism," was, 
through accident, omitted in this edition. 

i If I smile because the stupid Rufillus is scented with 
perfumes, must I be stigmatized as a man of an envious 
and malicious disposition, 

B2 



XYiii INTRODUCTION. 



- I believe there is no law in the code of legitimate criti- 
cism, which prohibits a poet from an occasional traffic ia 
trifles. Besides the powers of serious argument and in- 
vective against our political back-sliders have been long 
since exhausted by the essayists of the day. Kidicule 
seems to be the only weapon which has not fallen blunt- 
ed from the brazen buckler of Democracy, like the dart 
of Priamfrom the bosses of Pyrrlius. 

I am sensible that I have presented to view some fright- 
ful pictures of political and moral depravity ; but as tiiey 
are drawn from the life, I cannot be implicated in their 
disgusting appearance. To those, who are inclined to 
suppose any part of the following publication libellous, 
I would observe that I, have not written with a 
view ** to create animosities and disturb the public 
peace."* It is time that the community were well and 
tiuly informed of the characters of the principal per- 
formers on our political theatre ; and if wc cannot draw 
llie curtain without the appearance of a ** Castle Spectre*' 
let us in earnest set about exorcising the land of the de- 
mons which infest us. 

Every man, who has any thing at stake in society, is 
equally concerned with myself in the topics wliich are 



♦ Blacksiones Com, B, 4. Ch. II. 



INTRODUCTION. xix 



brouglit into view in the following procluclion. Men of 
property, and men wliose talents and industry aiford 
tliem a reasonable prospect of its acquisition, are inter- 
ested to the amount of their possessions and prospects/ in 
a regular, efficient and just government. If our politi- 
cal rights are undefined and insecure, our civil rights y 
among which is the right of property, will not long be 
respected. If the fountain head be contaminated, the 
streams cannot remain pure ; and if our public atfairs are 
badly conducted, individual distress will be the conse- 
quence. The anxiety which some of our luke-warm led- 
eraiists show for the acquisition of property, while those 
institutions, .which alone can protect them in its enjoy- 
ment, are crumbling to pieces about them, is not unlike 
the sagacity of a profound gentleman, who, when his 
house was burning, was very active in placing for security 
his valuable effects in a closet which made a part of the edi- 
fice on fire. Professional men,men of education,all who pos- 
sess talents or acquirements which entilie them to distinc- 
tion in society, are called on to put a stop to tiie work of 
destruction commenced by the party now in povv'er, and 
progressing under the auspices of our Randolphs, Nich- 
oisons and Duancs. 

1 he theme which I have chosen in the following work, 
has been not a little hacknied. The subject of American 
politics has commanded the attention of the philosophers 
and literati of all nations. It cannot, therefore, be ex- 



XX 



INTRODUCTION. 



pected that I have either exhausted the subject, or that 
my labours have produced any thing which can lay claim 
to the merit of novelty. My book contains but an ab- 
stract of what might be said, it is merely a sort of a horn- 
book of Federal politics, but I hope, so far as it goes, 
it is correct and will be useful. It has been the result of 
much investigation. 1 have taken great pains to ascertain 
facts, and 1 believe my allusions and assertions are always 
supported by them. I have not drawn my bow at ran- 
dom, but if I know my own heart, I have had a single eye 
to the public good, even in those attacks which are most 
personal. If I have offended one really good man it will 
be to me a subject of lasting regret, and 1 will make any 
reparation in my power. (.But bad men are fairgame\ and 
" I will not be intimidated by the war whoop of Jacobins 
and Democratic writers, or tiie feeble shrieks of witlings 
and poetasters,"! from attacking those who are foes to ra- 
tional freedom and to my country. 

I v/ould have printed the additions which I have made 
to tills impression separately, had It been consistent with 
the general plan of this work. But a poetical appendix 
would be truly an auk ward appendage to a poem. 
— When I published the last edition, 1 did not contem- 
plate making, ijmnediatehjy any additions to the work as 



p Pursuits of Literature. 



INTRODUCTION. xxi 



it llien stood. But finding in New-York sources of in- 
formation of whicii I could not so conveniently avail my- 
self in my former situation, and conceiving that I had,but 
glanced at many subjects, which required more mature 
consideration, I was induced to proceed without delay in 
the prosecution of the plan, which I had at first in view, 
provided the poem met with the patronage of the public. 

In the second Canto, entitled Illuminism, I iiave at- 
tempted merely a sketch of those principles, which have 
given the democracy of our own times that dreadful and 
STjstcmatic malignancy, which distinguishes it from the re- 
volutionizing efforts of former ages. 1 have likewise op- 
posed, with the liltle powers 1 possess the torrent of iiifi- 
delily, wliich threatens to overwhelm the moral world. I 
cariuot but flatter myself that this part of my labours will 
meet with the approbation of those whose duly it is to 
warn their fellow-men against the '* coid aiid flippant 
scepticism which damps our hopes, removes tjie sanctions 
of morality, chills domestic happiness, destroys the obli- 
gations of social order, and builds up the p!)ilosophy of 
vanity on the subversion of the altars of Cod."§ 

" Literature, we!l or ill conducted,"(says that con- 
summate writer, the author of the Piu-suits of Literature) 



§ tJenry Ynrke, Esq. quoted from the oration of Mr. 
Lewis, pronounced before the Connecticut Society ofCin- 
cinuuni, July 4, \ldd. 



xxii INTRODUCTION. 



" is the great engine, by which I am fully persuaded all 
civilized States must ultimately be suppoited or over- 
thrown." The word Literature ought to be taken in its 
most comprehensive sense, including whatsoever is pre- 
sented to the world through the medium of the press. It 
was by the agency of prostituted presses that our dema- 
gogues have obtained their ruinous ascendency. It was 
by the means of the press that the impious tenets of the 
French philosophists p4pared the way for those desolat- 
ing scenes of anarchy, which cannot be paralleled in his- 
tory. It was the interposition of the press ; — the pat- 
riotic exertions of such writers as Edmund Burke, and 
the author of the "Pursuits of Literature," aided by the 
timely efforts of a few individuals, which prevented simi- 
lar scenes in Great Britain. It is only by a servile press 
(hat tyrants and demagogues can, in the present state 
of society, support themselves in power. I repeat it, 
no people can be enslaved unless they are deceived. 
— How great then ought to be the force of public in- 
dignation against those men, wko prostitute literan tal- 
ents to the purposes of a party. An Editor of a party pa- 
per, who, knowingly, gives currency to falsehoods, ought 
to be shunned as a monster of crime; for, if we are to 
estimate the enormity of a criminal from the consequences ' 
•which his crimes produce in society, one such editor with 
the kind of abilities which even Democrats ascribe to 
their friend Duane, is more to be dreaded than a zv'hole 
colony of convicts. The people ought immediately to 
put it out of the power of such wretches to injure society,^ 



INTRODUCTION. xxiii 



by withdrawing from them their confidence, and refusing 
io pay for their vehicles of falseiiood. If the voice of 
public opinion should not pronounce a sentence of out- 
laivry against such enormous culprits, we shall soon find 
ourselves "fooled out of our security, fooled out of our 
happiness; and when we have lost every blessing Z?<?j/ond 
recoveryy we shall look round at each other in a stupid 
despair, clashing our chains and unable to shake them off, 
and ask, "How has all this been brought about ?"* 

The pillars which secure the fabric of society in Ame- 
rica are placed on a less solid foundation than in older 
countries. In England, in a particular manner, there are 
certain estahlished principles, which are considered astlie 
basis of their government ; not written article by article 
like a Bill of Rights, but their evidences rest in writing, 
sanctioned by the practice of ages, understood and re- 
spected, and no Randolph or Nicholson dare infringe on 
them. In America public opinion must, in a great mea- 
sure, supply the place of long established precedents, and 
form the chain which binds together society. It is, there- 
fore, all-important, that the public mind should be cor- 
rectly informed, and any attempt to misinform, and by 
that means mislead the public, should be considered as a 
blow aimed at the vitals of society, and the propagators 
of such falsehoods ought to be esteemed as foes to their 
country, to freedom and to mankind. 



Pursuits of Literature. 



xxiv INTRODUCTION. 



I consider myself as having brought a set of culprits to 
trial before the tribunal of public opinion. Their guilt is 
clear beyond all dispute, for I come armed with proofs 
and documents, which must mak^ it manifest to every 
capacity. If there is not virtue and independence enough 
in the court to condemn them, the country is ripe for 
that despotisnj, which will not fail to await us, preluded 
by anarchy, and accompanied by all the horrors, which 
attend a revolutionary slate of society. 



^9 ^ 



% 



CANTO I 



Mb ARGUMENT. 

The wight, who led the Royal College 
To furious fight, whicn'kll acknowledge 
Exceeded, nineteen times to one, 
*^ All battles else beneath the sun. 

Commences war with certain brats. 
Who style themselves good Democrats, 
Although in ten there's more than niiiCj ^ 

Just nine times worsg than Cataline ! 
And first begins, sans any coaxing, 'w* 
To sound his rmn-I)oding tocsin ; 
W An awful prel^e to the battle. 

He means to wage with such vile cattle. 

^ Devoid of influence or fear, ^^ 

flrace Democracy's career, 
Mid paint the vices of \he times, 
Whiffe bad men |rem]:)le at my rhymes ; 



2 THE TOCSIN. 

And I'll unmask the Democrat, 

Your sometimes this thingj^om^fmes that,^ 

Whose life is one dishonest shuffle, 

Lest he j^rchance the mol)' should ruffle ; 

^ Your sometimes this thing, sometimes that. 

I here have reference to the different appearances* 
■\vhich our Aptifederalists, alias Democrats, alias Re- 
publicans, alias " genuine" ditto (for the man who 
manages the Aurora makes two divisions of these 
self denominated friends to the people) have as- 
sumed in the evanescent stages of their political ex- 
istence. But more of this hereafter. 

5 Lest he perchance the mo* should ruffle. 

1 would make a distinction, which I think of the 
highest importance, between the ^leople^ and the 
moby or fiopulace* By the latter, I would designate 
certain of the lowest class in the community, who 
are alike destitute of property and of principle, and 
may be emphatically stiled the rabble. These, in 
America, consist principally of imported despera- 
does, who have made this country an " asylum," 
and having nothing to lose, arc wishing 

<• To turn the world up- 
Side down to put themselves a top." 



^ 'TrumbulWs Mc Fim^al. 



^ 



THE TOCSIN. 3 

And who by public good, intends 
Whatever subserves his private ends, 
And bawls for freedotti, in his high rant, 
The better to cgnceal the tyrant^ 

^. These are the kind of beitVgs to whom the Mantuan 
jpard alluded in the following naost exquisite simile s 

Ac veltiti magno in populo cunt scepe coorta est, 
Seditio, Sccvitque anhnis ignobile vulgtis\' • '* 

ya^nque faces et saxa volant ; fwor anna ministrat. ^^ 

As when in tumults rise th' ignoble cVowd, 
Mad are their motions, and their tongues are loud : 
And stones and brands in rattling volleys fly, 
And all the rustic amis which fury can supply; 

Dryden. 

By the people, I mean the great body of Ameri- 
can farmei's, merchants, mechanics,, Sec. who, pos- 
sessing habits of industry ,"" and our primitive New- 
England manners, may be considered as the stamina 
of republicanism. 

^The better to conceal the tyrant. 

In characterising the now prevailing party, 1 
would not affirm that they are at heart all tyrants, 
bdt that their leaders are, generally speaking, haugh- 
ty and imperious demagogues. Like the genuine^ 
rcpublican-slave-driving-nabobs of Virginia, who 



4 THE TOCSIN. 



Determin'd I'll do what I can do, 
And pray what more can mortal man do ? 
» For w&l and welfare of our nation, *" 
*a Aifid this backsliding generation. 

* m 

I'll blow my shrewdTsatiric horn, 
The taunting finger point of scorn 
^t vice and folly iH^f^fils and knaves / 
It nuist be (i^7ie or zve be, slaves. 
^ , ' - . . '' - [terqr, 

; InTomPaine's '^Rightsof Man" nosmafc 
' '!^^e j^eople's /r/^7i n?,-but nS't their batterer ; 
111 not eIcction«i^' laor job, 
Adore sage Mammotliy n^ king mob, 

would fain conceal their designs of domination )^ 
n«ath the mask of liberty, and & /ti^ended zeal for 
the rights of Ihe people. ^ 

^•At vicff) 9<T\^ folly ^foolsy and knaves, 

** Satire never can have effect without a personal 
application. It must corae home to the bosoms, 
and often to the offences of particular men.'* 

Pursuits of Literature, 

^ In Tom Paine's " Rights of Man," no smatterer. 
Nothing ever yetp^rif^en, can be more directly 



THE TOCSIN. 5 

For Chronicle abuse I care not ;^ 

But I will cry aloud and spare not, 

The tyrant Democrat unveil, 

Though damn'd for such a damning tale.' 

calculated for sapping the foundations of society, 
than the productibns of this demoralizing scribbler. 
He has indeed mixed some truth with his falsehood, 
and now and then correct reasoning with his school-boy 
sophistry. But hi^ writings, in general, are much 
better calculated for dissolving, than for cementing 
the social compact. 

* For Chronicle abuse I care not. 

The author has been honoured somewhat liberally 
with the abuse of the Chronicle scribblers. They 
have, among other lies^ affirmed that he was '♦ im- 
ported," under *' British influence,'* Sec. 

^ Though damn'd for such a damning tale. 

I would not use the epithet damn'd, in a profane 
sense, but in the sense it is ustecVwhen we speak of 
temporal evils only, or in the sense of Mr. Gifford, 
who speaking of the productions of illiterate scrib- 
blers, says, they are '^' 

V Works damn*d, or to be damu'd.'* 



6 THE TOCSIN. 

Those who assume, at Faction's call, * 

A T^ght V infringe on rights of all,* 
Who swear all honesty a hum, 
Who rise because the'y are the scum.^® 

May hide their heads, for I' determine, 
Th set 7711/ foot upon the vermin^ 

® A right t' infringe on rights of all. ^ . 

See a Charge delivejsed lo the Grarid Jury in Penn- 
sylvania, by the Honourable Alexander A'ddison, in 
which the distinction between liberty and licentious- 
ness, the dangers to be apprehended from the tyranny 
of the MANy,ever m(»edreadful thaii'thatof theFEw, 
are pointed out in a perspicuous and masterly man- 
ner, 

.'> 

^ Who swear all honesty a hunu ^ -£, *^ ^^, ^ 

Declarations to this effect, I have repeatedly Kearijl;^^ 
Sliade by those who stiled themselves good Dejnor 

jr. ' ' -'■ ;f "' 

«rra^i|5''^friends to the people, res^l patriots, 8cc. Sect 
That there is no ^uch "thing SisJioneaty in politics; that 
in the scramble for power, b^ mco^ were justifiable 
to obtain the good end in view, to Aiv^it, , the aggran- 
dizement of tlie ptrty jjiaking use of such means ; 
that they have ever acted in conformity to these 
tenets, an impartial history of the pafty will amply* 
Sestify- 




THE TOCSIN; 

Except some creeping knaves exempt, 
Who have not risen to contempt I" 

A mortal foe to fools and rogues, 
Your Democrats and demagogues, 
Who've sworn they will not leave usabrick. 
Of freedom's blood xemented fabric. 

'<* Who rise because they are the scum. 

" When the political pot boils, the scum rises." 

-^1 Who have not risen to contempt! 



Such little things, forihstattte, as ^nthony Has-^ 
well, editor of a newspaper at Bennington, Vermont, 
parson Griswold, the Walpole Observatory-man, 
upon whom I could wish never to be under the dis- 
agreeable necessity of wasting a line. I may, how- 
ever, be compelled to bestow some share of my at- 
tention on these and other animalculse of the fry of 
sedition. An asp is an animal apparently quite in?, 
significant, but its bite may be as fatal af the paw of 
a lion. Perhaps Federalists have carried their con- 
tempt of these grub worms of faction too far. 
There are many, among both our great and little 
vulgar-, who cannot comprehend a sentence of correct 
English, if it chance to contain an idea ; but are 
tjuite " up to any thing," which may be drivelled 
from .the noddle df Tony Haswell, or Do* Pasquin* 




^v# 



9 ";;;#r?^* the tocsin. 

^!^11 search in Democratic annals, 
Elicit truth from dirty channels, 
Describe lozv knaves in high condition, 
Though speaking truth « is deem'd sedi- 

[tion. 

The attempting to hew blocks with razors, is a 
Yery foolish affair. The more ^nowz72^ Democrats, 
who lead by the nose the simpletons of the party, 
are sensible of it. They therefore work upon their 
thick-headed supporters, with such sorry tools as 
the pair of Tonies aforesaid, parson Griswold, &c« 

n Though s/ieaking truth is deem'd sedition. 

It is indeed wonderful, (if any thingjn the annals 
of Democracy can be so) that Democrats should, ' 
without a blush, affirm that the Sedition Law was 
" Law against Constitution.'* Yet they have not 
only frequently asserted this among other lies, 
but have represented it as a most horrible engine 
f^ tyranny, fabricated by the Federalists, for no 
other purpose but to oppress the people I And this 
wasoncj among many other still more atrocious false- 
hoods, which has formed the basis of their political 
consequence. The fact is, that this law not only 
mitigated the rigour of Common Law on that sub- 
ject, but guarantied to the American Citizen an im- 
portant riprht, which, under the drmination of the 
now ruling party, he is not permitted to exercise* 



U 



«Jl« 



THE TOCSIN. 



I would not, willingly, omit 
One scoy.ndrel, high enough to hit, 
But should I chance to make omission, 
I'll put h^n in my hqts^ edition. 

'a ^■ 

But still with caution will i:efrain ^ 

F|;om giving honest people pain *; 
And only private vice unmask, 
y^htXQ,xpublic good require&jthe task. 

I would not wantonly annoy.... 
ij^o good man's happiness destroy ; 
None lives, I say, with honest pride, who 
Despises slander more thaft I do. *'' 

But when vile cojmicts make pretence 
To power and public confidence, 
The indignant Muse of satire urges 
^he honest bard to ply her sfeo urges. 



♦*» 



? 



'^*^ 



A prosecution has been instituted against Harry 
Croswelli for a libel, but' our Democratic liberty 
and equality gentlemen in office, would not permit 
the defendant to prove the truth of the matter al- 
ledged to be libellous I ! 







^•' 






^"^m 


> 






1 e^ 


W%* 





10 tHE Tocsm. 

And therefore be it known to all, 
That though the risk I run's not small,*^ 
I'll lash each knave that's now in vogue, 
Merely because he is a rogue j-^* ^ 

And hope at least to pull the pride down, 
Of those, who our best men have lied 

That though the risk I run's not small. 

The person who in these times dares to rend the 
veil of Democracy, and disclose the demon in his 
naked deformity, must expect that the worshippers 
of that infern al idol, will vow vengeance on his de- 
voted head. The sword of the duellist, it is to be 
feared, may Arely precede the dagger of the assas- 
sin. But it is the duty of every real Republican, to be 
ready, like the Roman Curtius, to plunge into the 
gulf, and sacrifice himself to save his country. 

'^ Merely because he is a rogue, 

I am no farther a foe to any of the characters who 
are the subjects of the following Satirical Strictures 
than as they are foes to good order, morality, and to 
my native country. Personal animosity is not among 
the motives which produced this Poem. 

•^' 

*• Of those "who our J)est men have lied down. 



■ THE TOCSIN. U 

/Vnd have contriv'd, the rogues, to rise 
By arts, which honest men despise. 

tJnite your force then, Chronicleers, 
With those who have, or have not. .•..ears..., 
Fhe uEgis-man, and both the Tonies, ^ 
May join with half a dozen Honees. 

Reader, I will here present thee with one among 
nany specimens, of the adroitness of our self-styl- 
ed friends to the people, in the art and mystery of 
political* lying. 

At the time that our Envoys to France, Messrs. 
^/Iarshall, Pinckney and Gerry, were insulted by 
hose infamous propositions, from the French Di- 
'ectory, made through the medium of X. Y. and Z. 
.vhich justly excited the indignation, not only of 
America, but of all Europe, it was promulgated by 
^ood Democrats among their ignorant supporters, 
ihat the dispatches from our Plenipotentiaries, were 
forged by Federalists at Philadelphia, for the pur- 
pose of throwing an odium on our great and mag- 
[lanimous sister republic ! I This impudent false- 
hood answered good democratic purposes. A full 
bloode'd Jacobin was sent to Congress, in retaliation 
Df the aforesaid Federal forgery ! I 

This however is only one in a million. A long 
life devoted to the express purpose of detecting 
the falsehoods of the deceitful demagogues, who 



^ 



•^^ 



12 THE TOCSIN. 

Come, Cheetham, Duane, Smith and Pas- 

«* '» - * [^,^ % -^ ♦[quin, 

In presidential favour basking ; 
With all your scoundrel gang affords, 
Who straddle poles, or wear wood swords ; 



m^ 



Imported patriots, ^iphose fit station 0- 



# Should be that kind oj elevation, 
* Which happens oft to rogues, less callous, 

^hen they're exalted on the gallows ; 

^ hope your knaveships won't refuse, 
^ To honor me with your abuse m 

But let not these, my modest lays, ^ ^ 
l^ Be blasted by a scoundrel's praise ;.... 

m ""' For since my country's good demands 
Thig piece of justice froisjkmjir l^nds, 
I'll string you up, sans ceremoni^, 
From Duari^lovv;^ to dir^ Tonij. ^ 

«i ^^ # 

Mr fVff^^^^ crowded themselves into consequence, woulc 
*^ be too short a period for that purpose ; but 

" Hulf the tale must be uwtold. '* 



17 From Duane down to dirf^r Tctuj, 
These pure patriots sHrU receive, with those men- 



THE TOCSIN. 13 

No threats, nor growling, shall prohibit 
My hanging you on satire^a gibbet ; 
Expos'd in dolorous condition, 
Like flies impall'd by old Domitian.^^ 

Now, since ye are a ruffian crew 
As honest Jack Ketch ever knew ; 
Have chang'd your names, as well as courses, 
Like folks who trade.... in stealing horses ; 

I'll take each Demo, and expose his 
Form in his each metempsychosis, 
Though he assumes as many shapes 
As Jove for managing his rapes. 

As Tories many of you vex'd us ;" 
As Antifederals then perplex 'd us ; 

tioned in the preceding lines, the homage of our at- 
tention in the 5th Canto of this our Poem ! 

18 Like flies impale'd by old Domitian. 

We are informed by historians, that this Emperor 
amused his leisure hours, by impaling flies on the 
point of a needle. 

^* As tories many of you vex'd us. 
c 






14 THE TOCSIN. 

And, ever bent upon confusion, 
Oppos'd the Federal Constitution ; 

And then, camelion like, vi-le brats I 
You call'd yourselves good Democrats ; 
And next to drive deception's game, 
Self-styl'd Republicans.... i^or shame! 

And when by dint of different phases, 
You crowd into your betters' places : 
Republicans, by process curious, 
Are split to '' genuine" and *^ spurious.'* 

But after all these shifts.... you rogues ! 
You're nothing more than demagogues, 
And bawl for freedom, in your high rant, 
The better to conceal the tyrant \^^ 

Nothing can exceed in impudence the Democratic 
false hood, sooften repeated, that the Federalists were 
Tories under British influence Sec. ; when the truth 
is, that the Federalists were, most generally, active 
supporters of American Independence, while Jef- 
ferson was hiding himself in the cave of the moun- 
tain, and Tench Coxe was piloting the British 
jirmy into Philadelphia. 

20 The better to conceal the lyrapt \ 



THE TOCSIN. \5 

But my design and hope, and trust is, 
To bring your leading knaves to justice ; 
Expos'd on satire's gibbet high. 
To frighten others of the fry. 

Thus, when our prudent flirmers find 
Your Democrats of feather'd kind, 
Crows, blackbirds, and rapacious jays, 
Disposed to plunder fields of maize ; 

If haply they destroy a* few * 

Of such a lawless, plundering crew, 
They hang them in conspicuous place, 
To terrify the pilfering race. 

This couplet has before occurred, but our pre- 
decessors, Homer and Virgil, were much a.ddicted 
to iterations of this kind. The reader may please 
to consider it as the 

Incite Mixnalios mecum mca tibia versus of this 
Poem. 



CANTO 11. 



fllummfein.' 



ARGUMENT. 

We now the erigiii will trace 

Of that dire pest to human race, 

Th^it freedom, with which Fraace was cur»t,22 

Ere R(vnapart, the bubble burst : 

The fiend exorcise from our land, 

Who erst, with desolating hand, 

Bade Democrats, a horrid train, 

Half Europe " heap with hiih of slain,'* 



There was a gaunt Gen€\an pricst^^^ 
Mad as our New Lights are at least,** 
Much learning had, hut no pretence 
To wisdom, or to common sense. 

21 ILLU3IIA''ISM. 

No doubt every hound in the Democratic pack, 
V. ill open upon me, for introducing in this place what 
C 2 



ih ILLUMINISM. 

This crazy wight, by some mischance, 
Had rights to prosecute in France ; 

they would call the phantom of Illurnijii&jn. Bui> 
scrijitte litera mancnt. There are certain damning 
facts, which, with^all their shuffling ingenuity, and 
sneaking evasions, will ever stare them in the face. 
They never have been able to prove, that either the 
Abbe Barruel, oi^Professor Robison, (who with a 
great number of other credible witnesses have testi- 
fied to the existence of Illuminism and its damning 
tendency) were weak or wicked men, were deceived 
themselves, or entertained a wish to deceive others. 
Besides, the documents which have been adduced, 
and the multitude of corroborating circumstances, 
which go to prove that this mystery of iniquity has 
a real existence, cannot fail to enforce conviction on 
the minds of the most -credulous. How far the 
developement of the plans of the Illuminati by 
Professor Robison and others may have induced them 
to defer the execution of their nefarious projects, it 
is impossible to determine. They may, perhaps, 
be resting on their oars, ar»d watching, till the po- 
pular current, shall set m their favour. It certainly 
behoves those who wish well to society, who prefer 
the social to the mvug€ state^ and who would not 
wish that America should realize all the horrors of 
the most bloody revolutions recorded in history, to 
keep a watchful eye over the molioRs of this most 
infernal of all' juntos. 



ILLUMINISiM. 19 

By legal subterfuge was cheated, 
By pettifogging knaves, mal-treated ; 

I know there are many of our politicians, w ho 
seem determined not to believe that lUuminism to 
any dangerous extent has ever existed in America, 
and that its influence in Europe has been much 
less than has by many been apprehended. I wish 
for the honor of human nature that there was less 
proof of the existence of such a combination. As 
the fact of the existence, or at least of the per- 
nicious tendency of Illuminism, is by our demo- 
crats generally denied, I shall confine myself in 
this note to the establishment of the credibility of one 
of the principal witnesses in convicting this nefarious 
gang of their diabolical conspiracy. 

" As Dr. Robison is a principal evidence in the 
cause now pending, it will be necessary to enquire, 
whether we have a just view of the man. The result 
of this inquiry, will serve to give the public some idea 
of the means which have been made use of to dis- 
credit Illuminism, and how benevolently disposed 
some among us are, to prevent their countrymen 
from being misled by what are called, the ridicul- 
ous reveries of Robison. The reader's patience, 
it is feared, will be exhausted by the detail of cre- 
dentials which the tffrontery of his accusers have 
rendered necessary ; but the character of a witness 
is of the first importance. The following sketch 
of the principal evtnts of the life of Dr. RobisQUjj 



20 ILLUMINISM. 

Found foppish Frenchmen as they were 
Delineated by Voltaire ;^* 

was drawn up from authentic documents, received 
directly from Edinburgh, through a respectable 
channel."* 

*' The father of the Professor, a respectable 
country gentleman, intended him for the church, 
and gave him eight years of an University educa- 
tion at Glasgow. Prefering a different profession, 
he accepted an offer of going into the Navy, with 
very flatering prospects. He was appointed 
Mathematical Instructor to his Royal Highness 
the Duke of York. In that office, he accordingly 
entered the Navy in February, 1759, being that 
day twenty years old. He was present at the siege 
of Quebeck. With the late Admiral Knowles, he 
was particularly connected, and his son, afterwards 
captain Knowles, one of the most promising young- 
officers in the British Navy, was committed to his 
charge. 

"In 1761, he was sent by the board of Admi- 
ralty, to make trial of Harrison's Watch at Jamaica. 
At the peace of 1763, he returned to College. In 
1764, he was again appointed by the Admiralty to 

* Concerning the facts contained in this historical 
sketch, which were communicated to Dr. Erskine, he 
writes thus ; " The most important facts in it I have had 
access to know, being first settled at Kirkintillock, the 
neighbouring parish to Boderoch, where lay the estate of 
his worthy father. For the few facts of which I knov/ 
Jess, full and unexceptionable vouchers can be produced." 



ILLUMINISM. 21 

Polish'd their manners, yet insidious, 
Professing friendship, still perfidious. 

make trial of Harrison's improved Watch at Bar- 
badoes ; but his patron, Lord Anson, being dead, 
and the conditions not such as pleased him, he de- 
clined the employment, returned again to College, 
and took under his care the only remaining son of 
his friend, Sir Charles Knowles. This son is the 
present Admiral Sir Charles Knowles. 

In 1770, Sir Charles was invited by the Empress 
of Russia to take charge of her Navy. He took 
Mr. Robison with him as his Secretary. In 1772, 
Mr. Robison was appointed superintendant of the 
education in the Marine Caslet Corps, where he 
had under his direction about 500 youth, 350 of 
whom were sons of noblemen and gentlemen, and 
26 masters in the different studies. The Academy 
being burnt, Mr. Robison, with his pupils, re- 
moved to an ancient palace of Peter the Great at 
Constradt, a most miserable, desolate island, where, 
findin g no agreeable society, he availed himself of 
the first opportunity, of quitting so unpleasant a 
fiituation, and accepted an invitation from the Ma- 
gistrates of Edinburgh, to the Professorship of 
Natural Philosophy in the University in that city, 
which ranks among the first Universities in the 
world. To this very honorable office he acceded 
in August, 1774, and from that time continued his 
lectures, without interruption, till !7y2, when ill- 
Bess obliged him to ask for an assistant. To enabla 



22 ILLUMINISM. 

But since they were, by reputation, 
A most polite and gallant nation, 

him to ^ive such a salary to his assistant, as would 
make the place worth the acceptance of a man of 
talents, the King was pleased to give him a pension 
of lOOl. a year. After five years confinement, by a 
painful disorder, he resumed his chair, in 1797. 

" In 1796, he was elected a member of the Philo- 
sophical Society at Philadelphia, of which Mr. Jef- 
ferson is President ; and in 1797, a member of the 
Royal Society of Manchester. In .1799, after the 
publication of his book, the University of Glasgow, 
where -he received his education, conferred on him, 
unsolicitedj the honor of a Doctor's degree in 
Law, m which, contrary to the usual custom in 
these cases, is given a very particular and flattering 
account of his nine years studies in that University. 
This peculiar evidence of esteem and respect was 
given in this way, in order that his Diploma might 
have all the civil consequences which long standing 
could give. When he published his book, in 1797, 
he was Secretary of the Royal Society of Edinburgh. 
In April, 1800, without solicitation of a single friend, 
he was unanimously elected a Foreign Member 
(there are but six) of the Imperial Academy of 
Sciences, at St. Petersburg, which, in point of re- 
putation, is esteemed the third on the continent of 
Europe in the room of the much lamented and 
highly celebrated Dr. Black. To prepare for the 
press and superintend the publication of the Che- 



ILLUMINISM. 23 

-«. 
And since the fickle, fluttering elves, 
Were almost wcrshipp'd....by themselves; 

mical writings of this great man, required tlie ablest 
Chemist in Great Britain. This distinguished hon- 
our has been conferred on Professor Robison, who 
has undertaken this important work. This appoint- 
ment, for which no man perhaps is more competent, 
together with the numerous, learned, and copious 
articles which he has furnished for the Encyclopedia 
Britanica, fully evince that in reputation and solid 
learning, he ranks among the first literary charac- 
ters in Europe. Add to all this, he susiaiiis a moral 
character^ so fair and unblemished^ that any man may 
safely be challenged to lay any thing to his charge of 
"Which an honest man need be ashamed,** 

" The following account of Professer Robison, is 
from a work entitled " Literary Memoirs of Living 
Authors of Greet Britain," 8cc. in two volumes, 8vo, 
published in London, 1798, for R. Faulder : 

" John Robison, Esq. M. A. Secretary of the 
Royal Society at Edinburgh, and Professor of Natu- 
ral Philosophy, in the University. Professor Robi- 
son is distinguished for his accurate and extensive 
knowledge, especially on subjects of science. He 
contributed to the Encyclopedia Britanica the valua- 
ble articles. Physics Pneumatics, Precession of the 
Equinoxes, Projectiles, Pumps, Resistance of Flu- 
ids, River, Roof, Rope-making, Rotation, Seaman- 
ship, Signals, Sound, Specific Gravity, Statics, 
3team, S-team-Engine, Strength of Materials, Tel- 



U ILLUMINISM. 

'Tvvas thence concluded, by Rosseau, 
That all refinement did but go 

escope, Tide, Articulating-Trumpet, Variation of 
Compass, and Water-works, also Philosophy, in as- 
sociation with Dr. Gleig. 

" In the autumn of the year 1797, Professor Rob^ 
son published an octavo volume, entitled ** Proofs*^ 
of a Conspiracy," &c. This volume has been 
favourably received, and althoug*h too hasty a per- 
formance for a work of so much consequence, is 
well entitled, both from its subject and its authenti- 
city, to the serious attention of every reader. It ar- 
rives at the same remarkable conclusion as the cele- 
brated Memoirs of the Abbe Barruel, illustrating 
the history of Jacobinis r., though the authors were 
perfectly unconnected with each other, and pursued 
their enquiries in very different ways. It has raised 
(we are sorry for such an appearance) a considerable 
clamour and enmity against the Professor ; though 
It was written, we are fully convinced from the best 
of motives. We cannot conclude this article with- 
out observing that the principles, and honest zeal 
which Professor Robison has displayed upon this 
occasion, are highly creditable to him, and merit the 
warmest acknowledgments from society in general.'* 



ILLUMINISM. 25 

To alter nature's simple plan. 

And scoundrelize the creature man.,.. 

^ That freedom v)itk which France ivas curst, 

I shall in the additional notes at the end of the 
# volume endeavour to point out the connection be- 
tween Illuminism and those causes which produced 
the French revolution, and the present establish- 
ment of tyranny in France. 

^ There was a gaunt Genevan priest, 

Jean Jaques Rousseau, the father of modern De- 
mocracy. For some further account of the levelling 
tenets of this profligate wretch, see Abbe Barruel's 
History of Jacobinism, vol. 2. chap. iii. and " Ros- 
seau's confessions." 

^* Mad as our New Lights are at least. 

By New Lights, I mean not merely the particu- 
lar sect or denomination of fanatics, who are known 
exclusively by that appellation ; but all your itiner- 
ant, ignorant, bawling, field and barn preachers, 
whatever may be their professed tenets, who go 
about " creeping into men's houses, leading cap- 
tive silly women," exerting themselves to destroy 
regular and established societies, alienating the 
minds of the people from their established pastors, 
and indeed from all clergy iri.en ngidurhj included 
D 



26 ILLUMINISM. 

From whence lie madly theoriz'd, 
That man were best uncivilized^ 

to their sacred office. These wretches are gene- 
rally demagogues, and the characters of most of 
them stained with vices. 

Fanatics have ever been, like Cromwell and his 
faction, fomenters of that spirit of turbulence and 
insurrection which leads to anarchy, and invariably 
terminates in despotism. 

Most of the <5aw//w,§\Itinerants who have fallen 
within the sphere of our observation, are perfectly 
French in their politics. They have been correctly- 
described in the following lines : 

Most true it is, though passing odd. 

That this oui' godly band, 
Have join'd. the men without a co». 

And imps of Talleyrand. 

But we have- another pill for them in our 5th 
Canto. 

** Delineated by Voltaire. 

Voltaire, in some of his writings, has affirmed in 
substance, that his countrymen were a strange com- 
pound of the subiilty of the Monkey and the fero- 
city of the Tiger. That in his time, they were 
amusing themselves and others by . their apish 
airs, but that he foresaw the time in which they 
would fiut off the Monkey and put on the Tiger, 



ILLUMINISM. 27 

Like those philosophers, who prate> 
Of Innocence in savage state. ^^' 

to the infinite annoyance of mankind. Here it 
seems that " Saul was among the prophets 1" 

2<* Of Innocence in savage state. 

I cannot resist the temptation of transcrib- 
ing, from " Guthrie's Tour through the Taurida, 
or Crimea, the ancient kingdom of Bosphorus," 
&c. the following remarks, relative to this savage 
sort of innocence, with which the founder^ of De- 
mocracy in Europe, and our American Jacobins, 
seem so highly enamoured. 

-*' We saw nothing in passing lliis extensive stept 
or plain, but an immense extent of pasturage, well 
adapted for the wide range of these Nomades, 
(savage inhabitants) with their flying camps and 
numerous herds. But it is by no jmeans with a 
mind at case, that one passes through the country 
of a people, who have kept the surrounding na- 
tions, for ages, in continual alarms by their pre- 
datory excursions. 

*' It is imposible, in a tour through tlie wilds of 
Scythia, not to smile at the ideas which speculating 
philosophers, from their cabinets, have spread 
abroad on the innocence and happiness of the pas- 
toral state ; probably by confounding men \vho fol- 
low the^ccupation of shepherds in civil society, 



^8 ILLUMINISM. 

E'en took it in his crazy noddle, 
A savage was perfection'' s model ; 

with the shepherds of Holy Writ, and the pastoral 
Tartars or Arabs, who have, at different periods, 
drenched the world in blood, and put whole nations 
to the sword. This ridiculous ignorance is of a 
piece with the eulogintps of the same speculatists 
on man in a state of nature, whorn we are sorry to 
acknowledge, after the new light thrown on the sub- 
ject by our late circumnavigators, joined with other 
circumstances, to be the most savage and dai ger- 
ous aniinal in nature, often feeding on his vanquish- 
ed enemies. We find however^ ihat he is always 
mild, humane, and rational, in pr(^iorti<in to his ad- 
vancement to civHizatio7i ; although even that seems 
to have its limits, after which he again becomes a sav- 
ags: Of this \vk have a'RKc?:NT instance i^ 

THE MOST HIGHLY POLISHED NATION*!^ EUROPE, 
DESTROyiNG ALL HUMAN AND DIVINE INSTITU- 
TIONS." 

The state of society which is here described, is 
preriaely that which Democracy let loose, would intro- 
duce into this country. But our most refined Demo- 
crats appear to*ave a wish to save the intermediate 
stages which The French have passed ; and, by 
" Destroying all" human and divine institutions,'* 
step into a state of nature at once. 



ILLUMINISM. 29 

And nature without cultivation, 
The 7ie plus ultra of creation. 

Anticipated, happy dealings, 

When mankind riil^d by social feelings ^^'^ 

^^ When mankind, ruVd b"y social feeiings. 

See Rousseau's Emiiius, Godwin's Political Jus- 
tice, and other writings of the canting philosophists 
of the same school. It is one of the inconsistencies 
of these black-hearted, and wrong-headed ^enthusi- 
asts, to be ever prating about maintaining society 
without law or subordination, by the social feelings^ 
while they are busily employing themselves to ,ftn- 
nihilate those feelings. But I cannot better ex- 
press my ideas on thiS' subject, than in the foiiow- 
ing words of Professor Robison : 

" Indeed of all the consequences of Illumination, 
the most melancholy, is the revolution which it 
seems to operate in the^heart of man. The f )rcible 
sacrifice of every affection of the l\eart to an ideal 
divinity, a mere creature of the imagination. It 
seems a pi'odigy, yet it is a matter of experic-nce, 
that the farther \ye advance, or vaiifTy suppose that 
we do advance in the knowledge Of our mental 
powers, the more are our moral feelings flattened 
and done away. I remember reading, long ago, 
a Dissertation on the Nursing of Infants by a 
French Academician, Lc Cointrc, of Versailles. 
D 2 



30 ILLUMINISM. 

Would be perfected, sans a flaw^ 
Without the Tyranny of Law. 

From such sagacious theorizing, 
Was form'd a plan of his devising, 
By which society destroy 'd 
Perfection might be unalloy'd. 

Indeed this arch illuminator 
Seem'd fitted by the hand of Nature 
To change the tone of public mind. 
And revolutionize mankind. 

He indelicately supports his theories, by the case 
of his own son, a weak, puny infant, whom his 
mother was obliged to keep continually applied to 
her bosom, so that she rarely c.puld get two hours 
of sleep during the time of suckling him. M. Le 
Cointre says, that she contracted for this infant, 
ime pardaliti tout d-falt deraisonable. Plato, So- 
crates, or Cicero, wquld probably have explained 
this by the habitual exercise of pily, a very en- 
dearing emptibn. But our Academician, better 
illuminated, solves it by stimuli, on the papillae, 
and on the nerves of the skin, and by the meet- 
ing of the humifying aura, 8cc. and does not seem 
to think that young Le Cointre was much in- 
debted to his mother.*' 



ILLUMINISM. 31 

Good reader we'll attempt to etch 
A short characteristic sketch 
Of this strange compound of a man. 
Prime mover of the illumin'd clan. 

But will not represent the elf, 
Worse than he has pourtra} 'd himself. 
What time he utter'd his concessions, 
His Edmund Randolph-like *' Confes- 

[sions."^' 

*' His Edmund Randolph-like <' Confessions." 

Rousseau wrote a book, with the title of " The 
Confessions of J. J. Rousseau," and a very fire- 
cious legacy is therein bequeathed to mankind. The 
outlines of our short sketch of his character are 
taken chiefly from these memoirs. A writer in the 
Encyclopaedia Britannica has the following remarks 
on that performance. 

*' In the preface to these memoirs, which abound 
with characters well drawn, and written with 
warmth, with energy, and sometimes with ele- 
gance, he presumes (says M. Palissot) like a 
peevish misanthrope, who boldly introduces him- 
self on the ruins of the world, to declare to man- 
kind, whom he supposes assembled upon these 
ruins, that in that innumerable multitude, none 
couJd dare to say I am better than that man. This 



32 ILLUMINISM. 

He was, by 's own account, at once 
An artful, and a stupid dunce, 
Fickle and sullen, airy, grave, 
A fool, philosopher, and knave. ^* 

affectation of seeing himself alone in the imivcpscj 
and of continually directing every thing to himself, 
may appear to some morose minds a fanaticism of 
pride of which we have no examples, at least since 
the time of Cardan. But this is not the only 
blame which may be attached to the author of the 
Confessions. With uneasiness we see him, under 
the pretext of sincerity dishonour the character of 
his benefactress, lady Warrens, 8cc. Again the same 
writer remarks. " It is certain that if Rousseau 
has given a faithful delineation of some persons, 
he has viewed others through a cloud, which form- 
ed in his mind perpetual suspicions. He imagined 
he thought and spoke truly ; but the simplest thing 
in nature-, says M. Servant, if distilled through his 
violent and sus/iicious hand^ might beco7ne fioison.'* 

A very proper person truly to write political es- 
says, *' Social compacts," Sec. to which mankind 
are to have recourse for standards in forming a 
government, and political societies. 

29 A Fool, Philosopher, and knave. 

The odd mixture of heterogeneous qualities, which 
distinguished this singular character is thus describ- 



ILLUMINISM. 33 

A mixture odd of jarring qualities 
Still tofis'd about by strange fatalities, 

cd by himself. Speaking of an InteTview \iith a 
patron, who designed to promote him if found wor- 
thy of promotion, he thus describes his own beha- 
viour and that of his friend. 

'* He took an excellent method of making me 
chatter, spoke freely with me, put me under as 
little restraint as possible, talked to me of trifles 
and on all sorts of subjects ; all without seeming 
f to observe me, without the least affectation, and as 
if pleased v/ith me, he would converse without re- 
straint. I was delighted with him. The result of 
his observations was, that, whatever my exterior 
and ray animated physiognomy might promise, I 
was if not absolutely a fool, at least a boy of very 
little sense, without ideas, almost without acquire- 
ments ; in a word, a very shallow fellow in all re- 
spects, and that the honor of becoming the parson 
of a village, was the greatest fortune I ought to 
aspire to. This was the second or third time I 
was thus judged, it was not the last." 

He explains this stupidity in the following man- 
ner : 

" Two things almost inalHable, unite in me, 
without my being able to perceive the manner. 
A constitution extremely violent, impetuous and 
lively passions, and ideas slowly produced, confus- 
ed, and which never offer till after the proper 
time. Yon would think my heart and mind do not 



54 ILLUMINISM. 

Was now all lead, was now a bubble, 
But ever happiest, when in trouble.^ 

belong to the same individual. Sentiment, quicker 
than light fills my soul, but instead of enlightening, 
fires and dazzles me. I feel every thing and see 
nothing. I am transported but stupid ; I must be 
cool to think. What astonishes is that I have my 
feeling pretty sure, penetration, and even delicate 
wit, provided they'll wait for me : I can make an 
excellent impromptu, at leisure, but in an instant 
I never wrote or said any thing clever. 

*' Thence comes the extreme difficulty I find in 
v/riting. My manuscripts scratched, blotted, mix- 
ed, not legible, attest the trouble they cost me. 
Not one, but I was obliged to transcribe four or 
five times before it went to the press. I never 
could do any thing, the pen in hand, opposite a 
table and paper : 'twas in my walks, amidst rocks 
and woods ; 'twas in the night, during my slum- 
bers I wrote in my brain, you may judge how 
slowly, particularly to a man deprived of verbal 
memory, and who in his life never could retain six 
verses by heart. Some of my periods have been 
turned and winded five or six nights in my bead be- 
fore they were in a state for going on paper. 

" I am not only troubled to render my ideas, but 
also in receiving them. I have studied mankind, 
and think myself a tolerable good observator : ne- 
vertheless I cannot see any thing in that 1 perceive. 
I see clearly that only which I recollect, and I have 



M 



ILLUMINISM. 35 

Never the sajne two hours together 
In passion'sAurricane a feather, 

# 
no knowledge but in my recollections. '^ &c. Thus 
it appears this philosopher's wits were always a 
wool gathering. He possessed undoubtedly what- 
Dr. Darwin would style the temperament of genius, 
which might qualify him for a smooth and pretty 
writer of " Reveries," but that best boon of heaven 
common sense is never the lot of such a genius. 

I may perhaps seem unjustifiably harsh in ap- 
plying the epithet knave to this great modern phi- 
losopher. But if the reader will please to consult 
his confessions he will find a sorry story, which he 
tells of himself, which is sufficient to justify me in 
bestowing on him appellations still more severe. 
He will there find that our great philosopher stole a 
ribband, and attributed the theft to a servant girl, 
by which she was ruined. Ingratitude is likewise a 
trait in his character etitirely consistent with his 
sublime sentiments and perfect philosophism. 



30 



But ever happiest, when in trouble. 



In this he was not quite alone in the world, there 
appears to be an order of beings, whom nothing but 
the stimulus of being in distress can give ener- 
gy. Some of the English poets were of that des- 
cription of character. Thomson proposed to write a 
poem on the man ivho loved to be in diatresa^ and if 
ive are to judge of the character by the conduct of 



X 



56 . ILLUMINISM. 

The lightest football now of folly, 
Now sunk in morbid melancholy/* 

many of his tuneful brethren, they courted, rather 
than shunned misfortune, perhaps that they might 
enjoy the luxury of being pitied. Pope, Addison, 
Swift, and many others, however, were willing 
enough to be exempted from the iron hand of the 
relentless power yclep'd adversity, to whom Gray 
has addressed one of the finest odes in the English 
language. But to return to Rosseau, he gives this ac- 
count of his circumstances, while a vagrant in France. 
" Being reduced to pass my nights in the street, 
may certainly be called suffering, and this was seve- 
ral times the case at Lyons, having preferred buying 
bread with the few pence I had remaining, to be- 
stowing them on a lodging ; as I was convinced there 
was less danger of dying for want of sleep than of 
hunger. What is astonishing, while in this unhap- 
py situation, I took no care for the future, wasncither 
uneasy or melancholy, but patiently waited an an- 
swer to Madamoiselle du Chatelet's letter, and lay- 
ing in the open aii*, stretched on the earth, or on a 
bench, slept as soundly as if reposing on a bed of 
roses. I remember particularly to have past a most 
delightful night at some distance from the city, in a 
road which had the Rhone, or Saone, I can't recol- 
lect which, on one side, and a range of raised gar- 
dens, with terraces on the other. It had been a 
very hot day, the evening was delightful, the dew 
moistened the fading grass, no wind was stirring, 



ILLUMINISM. 37 

His heacl a wilderness of schemes, 
A magazine of madman's dreams/* 

the air was fresh without chiJIness, the setting sun 
had tinged the clouds with a beautiful crimson, 
which was again reflected by the water, and the 
trees that bordered the terrace were filled with 
nightingales who were continually answering each 
other's songs. I walked along in a kind of extacy, 
giving up my heart and senses to the enjoyment of 
so many delights, and sighing only fiom a regret 
of enjoying them alone. Absorbed in this pleasing 
reverie, I lengthened my walk tilj it grew very late, 
without perceiving I was tired ; ai length, however, 
1 discovered it, and threw myself on the step of a 
kind of niche, or false door, in the terrace wall. 
How charming was the couch i the trees formed a 
stately canopy, a nightingale sat directly over me,, 
and with his soft notes lulled me to rest : how pleas- 
ing my repose, my awaking more so. It was broad 
day ; on opening my eyes I saw the water, the ver- 
dure, an admirable landscape before me, I arose> 
shook off the remains of drowsiness, and finding 
I was hungry, retook the way to the city, resolving, 
with inexpressible gaiety, to spend the two pieces 
of six blarxs I had yet remaining in a good break- 
fast. 1 found myself so chearful that I went all the 
way singing ; I even remember I sang a cantata of 
Baptistin's called the Baths of Thojnerij^ which I 
^new by heart." 



38 ILLUMINISM. 

Was stuff'd with many a paradox^ 
Like plagues in Dame Pandora's box^ 

But still his eloquence was winning 
As his, who tempted Eve to sinning, 
And us'd too oft the self same way 
To lead the human race astray. 

And oft his Jack-o-lantern head 
Its owner many a goose chase led, 

^^ Now sunk in morbid melancholy. 

Thomson has given us no bad picture of Rous- 
seau and some other pretended philosophers of the 
visionary cast in his personification of Hypochon- 
dria. 

«^ And moping here did Hypochondria sit 

** Mother of spleen, in robes of various dye, 

•• Who vexed was full oft with ugly fit, (a wt. 

♦* And feme her frantic deem'd, and some her deem* d 

Madness is frequently mistaken for insfiiration^ 
and want of common senses is often thought a proof 
of I krow not what &ubli?ne sense. Thus the ravings 
of Delia Crusca and the moon struck tribe of son- 
neteers in the same school, have been thought to 
be the perfection of poetry. Indeed Delia Crusca's 
poetry and Rosseau's politics are different diagnos- 



ILLUMINISM. 3'9 

Stretch'd on the tenters of anxiety 
By blunder crime or impropriety. 

So wild a scheme in politics 
Seen never was on this side Styx, 
As his rude harum scaruni plan 
Of his new social savage man." 

tics of the same disease, and the poor creatore^ who 
are aftected with these symptoniii are absolutely 
•mad ! 

" A Magazine of madman's dreams, 

Some of these lay scatter*d here and tl^.cre in his 
" Confessions." It appears that this geat man, 
first ran away from his father, then from his pat- 
roness and mistress Madame de Warrens, and that 
he was ever and anon .eloping from his benefactors^ 
in pursuit of some chimerical project. 

^' Of his new social savage man, 

Rousseau's Emilius and Social Contract are proofs 
in point of our assertion. A regular critique upon 
tlvese publisations would exceed our limits. A word 
or two, however, upon the latter may not be useless, 
especially as this is the fountain from whence Pain 
and other Sciolists of the new school appear to have 
derived their political principles. 

" Man" (say Rousseau) " is born free and yet 



49 ILLUMINISM> 

Like other Democratic sages 

He spurn'd the wisdom of all ages 

we see him every where in chains." Social Con- 
tract. Book I. Chap. 1. Again in the same Chap- 
ter he observes, 

" If I were only to consider iforce, and the effects 
of it I should say that, when a nation is constrain- 
ed to obey and does obey it does well ; but when- 
ever it can throw of the yoke, and does throw it off 
it does better." 

Now this profound philosopher does not attempt 
to tell us what he means by the term yoke, but he 
says that woM is every ivhere in chains^ and we are 
led to conclude that those nations who mean to '' do 
better" than *' well" will immediately set them- 
selves about overlurnin.uj their governments. 

Aft^r a great number of paradoxical observations, 
the substance of which ht<d been before made by 
Monle-'(]uicu, aiicl lutvt since bctn enlarged upon by 
Tom Pi in and his disciples, we are presented with 
paradox of paradoxes, as follows, 

" Where shall we find a fo m of association which 
*' will dtfend and protect with the whole aggregate 
" force the person and the property of each individ- 
" ual and by which eve-i'v person, while united with 
*' ALL, shall obey only himshlf. and remain as free 
" as before the union ? Book 1 Chap. 6 

Hie labor, hoc opus e>st. 1 have my doubts whether 
all thi? Avill ever be found Rosseaii however says, 

" Every malefactor whO; by attacking the social 



ILLUMINISM. 41 

And foniicl perfection had beginning 
In systems of his own dtar spinnii\:^ 

right becomes a rebel aod a traitor to his country 
ceises by th u act to be a party in willing the laws' 
and makes war, in fact, with himself." Book's. 
■Chap. .5. 

Here we learn that the criminal who is condemn- 
ed by the laws of his country, has signed his own 
actof condemnation by -consenting to become a mera- 
of the society from which he is cut ofP as an ex- 
-crescence, and if he is executed for crimes com mit- 
ed against the society of which he is a member, he 
is guilty of a felo de se, in having consented to be- 
come a member of such society. 

We likewise in Book 2. Chap. 3. are.informed that 
the general will cannot err, fvojc pofiuii, vox dei) 
and that it tends invariably to the public advantage. 
Yet we are toltJ almost in the same breath that the 
people, a majority of whose suffrages compose this 
infallible general will are often deceived. That is 
that the expressions of the will of a fallihle body 
are always infallible. 

The French revolutionary jargon about liberty 
and equality is borrowed from this production. 

But we 6hall not fatigue our readers by a detail of 
of all the absurdities, and contradictions, with 
which this treatise is teeming. The author appears 
to think that a nation is a kind of machine, and may 
be governed by mechanical principles, but has no 
cfcar idea of the wonderful mechanism which he 
E 3 



42 ILLUMINISIVT. 

That whatsoever 2s\ is wrong 
Was still the btyrtiieii of his song, 

attempts to expl;\in. Hence we are every where 
lost in a jargon of words without meaning, and per- 
plexed by distinctions Avithout difference. He was 
certainly correct in complaining that his ideas were 
confused. But it is really astonishing that the vain 
fihiloso/ihy o^ this and similar writers, should have 
the effect of exciting the mad million to overturn 
all existing systems, without any distinct idea of 
what they were to substitute in the place -of what 
they destroyed. They would demolish a palace be- 
fore they had provided materials for erecting even a 
hovel on its site. 

The auihor of the Pursuits of Literature has 
the following remarks on this writer, *' Rousseau, 
^* by the unjustifiable, arbitrary and cruel proceed- 
*' ings against him, his writings and person in 
*^' France, where he was a stranger and to whose 
*' tribunals he was not amenable, was stimulated to 
** pursue his researches into the origin and expedi- 
" ence of such government, and of such qppression, 
'* which, ot'herwist;, he probably never would have 
<* discussed ; till he reasoned himself into the des- 
*' perate doctrine of Political equality, and gave to 
•' the world his fatal present the " Social Contract." 
" Of this work the French since the revolution have 
** never lost sight. With them it is first, and last, 
" and middle, and witho\it end in all their thoughts 
"** and public actions. Rousseau is, I believe the only 



ILLUMINISM. 43 

Trom whence his inference seem'd to be 
Whatever is must cease to be :^ 

And therefore Throne and Principality, 
In gulph of Jacobin equality, 

*' man to whom they have paid an implicit and unde- 
" deviating- reverence ; and without a figure have 
" worshipped in the Pantheon of their new idolatry, 
"** like a new Chemos, the obscure dread of Gallia's 
" sons. 

'^'* Whatever is must cease to be. 

Let us grant to our revolutionists that all the 
flowers which be were originally founded on oppres- 
sioTj, and that by tracing the titles, we shall find 
some defect which in the opinion of casuists like 
Rousseau, ought to weaken their xiaims. Yet they 
«iu St allow there ought to be l>oyvcr someivhere in 
■society, which shall be sufficient to coerce, restrain 
4ind punish the turbulent and vicious ; and those 
who are solicitous to pull down and destroy such 
power, ough surely to be able to establish a better' 
claim in those who are to succeed in its possession 
Besides power is more frequently abused by an up- 
start, who has intrigued, forced and perhaps assasi- 
nated his way into office, than by one who enjoys it 
"by more justifiable means. The head of a man not 
accustomed to elevation is apt to be giddy if he is 
exalted, and the little finger of a Buonaparte is gen- 
'Orally heavier than the loins of a Louis. 



44 ILLUMINISM. , 

Must topsy turvy, down be tumbled i 

And all the powers which be — be humbled. ; 

Of modesty he loos'd the zone 
And made the female world his own, I 

By Chesterfieldian-like civility ; 

And softening /w^'^ to seusibility .^' 



■^ And softening lust to sensibility. 



The following beautiful lines are from " Jacobin' 
2«m," a poem printed in England i 801. 

«« Witk subtlest passion to inflame the heart 

The ^wiss magician wakes his wondrous art. 

How throbs the unpractised bosom, warm and frail, I 

O'er Eloisa's soft seductive tale ! | 

Soft as the music of the vocal grove, ' 

JIc pours the thrilling strains ©f lawless love ; 

Soft as enamour'd virgin's melting lay. 

Or Zephyr panting on the lap of May." 

To this quotation we are tempted to add one from 
Coleman's Broad Grins^ which although expressed 
'in a very different stile, is not less to the purpose: 
than the preceding. 

*' Were I a pastor of a boarding school, j 

<« I'd quash such books in toto; — if Icould'nt, \ 

•' Let me but catch one Miis that broke my rule* i 

•♦I'd flog her soundly ; dam me if I would'nt." f 



iLLUMrNISM. 45 

And set the head upon the whirl 
Of many a vain, and ^ddy girl, 
Who weds her father's coachman sinct 
She can't so well command a prince. 

A gang of Sophists him succeed, 
French Democrats, detested breed, 
Encyclopedists, justly dreaded,^^ 
Steely nerv'd, and cobweb-headed. 

^* Encyclopedists, justly dreaded. 

The arts of which the FrencTi Encyclopedists 
made use, for disseminating the poison of their 
principles, are detailed at large by the AtDbe Barruel, 
vol. 1. chap. iv. to which we must refer the reader 
who wishes for more ample information on this sub- 
ject. Some of the tricks, however, of these Illumi- 
nees, were «o pevfectly similar to those of the shuf- 
fling- Jacobins of the present period, who mutilate, 
garble, and n»isquote Adams' Defence of the Ame- 
can Constitution, in order to show that the author of 
a treatise, written in defence of a Republican form 
of government, is at heart a monarchist, that we 
thi'ik it cannot be malapropos, lo exhibit a few of 
their mischievous devices. 

*' Look for the article God, (Genevan edition) and 
you win find very sound notions, together with the 
direct, physical and metaphysical demonstration of 
his existence ; and indeed, under such an article, it 



46 ILLUMINISM^ 

With these unite a German swarm, 
Of devils, guis'd in human form, 

^^ould have been too manifest, to have broached 
any thing bordering on Atheism, Spinonism, or Epi- 
curism ; but the reader is referred tt) the article 
Demonstration, and there all the physical and 
metaphysical cogent arguments for the existence of 
a God disappear. We are there taught, that all 
direct demonstrations suppose the idea of injinitude, 
and that such an idea cannot be of the clearest^ either 
for the naturalisty or the metaphysician. This, in a 
word, destroys all confidence the reader had in the 
proofs adduced of the existence of God. There 
again, they are pleased to tell you, that a single in- 
ject, in the eyes of a philosopher, more farciblf 
proves the existence of a God, than all the metaphy" 
sical arguments whatever ; (ibid.) but you are then 
referred to Corruption, ^vhere you learn how 
inuch yQU are to beware of asserting, in a positive 
manner, that corruption can never beget animated 
bodies ; and that such a production of animated 
bodies by corruption seems to be countenanced by dai- 
ly experiments ; and it is from these experiments pre- 
cisely, that the Atheists conclude that the existence of 
God is unnecessary, either for the creation of man or 
animals. Prepossessed by these references against the 
existence of God, led the leader turn to the articles 
of Encyclopaedia, and Epicurism. In theformerj 
he will be told. That there is no being in nature that 



ILLUMINISM. 4r 

Cold-blooded and zvrong-headed wights, 
Weishaupt's detested proselytes ; 

can be called the first or last^ and that a machine^ 
infinite in every nvay^ must be the Deity, In the latter, 
the atom is to be the Deity. It will be the primary 
cause of all things, by whom, and of whom, every 
thing is active essentially of itself, Mone Unalteradtcy 
Alone Eternal, Alone Immutable ; and thus the rea- 
ilcr will be insensibly led from the God of the gos- 
pel, to the Heathenish fiction of an Epicurus, op 
of a Spinosa. 

The same cunning is to be found in the article of 
the Soul. Where the sophisters treat directly of 
its essence, they give the ordinary proofs of its sfiir* 
ituality^ and of its immortality* They will even add 
to the article Brute, that the soul cannot be sup- 
posed material nor can the brute be reduced to the 
quality of a mere machine^ without running the hazard 
of making man an automato. And under Natural 
Law, we read. That if the determinations of man, 
or even his oscillations arise from any thing material 
extraneous to his soui^ there will be neither good nor 
evil, neither just nor unjust^ neither obligation nor 
right. Then referred to the article Locke, in order 
to do away all this consequence, we are told. That 
it is of no importance whether matter thinks or not, 
for what is that to justice or injustice, to the immor- 
tality cf the soul, and to all the truth of the system, 
whefher political or religious. The reader, enjoying 
the liberty and equality of his reason, is left to doubt 



48 ILLUMINISIV^, 

Philosophists, Illuniinati, 
Beings, of whom at any rate, I 

with regard to the spirituality, and no longer know* 
whether he should not think hit»self a// matter. 

But he will decide, when under the article Ani- 
mal, he finds, That life and animation are only fihysic- 
al firofierties of matter ; and lest he should think him- 
self debased by his resembling a plant or an anima!, 
ta console him in his fall, they will tell him, article 
Encyclopedia and Animal, TViat the only differ* 
ence between certain vegetables^ and animals such as uSf 
iSfthat they slee/i, and chat we wake^that we are animals 
that feel^ and that they are animals that feel not ; and ji 
still further in article Animal That the sole differ- <, 
ence between a stock and a man, is, that the one '; 
never falls, while the other never falls after the same ^j 
manner. J I 

After perusing these articles bonafde^ the reader 
must be insensibly drawn into the vortex of mate^ 
riallsm. ■ 

In treating of Liberty or Free Agency, we find the | 
same artifice. When they treat it directly, they will ' 
say, *' Take away liberty, all human nature is over- 
thrown, and there will be no trace of order in so; 
ciety. Recompense will be ridiculous, and chastise- ! 
ment unjust, The ruin of liberty carries with it that 
of all order of police, and legitimates tUe most mon- j 
strous crimes ; so monstrous a doctrine is not to b& \ 
debated in the schools, but punished by the magis- j 
tratcs," 8cc. Then follows a poj'tlon of Demoeratiq 



IlLUMINISM. 49 

May well affirm a viler set, 
Ne'er this side Pandemonium met. 

rant : « Oh, liberty," they exclaim, « Oh, libertyj 
gift of Heaven I Oh, liberty of action ! Oh, liberty 
of thought ! thou alone art capable of great things !" 
(See article Authority, and the Preliminary 
Discourse.) But at the article Chance, (fortuit) 
all this liberty of action and of thought, is only a 
flower that cannot be exercised, that cannot be known 
by actual exercise ; and Diderot, at the article Evi- 
dence, pretending to support Liberty, will very pro- 
perly say, *' This concatenation of causes and ef- 
fects, supposed by the philosophers, in order to form 
ideas representing the mechanism of the universe, 
is as fabulous as the Tritons and the Naiads.'' But, 
both he and D' Alembert, descant again on that con- 
catenation, and returning to Chance (fortuit) tell 
us, '' That though it is imperceptible it is not less 
real; that it connects aU things in nature, that all 
evens depend on it ; just as the wheels of a watch, 
as to the motion, depend on each other : that from 
the first ^moment of our existence, we are by no 
means masters of our .motions ; that were there a 
thousand worlds similar to this, and simultaneously 
existing, governed by the same laws, every thing in 
them would be done in the same way ; and that 
man, in virtue of these same latvs would perform^ at 
the r.ame time, the same actions, in eacli one of these 
worlds." This will naturally convince the unin- 
formed reader, of tne chimara of such liberty or 
F 



so ILLUMINISM. ^ 

Though scores of volumes would not hold. 
What might of them with truth be told ; 
Though setting forth this horrid tale, 
May make New England men turn pale ;.... 

Some of their tenets we will trace, 
Which one would think could ne'er have 
This side the Democratic club, [place 

Whose President is Beelzebub. 

free agency, which cannot be exercised. Not con- 
lent with this, Diderot, at the article Fatality, af- 
ter a long dissertation on this concatenation ofcauses, 
ends, by saying. That it cannot be contested either 
in the physical ivorld, or in the moral and intellectual 
world. Hence, what becomes of that liberty, with- 
out which there no longer exists Just or unjust obli- 
gation or right?" 

These examples will suffice to convince the rea- 
der of the truth of what we have asserted, as to the 
artful policy with which the Encyclopedia had been 
digested ; they will show with what cunning its 
authors sought to spread the principles of Athe- 
ism, Materialism and Fatalism ; in fine, every error 
incompatible with that religion, for which they pro- 
fessed so great a reverence at their outset. 

37 Weishaupt's detested proselytes. 

The character of this abominable wretch, who 



ILLUMINISM. 51 

With other things, which mark the ,iiend^ 
That means are sanction'd by the end ; ^* 
And if some good end we would further. 
No matter if the means are murther ! 

That in this philosophic aera, 

A God is found a mere chimaera, ^^ 

debauched his wife's sister, and attempted to murder 
her, together with the fruits of their illicit commerce, 
is but a type of that of many leading jacobins in this 
country. His intimate friends a»d disciples, v/ere 
all monsters of iniquity. See Robison's Proofs, 
p. 114. and 130. 

3* That means are sanction'd by the end. 

" Nothing was so frequently discoursed of (in 
the German Lodges) *' as the propriety of employ- 
ing for a good purpose, the means which the wick- 
ed employed for evil purposes." 

Robison's Proofs^ 

This abominable tenet of the Illuminati, appears 
to have been the principal rule of action of the 
monster, Roberspierre, who made France an acel- 
dama. for the purpose of introducing his fancied 
perfection. 

'* A God is found a mere chimaera. 



52 ILLUMINISM. 

By priests created but for wildering 
Fools, ignoramusses and children ; 

Freret, whose writings were recommended by 
the Illuminati, tells us expressly, " The universal 
cause, that God of the Philosophers, of Jews, and 
of Christians, is but a chimsera, and a phantom." 
The same author continues, " Imagination daily 
creates fresh chimeras, which raises in them that 
impulse of fear, and such is the phantom of the 
Deity." 

To the opinion of these philosophists, might be 
opposed that of a host of real philosophers. But the 
fallowing observations of Professor Robison, are so 
apposite, that we think they supercede our own re- 
marks. 

*' Our immortal Newton, to whom the philoso- 
phers of Europe look up as the honor of our species, 
whom even Mr. Bailly, the president of the Na- 
tional Assembly of France, and mayor of Paris, 
cannot find words sufuciently energetic to praise ; 
this patient, sagacious and successful observer of 
nature, after having exhibited to the wondering 
world, the characteristic property of that principle 
of material nature, by which all the bodies of the 
Solar system are made to form a connected and per- 
manent universe ; and after having shewn that this 
law of action alone was adapted to this end, and that 
if gravity had deviated but one thousaiwlth part 
from the inverse duplicate ratio of the distances, 
the system must, in the course of » rery few revo- 



ILLUMINISIM. 53 

That worlds of mirid may be explored, 
By lights, which matter can afford, 

lutions, have gone into confusion and rijin ; sits 
down, and views the goodly scene ; and then closes 
his principles of natural philosophy with this re- 
flection, (his scholium generale,) 

** This most elegant frame of things could not 
have arisen, unless by the contrivance and the di- 
rection of a wise and powerful being ; and if the 
fixed stars are the centres of systems these systems 
* must be similar ; and all these constructed according 
to the same plan, are subject to the government of 
one Being. All these he governs, not as the soul of the 
■world, but as the Lord of all ; therefore, on account 
of his government he is called the Lord God*.M 
II»»Toyf<«To^ ; for God is a relative term, and refers 
to his subjects. Deity is God's government, not of 
his own body, as those think who consider him as 
the soul of the world, but of his servants. The Su- 
preme God, is a being, eternal, infinite, absolutely 
perfecjl;. But a being, however perfect without go- 
▼ernment, is not God ; for we say, my God, your 
God, the God of Israel. We cannot say my eter- 
nal, my infinite. We may have some notions in- 
deed of his attributes, but we can have none of his 
nature. With respect to bodies, we see only shapes 
and colour ; hear only sounds ; touch only surfaces. 
These are attributes of bodies ; but of their essence 
we ki'ow nothing. As a blind man can form no 
notion of colours, we can form none of the manner 

F 2 



54 ILLlTMlNISM. 

And Power Omnipotent must bend, 
To what a zvorm can comprehend. '^^ 

in which God perceives, and understands, and in- 
fluences every thing. 

*' Therefore we know God only by his attributes. 
What are these ? The wise and excellent structure, 
and final aim of all things. In these, his perfec- 
tions, we admire him and we wonder. In his direc- 
tions or govern pent, we venerate and worship him ; 
we worship him as his servants ; and God, with- 
out dominion, without providence, and final aims, is 
Fate ; not the object either of reverence, of hope, or 
of fear." 

These are the sentiments of a rea/ philosopher, not 
a Tom Pain, a Godwin, or a Voltaire. 

^^ To what a wor?n can comprehend. 

It has ever appeared to us as the essence of folly, 
for those who pretend to be philosophers, to deny 
the being of a God, because they cannot compre- 
hend how he exists. As well might they deny the 
existence of the atmosphere, because it is invisible. 
Will these presumptuous mortals affirm that the 
magnetic needle does not point towards the pole, be- 
cause they cannot develope the cause of the mag- 
netic influence I Then may they affirm, that because 
they cannot 

Trace the secret mystic links which bind 
The viorld of matter to the viorld of mind^ 



ILLUMINISM. 55 

That by some accidental clatter, 
Of pristine, crude, chaotic matter, 
(But how, an Atheist only knows) 
This beauteous universe arose. *^ 

That there is nothing like reality, 
In future life and immortality ;** 

that there is no God and no mind in the universe. 

*^ This beauteous universe arose. 

" The author of Good Sense, vi^hich D'Alembert 
vrishes to see abridged, in order to sell it for five 
pence to the poor and ignorant, says, That the phe- 
nomena of nature, only prove the existence of God, 
to a few prepossessed men ; that the wonders of 
nature, so far from speaking a God, are but the ne- 
cessary efforts of matter, infinitely diversified." 

Barruel. 

« In future life and immortality. 

Boulanger tells us, " That the immortality of the 
soul, so far from stimulating men to the practice of 
virtue, is nothing but a barbarous^ desperate and fatal 
tenet, and contrary to all legislation." *' In the lodg- 
es, (of the Illuminati) death was declared to be ah 
eternal sleep," 

Roeison's Proofs^ 



56 ILLUMINISxM. 

When death our thread of fate shall sever, 
We go to rest, and sleep forever. 

That actions are, or are not virtuous, 
As they conduce most good or hurt to us,*^ 
The agent judging their propriety. 
And operation in society. 

And maxims hammer'd out for steeling 
The mind against each social feeling, 
To gain attainable perfection, 
Would root out natural affection.'** 

<3 As they conduce most good or hurt to us. 

Helvetius saysj " That the only rule by which 
virtuous actions are distinguished from vicious ones, 
is the law of princes, and public utility. That vir- 
tue^ that honesty^ with regard to individuals, is no 
more than the habit of actions fiersonally advantage- 
ous, and that self interest is the scale by which the 
actions of those can be measured.** 

^ Would root out natural affection. 

" The commandment of loving father and mother, 
16 more the ^vork of education^ than of nature." 

He LVETIUS. 



ILLUMINISM. 5r 

Maintain'd that fathers, children, brothers, 
No nearer are to us than others ; 
And as for that frail being, zvoman^ 
They held^ she should be held m common ;^* 

^ They hcldy she should be held in common. 

*' By a decree of the French National Convention 
(June 6, 1794) it is declared that there is nothing 
criminal in the promiscuous commerce of the sexesi 
and therefore nothing that derogates from the fe- 
male character, when \yoman forgets that she is the 
depositary of all domestic satisfaction, that her honor 
is the sacred bond of social life — that on her mo- 
desty and delicacy depend all the respect and con- 
fidence that will make a man attach himself to soci- 
ety, free her from labour, share with her the fruits 
of all his own exertions, and work with willingness 
and delight that she may appear on all occasions his 
equal, and the ornament of all his acquisitions. In 
the very argument, which this selected body of 
senators has given for the propriety of this decree, 
it has degraded women below all estimation. " It 
is to prevent her from murdering the fruit of unlaw- 
ful love, by removing her shame, and by relieving 
her from the fear of want.*' The senators say, " the 
Republic wants citizens, and therefore must not on- 
ly remove this temptation of shame, but must take 
care of the mother while she nurses the child. It 
■is the property of the nation and must not be lost." 



.r 



58 ILLUMINISM. 

That vice, in all the horrid shapes 
Of murder, perjury^ theft and rapes, 
lb right in those, who can invent, 
A mode t' escape from punishment 



. 45 



That man should have no more remorse 
For evil actions than his horse, 
Because what vulgar folks call conscience, 
Is nothing more than vulgar nonsense; 

That modesty is all a trick 
And chastity a fiddlestick, 

The woman all the while is considered only as the^ 
SHE ANIMAL, the breeder of Sans cullottes. This » 
the^'w*^ morality of Illumination." 

RoBi son's Proofs, p. 374-5. 
These degrading ideas of the female sex are pre - 
cisely the same, which were taught in the German 
Iwodgcs, and furnish proof of the connection be- 
tween Illuminism, and the causes which excited 
the French Revolution. 

^ A mode t' escape from punishment. 

" The man who is above the law, can commit 
vnthout remorse the dishonest act, which serves his 
purpose." 

Helvetius. 



ILLUMINISM. 59 

A vile, old fashion'd sort of trimming 
Meant to set off your pretty women ;*' 

Like sly finesse in fille dejoj/e; 
Who pleases more by being coy 
Than if she came with air voluptuous 
Sans ceremonie 'dancing up to us ; 

Thatthronesand powers must be demolished 
And all things sacred be abolish'd, 
Each man be all, and every thing, 
A Subject, Magistrate and King ; ^* 

^ '•^ Meant to set off your pretty women. 

*' Modesty is only the invention of refined vo- 
luptuousness."....HELVETius. The French women 
have, however, pretty well divested themselves of 
this appendage. Madam Tallien, accompanied 
by other beautiful women, laying aside all modesty, 
came into the public theatre, presented themselves 

to public view, with bared limbs a la sauvage as the 
alluring objects of desire. 

Rob I son's Proofs, p. 197. 

*^ A Subject, Magistrate and King. 

The object of the Illuminati, as appears from Bar- 
ruel and Robison, was not only anti-christian, and 



- ^ 



60 '-^ ILI.UMINISM. 

Such principles as here are stated 
By phiiosophs are propagated, 
Sans intermission, or fatigue, 
By open force, and dark intrigue. 

The monsters made it still there aim 
So fit for deeds^without a name 
Their pupils, train'd with wondrous art 
To play the fell assassin's part. 

The ties of nature disregarding 

'Tvvas still there aim the heart to harden, ■ 

And make a irairdercr of man'*' 

To propagate perfection's plan. 

anti-monarchical, but anti-sociaU They wished to 
annihilate every thing which went to strengthen 
the bands of society, and reduce man to a state of 
nature. The candidate for the degree of ejiopt^ or " 
priest, was informed by his sufierior^ that " These* 
^necret schools of /ihilosophuf shall one day retrieve the 
fall of human nature, and /princes and nations shall 
disafifiear from the face of the earth ; and that ivith 
out violence. Reason shall be the only book of le^wsy' 
the sole code of man." 

*^ And make a murderer of man. 

" A candidate for reception into one of the iiigh- 



i 



i^ 



^^ -' IlLUMINISM. ^^^ ^61 

No kind of care nor pains were stinted 
To poison every thing that's printed, 

est orders, after having heard many threatenings 
^denounced against ^U who should betray the secrets 
of the order, was conducted to a place where he 
saw the dead bodies of several who were said to 
have suffered for their treachery. He then saw his 
own brother tied hand and foot begging his mercy 
and intercession. He was informed that the per,- 
son was aljout to suffer the punishment dije to^this 
offence, and that it was reserved for him (the can- 
didate) to be the instrument of this just vengeanccj 
and that this gave him an opportunity of manifest- 
•ing that he was completely devoted to the Order. 
It being observed that his countenance gave signs 
of J^ward horror (the person in bonds imploding his 
mercy all the while) he was lold that in order to spare 
his feeling^s a bandage should be put over his eyes, j^ 
dagger was then put into ^s right hand, and being 
hoodwinked, his left hand was laid on the palpitat- 
ing heart of the criminal, and he was then ordered 
to strike. He instantly obeyed ; and when the ban- 
dage was taken from his eyes he saw that it was a 
lamb that he had stabbed. Surely such a trial and 
M^uch wanton crue^y are only fit for training conspi- 
^r^fers," 

W*^ ' , Robison's Proo/^9, p. 299. 

No wonder that people tramed to blood in this 
manner should have been guilty of the most horrid 



^"^ ^ , idlUMINISM. '^- ♦ ^ 

By modes, which other men would scorn. 
From folio, down^to book of horn.*** 

■■'in 

excesses. Nothing m the annals of liistory can 
equal the cruelties committed by llliiminees 
and. Philosopbists. Well might the Abbe Bar- 

' Tucl affirm, " It was the principles of^ the sect 
tnat made Barnave, at the siirht of heads carried on 
pikes, ferociously smile and exclaim, ^^tvas that blood 
then so pure that one might not eve?i spill one drop of^ 
it ? \^% it was those principles that made Chap- 
pellier, Mirabeau, and Gregoire, when they beheld 
the brigands surrounding the Palace of Versailles 
in sanguinary rage, thirsting after murder, and par- 
ticularly after the blood of the Queen, exclaim the 
people must have victims. It was these principles 
that even smothered the affection of brothe^^or 
brother* when the adept Chenier, seeing his own 

.W^jrother delivered over to the hands of ,|he public 
executioner, coolly said,,-//* my brother be not in the 
true sense of the revolution^ let him be sacrijiced. ...thzt 
eradicated the feelings of the ch^ for his parents, 
when the adept Philip brggght in triumph to the club 
of Jacobins the head of hisfatlier and mother 1 1 This 
insatiable sect calls out by the mouth of the bloody 
Marat for two h'jn<Jre{L|nd seventy thousand heads,iii3i*^ 
declarini^ that before lonr^ it will count only by mil- 
lions. '1 hey knew well that^eir systems and last 
mysteries of equpli^^can only ^e accomplished in 
their full extent by depopulating^ the world ; and by 
the mouth of Le Bo, it answers the inhabitants of 

K 



ILLJMINISM, 6:3 

Among these human Demons were 

Condorcet, Diderrot, Voltaire, '' 

■^■ 

Montauban, tenitied with the want of provisions, 
*' Fear no't ; Fiance has a SKifficiency for twelve mil- 
lions of iiiHabitants. All the rest (that is the other 
j wf- lve millions) must be put to death, and then 
i^ 1 tnere will be no scarcity of bread." 

" • - Barruel, vol. IV. p. 271. 

We are likewise told by the historians of that dis- 
astrous period that new words were inventecFto 
denote the butciieries which took place. Whole 
hecatouibs of victims were shot en inasse, and this 
was stiled Fiisi Hades ; hecatombs were also drown- 
ed, and this species of murder was called JVoyacks, 

One of their own -waters, a republican, gives the 
following description of^the cruelties practised by 
these adepts in iniquity. 

" Under the name of a revolutionary governmentj,' 
all the public functions were united in the commit- 
tee of public safety, where Robespierre had for a 
lonij time dominated. Then it was that this com- 
mittee became dictatorial, ,|mrried into the depart- 
ments thatKhorde of ferocious pro-consuls, whom 
we have seen betrayini^ and slaughtering the peo- 
^^ple, whose servants they were, and to whom they 
owed their political existence ; sometimes carrying 
with them in their murderous circuits, the f^uillo^ 
fine^ at others declaring it jiermanent, which was 
aaying in other words, that the executioner was not 
to have a moment's rest. These monsters in mis- 



I 



1» 



64 ^^. ILLUMINISM. 

Andl5then»shrewd, self-boasting sages, 
4^Whoi^|^ames shall not disgrace our pages. 

^ ,.sion, these Colossusses of crime, these phcenomena 
of cruelty, hunted men as a German baron hunts 
wild boars. The, despotic Turk, when he makes 

^ h^s equal e'^pire under the bastinado of a Pacha or 
by the chord of the mutes, dbes not say to his 
x'icUm, thou art free, ^^"^^ jst 

" We have already said that all tyrannies resemble 
each other; all tyrants have, like our decemvirs, 

*- employed the arm of terror; and it is not in this 

*^ point of view that the history of the epoch of our 
revolution is new ; but what has never yet been 
seen, and what probably will never be seen again, 
is a great and enlightened people, who during six -- 
months were mutilated, decimated, shot, drowned, 
and guillotined by their representatives ; it is the 
extreme ferocity of so many public functionaries 
butchering those from whom they received their 
commissions. Rome had a series of tyrants in suc- 
cessioi), or at least at short intervals ; but France 
had at one and the same iji^tant a host of Caligulas. 
Tacitus himself would have broken his pencil with 
regret at not being able to paint all the crimes which 
sprung from the monstrous junctioUjOf the ferocious 
Robespierre with the sanguinary Couthon ; of the 
barbarous Billaud with the gloomy Amar ; of the 
tiger Collot, with the, tiger Carrier ; of the cut- 

' throat Dumas with the cut- throat Coffinhall ; and a 
thousand subalterns submissive to their orders. 

Ik 



ILLUMIxNISM. £5 

Now they appear in varied guise. 
Like their great prototype of lies, 

Mirabeau undoubtedly foresaw a part of these hor- 
rors, when he said, liberty slein oiilij on maitrasse-8 
of dead carcases.'* 

" What a picture ! the vi^aves of the ocean swel- 
led by the mangled bodies, which were secretly com- 
mitted to the bosom of the Loire ; Blood flowing in 
torrents down the streets of every town ; the dun- 
geons of a hundred thousand bastiles groaning un- 
der the weight of the victims with which they were 
incumbered ; the threshold of every door stained 
with gore 4 and as the height of insult, the word 
humanity engraven on every tomb, and associated 
to death f such was the lamentable aspect which 
France presented ! On every frontispiecei'^^ere to 
he seen the contradictory words of Liberty, Frater- 
nity, or Oeath. Alas 1 the last was the only one 
which was realized." Page's French revolution^ 

vol. II. p. 166, 7, 8. 

Here we have the faint outlines of a picture of the 
horrors of the French revolution, drawn by a 
Frenchman and a democrat. This is the kind of 
liberty and equality wjiich illuminated philosophers 
prepare for mankindo 

** From folio dawn to book of horn. 

**^ln{id^y is now served up in every shape that 
is likely to allure, surprise, or beguile the imagiaa- 

" g2 '' ^ 



66 ILLUMINISM. 



Who^rst adroitly to deceive 
Ki^ serpent's form accosted Eve, 



In Paris many a ^piocrat 
In dark, inferncdponcrave sat, 
Brooded on eggs of curs'd confusion, 
And hatch'd the Gallic revolution." 

4^ 



■Si' 



tion ; in a fable, a tale, a novel, a poem, in inter- 
spei'^Sed and broken hints ; remote and oblique sur- 
mises ; in books of travels ; of philosophy ; of na- 
tural history ; in a word, in any form rather than 
that of a professed and regular disquisition." 

4^ ^ Palet. 

'^ Aim hatch'd the Gallic revolatioHr 

I do not pretend to affirm thafthe French revo- 
lution was altogether the imjnediate and direct effect 
of the operations of the Illuminati. But I believe 
that the principles inculcated in the lodges of these 
terrene infernals, and which were circulated by 
them, and by those who were connected with them, 
paved the way to those enormities, which rendered 
the French revolution by far the most Woody re- 
corded in "histolj^. There were no doubt many, 
who without ever fierceiving it themselves were under 
the influence of principles taught in these lodges. 
There was a great differpce between the syste- 
matical ferocity of the leaders in the French revo- 



ILLUMINISM. er 

Anon their black atrocious band *' ^ 

Skulk in disguise though every land, ^ 

Rebellion propagate, by stealth 
Through City, Kingdom, Commonwealth* 

lution, and the desultory eiForts of the common Jack 
Cades and Wat Tylers of rebellion. Many of them 
had thoroughly reasoned themselves into a belief 
that their massacres were laudable, and would even- 
tually redound to their own honor and the great . 
good of the human species. 

The following anecdote will, I think, corroborate 
my assertion. 

" To give an idea of the temper of the people at 
Paris, it is proper to remark, that at the same in- 
stant when the multitude with bloody fury were 
massacring the menial servants in the palace, (on 
the memorable 10th of August 1792) and could 
scarcely be restrained from offering violence to the 
Swiss who were made prisoners, they would suffer no^» 
acts of pillage to go unpunished. Several attempts 
of this kind were accordingly followed by the in- 
stant death of the criminals. The plate, the jewels, 
and money found in the Thuilleries were brought to 
the national assembly, and thrown down in the hall. 
One man, whose dress and appearance bespoke ex- 
treme poverty, cast upon the table an hat full of 
gold....But the minds of these men were elevated 
by enthusiasm ; and they considered themselves as 
at this moment the champions of freedom, and ob- 
jects of terror to the kings of the earth.'* 



4 



63 ILLUMINISM. 

Thus the fell fiend of yellow-fever, 
Hurls viewless arrows frbm his quiver, 
Hovers in darkness dire, and flings 
Distruction from mephitick wings. 

Nor were their efforts bent alone 
Against the altar and the throne, 
But were intended for prostration 
Of order, law, and civ'lization* 

They fought as bold as Bonaparts* 

To level science and the arts ; 

Bid mankind list beneath the scrub ^ 

Of strongest arm, and largest club* 

And swore to have the pure reality. 
Essence of Jacobin equality, 
That freedom, which no more nor less is. 
Than wolves enjoy in wildernesses.** 

<* Than wolves enjoy -in wildernesses. 

The following extract from an address -to the 
French people by the adepts Drouet, Babieuf, and 
Longelat, exhibits a correct specimen of jacobin 
equality. 

" JVe are all equaL.^ThdX principle is incontesta- 
ble... .very well ! We mean in future to live and die 



ILLUMINISM. 69 

^ Their leading tenets tally nicely, 
Jn many things the same precisely 

as we are born. We will have real equality or 
death. «.T hat is what we want, and we will have 
that real equality, cost what it will. Woe be to those 
ivhom ive shall meet between it and us ! Woe to the 
man who shall dare oppose so positive a determina- 
tion ! The French revolution is but the forerunner 

Sbf a revolution greater by far and much more so- 
lemn ; and which will be the last. 

*' What do we ask more than the equality of rights ? 
Why, we will not only have that equality trans- 
cribed in the declaration of the rights of man, and 
of the citizen ; we will have it in the midst of us, 
under the roofs of our houses. We consent to 
every thing for the acquisition of it, even to clear 
decksy that we may possess it alone ; perish the 
arts, if requisite, provided we do but preserve a real 
equality ! 

" Legislators and governors, proprietors, rich and 

fbowelless, in vain do you attempt to paralyze our 
sacred enterprfze, by saying we are only re-pro- 
ducing the Agrarian law that has been so often 
asked for before. 

'^'' " Calumniators I hold your peace in ybiir turn, and 

•^in the silence of confusion hearken to our preten- 
sions dictated by nature and grounded on justice. 

" The Agrarian law, or equal partition of lands, 
was the momentary wish of a few soldiers without 
principles, of a few clans, actuated rather by instinct 



^« 



70 ILLUMINISM. 

Unfolded by that fish of odd fin, 
The Jacobinic William ©odvvin." 

than by reason. We aim at something more sub- 
lime, far more equitable, goods in common, or the ^ 
COMMUNITY OF ESTATES I JVo viorc individual faro- 
perties in land-, for the earth belongs to nobody, Wc m 
demand and will enjoy the goods of the earth in 
common. The fruits belong to all. Disafifiear \ 
novj^ ye disgusting disiinctioris of rich and jioor^ ^^fH^ 
higher and loiue^r, of master and servants of GOvsflfl^- 
ING AND GOVERNED ] for uo Other distinctions smS^l 
exist among mankind than those of age arliti sex,** ^ ^^^J 

'^ The Jacobinic William Godwin. 

Were it not true that our American jacobins arc 
very great admirers of this disorganizing^ philoso- 
phist, I would not v/aste a syllable on his productions. , 
His Political Justice is held in utter abhorrence by all 
men of sense and erudition on either side cf the At- 
lantic. But as it is unfortunately the case that some ,. 
men, who are neither men of sensenor erudition, are 
very aspiring characters, the said William Godwin 
is toasted in democratic clubs, and many of the 
y men now in power, shape their conduct according 
to the models of this principal pedlar of French 
manufactured morality. 

I would premise, iiowever, that I shall not at- 
tempt to trace the sorry sophist through all his la- 
byrinths of " desolating nonsense." A concise- 



^ ILLUMTNISM. n 

Who held society, j^as needing 
'a little salutary bleeding, 

sketch of some of the most prominent fallacies 
\vhich we have observed in his Political Justice, 
must suffice. 

He commences his theory of political justice, 
with a description of the " evils existing in politi- 
cal society,'* then attempts to prove that these 
devils are to be ascribed to public institutions/' 
antl next proposes to inform us, how such evils are 
to be removed ! 

c'p.der the head of evils existing in society, we 
Ire presented with much conMion place declama- 
tion, about fraud, robbery, wars, &c. To these 
succeed several arid chapters, relative to innate 
principles, antenatal innpressions, instincts, &:c. all 
of which is either very trite, or very nonsensical. 
•We are next informed that our voluntary actions 
are invariably the result of reanon. That passion 
and appetite cannot cotmteract its mandates. ...that 
" truth is omnipotent"....that when a rational being 
knonvs what is right, he will invariably act according 
to his kncwlfMlge. - ? "^ ^' 

Hence^ we have nothing further|pdo in perform- 
imr the process of perfi^ing man, than merely to 
ilTliminate him .vith SMjit of flRTc^sopher Godwin's 
lucid di?j^]:iys of triiih. a3*^xhibl(p, for instance, in 
his, ■gol it j'-al Justice, a:i#;he will \it so perfect^ that 
o>v '• neccasarg eviV^ of government msiy be anni- 
led. 



% 



72 ILLUMINISM. 

To kill one half mankind were best, ^ 

And then philosophize the rest. 

Here, however, soD,ie slight diffieulties in our 
progress to perfection intervene. But these cannot 
long retard Philosopher Godwin. He acknowledgeB 
xiSat there are some soils in which the plant, fier-n 
fectibility., will not flourish. The influences of lux- 
ury, of climate, Sec. oppose something like obst^ 
qles. But these vanish before plenipotent philoso- 
pher Godwin. " For," quoth he, " if truth, when 
properly displayed be omnipotent, then neither cli- 
mate nor luxiyy jire invincible obstacles." No, our 
philosopher is'not ro be put down by trifles. He 
will contrive " moral causes," to overpower all 
physical impediments. The shrivelled Eskimaux, 
or the parched African, are alike capable of per- 
fection, and of consequence, of dispensing with the 
formality of gc^siiinent. ^ 

We are next presented with a curious chapter on - 
<* Justice." In tb.-s we are informed that the <' dis- 
tribution of justice snould be measured by th^ ca- 
pacity of its subject." That is, that in measuring 
such juscice, we a^fe not to consult the claims o^ 
the persons to Whom it is due., but the good of the 
mass of mankind, al?3tractedly considered. Whence 
it follows, that if I-'owe a sum of money to A. but 
B. to whom I aiTiUbt indebted, would, in my opinion^ 
make a better use of that money than A.^JL^m 
bound, in justice, to pay it to the former. It aeems 
to be the object of this singular bein^ to consider 



J 



ILLUMINISM. 73 

Some say one might say with propriety 
«* They were like our St. Tarn. Society ;^^ 

justice as a sort of abstract quality, an iindefinable 
somethings due to the " system of nature," and to 
^ distributed where ^it will contribute most to the 
mass of enjoyment now existing, or which "^may 
hereafter exist in the universe, 
•if ence it appears that Mr. Godwin's Justice is not 

1^ unlike ©i'. Darwin's .^j|pnirersal philanthropy," 
which is consoled for the loss of thousands of 
human beings, by the reflection that the matter of 
which they wer&>f rganizedf qmic^ht be profitably em- 
ployed in the manufacture of myriads of insects, 
t-he sum of vvliose happiness might be etjual to that 
of th^ slaughtered armies, to whose destruction 
these flying and creeping things owed; their exist- 
ence. ' PTiytol^ia, 

But to return to Mr. Godwin. In proving all 
these fine things, however, ^ur won<lerfuIly pro- 
'ound philosopher, as might be expected, \iiot un- 
frequently contradicts himself. Truth is sometimes 
represented as " Omnipotent," and sometimes as 
totally imbecile, although by its agency ?ili his per- 
fection is to be brought abolit. For we are inform- 
ed, that " Self deception is of all things the m.ost 
easy. Whoever ardentlv, Avishes to find a propo- 
sition true, may ^be expected insensibly to veer 
towards the opinion that flWits his inclination. It 

i#fcannot be wondered at, by him who considers the 
subtilty of the liuman mind, that belief should 



74 I'LLUMINISM. 

But, as I know not whom I may hit, 
Of course I shan't presume to say it. 

scarcely ever rest upon the mere basis of evidence, 
and that arguments are always viewed through a 
delusive medium, magnifying them into Alps, or 
diminishing them to nothing. '* 

We are afterwards told of conscientious assassins 
and persecutors, who are to be governed by this 
** Omnipotent Tr\ith," but how all this will be 
brought about, no body but a philosophist can de- 
termine. 

Mr. Godwin now proceeds to explode rights, and 
unshackle his unlimited morality,! till at length we 
are presented with a new set of " Principles of Gov- 
ernment," in which " Omnipotent Truth," sanc- 
tioned by justice iviihout coercion^ is to regulate so- 
ciety according to a 7ie'iv order of things^ and intro- 
duce a political millcnium. When this happy jera 
commences, every man in every action, will consult 
at once his own happiness, the happiness of his 
neighbours, of the world of mankind, and the pre- 
sent and future good of the universe. Here our 
modern philosopher is placed in a situation a miliion 
times as puzzling as that of the schoolman's ass be- 
tween two equally attractive staciis of hay ; for if 
he moves but his little finger in any way not con- 
ducive to the introduction of universal felicity, the 
whole of Mr. GodwinlP^fine fabric is annihilated* 

* Book II. chap. iv. p. 133, \ Book IL chap. v. 






ILLUMINISM. 7j 

Vile propagands in every city 

Make smooth the path of French banditti, 

The next thing worthy of notice in the course of 
this gentleman's destructive career, is an attack 
upon the Obligation of Promises.* In this he 
would have a philosopher be the opposite to the 
just man, described by Dr. Watts, who, 

•' ThcBgh to his own hurt he swears. 
Still he performs his word ;'* 

And because it is lawful to take, in some cases, 
what is not our own, to satisfy hunger, he argues 
thus ; 

'' The adherence to promises, therefore, as well 
as their employment, in the first instance, must be 
decided by the general criterion, and maintained 
only so Jar as u/ion a comfire/iensive view it shall be 
found productive of a balance of kapjiiness.'' 

Here it is to be observed, that the firomissor is to 
be the Judge, in his own case, how far the observ- 
ance of his promise may be " Productive of a bal- 
ance of happiness." And with regard to the facility 
with which an honest man, making a promise, may 
deceive himself respecting this ^'balance of happi- 
ness," we would refer our reader to the passage al- 
ready quoted from book II. chap. iv. p. 133. 

Our scheming politician is not contented with 

having i^tiade an end of promises, but in his second 

volume, Oaths of Office, are declared not only 

useless, but execrable. But I fear I shall trespass 

• Book II. chap. iji. 



rs ILLUMINISM. 

And jacobin illiimin'd savages 
Prelude fell French fraternal ravages. 

on the patience of my reader, by pursuing this 
visionary writer through the mazes of his " vain 
philosophy." I shall therefore take leave of Mr. 
Godwin, with a quotation or two; and, 1st, from 
his own book, exemplifying the means by which 
Mr. Godwin would be m illing to obtain his fierfec- 
tion ; and, 2ndly, from the " Pursuira of Literature,'* 
expressing the apprehensions which that great 
writer, in common with all men of science and re- 
flection, have felt from the effects of such poison- 
ous principles. 

" Perhaps no important revolution was ever blood- 
less. It may be useful in this place to recollect in 
what the^nischief of shedding blood consists. The 
abuses which at present exist in all political socie- 
ties, are so enormous, the oppressions which are 
exercised so Intolerable, the ignorance and vice 
ihey entail so dreadful, that possibly a dispassionate 
enquirer might decide, that, if their annihilation 
could be purchased by an instant sweeping of every 
human being now arrived at years of maturity, from 
the face of the earth, the purchase would not be too 
dear. It is not because human life is of so conside- 
rable value, that we ought to recoil from the shed- 
ding of blood. Death is in itself among the slight- 
est of human evils. An earthquake, which should 
swallow up a hundred thousand individuals at once, 
would chiefly be to be regretted for the anguish it 



ILLUMINISM. 7T 

Kings, nobles, priests, besotted elves 
Stiaiii^eiy combin'd against themselves, " 

entailed upon survivois ; in a fair estimate of those 
it had destroyed, it would often be comparatively a 
trivial event.'* 

In this sentence we have Illuminism completely 
unmasked. This was the principle, which actuated 
the blood-thirsty tygcrs of the French revolution. 

I cannot better conclude my remarks on this work, 
than by quoting from the Pursuits of Literature, a 
passage, which evinces the apprehensions which 
the author of that poem entertained from the pre- 
valence of these and similar tenets of modern phi- 
losophy. 

'* My conviction and my fears on this most awful 
subject (while it may yet avail us to consider) some- 
times overpower me, till I absolutely si#k under 
them.'* 

I have heard it asserted that Godwin has retracted 
some of the tenets advanced in this horrid produc- 
tion. But the recantation, if such exists, has not 
been made sufficiently public to s^rve as an antidote 
to the poison contained in the principles, and our 
American democrats still pretend to admire the 
destructive sophisms with which that work abounds. 

** They were like our St. Tam. Society. 

There is a society established in New- York, call- 
ed the St. Tammany Society, who personate tne 
aboriginal savages very successiuliy in our opinion, 
u 2 



78 ILI.UIVIINISM. 

Oppos'd with blind infuriate zeal 
There own as well as publick weal. 

But scarce the bard, in half a century, 
Could mark the progress of this gentry, 
Nor trace illuminated guilt ^ 
Through seas of blood by madmen spilt. 

But well the reader knows, I fancy, 
How freedom ala??iode de Francois 
Was f orc'dto choose for her protector 
The Corsic despot to perfect her ; 

Surrendered all her harlot charms 
To murderer Buonaparte's arms, 
And now is doubtless safe enough, in 
The cl^jLches of that ragamuffin. *® 

** Strangely combin'd against themselves. 

Among the sovereigns who were wheedled into 
the plans of the conspirators, were Joseph II. Em- 
peror of Germany, Caiherine II. Empress of Rus- 
sia, Christiern VII. King of Denmark, Gustavus III. 
King of Sweden, and Poniatowskj, King of Poland, 
together with princes and princesses too numerous 
in tliis place to mention. 

56 The clutches of that ragamuffin. 

. Among the many astonishing instances of tht 



ILLUMINISIM. 1<J 

When first the boding storm began 
To threaten civil, social man, 

wilful, or stupid blindness of the party, who arro- 
gate to themselves the appellation of republicans, 
may be included their persevering eulogies of Bona- 
parte, long after the mask of republicanism was 
thrown off by that usurper. Notwith^itanding well 
authenticated accounts were received in America, 
of the infernal means by which he was accomplish- 
ing the end of enslaving that country, still he re- 
mained the subject of democratic demi- adoration. 
But our limits will not allow us, in this place, to 
give a full length portrait of the refmblicaii Emperor 
of the Gauls. A few sentences from an English 
publication* the conductors of which, we know, 
will not give currency to a falsehood, shall sijiffice. 
" Trace this man of blood, from his first entrance 
on his revolutionary career, to the present moment, 
(July, 1803.) Behold him, after contributing to 
the murder of that sovereign, to whose liberality 
he had been indebted for his education and support, 
acting a conspicuous part with his friend, the late 
minister of police, Fouche, as an agent of the Na- 
tional Convention at Toulon, where, after its evacu- 
ation by the English, he superintended the massacre 
of the loyalists ; then follow him to Paris, see him 
placed by Biirras, at the head of the conventional 
army, and murdering seven thousand of the citizens 
of the metropolis, for daring to exercise a consti- 
tutional right, by the election of their own repre- 



t» ILLUMINISM. 

When vials of Illumination 

Were pour'd abroad on every nation. 

sentatives ; next observe him, accepting;, as a re- 
ward for this sanguinary act, from the contempla- 
tion of which every honest mind revolts with hor- 
ror, the hand of the mistress oi Barras, with the 
command of a banditti, destined to overrun the fer- 
tile plains of Lombardy ; view him in his destruc- 
tive progress, dealing death and desolation around, 
and involving, in one mass of complicated ruin, the 
prince and the peasant, the young and the old, the 
woman and the child ; mark his conduct during his 
progress at the village of Tenasco, where one of 
his soldiery, instigated by brutal lust, (in the un- 
restrained gratification of which his troops were, 
and;^iill are^ systematically indulged) entered 
the cottage of a peasant, and attempted to violate 
his daughter, scarcely arrived to years of maturity, 
the resentment of which by the father, produced a 
scuffle, which ended in the death of the military 

ruffian see Bonaparte, whose head-quarters were 

near by, revenge this deed of justiccy by ordering 
the whole village of Tenasco to be reduced to 
ashes, and its innocent, unprotected inhabitants, 
to be put to death without distinction of age or sex, 
an order, which was instantaneously and most mer- 
cilessly obeyed pursue this monster in human 

shape to the shores of Egypt ; there hear him public- 
ly renounce his Redeemer, reject the proffered sal- 
vation of his God, order the wanton massacre of 



ILLUMINISjVL «i 

Great Britain felt the fated shock, 
But Pitt was her salvation's rock, 

thousands of the helpless people of Alexandria, 
merely to strike terror into their countrymefi..., 
then trace him to Jaffa, to the cold-blooded mur- 
der of 3,800 captured Turks ; follow him in his 
disgraceful retreat, -when driven by British valour 
from the walls of Acre, and observe , him calmly 
directing the poisoned bowl to be administered to 
five hundred and eighty of his sick soldiers," kc. 

Hence we see a short sketch of the character of 
the man, whom our democrats have ever idolized ; 
and to similar scenes would unrestrained democracy 
lead, in this or any other country. It is in vain for 
the favourers of Frenchmen and French measures, 
in this country, to deny the existence of the facts 
here disclosed. They have been repeatedly pub- 
lished, both in England and America, and never 
contradicted by the friends and admirers of the 
gemdn e-repubWcani who is now king of the Gauls. 

Since writing the above I have perused a tract 
entitled Bonaparte and the French people, written 
with considerable ability by a German, resident in 
France. This work contains many proofs of the 
despicable despotism to which the French nation 
is now reduced under the domineration of the Cor- 
sican usurper. Splendor without magnificence, luxu- 
ry withouttaste, caprice, suspicion and cruelty beyon^ 
example, characterize the court of the mimic emperor. 
A cotemporary wiiterj says the author has well ob- 



82 ILLUMINISM. 

Like Calpe's mound amid the waves 
He stems the tide, his country saves. *^ 

He sees the aims, and thwarts the plans 
Of democratic partizans, 
Breaks down nefarious coalitions 
Of self-created politicians. 

Novv^ every man of sense agrees 
That democrats, Illuminees, 

served : " Thus every thing has returned, after an 
unfortunate round-about way, to the very point from 
which it set out ; yet with this difference, that in 
former times an opposition of the independent 
states and bodies, might be shewn to the royal plea- 
sure." 

^'' He stems the tide, his country saves. 

Mr. Pitt in early life was somewhat led astray, 
as young men most frequently are, by the illusory 
phantoms of democratic liberty and equality. Time 
and experience, however, corrected his error, and 
perhaps it was owing chiefly to his exertions, that 
the revolutionary phrenzy did not take effect in Eng- 
land, and lead to enormities, similar to those, which, 
in "France, surpassed every thing heretofore record- 
ed in history. 



ILLUMINISM. 83 

Are birds obscene, and of a feather, 
Should therefore all be ciass'd together. 

They all object to the propriety 
OF law and order in society, 
Tfiink reason will supply restraints, 
And make mankind a set of saints." 

** And make mankind a set of saints. 

Such is the sla7ig of the faction from felon Bur- 
roughs to philosopher The former of 

these democrats, who appears as highly to appreci- 
ate, and as fully to understand the true principles 
of fieedom as the latter, speakin.:^ of the cruelty of 
establishing jails in a free country^ says : '■ How is 
this, says I to myself, that a country, which has 
stood foremost in asserting the cause of liberty, 
that those who have tasted in some measure, the 
bitter cup of slavery, should, so soon after obtain- 
ing that blessing themselves, deprive others of it? 
p. 126. Again, speaking of another democratic gentle- 
man^ imprisoned for theft, he informs us that, 
" This man, by mistake having taken some cattle 
not his own, and appropriated them to his own use, 
sonie people were so itnjiolite as to charge him witl) 
theft.'' p. 130. Assisting another to break jail, he 
observes, *' Truly, said I, this conduct has been 
guided by the firinciples of fihihsofihy;' p. 131, 
When confined at the castle in Boston harbour, he 



S4 ILLUMINISM. 

These principles excite to action 
The restless Pennsylvania faction, 
While tertium quids oppose in vain, 
The daring demagogue Duane.** 

reselved to rise on the garrison, and blow up the 
magazine, he remarks, '* Such were the outlines of 
my plan ; I determined to make one powerful effort 
to carry it into execution ; either to lose my life in 
the cause oS. liberty^ or else gain a glorious freedom." 
Here is genuine republicanism of the true Aurora 
Istamp. Duane himself could go but little farther 
in the theory and practice of his wild-Irish sort of 
liberty. 

*9 The daring demagogue Duane. 

The " lamentable comedy," acting on the politi- 
cal theatre of Pennsylvania, although at present it 
seems replete with "marvellous pleasant mirth," willj 
it is to be feared, terminate with a most tragical 
catastrophe. Were it otherwise, it would be not 
a little amusing to be a looker on the struggle be- 
tween the Duanites and the Dallasites, alias the 
^^ genuine rctiuhlicans^'^ Rnd the tertiu7n quids. These 
things would be comical enough, were it not that j 
the foundations of society are thereby shaken to ' 
their centre, and were it not probable that this 
earthquake of faction will ingnlph our blood-bought 
liberties, and inhume every tiiing which can render 
society of any value. 



ILLUMINISM. 85 

Such principles, alas, will flood 
Columbia's *' happy land'* with blood, 
Unless kind Providence restrain 
These demons of the hurricane. 



CANTO III. 



iMobGcracp. 



ARGUMENT. 

I sing French freedom wafted o*cr 
From frantic Gallia's blood-stain'd shore, 
And how th' accursed wild-fire found 
•• Asylum" in Columbian ground ; 
How honest yeomen, bold and rough. 
For lack of lit)erty enough, 
Se duc'd by bold, ambitious bad men, 
Behav'd, Im loth to toy, like mad men ; 
And form'd democracy'sinflections. 
In Shays' and whiskey-insurrections.... 
With other matters you'll discover. 
Good reader, when you've read them over. 



When democrats, from public papers, 
Learn'd how the French were cutting capers, 
The}^ lost the little wits they had, 
And were, poo?^ things^ completely mad ; 

-Good reader, though it may embarrass one, 
We'll conjure up some bright comparison, 
Somewhat to liken to the revels 
Of democratic demi-devils : 



88 MOBOCRACY. 

Such as were held in celebration 
Of crimes of our good sister nation, 
To gratulate vile sans cullottes 
On cutting one anothers throats. 

Pray, Sir, dids't ever stop and stare 
At showman with a dancing bear, 
Whipping dull bruin round a stake, or 
Dids't ever see a shaking quaker ? 

Or New lights dancing pious jigs, 
Spinning like tops, their dismal rigs, 
On one heel whirling, spirit-driven, 
A precious way to go to heaven ? 

Dids't ever hear a story which is 
Most horrible! about the witches! 
Bedevil'd ! (so they say) in Salem,®* 
And what the devil else could ail 'era? 



•® Bedevil'd (so they say) in Salem. 

We do not wish to be satirical in our remarks 
on the once famous Salem witchcrafts. Hutchin- 
son says that " The great noise, which the New- 
England witchcraft made throughout the English 
flominions proceeded more from the general panick, 



MOBOCRACY. «» 

Dids't ever hear of heathen gods, 
Who, drunk with nectar, fell at odds, 
Broke a crown's worth of good glass bottles. 
And would have cut each others throttles. 

Had not the good old blacksmith Vulcan 
Appcas'd the riot with a full can, 
Made them shake hands both whig and tory 
As Gaffer Homer tells the story ? 

Hast read in Ovid's Metamorphoses 
What a most sorry scrape was Orpheus's 

with which all sorts of persons were seized, and an 
expectation that the contagion would spread to all 
parts of the country, than from the number of per- 
sons who were executed ; more having been put to 
death in a single county in England, in a short 
space of time, than have suffered in all New-Eng- 
land." Hutch. His. Massachusetts^ vol. ii. p. 15. 

But the allusion is opposite to our subject in a 
philosophical as well as poetical point of view. It 
shews how liable mankind are to be seized with men- 
tal efiidemicks and to ru7i mad in concert. The crus- 
ade mania, the witchcraft mania, but worst of all 
the Gallic-democratic-Tom-Pain mania have been 
terrible diseases, and the last mtrntioned in particu- 
lar much more destructive in its consequences thuii 
the yellow fever or even the plague itself. 
i2 



90 MOBOCRACY. 

When tipsey hags, with other matters 
Tore the old fiddler all to tatters ?" 

Dost know how Hercules once behav'd, 
Ranted and rended, roar'd and rav'd,®* 
What time his wife, a jealous flirt, 
Sent him her sweet-heart's brimstone shirt ? 

61 Tore the old fidler all to tatters. 

The conduct of the female Bacchantes, who de^ 
molished the Thracian band (see Ovid's Metamor- 
phoses, Lib. xi- Fab. i.) has been far exceeded by 
the French Revolutionary female fiends at Paris. 
Mad with jacobmic fury, the beautiful, the tender 
sex v/ith the most savage fury actually gnawed the 
amputated limbs of their wretched countrymen, 
whom the mob had butchered in the cause of li- 
berty and equality. Such is the spirit of democ- 
racy. Even the fair sex without the restraints of 
religion and government, become more ferocious 
than tigers, and man the most savage animal in ex- 
istence. 

« Ranted and rended, roar'd and rav'd. 

Dum fiotuit solita geirdtuin virtute refircssit^ 
Victa malis postquam patientia refiul't aras y 
Im/ileviique suis nemerosum vocibus Oete7i, 

Ovid, Met, Lib, ix. Fab, 5. 



MOBOCRACY. 91 

What riot erst had been in hell 
About the time that Adam fell, 
If democrats, (so Milton makes 
It plain) had not been turn'd to snakes?®^ 

*3 had not been turn'd to snakes. 

The reception which the arch democrat met with 
©n his return from that expedition which brought 
" death into the world," and his Metempsychosis 
on that occasion are thus described by the first of 
poets. 

" So having said, a while he stood expecting 

" Their universal shout, and high applause, 

" To fill his ear, when contrary he hears 

" On all sides from innumerable tongues, 

" A dismal universal hiss, the sound 

♦' Of public scorn ; he wonder'd, but not long 

" Had leisure, wondering at himself now more ; 

" His vissage drawn he felt to sharp and spare, 

" His arms clung to his* ribs, his legs intwining 

" Each other till supplanted down he fell 

" A monstrous serpent, on his belly prone, 

** Reluctant, but in vain, a greater power 

" Now rul'd him, punish'd in the shape he sinn'd, 

•' According to his doom : he would have spoke 

" But hiss for hiss return'd with forked tongue 

" To forked tongue, for now were all transform'd 

" Alike to serpents, all as accessaries 

*' To this bold riot. 



»2 MOBOCRACY. 

Dids't ever know on fourth of July 
With many a " d....n your eyes /" and 
Vile Irishmen, in bloody fray [_''you lie /'' 
Honor our Independence day ?** 

That these serpents were democrats is plain, first 
from the testimony of Butler, who says, 

*' The devil was the first of the name 
From whom the race of rebels came, 
Who was the first bold undertaker 
Of bearing arms against his maker." 

Butler's, Misc, Thoughts. 

Secondly, we have the declaration of democrats 
vs. democrats, to be found in a semi-weekly election- 
eering handbill printed in New-York, entitled "The 
Corrector," in which the Burrites, good democrats^ 
have drawn the Clintonians, likewise 5-000? democra.s, 
as large as life and hung them up in what they 
very properly called '^ The Pandemonian Galle- 
ry." Some however, have very plausibly maintain* 
ed that, although these paintings may be correct 
cofiies of the originals who appear to have sat for 
their pictures, yet in comparing them to the devils 
of Milton, tliey have caricatured the latter beyond 
all comparison. 

•* Honor our Independence day. 

The 4th of July J 805, was celebrated in a " gen- 



MOBOCRACY. gs 

All these thou knows't, but not a scrape 
Among them all, in any shape, 
Could equal ox-head celebration 
In honor of the frantic nation.** 

nine refiublican^^ stile by a number of the jolly sons 
of St. Patrick, collected for that purpose on the 
Battery in New- York. These brawny democrats 
undertook, by fiugilistical demonstration to make it 
evident that fresh imported Irishmen were the only 
real American soldiers^ and ^^ genuine'* patriots of 
seventy-six. Those who had the hardihood to dis- 
sent from this doctrine were sure to be knocked 
down in a very convincing manner. These Hiber- 
nian logicians, finding however that there were tnoo 
sides to the question even as they argued it, were 
at length obliged to yield to the more impressive 
reasons of their opponents assisted by the ultima 
ratio of the city police. On this great occasion the 
Declaration of Independence was with singular pro- 
priety read by an Irishman who had been lately 
imported. 

^^ In honor of the frantic nation. 

The following account of a fete of the Boston de- 
mocratic party, we extract from " Remarks on the 
Jacobiniad," an extremely well written publication, 
which appeared in Boston at the time that Americans 
were running into some of the French revolutionary 
excesses. 



94 MOBOCRACY 



Now demos gave their feelings vent 
In all parts of the continent, 



"Though the adventures of the ox's head are 
well known in this metropolis, a short account of 
them may not prove unacceptable to such as have 
not the happiness of being our fellow citizens. 
We beg leave then to inform them, that on the re- 
treat of the Duke of Brunswick, and the successes 
of our Gallic friends under Dumourier, a Civic 
Feast was given in honor of these illustrious events. 
The subscription was liberal ; a handsome enter- 
tainment was provided for the lovers of equality, in 
Faneuil Hall, whilst their " Majesties the Mob," 
were regaled with an ox roasted whole in the street. 
The supposition, that more than 3000 persons of all 
ages, sexes and descriptions, would quietly set down 
and wait till they were helped, was benevolent in 
the extreme : but their majesties very uncivilly 
disappointed the expectations of their patrons ; for, 
unrestrained by the ties of gratitude, for the money 
expended for their amusement, they destroyed the 
benches provided for their accommodation, tore the 
poor ox piece-meal, broke the plates, and scattered 
the mingled fragments of beef and earthern ware in 
every direction, to the destruction of the neighbour- 
ing windows, and to the great annoyance of dogs, 
women, children, selectmen, Sec who were inactive 
spectators of this very interesting scene. The head 
of the animal was then fixed, in grinning majesty, 
on the pole of Liberty, and consecrated to that 



MOBOCRACY. S5 

And were as ** brisk as bottled ale" 
Or dog with shingle tied to's tail. 

But time would fail to set forth now how 
Full many a democratic pow wow. 
Was held in bawling exultation 
For crimes of our dear sister nation. 

Nothing would suit the rogues beside 
Your madcap freedom Frenchified, 

goddess, amidst the thunder of a tremendous swi^ 
vei. In this state it remained until the fate of the 
unfortunate Louis was announced, when it was seen 
in mourning for that melancholy event. This was 
conceived very dangerous to the French cause by 
some political fanatics, and the head was in con- 
sequence, ignominiously stripped of its " suit of 
solemn black." In revenge for this insult, those 
who had furriished the t ourning, levelled the sa- 
cred tree of Liberty to the ground, and with it fell 
the innocent cause of the contest. The pole was 
put up and down. ...and up again.. ..to the no small 
amusement of all unconcerned ; whilst the head, 
if we are rightly informed, being found, on examin- 
ation of Jacobinical strength and capaciousness, was 
converted into a punch -bowl, (the two horns serving 
admirably for handles) and is now used as the re- 
ceptacle of grog and flip, by the Democratic Soci- 
ety, in this our enlightened metropolis." 



96 MOBOCRACY. 

Of which they vow'd t' import a cargo, 
Though Washington had laid embargo. 

And though 'twas shrewdly urg'd by some 
That we had liberty at home, 
Which like our Chief's religious stuff, 
If not the best was '' good enough, "^^ 

Still demo's swore to have the frantic 
Kind manufactur'd o'er the Atlantic, 
Such as our secretary well knows 
Suits whiskey-insurrection fellows.*^ 

Thus nothing pleases bo7i ton ladies, 
AVhich is their native country made is 

*^ If not the best, was " good enough." 

" Religion is well supported/' (to wit, in Pennsyl- 
vania and New-York) " of various kinds indeed, but 
all good enough." 

Motes on Virginia, p. 221. Bost. edit. 18mo. 

^^ Suits whiskey-insurrection fellows. 

One among the many wonders which democracy 
has achieved in favour of the liberties of the people, 
has been, to elevate to high and responsible situa- 



xMOBOCRACY. 97 

But let a thing be e'er so frightlul, 

Dear bought and farfttch'd, His delightful. 

Next we were punish'd for our sins 
With ckibs of crazy jacobins, 
Who, with pure freedom to content us, 
Tliemsdves appoint to represent us/^ 

Now certain causes most untoward 
Prepared the people to be froward, 

tions, certain convicts, most generally foreigners. 
The part which Mr. Gallatin took in the Pittsburgh 
insurrection, which cost the United States a million 
of dollars, is well known, and it is probable that his 
present elevation, is a reward for his patriotic ser- 
vices on that occasion. But more of this gentle- 
man hereafter. 

6« Themselves appoint to represent us. 

It is impossible to imagine a greater burlesque 
on the idea of a representative republic than the 
farcical conduct of our democratic societies, who 
by virtue of no authority whatever^ except that of 
their own good will and pleasure, seated themselves 
in the magisterial chair, assumed tlie appellation of 
" We the fieojilc,'' and had the impudence to dictate 
and control the atlairs of our national govern menr. 



98 MOBOCRACY. 

FormVl many plausible excuses 
For mobocratlcal abuses. 

But should I make in metre gi'igle 
Those causes operant all and single, 
Which rais'd 'gainst government a few setts 
Of Pittsburgh rogues, and Massachusetts, 

The reader might compare with mine 
Old Biackmoore's everlasting line,*' 
I'll therefore hint and glance along 
Nor call a muse to aid my song. 

But I'll purloin a little.... why not? 
From classic history of Minot, 
For theft can need no other plea 
Than this, Our governmeiit is free ! 

Our demo's steal each others trash, 
While Coleman plies in vain the lash,'^ 

o» Old Biackmoore's everlasting line. 

And Edwin eke out Biackmoore's endless line. 

70 While Coleman plies in vain the lash. 

We allude here to the practice of our good de- 
mocratic managers of newspapers, who by virtue 



MOBOCRACY. 99 

And prithee, therefore, why can I not 
Steal my Mobocracy from Minot ? 

Fas est ab hosle el doceri. 

If that be true why then 'tis clear I.... 

But gentle, reader, have you read it ! 

*' Yes". ...then 1*11 give my author credit.^^ 

of what Cheetham calls, '• the arts of able editors/' 
publish matter as original which they have stolen 
from some other paper. This trick has been ex- 
posed by the editor of the New-York Evening Post, 
whose exertions in bringing to light the scoundrcl- 
ism of the faction, entitle him to the gratitude of 
every friend to the prosperity of his country. 

^^ Then I'll give my author credit. 

The nature and operation of the causes, which 
led to the rebellion ia Massachusetts, are explaineJ 
in a lucid and masterly manner, in the history of 
George Richards Minot ; the style of which might 
rank its author as the Sallust of America. Accord- 
ing to that writer, the commonwealth of Massachu- 
setts was in debt, upwards of 1,350,000/. private state 
debt, exclusive of the federal debt, which amounted 
to above one million and an half of the same mo- 
ney. And in addition to that, every town was em- 
barrassed by advances they had made to comply 
with repeated requisitions for men and supplies t« 



loa MOBOCRACY. 

And then proceed in rhyme and prosing, 
Nor mind if you're awake or dosing, 

support the army, and which had been done upon 
their own particular credit. The people, he informs 
us, " had been laudably employed, during the nine 
years in which this debt had been accumulating, in 
the defence of their liberties ; but though their con- 
test had instructed them in the nobler science of 
.the rights of mankind yet it gave them no propor- 
tionable insight into the mazes of finance. Their 
honest prejudices were averse to duties of impost 
and excise, which were at thai time supposed to be 
anti-republican, by many judicious and influential 
characters. 

'' The consequences of the public debt did not at 
first appear among the citizens at large. The bulk 
of mankind are too much engaged in private concerns^ 
to aniidfiate the operation of national causes. The 
men of landed interest, soon began to speak plainly 
against trade, as the source of luxury, and the cause 
of losing the circulating medium/' &c. 

" Commercial men, on the other hand, defended 
themselves by insisting that the fault was only in 
the regulations which the trade happened to be un- 
der" Sec. 

The writer then proceeds to point out other 
causes wliich contributed to lead the people astray ; 
and his history exhibits abundant proof, that the 
people at large are not always correct j?jdges of 
what political measures may best subserye their 
own prosperity. 



MOBOCRACY. 101 

111 -i^-nr^le, hinesTiri, '.nanner shewing 
Wiiac set Mubocracy a going. 

W len our wig champions fain would hit o» 
Succe^ibful modes for thwarting Britain, 
Our leaders thought that they were right in 
Whatever kindled ire for fighting. 

T > paint the ills, which povvci- attend 
Oar men of mind their talents lend, 
But overlook the great propriety 
Oi power IQ guaranty society .^^ 

7« Oi flower to guaranty society. 

The jealousy of republicans against dclcg-ating 
power, has most generally been the cause of their 
destruction. No community can long subsist with- 
out authority to coerce and punish ; but such au- 
thority ought to be marked by legal and well defin- 
ed boundaries, and entrusted to such men only as 
have their characters established for mCegrity as 
well as abilities. The only method which can be 
devised to prevent the assumfitiQtii by unprincipled 
men, of that fioiver, which is tyranny in effect, what- 
ever may be its name ©r disguise, is to delegate 
legal flower without too much jealousy or reserve, 
o men, who will be a *' terror to evil doers." 
K 2 



102 MOBOCRACY. 

Hence, brave men who our battles fought, 
Did not distingaish as they ought 
The odds existing in a high sense 
^Twixt Liberty and boundless license. 

And when they found our chiefs intent 
On building up a government, 
And that one of its consequences 
Would be some national expenses/^ 

^^ Would be some national expenses. 

There is nothing in which our democratic politi- 
cians are more profoundly absurd, than in their esti- 
mates of national economy. The penny-saving max- 
ims of Dr. Franklin, injudiciously applied to aifairs 
of national magnitude, are of very mischievous ten- 
dency. Money paid for public purposes, which is 
expended among the inhabitants of a country, does 
not impoverish such inhabitants. It is paid by the 
people to the government, and by the government 
distributed among the people. If it be so distri- 
buted as to be a reward to merit, and give a pro- 
per tone to industry, there is little danger of being 
too lavish. The whole body politic becomes invig- 
orated by its circulation ; the farmer and the me- 
chanic finding a ready sale for their commodities, 
are stimulated to that industry which constitutes 
the real wealth of a nation. 



MOBOCRACY. 103 

Our honest clever country folks 
Did not well relish such dry jokes, 
But many a moody murmur mutter'd, 
And words to this effect were utter'd : 

** We thought that when the war was over 
*^ Americans would live in clover, 
** That nothing then would vex and harass us, 
*' No debts nor taxes to embarrass us. 

** We've fought a long and bloody war, 
** But what have we been fighting for, [ing 
** If king George thrown off, we are load- 
** Our backs with weight of one king Bow- 
doin, 

** What, shall we sell our hoes and axes, 
*' For paying arbitrary taxes? 
** No.. ..and for rulers, we don't need 'em 
" In this good land of perfect freedom. 

" With all our toil, and all our blood, 
** One tyrant makes another good, 
** Our boasted freedom is a sham, 
'* Not worth a single whisky dram. 

Such sentiments had long been brewing, 
And boded nothing less than ruin 



104 MOBOCRACY. 

To our still weak confederation, 
Too novel for consolidation. 

Thus stifF-neck'd Israelites of old 
Were fro ward, insolent and bold, 
With other jacobin procedures 
Full oft rebell'd against their leaders. 

Now fann'd by Gallatins and Shayses, 
The fire of civil discord blazes, 
And breaks out in a vile rebellion, 
Yea, two or three, which I might tell ye on. 

But scampering off from Petersham 
Without their wonted morningdram, [der'd, 
Their courage cool'd....the rogues surren- 
On easy terms, in mercy tender 'd. 

Though rebels, under Shays and Gallatin, 
Received from government a malleting, 
And social harmony seem'd ratified, 
Too many still remained dissatisfied. 

The mouldering flame in secret burn'd, 
When Jefferson from France returned, 



MOBOCRACY. 105 

To aid the Factions' frantic schemes, 
With fresh illuminated dreams.^^ 

^'* With fresh illuminated dreams. 

We have it from good authority that Mr. Jeffer- 
son actually became initiated, while in Paris, into 
the mysteries of Illuminism, and his writings and 
conduct, since his embassy to France, display ** in- 
ternal evidence" of his being infected with the poi- 
son of illuminated principles. '' Condorcet, like- 
wise (a well known Illuminatus) was a particular 
friend of our American philosopher."* His advo- 
cates, who would maintain that he imbibed no new 
principlesin France, which smack of Illuminism, 
must be under the necessity of affirming, that hones- 
ty never was the policy of a certain great man.... that 
he never did scruple about the means^ provided the 
end could be obtained. His advice to Congress, re- 
specting the transfer of the debt due to France, to a 
company of Hollanders, is a proof in point. In 
staling this, I shall have recourse to the pamphlet 
of Mr. Smith, referred to above. 

Mr. Jefferson, says that writer, after mentioning 
an offer which had been made by a company of Hol- 
landers, for the purchase of the debt, concludes 
with these extraordinary expressions : 

" If there is a danger of the public payments not 

* See a pamfihlet^ written by William Sm-'/h -Esq. 
9f South Carolina^ with the signature of' Phocion. 



106 MOBOCRACY. 



In Weishaupt's school his lesson learn'd 
He with pernicious ardour burn'd, 



being punctual, I submit, whether it may not be 
belter, that the discontents which would then arise, 
should be transferred from a court, of whose good 
will TJe have so much need, to the breasts of a firi- 
vate company,'' 

" This letter was the subject of a report from the 
Board of Treasury, in February, i787. The board 
treated the idea of transfer, proposed, as both un- 
just and IMPOLITIC ; unjust, because the nation 
would contract an engagement, which there was no 
well grounded prospect of fulfilling ; hnfiolitic, be- 
cause a failure in the payment of interest on this 
debt transferred (which was inevitable) would justly 
blast all hopes of credit with the citizens of the 
United Netherlands, in future pressing exigencies 
of the union ; and the Board gave it as their opin- 
ion, that it would be advisable for Congress, with- 
out delay, to instruct their minister at the court of 
France, to forbear giving his sanction to any. such 
transfer. 

" Congress, agreeing in the ideas of the Board, 
caused an instruction to that effect to be sent to Mr. 
Jefferson. Here there was a solemn act of govern- 
ment, condetnning the firincifile as unjust and imfiolitic. 
** If the sentiment contained in the extract which 
has been recited, can be vindicated from political 
profligacy, then is it necessary to unlearn all the an- 
cient notions of justice, and to substitute some new 
fashioned scheme of morality in their stead. 



MOBOCRACY. iGr 

To introduce his tvhims kali lies, 
And make them in our land realities. 

*' Here is no complicated problem, which aofihis- 
try may entangle or obscure ; liere is a plain ques- 
tion of moral feeling* A government is encourag- 
ed on the express condition of not having a firospect of 
m vking a due provision for a debt which it owes \ 
to concur in a transfer of ihat debt from a nation^ nvell 
abie to bear the inconveniences of a failure or de- 
lay, to the individuals^ whose total ruin might have 
been the consequence of it ; and that, upon the in- 
terested consideration of having need of the good 
will of the creditor nation, and with the dishonor- 
uble motive, as is clearly implied of having more to 
apprehend from the discontents of that nation, than 
from those of disappointed and betrayed individuals ? 
Let every honest and impartial mind- consuitmg its 
own spontaneous emotions, pronounce for itself 
upon the rectitude of such a suggestion. 

'* An effort, scarcely plausible, has been hereto- 
fore made by the partizans of Mr. Jefferson, to ex- 
pl in away the turpitude of this advice.* I' was re- 
presented, that " A company of adventu'ing specu- 
lators, had offered to purchase the debt at a discount, 
foreseeing the delay of payment, calculating the 
probable loss, and willing to encounter the hazard." 
But the terms employed by Mr. Jeffeison, refute 

* See Jefferson's attempted vindication^ in Dun- 
fap'a Daily' Advertiser y of October y 1792. 



108 MOBOCRACY. 

Nature ne'er made a fitter man 
To give effect to such a plan,^* 

this species of apology. His words are, " If there 
*' is a danger of the public payments not being fiunc- 
" tual^ I submit, whether it may not be better y that 
" tlie discontents nvhich would then arise, should be 
" transjerred from a court, of whose good will ive 
" have so much need, to the breasts of a firivate com- 
" fiany," ^ 

He plainly takes it for granted, that discontents 
would arise, from the want of ah adequate provi- 
sion, and proposes that they should be transferred 
to the breasts of individuals. This he could not 
have taken for granted, if, in his conception, the 
purchasers had calculated on delay and loss. 

Here Ave have the full eifulgence of Godwinism 
bursting upon us ! It was an attempt to implicate 
the government of America, in a sale of bad securi- 
ties, the venders knowing them to be such. The 
" transfer," of " discontents," which Mr, Jefferson 
foresaw would arise from the French court, to the 
poor Hollanders, to the probable ruin of the latter, 
is somewhat similar in kind, \.oX\\q justice which the 
author of Hudibras attributes to the first settlers of 
New-England. 

" Our brethren of New England use 
Choice nialcfaciors to excuse, 
And hang: the j^uiltless in their steady 
Of whom the churches have less need ; 



MOBOCRACY. 109 

Nor do I think, with ten years pother, 
That she could hit out such another. 

As lately 't happen'd : in a town 
There liv'd a cobler, and but one, 
That out of doctrine could cut use, 
And mend men's lives as well as shoes, 
This precious brother having slain 
In time of peace an Indian, 
(Not out of malice, but mere zeal, 
Because he was an infidel) 
The mighty Tottipottymoy, 
Sent to our elders an envoy, 
Complaining sorely of the breach 
Of league held forth by brother Patch 
Against the articles in force, 
Between both churches, his and ours ; 
For which he crav'd the saints to render 
Into his hands or hang the offender ; 
But they maturely having weigh'd. 
They had no more but him o' th' trade, 
A man that serv'd them in a double 
Capacity, to teach and cobble, 
Resolv'd to spare him ; yet, to do 
The Indian Hoghan Moghan too 
Impartial justice, in his stead, did 
Hang an old weaver that was bed-rid !'* 

:T« To give effect to such a plan. 

Mr. Jefferson's pretensions to the station he 
lolds, have been frequently scanned by men, 
^hose talents and opportunities have given them 



110 



MOBOCRACY. 



Phlegmatic, cunning, and wrong headed 
To visionary tenets wedded, 



peculiar advantages for the hivestigaticn. The re- 
sult has appeared to be somewhat unfavourable, un- 
less for the purposes of the party now predomin- 
ant, he should be thought better than a better man. 
But the principal traits in his character, are so 
well exhibited in the pamphlet of Mr. Smith, that 
we are tempted again to quote, from his produc- 
tion, the following summary of the wonderful qual- 
ifications of our chief magistrate. 

" We shall now take leave of Mr. Jefferson and 
his pretensions, as a fihilosofiher and politician. 
The candid and unprejudiced, who have read with 
attention the foregoing comments on his philoso- 
phical and political works, and on his public con- 
duct, must now be convinced, however they may 
hitherto have been deceived by a filausible appear- 
ance and sfiecious talents, or misled by artful par- 
tizans, that the reputation he has acquired is not 
bottomed on solid m<?rzV....that his abilities have been 
more directed to the acquirement of literary fame, 
than to the substantial good of his country....that 
his philosophical opinions have been capricious and 
wavering, often warped by the most frivolous cir- 
cumstances.. ..that in his political conduct he has 
been timid, inconsistent, and unsteady, generally 
favouring measures of a factious and disorganizing 
tendency, always leaning to those which would 
establish his popularity, however destructive of our 



MOBOCRACY. lU 

A writer, plausible, sophistical, 
Nev€r profound, but always mystical. 

peace and tranquility.. ..that his i^litical principles 
are sometimes whimsical and visionary, at others, 
subversive of all ixigular and stable government.-.. 
that his writings have betrayed a disrespect for re- 
iigion, and his partiality for the impious Painc^ an 
«nmity to christia7iity,,„\.'h?i.x his advice respecting 
the Dutch company, and his open countenance of 
an incendiary printer, and of the views of a faction, 
manifest a want of due regard for national faith and 
fiublic crediC.AhziX. his abhorrence of one foreign na- 
tion, and en husiastic devotion to another .^ have ex- 
tinguished in him every germ of real national cha- 
racter ; and, in short, that his elevation to the pre- 
sidency, must eventuate either in the clebaaement of 
the American name, by a whimsical, inconsistent 
and feeble administration, or in the prostration of 
the United States at the feet of France^ the subver- 
sion of our excellent constitutioii^ and the consequent 
destruction of our present prosperity *" 

Such is the character, who now presides in Amer- 
ica, as drawn by a gentleman, who has held some of 
the most importaiit offices in our government, and 
such the predictions, which we fear are beginning to 
be fulfilled in this country. The prostration of 
the Judiciary, and the sacrifice of the greater part 
of our navy, ar^ alarming forerunners of the fulfil- 
ment of the prophecy. 



112 MOBOCRACY. 

Possessed of that mysterious air, 
Which makes the gaping vulgar stare, 
And gives the weakest men dominion, 
Founded on popular opinion. 

His native cunning to enhance, 
He adds the dark finesse of France, 
Reduc'd to system, by the rules 
Of jacobin-iilumin'd schools. 

Supported by the factious heads 

Of ever restless anti-feds. 

Rogues to true liberty a pest, 

Who make her seat an hornet's nest.^' 

^6 Who make her seat an hornet's nest. 

We commenced the manufacture of this our po- 
etical production, with a dctfrininatioii, which we 
tliink all candid critics will pronouiice not a litde 
laudable, to deduce, so far as convenient, our poet- 
ical and rhetorical flourishes from CV5-x\tlantic sour- 
ces. And h^re we think that our reviewers will 
do us the justice to acknowledge, that no poet's 
" eye in a fine frenzy rolling" ever glanced at a 
prettier comparison than this of a nest of those 
irascible insects with a commonwealth infested by 
turbulent demagogues. 



MOBOCRACY. li( 

He begs the boon with vast humility 
To introduce perfectibility. 
For man, he's sure, unless we manage ill. 
Will rise one link above the angel. 

{This quack perfection still we find 
Among the vilest of mankind 
A favorite doctrine, sure the elves 
Can't judge of others by themselves.) 

And now the wicked faction joinM 

To tamper with the public mind. 

Of liberty kept such a bawling 

It seem'd the rogues would take us all in. 

But honest people soon behold 
That all which glitters is not gold. 
Discern in sticklers of mobocracy 
A deal of scandalous hypocrisy- 

That were not justice in arrears [ears,^' 
These New school folks would lack their 

^^ These New school folks would lack their ears. 

It is a truth, wTiich we think even democrats 
themselves will not have the effrontery to deny, 
that the leaders of their party are men whose moral 
I. 2 



114 MOBOCRACY. 

Of course don't much admire their plan 
For perfecting the creature man. 

Our demos then with great propriety, 
Are hooted at throughout society, 
And many a rascally curmudgeon, 
Is nicely bang'd with satire's bludgeon ; 

Yes, many a chief whom now they boast. 
Was tied to satire's whipping-post, 

characters will not bear examination. Is it not 
then astonishing, that Americans should trust tlieir 
all important political interests, upon which depends 
the enjoyment of their lives, liberty, and property, 
to men with whom they would have no dealings in 
their private capacity ? It is not too much to say, 
that many men who have the management of our 
public concerns, or are patronized and pensioned 
editors of newspapers, are known to be alike des- 
titute of honour and honesty. The infamous charac- 
ter of Pasquin the right hand Chronicle man, is almost 
proverbial in England. The political career of a 
certain honorable duellist, has been remarkable for 
****, but as this gentleman is an excellent shot, and 
in constant practice it may not be prudent to offend 
him. We wish, however, that our readers would can- 
didly andcoolly compare the qualifications of the fed- 
eralists, with those of the democrats, and not give 



MOBOCRACY. 115 

Their foremost partizans now dashing, 
Had their deserts in many a lashing.^* 

The fed-wits serv'd the scoundrel fry as 
Of old Apollo serv'd Marsyas, 
What time his Godship did contrive 
To skin the whistling chap alive. 

But still determin'd not to yield, 
Though trodden down, they kept the field. 

the preference to the latter, merely because they 
ttyle themselves republicans. 

^' Had their deserts in many a lashing. 

It is notorious that the family of wit have ever 
been federalists. Most of the " half formed wit- 
lings," who have occasionally dashed in democratic 
newspapers, like your Cheethams and your Pas- 
quins, are beings beneath notice in a literary point 
of view. 

Apollo views, with honest pride 
His favourites all on federal side. 

Hence these poor creatures have generally pas- 
sively submitted to the Federal lash, and pretehded 
to dt spi'^e their opponants like a blustering bully? 
who brags though he is beaten. 



1 16 MOBOCRACY. 

Displayed of feeling less the powers 

Than rogues, who have been hung for hours." 

When haply hit off to a tittle, 
At first it nettled them a little, 
But careless apathy now boastings 
They quietly submit to roasting. 

Thus Jack Ketch, having noos'd a paddy, 
(" Perhaps, O Sylph ! "....'twas Duane's 

daddy ir 

^ Than rogues who have been hung for hours. 

You will find, gentle reader, by turning to " Ter- 
rible Tractoration," p. 64, New-York edition, a 
tiotable instance of sensibility^ expressed by a felon 
who had been executed for murder, who being 
somewhat " oppugnatcd" by a meddling philoso- 
pher, with his Galvanic st4mulants, clenched kis right 
hands and exhibited other menacing symptoms of 
his being alive to the affront. But our democrats, 
though spitted with the arrows of satire, by the 
merciless wits of the age, and roasted before the 
slow fire of public indignation, appear to possess as 
little feeling as the '* passive ox," that graced the 
democratic fete in Boston, held in honor of the 
French revoluiion. 

*** (" Perhaps, O Sylph !"....'twas Duane's daddy !) 

This petty piece of an apostorphe we hereby ac- 



MOBOCRACY. 117 

Who made more growling than was fit, 
And did not love to swing one bit ;.... 

A fellow sufferer by his side 

A crum of comfort thus applied, 

** Your blubbering, Pat, has no excuse to't, 

^' Toil knotv, you Irish dogs are us^d toH /" 

Nothing did demos any good 
But syllogisms made of wood," 

knowledc^e to have taken verbatim et literatim from 
one of Moore's songs. We consider this Confes- 
sion as a very proper proceeding on our part ; for 
having in our last edition inadvertently hit on one 
of Butler's rhymes, a democratic scribbler in ihe 
Baltimore Evening Post the tertium quid paper of 
that place has raised a hue and cry against us, for- 
sooth for filagiarism. As well might the booby 
affirm that we had stolen our poetry from Ci- 
cero's Orations, because we make use of the 
Roman alphabet. This would-be critic has an 
undoubted right in a free government^ to be a fool-) 
bul if he has set up/o?- a wzV, his best way, as Swift 
has it, is to set down again. 

81 But syllogisms made of wood. 

The f.\mous splitting affray, and the eonscv'iuent 
cudgelling in Congress hall, where 



J 18 MOBOCRACY. 

But these applied with proper force, 
Confounded jacobins of course. 

They found the basis of their grandeur^ 
Must be deceit, and lies, and slander, 
The only possible foundation 
Of democratic reputation. 

Their crafty chief, with other fetches. 
Hires a vile gang of foreign wretches, 



" With many a lusty thwack and bang, 
" Hard crab-tree and old iron rang," 

are well known to every body. An afifieal to the 
right of the strongest^ became in that instance jus- 
tijiable, if not unavoidable^ in consequence of the ob- 
stinacy of the party whose political sentiments 
agreed with the gentleman, who in that rencounter 
had the honor to be the cudgellee. It is to be fear- 
ed, however, that the most forcible arguments of 
this kind, will not always be sufficiently powerful 
to make a lasting imfiression on the headstrong de- 
magogues of this faction. Some political partizans, 
have shown themselves to be so wilfully blind, ob- 
stinate, and ignorant, that the means which we have 
mentioned in ** Terrible Tractoration," 

Of making sky lights to the mind, 
5y boring a bole through the body. 



MOBOCRACY. 119 

To lie down evtry man of merit,'^ 
Of honesty and public spirit. 

His sovereign friends the mob caresses 
From twenty different hireling presses, 
Who spread vile lies, with vast sedulity, 
T' impose on honest men's credulity. 

seem to be the only practicable mode by which 
they can be enlightened. But this method will not 
be adopted by the federalists. The more violent 
demagogues of the now ruling party, it is to be 
feared, will be the first to sacrifice dieir leaders, 
while the latter, like Fayette in France, and like 
M'Kean in America, strive in vain to hush the hur- 
ricane of their own exciting. 

«* To lie down every man of merit. 

The falsehoods, which Callendev and others have 
been fiaid for propagating, the toi-:ents of abuse 
which have been poured upon WasHngton and 
other patriots, are now, happily for the public, pretty 
generally traced to their filthy sources. T\\e cha- 
racters of the men who have been vilified by the 

scoundrel-gang of Mr. J n's hirelings, are found 

to be such as do honor to our country. But their 
calumniators.... who are they ? Cheethams, Pasquins, 
Duanes....men who (to talk like an Irishman) had 
they lived in iheir native country till this time would 
have been hungy years ago. 



120 MOBOCRACY. 

Gives foreigners our loaves 4nd fishes*' 
To bend our counsels to his wishes, 

83 Gives foreigners our Ip^ves and fishes. 
/ 

It is a truth which the political history of Ame- 
rica makes abundant!/ manifest, that the principal 
disturbances which have convulsed the United 
States, have originated in the intrigues of " im- 
ported patriots." /This is a circumstance, which is 
by no means remarkable, when we consider the 
habits, attachments, and situations of such foreign- 
ers in their native country. Few men are disposed 
to migrate from the land of their nativity, who are 
not thereto induced by misconduct^ or a turbulent 
and aspiring disposition. Tbt principle which is 
denominated fiacriotis7n^ }t)odern philosophers not- 
withstanding, is implanterd in man by the hand of 
nature, and he who hAs divested himself of that 
principle, either hy, /f^Uosophizing, or by any other 
still less justifial/f/ means, must have rooted out 
those moral fe<^lings which are the best security of 
society. Besides, foreigners who leave their native 
countries,/^ith a determination to settle in America, 
are, generally, men who have been accustomed to 
be g(>verned themselves, and to the amount of their 
poy^ers, to govern others with a strong arm.... 
have either themselves been h:ird pressed by the 
heavy hand of government, or have been, as mem- 
bers of such government, active in imposing a heavy 
hand on others. They have, generally, no definite 



MOBOCRACY. 12: 

And guillotine the reputation 
Of every good man in the nation. 

Fellows, who sped away betimes 
To seek *^ asykim" from their crimes, 
In annals of Old Bailey noted, l 

Are in '^ Freedonia''' promoted." 

ideas of that temperate liberty, which is as remote 
from licentiousness as it is from despotism. 

All nations, except the American, have found it ne- 
cessary to lay aliens under certain restrictions, disad- 
vantages and liabilities, which, though they may 
appear to operate as an hardship on the individuals 
subjected thereto, arc imperiously demanded for the 
purpose of securing the best interests of the com- 
munities in which such aliens reside. If such re- 
gulations are necessary in other nations, they will 
be found pre-eminently requisite in that of Ame- 
rica, where, such is the want of power in our rulers, 
and so delicate is the mechanism of the govern- 
ment, that a single Gallatin may impede, if not stop 
its wheels. But this subject has been ably dis- 
cussed in Congress, in the debates respecting the 
repeal of the ivlien Law. 

»4 Are, in " Fresdonia^'" promoted. 

Freedonia is a cant phrase> which certain small 



122 MOBOCRACY. 

Vile renegades of every nation 
Are sure to gain an elevation, 
But honesty and reputation 
Are passports to a private station. 

These wretches now announce hostility 
To talents, virtue and civility" 

poets or prosaic scribblers, we forget which, would 
have us adopt as an appellative to designate the 
United States of America. At a time like this, 
when misrule and licentiousness are the order of 
the day, there can be but little propriety in coining 
new phrases to enrich the vocabulary of sedition. 

•* To" talents, virtue, and civility. 

There always is something " rotten in the state 
of Denmark," if men of the first abilities are de- 
cried by demagogues, and pointed out as proper 
objects for the jealousy of the people. That the 
principal talents in America are now in disgrace 
becausethey are federalists, nonebut themostbrazen 
fact d partizans will deny. If by talents ,however, 
we are to understand 

*< That low cunning, which in fools supplies, 
*< And amply too, the place of being wi^e ;" 

Churchill, 

we must allow the dominant party are far from be- 



MOBOCRACY. 123 

Direct their vandalizing ravages 

To make men like themselves, mere savages. 

By creeping cunning overbalance 
The weight of wisdom, and of talents. 
Like Absalom, with wicked arts. 
Contrive to steal the people's hearts. 

The leading demos have their tools, 

A mongrel set, 'twixt knaves and fools, ^® 

ing deficient. But wisdom and cunning are very 
distinct attributes, although by many absurdly 
blended. The former qualifies its possessors to ag- 
grandize society, at the same time that it promotes 
the interests of all its individuals. The latter is of 
no consequence to any person but its possessor, 
and is by him usually employed to exalt himself at 
the expense of society, or of individuals. Wisdom 
was well exemplified in Washington, cunning in 
J n. 

•6 A monc^rel set, 'twixt knaves and fools. 

Your halfwits are, by nature, formed for Democ- 
racy. Leaden pated gentlemen, who vainly aspire 
to eminence in the learned professions, quack-doc- 
tors illiterate clergymen, and blundering lawyers, 
are the Democracy of nature, and their opposite* 
are, sometimes, styled the Aristrocracy of nature. 



124 MOBOCRACY. 

But I've not patience to examine a 
Crew that's so destitute of stamina. 

These, by arch demagogues are led on. 
And futile promises are fed on, 
Enjoying, by anticipation 
Some post of profit in the nation."' 

Between these two sorts of candidates for eminence, 
there will always exist a covert or an open war. 
Those who belong to that class in society, which 
nature intended should move in a subordinate and 
limited sphere, are rarely contented with their con- 
dition, but by means of the little arts of little minds, 
elevate themselves to an artificial consequence, 
which terminates in their disgrace and the public 
detriment. 

*^ Some post of profit in the nation. 

The impossibility of realizing all these anticipa- 
tions, must create divisions and subdivisions among 
the now triumphant demagogues. Those who have 
been honestly led astray, it is to be hoped, will unite 
heart and hand with those who have constantly 
trod the path of Federal rectitude, and form a un- 
ion of upright and intelligent men, who may yet 
preserve the nation from the " abhorred gulf" of 
Democratic tyranny. 



MOBOCRACY. 12^ 

/ And now to make the people jealous, 
The scoundrels undertake to tell us, 
They are themselves the chosen band, 

i ** Exclusive patriots" of the land. 

Thus, vi^hen a swindler means to cheat you, 
With vast civility he'll treat you, 
In all his intercourse pretends 
To be your very best of friends. 

Such friendship Joab erst employ 'd, 
When his friend Abner he decoy 'd, 
And Judas such a friend as this, 
Betray 'd his master with a kiss. 

Now these Pat- Ryots join as one'® 
To thwart the plans of Washington, 
And puff th* immaculate Taoaias Jefferson 
As Freedom's only great and clever son. 

" Now Ihese Pat-Ryots join as one. 

Dean Swift, in some of his writings, Informs us, 
thjit the word Patriot, originated from one Pat-Ry- 
ot, a turbulent Irishman who was hung for rebel- 
lion, and as we are particularly fond of etymologi- 
cal deduction we have here rcitored the word to 
its original oxtliography. 

m2 



.io MOBOCRACY. 

Yes.... Washington our pride and glory, 
Vile denies dubb'd a British tory,** 
Amt Duane undertook to blast him, 
And prove no Nero e'er surpass'd hini ! 

With bug-bear phantoms to alarm us 
They conjure up huge standing armies, 
With which, and Washington to lead 'em, 
The feds would bayonet our freedom.^*^ 

*^ Vile demos clubb'd a British tory. 

It is fresh in the recollection of every person, who 
is in the smallest degree acquainted with the po- 
litical history of the United States, that Washing- 
ton did not escape the abuse of the faction now irv 
power. He was said to have been partial to Bri- 
tish interests, and reviled in the most unqualified 
terms, by the Aurora patriots. 

*° The feds would bayonet our freedom. 

No measure of the federal administration, has 
called forth more abuse from their political op- 
ponents, than the raising of a fJtanding army. 
But many who reprobate that step, and sup- 
pose that it led to that step in deep designs of domi- 
nation, may, perhaps, be convinced that the motives 
from which it originated were pure, when they per- 
use the following IcUer from our beloved and im-. 



MOBOCRACY. 127 

Adams they styPd a hoary traitor," 
Pickering a public defalcator, 

mortal chief, by which he signified his acceptance 
of the command of this army, which, say the De- 
mocrats, was destined to destroy our liberties. 

Mount-Vernouy July 13, 1798. 

" DEAR SIR, 

" I had the honor, on the evening: of the 1 1th in- 
stant, to receive from the hand of the secretary of 
war, your favour of the 7th, announcing that you 
had, with the advice and consent of the Senate, ap- 
pointed me ^' Lieutenant-General, and Commander 
in Chief of all the armies raised, or to be raised, 
for the service of the United States." 

" 1 cannot express how greatly affected I am at 
this new proof of public confidence, and the highly 
flattering manner in which you have been pleased 
to make the communication. K\ the same time, I 
must not conceal from you my earnest wish that 
the choice had fallen on a man, less declined in 
years, and better qualified to encounter the usual 
vicissitudes of war. 

" You know, sir, what calculation I had made, 
relative to the probable course of events, on my re- 
tiring from office, and the determiination I had con- 
soled myself with, of closing the remnant of my 
days in my present peaceful abode ; you will there- 
fore be at no loss to conceive and appieciate the sen- 
sation I must have experienced, to bring myself to 



I2g MOBOCRACY. 

And that with other mischief done, he 
Had stolen all our public money. 

any conclusion that would pledge me, at so late a 
period of my life, to leave scenes I sincerely love, to 
enter upon the boundless field of action, incessant 
trouble, and high responsibility. 

" It is not possible for me to remain ignorant of, 
or indifferent to recent transactions. 

'* The conduct of the directory of France towards 
our country ; their insidious hostility to its govern^ 
ment ; their various practices to ivithdraiv the ajfec- 
Hons of the p.eople from it ; the evident tendency of 
their actSy and those of their agentSy to countenance 
and invigorate opfiosition ; their disregard of solemn 
treaties and laws of nations ; their war upon our de- 
fenceless commerce ; their treatment of our ministers 
of peace i and their demands, amounting to tribute, 
could not fail to excite in me corresponding senti- 
ments with those my countrymen have so generally 
expressed in their affectionate addresses to you. 
Believe me, sir, no one can more cordially approve 
of the wise and prudent measures of your administra- 
tion. They ought to inspire universal confidence ; 
and will no doubt, combined with, the state of 
things, call from Congress such laws and means, 
as will enable you to meet the full extent of the 
crisis. 

« Satisfied therefore that you have sincerely wisjied 
and endeavoured to avert war, and exhausted to the 
last dropf the cup of reconciliation^ we can with 



MOBOCRACY. 129 

We might proceed through reams on reams 
To set forth democratic schemes, 

pure hearts appeal tb Heaven for the justice of 
our cause, and may confidently trust the final re- 
sult to that kind Providence, who has heretofore, 
and so often, signally favoured the people of the 
United States. 

" Thinking in this manner, and feeling how in- 
cumbent it is upon every person, of every descrip- 
tion, to contribute at all times to his country's wel- 
fare, especially in a moment like the present^ nvhen 
every thing ive hold clear and sacred, is so seriously 
threaten&d ; I have finally determined to accept the 
commission of Commander in Chief of the armies 
of the United States, with this reserve only, that I 
shall not be called into the field until the army 
is in a situation to require my presence, or it be- 
comes indispensible by the urgency of circuiti- 
stancfcs. 

" In making this reservation, I beg it may be 
understood, that I do not mean to withhold any as- 
sistance to arrange and organize the army, which 
you think I can afford. I take the liberty also to 
mention, that I must decline having my acceptance 
considered as drawing after it any immediate charge 
upoii the public ; or that I can receive any emolu- 
ments annexed to the appointment, before enter- 
ing into a situation to incur expense. 

" The Secretary of War being anxious to return 



*30 MOBOCRACY. 

Their midnight caucusses declare, 

To shew what precious rogues they are. 

' *o the seat of government, I have detained him 
no longer than vi^as necessary to a full commu- 
nication upon the several points he had in charge. 
" With great respect and consideration, 
I have the honor to be, dear sir, 
your most obedient humble servant, 
GEORGE WASHINGTON.*' 

" Adams they styl'd a hoary traitor. 

The infamous Callender, a tool and hireling of 
-X Mr. Jefferson, thus expresses himself in '' The 
Prospect Before Us :" 

" This hoary-headed incendiary (^dama) bawls 

out, to arms !'* *' Alas, he is not an object of envy, 

! but of compassion and... .of horror /'* Again, ^' John 

Adams. ...that scourge, that scorn, that outcast of 

Jmerica.*' 

" We have been governed by pne of the most 
J execrable of all scoundrels. He is, in private 
life, one of the most egregious fools on the conti- 
nent." 

" He (the future historian) will inquire by what 

_i species of madness, America submitted to accept 

as her President, a person iviihout abilities, and 

nvithoiu virtue ; being alike incapable of attaching 

either tenderness or esteem/' &;c. 



MOBOCRACY. 131 

Our pithy poem might enamel 
By telling how they brib'd one Campbell, 
(Which tale, O Gallatin, would pleasure*ye) 
To steal the books from public Treasury. 

How Duane, Gallatin, and Smilie, 
And other rogues in Co. went slily. 
And drudg'd all night to ruin Pickering 
And furnish documents for bickering. 

But since our poem is a peg. 
On which to hang our notes,^ we beg, 
This midnight matter to disclose 
Without a trope, in simple prose.^^ 

s' But since our poem is a peg, 
On which to hang our notes 



Democrats have so declared, but as the author 
of the Pursuits of Literature and some other writers 
of eminence arc involved in a similar charge, we 
shall not attest to refute the accusation, but plead 
the custom of authors in the Court of Criticism in 
our own justification. 



&» Without a trope, in simple prose. 

Among other malicious manceuvres of the fac- 
tion, who have supplanted the friends and followers 
of Washington, may 43e numbered the mean attempt 



<►* 



132 , MOBOCRACY. 

Although in any foreign land, 

Such folks as these are hung off hand, 

to stigmatize Col. Pickering, by corrupting a clerk 
in one of the public offices. Anthony Campbell, 
the tool of the party on this occasion, was in 1800 
a recording clerk in the office of the Auditor of 
the Treasury, all accounts having been previous- 
ly audited and examinedhy the principal clerk, were 
registered in the books then entrusted to Campbell. 
The monies dca^rn by the Secretary of State vv^ere 
charged to him in those books, but the credits for 
the application not entered till vouchers were 
produced of the manner in which the sums 
were disbursed. Months and sometimes years ne- 
cessarily expired before vouchers and receipts rela- 
tive to the expenditures of money destined to the 
payment of our Ambassadors, and other public pur- 
poses in Europe, could be procured from the per- 
sons to whom they were transmitted. 

Campbell informed some of the deefi ones among 
the democrats, that the books of h^ department 
exhibited a large unexpended balai^^in the hands 
of Mr. Pickering. Campbell, together with one 
Gardner,was prevailed upon tobecomean instrunv^n: 
in the hands of the faction, and give Colooel Pick- 
ering's political opponents a view of the books: For 
this purpose under the pretext of personal accom- 
modation he obtained leave".to sleep iift'l^e office. 
A meeting of pure patriots was hel^^ at J^rael Is- 
rael's, corner of Third and Cliesnut sti'e^, Phila- 



MOBOCRACY. . 133 

Yet we, a free and happy nation, 
Reward the rogues with public station. 

delphia, among whom were Gallatin, Smilie, Duane, 
and some others amounting to eight or ten. The 
books of the Treasury were taken by night to Is- 
rael's, the accounts afterwards published in the Au- 
rora transcribed by these scriveners, and the books 
returned before day light. 

The remarks which appeared in the Washington 
Federalist of April 21, 1802, accompanying a de- 
velopement of this dark transaction, are so pertinent 
to the subject that we cannot resist the temptation 
of transcribing them, 

" Can it be supposed that Gallatin, and man}' 
others, when they examined these accounts did not 
know their unsettled state, and the imperfect view 
which they gave of the disbursem<jnt of the publig 
money ? And when Mr. Wolcott in his letter dated 
23d day of June 1800, in answer to the charge in the 
Aurora, explained the nature of these accounts, 
could any one have doubted a moment that the 
statements s#^ublished were imperfect ? And yet 
we find the Aurora with matchless impudence re- 
peating those charges. Towards Campbell we feel 
pity ai\d contempt, that he should so far forget 
his duty as to violate the most sacred obligations 
of honor and perjure hiniself to become the tool of 
a party. But what emotions does the conduct of 
those excite v/ho instigated him to such infamous 
practices,* who could not only resort to means so 



134 MOBOCRACY. 

Now Hamilton is represented 
Assaying wicked schemes invented, 

base to obtain those documents, but likewise employ 
them in the manner they did, knowing them to be 
imperfect. If they were convinced that the charges 
were just, why did they not at once bring forward 
an impeachment against Mr. Pickering, or anpoint 
a committee to examine into his accounts ? Be- 
cause they knew the result would be what every 
subsequent investigation has been, a fair and hon- 
orable acquittal They knew what an effect a bold 

publication of it would have on the honest and un- 
suspecting yeomanry ; men brought up in the sim- 
ple manners of the country, unpractised in intrigue 
and unacquainted with the depravity of human na- 
ture." 

Gardner the accomplice of Campbell in this un- 
derhanded transaction, was rewarded by being ap- 
pointed consul to Demarara. Campbell attempted 
to take advantage of his treachery, but Gallatin 
was too cunning for him, and he received nothing, 
till threatening a disclosure of the "^t)le affair, an 
ensigncy at length slopped his mouth. 

A committee of the House*^ of Representatives 
was afterwards appointed for the purpose of exam- 
ing the account of the late secretaries ; consisting 
of Messrs. Nicholas, Nicholson, Stone, Otis, Gris- 
wold. Wain, and Craik, the three first of whom 
were democrats. 
This committee, after a k-ibo! ious scrutiny, by tlieir 



MOBOCRACY. 135 

By dint of which, with sudden start he 
Would make himself a Buonaparte. 

report entirely exculpated Mr. Pickering ; and Gal- 
latin himself acknowledged that " the whole of the 
money received by Mr. Pickering, had been applied 
to public purposes. It likewise appeared that Mr. 
Pickering not only had not embezzled one single 
dollar of the public money, but that he had saved 
to the United States 14,588 dollars, by a purchase 
of bills of exchange on London, which, with the nevj 
^r/i&oAconscience, he might very conveniently have 
appropriated to his own use. 

Notwithstanding such was the purity of Picker- 
ing, the venal Aurora, whose unprincipled editor 
has done much, very much towards clamouring 
down every man of merit in the community, pub- 
lished a number of articles, with the title of "Pub- 
lic Plunder," which contributed not a little to 
the election of Mr. Jefferson and the establishment 
of Duane's importance as an editor. In one of these, 
Duane asserted, that on the 18th of April 1800, Mr. 
Pickering had drawn upon the treasury for fifty 
thousand dollars ; and that at the time when he 
drew Tot. this sum#he had in his hands three hun- 
dred thousand dollars unac count ed for.. Duane like- 
wise declared that Mr. Pickering held in his hand?, 
nearly double the an^ount of both these sums, in- 
limating that he then was delinquent in the enor- 
mous sum of seven hundred thousand dollars. 

This is one instance, amono: ^^i" 7iiany which 



136 MOBOCRACY. 

Not even the shelter of the grave 
From democratic spite could save 
This man, most worthy admiration, 
An honor to his age and nation/^ 

iiiight be adduced, proving the base means to 
which certain men have resorted, for the purpose of 
tarnishing the reputation of those heroes and 
statesmen to whose exertions we are chiefly indebt- 
ed for our national prosperity. The falsehoods by 
which democrats have achieved the purpose of ele- 
vating themselves, and disgracing the nation, are 
thrown aside as soon as by their instrumentality 
these precious objects are attained. Thus it was 
said that the war office buildings were purposely 
.^ on fire by Mr. Wolcott. Thus Hamilton and 
M'li«nry, with a number of other federal patriots, 
have been accused of peculation and other crimes, 
by their political adversaries, but not a single iiroof 
of improper conduct in office, has ever been ad- 
duced. The effect of these falsehoods, however, 
has been to stigmatize their characters in the opin- 
ion of many of .their fellow-citizens, and to put a 
period to their political existence. If such are to be 
the rewards of fiatriotism in AmSlca^ it is to be fear- 
ed) it will soon be a plant of rare growth, 

^^ An honor to his age and nation. 

The untimely fall of Gen. Hamilton excites emo- 
tions, which we shall not attempt in this place to 
express. Few writers are equal to the task of pour- 



MOBOCRACY. J37 

The blustering old doinlnion frets' 
Because she has to pay her debts, 

Graying in. just colours, the character of that great 
man, and we cannot forbear enteringour critical caveat 
against the style and manner of some of the eulo- 
gies which we have seen in commemoration of his 
untimely deeease. In many of these productions 
we have observed a strained elevation, a redundancy 
of rhetorical flourishes, which appear rather to 
emanate from an ambition to display the talents 
of the orator, than from feelings of affection for 
the deceased, or a wish to commemorate his virtues. 
The expressions of grief are simply pathetic. The 
fancy never makes wild excursions, when the heart 
is wrung with anguish. Tiie eulogies, howevoi', of 
Messrs. Morris, Otis, and some few others, are pure 
and correct; the effusions of genius, chastened by 
jagdmeiit and taste. From thelatter of these perform- 
ances, I am happy to present the following extract, 
as it is happily illustrative of ib.at magnaniinity and 
greatness of soul, whic:! distin.uii'iht.-s the real /uro, 
ivnm the bold and aspiiing demtio"opue. 

''■ The prind|aes professed* by the first leaders of 
that (the Freiich) revolution, were so congenial to 
those of the American people ; their pretences of 
itiniing merely at the reformation of abuses were 
so plausible ; t!ie spectacle of a great people strug- 
gling tu recover their " long-lost liberties" was so 
imposing aiid august ; while that of a combination 
of tyrants to conquer, and subjcgate, vras so revolt- 



158 MGBOCRACY. 

Her Nabobs join in grand committee, 
To "- kick to hell the British treaty.'*®' 

ing ; the services received from one of the belliger- 
ent povrers, and the injuries inflicted by the other, 
•were so recent in our minds, that the sensibility of 
the nation was excited to the most exquisite pitch. 
To this disposition, so favourable to the wishes of 
France, every appeal was made, which intrigue, 
corruption, flattery, and threats could dictate. At 
this dangerous and dazzling crisis, there were but 
ttw men entirely exempt from the general delirium. 
Among the few was Hamilton. His penetrating 
eye discerned, and his prophetic voice foretold, the 
tendency and consequence of the first revolutionary 
movements. He was assured that every people 
which should espouse the cause of France would 
pa^ under her yoke, and that the people of France, 
like every nation which surrenders its reason to the 
mercy of demagogues, would be driven by ,the 
storms of anarchy upon the shores of despotism. 
All this he knew was conformable to the invariable 
law of nature and experience of mankind. From 
the reach of this desolation he was^nsTious to save 
his country, and in the pursuit o^ffis purpose, he 
-breasted the assaults of calumny and prejudice. 
** The torrent roared, and he did bufi'et it." Ap- 
preciating the advantages of a neutral position,, he 
co-operated with Washington, Adajvis, and the 
other patriots of that day, in the means best adapt- 
ed to maintain it. The rights and duties of neu- 



II^OBOCRACY. 139 

The funding system, tax on land, 
Were first propos'd by Giles's band,^ 

trality proclaimed by the president, were explained 
and enforced by. Hamilton in the character of 
Pacificus. The attempts to corrupt and intimidate 
were resisted. The British treaty was justified 
and defended as an honorable compact with our 
natural friends, and pregnant with advantages, 
which have since been realized and acknowledged 
by its opponents. 

" By this" pacific and vigorous policy, hi the 
whole course of which the genius and activity of 
Hamilton were^fconspicuous, time and information 
were afforded to the American nation, and correct 
views were acquired of our situation and interestSr 
We beheld'the republics of Europe, march in pro- 
cession to the funeral of their own liberties by 
the lusid light of the revolutionary torch. The 
tumult of the passions subsided, the wisdom of the 
administration was perceived, and America now 
remains a solitary monument in the desolated plains 
of liberty. ^ 

*' Having remained a|||he head of the treasury 
several years, and filled its coffers ; having deve- 
loped the sources of ample revenue, and tested the 
advantages of his own system by his own experience; 
I and leaving expended his private fortune; he found it 
necessary to retire* from public employment, and to 
devote his attention to the claims of a large and dear 
fapnily. What brighter instance of disinterested honor 



140 MOBOCRACY. 

Who swore that duties rais'd from commerce 
But slih' filch \l cjr money from us. 

has ever been exhibited to an admiring world I That 
a man, upon whom devolved the task of orii^inaiing 
a system of revenue for a nation ; of devising the 
checks in his own department ; to provide for the 
collections of sums, the amount of which was con- 
jectural ; tl>at a man, who anticipated the effects of 
a funding system, yet a secret in his own bosom, 
and who was thus enabled to have secured a prince- 
ly fortune, consistently with principles esteemed 
fair by the world ; tV.at such a man by no means ad- 
dicted to an expensive or extravagant style of liv- 
ing, should have retired from an ofSce destitute of 
means adequate to the wants of mediocrity- and have 
resorted to professional labour for the means of de- 
cent support, are facts which must instruct anci as- 
tonish those, whos in countries habituated to cor- 
ruption and venality are more attentive to the gains 

than to the duties of an official station Yet Ham- i 

ILTON was that man. It was a fact always known 
to his friends, and it is now evident from his testa- 
ment, made under a deep^presentiment of his ap- 
proaching fate. Blush then, ministers and warriors 
of imperial France, who have deluded your nation 
by pretensions to a disinterested rega'^d foi- its lib- 
erties and rights 1 Disgorge the riciies ektorted 
from your fellow-citizens, and the spoils amassed 
from confiscation and blood I Restore to the impov- 
erished nation the price paid by them for the privi* 



MOBOCRACY. 141 

The funds created, taxes laid, 

The measures by the imps are made 

lege of slavery, and now appropriated to the refine- 
ment of luxury ! Approach the tomb of Hamil- 
ton, and compare the insignificance of your gor- 
geous palaces with the awful majesty of this tene- 
ment of clay I 

" We again accompany our friend in the walks of 
private life, and in the assiduous pursuit of his pro- 
fession, until the aggressions of France compelled 
the nation to assume the attitude of defence. He 
was now invited by the great and enlightened states- 
man who had succeeded to the presidency, and at 
the express request of the Commander in Chief, 
to accept of the second rank in the army. Though 
no man had manifested a greater desire to avoid 
war, yet it is freely confessed that when war ap- 
peared to be inevitable, his heart exulted in " the 
tented field," and he loved the life and occupation 
of a soldier. His early habits were formed amid 
the fascinations of the camp. And though llie pa- 
cific policy of Adams once more rescued us from 
war, and shortened the existence of the army estab- 
lishment, yet its dui»^ion was sufficient to secure 
to him the love and confidence of officers and men, 
to enable him lo display the talents and qualities 
of a great general, and to justify the most favour^ 
able prognostics of his prowess in the field. 

" Once more this excellent man unloosed the 
lielniet from his brow, and returned to the duties- of 



142 MOBOCRACV 



A handle, plausible no douV>t, 
To turn the AVashingtonians out. 



the forum. From this lime he persristed in a firm 
resolution to decline all civil honors and promo- 
tion, and to live a private citizen, unless again sum- 
moned to the defence of his country. He became 
more than ever assiduous in his practice at the bar, 
and intent upon his plans of domestic happiness, 
until a nice and mistaken estimate of the claims of 
honor, impelled him to the fatal act which ter- 
minated his life." 

Since quoting the above 1 have perused the ora- 
tion of J. M. Mason, D. D. commemorative of the 
virtues and talents of this illustrious m.an. It is a 
splendid effort of genius whicti would have done cre- 
dit to the pen of a Burke, and appears to have been 
inspired by a spirit akin to that of the hero itxele- 
brates. We should think the style of the eulogy 
somewhat too highly encomiastic, were not the sub- 
ject a Hamilton ; but it is scarcely possible to em- 
ploy too bold a pencil in giving characteristic 
scketches of such a man. 

Some trails of General Hamilton, published in the 
Boston Repertory, and said to Ifeve been drawn up by 
the Hon. Fisher Ames, are eminently beautiful. The 
pencil of S. Cullen Carpenter^ editor of the Charles- 
ton Courier, whose literary productions have acquir- 
ed him a highly deserved celebriiy» has pourtrayed, 
in letters of light, the principal features in this most 
distinguished character ; indeed the portrait 



MOBOCRACY. 14t5 

And now the lying varlets tell us 
Wolcott and Dexter were such fellows, 

Hamilton, as drawn by the hands of the writers we 
have mentioned, ought to be in the possession of 
every. American of taste and sensibility.* 

The incessant torrents of calumny, which have 
been poured on that truly i^reat man, since the fa- 
tal rencontre which terminated his txistence, ex- 
hibits a lamentable proof of democratic depravity. 
The coaduct of a Chronicle scribbler in Boston in 
particular (said to be the late candidate for governor, 
Mr. Sullivan) has often called to our recollection 
the following lines from Churchill : 

" Should love of faine, in every noble mind 
A brave disease, with love of virtue join'd. 
Spur thee to deeds of pilh, where coura^.^c try'd 
In reason's couri is amply justified ; 
Or fond of knowledge, and averr^e to strife, 
Shauldst thou prefer the calmer v. f'lks of life ; 
Shouldst thou by pale and sickly study led, 
Pursue coy science to thv'^ fountain iiead ; 
Virtue thy guide, and public good thy end, 
Should every thou.^hc to oar improvement tend, 
To curb the pa .siohs, to enlarge the mind. 
Purge the sick weal and liumani/-e mankind j 
Rage in her eye and malice in her breast, 
Redoubled horror grinning on her crest, 

* We would refer our readers to " ji Collsction of. 
Facts and'l^Qcumcntfi relative to th" death of Gen, ''■ 
'ffa?nilto7iy" by the editor of the Evening Post, 




144 MOBOCRACY. 

To carry peculation's farce on 

They 'd crown 'd their robberies with arson.*^ 

Fiercer each snake, and sharper every dart, 
Quick from her cell shall madening envy start : 
Then shalt thou find, but find, alas ! too late, 
How vain is worth ! how short is glory's date ! 
Then shalt thou find, when friends with foes con- 
To give more proof than virtue would desire, (spire 
Thy danger chiefly lies in acting well ; 
No crime's so great as daring to excell.'^ 

95 To ** kick to hell the British tieaty." 

We have 6ere adorned our poetry with a very 
judicious rhetorical flourish, quoted from the decla- 
rations of the dashing nabobs of the south, who 
first signalized themselves by their opposition to 
that instrument. The virulent, and unqualified 
abuse, which has been heaped upon General Wash- 
ington, Mr. Jay, and the whole federal party for 
having given origin to a treaty, which in all proba- 
bility prevented our participating in the crimes and 
horrors of the French revolution, is scarcely to be 
paralleled in the annals of political contests. Noth- 
ing short of the prudence of a Washington could 
have stemmed the tide of democratic depravity on 
this occasion. None, however, of the evils antici- 
pated from this deprecated treaty have taken place, 
and it is abundantly manifest on investigating the 
causes of Virginian virulence that self interest was 
the real motive of the deluders in exciting this alarm. 



MOBOCRACY. 145 

Now swells each Jacobinic throat *' 

With dreadful, boding, screech-owl note, 

It appears that the claims of British creditors 
against Virginia^ only as exhibited by their com- 
missioners, appointed under the 6th article of Mr. 
Jay's treaty, amounted to 8,500,000 dollars, but 
those against the whole of the New-England states 
were but a little rising of 100,000 dollars. These 
claims, although not positive evidences of debts due 
to their whole amount, yet furnish a clue for a pro- 
portional estimate of the debts due from Virginia, 
and from the New-England states. 

No doubt the easiest way for Virginia to pay 
this debt was, to use the expressions of some of 
their leaders to '* kick the treaty to h....ll.'* This 
they might do, in tfH course of their proceedings 
without going" out of their way. 

It ought not, however, to be forgotten that this 
obnoxious treaty^ and the hostilities committed by 
England on our coinmerce in the year 1793, %icre the 
vonsequeiice of Virginia delinquency and aggression. 
The legislature of Virginia, in October 1783, passed 
an act to absolve British debtors from the payinent of 
money, even after their debts had been ascertained 
by judgments in coorts of law. On the other 
hand the British refused to relinquish the possession 
of the northern posts. In December 1787, in con- 
sequence of an earnest requisition of congress the 
assembly of Virginia passed an act apparently to 
repeal all such acts of that state as had prevented, 



146 MOBOCRACY. 

And democrats are choak'd with sobbings, 
Because the British hung one Bobbins.^ * 

or might prevent the recovery of debts due to 
British subjects, according to the true intent of the 
treaty. But took care in a proviso to this act to 
susfiend the refieal^ and thereby render it entirely 
null, under the pretence of infraciions on the part 
of the British, thus arrogating to themselves power, 
which of right belonged to the general government, 
and making a mere farce of their own proceedings. 

The English, however, not being disposed to re- 
lish this kind of treatment, appealed to their ultiam 
ratio, commenced a war on our commerce, and thus 
collected their demands by virtue of the authority 
of their cannon. The immense losses which of 
consequence fell upon the merchants of the eastern 
and middle states in the year 1793, by British cap- 
tures, will not soon be forgotten. 

But this was not all. Mr. King in pursuance of 
instructions of the federal administration, negoci- 
ated for the payment, at the treasury of the United 
States, of 600,000/. sterling, nearly three millions 
of dollars, for losses sustained by British subjects, 
by legal impediments to prevent the collection of 
their demands chiefly against these Virginia debtors. 

Thus Virginian delinquency cost the United States 
nearly 3,000,000 dollars, subjected us to those de- 
predations on our commerce in 1793, by which the 
country sustained immense losses, and laid the foun- 
dation for Mr. Jay's treaty, which has excited so 



MOBOCRACY. U7 



To haag a murderer and a pirate 
Was tyraiiizing at a high rate, 

much clamour among our precious patriots against 
the federal administration; 

^® Were first propos'd by Giles's band. 

The standing army, the funding system, and 
the land tax have each furnished most fruitful topics 
of democratic declamation, and the party in power 
by^tfully attaching to the federalists the odium, 
which the mere mention of these bug-bear mea- 
sures, has never failed to excite, have succeeded in 
accomplishing their political destruction. We have 
already shown on what occasion the army was rais- 
ed. The funding system, the theme of never ceas- 
ing clamour, from those who have uniformly op- 
posed every public measure, vi^hich had a tendency 
to promote the honor and happiness of our country, 
met the unequivocal approbation of one of the great- 
est giants of the dominant faction. Gallatin in his 
treatise on the fii)ances of the United States, after 
finding all the fault he decently could with the mea- 
sures of the federal administration, has the follow- 
ing remarks. 

'* Let it not be supposed that any of those reflec- 
tions are intended to convey any censure on that 
part of the funding system, which provided for the 
payment of the interest of the proper debt of the 
United States. They are designed merely to .<■ ha«.v 



148 MOBOCRACY. 

Alarmed the gallows- dreading clan, 

In love with Tom Pain's " Rights of Man." 

that the propriety of that measure must depend 
solely on its justice. Whether the debt had been 
funded on the plan of discrimination in favour of 
the original holders, or those who had performed 
the services, or, as has been the case in favour of 
the purchasers of certificates, the general effects 
would have been nearly the same ; and unless the 
American government had chosen to forfeit every 
claim to common honesty it must necessarily pro- 
vide for discharging the principal, or paying the 
interest to one or the other of two descriptions of 
persons."* 

It is likewise a fact that the land tax " was a 
measure to which the federalists had been urged 
for years by their political opponents because they 
foresaw in it the ruin of their power." See Bay- 
ard's speech on the Judiciary Bill. 

" They'd crown'd their robberies with arson. 

It cannot be forgotten that such was the ciy of 

* Here is displayed a little of this gentleman's 
sort of cunning. In the name of common sense hoit} 
•was it possible for the government to establish a fund 
in favour of some individuals^ ivho might hold these 
securities to the prejudice of ether individuals^ ivho 
might held the same sort of securities. Shall a pro- 



MOBOCRACY. 149 

Poor Carleton was most sadly frighted, 
Felt all his sympathies excited.... 

the demagogue papers from one end of the United 
States to the other. A committee, however, being 
appointed to enquire ii^4o the causes of the fires, 
these gentlemen were honorably exculpated, and 
democrats were under the necessity of inventing 
new falsehoods to answer the purposes of the party. 
It happened very providentially, that all the papers 
which were necessary to show the perfect integrity, 
not only of Mr. Wolcott, but of the whole Federui 
administration in fiscal conce rns, were saved. 

9* Because the British hung one Robbins. 

The lie about Robbins the British pirate, so often 
affirmed by democrats to have been an American 
citizen, and born in Danbury in Connecticut, has 
been repeated times without number by the demo- 
cratic newspapers. 

This tale was propagated with an intention to 
throw odium on Mr. Adams for having directed the 
criminal to be surrendered to justice. It appears 
that his letter to Judge Bee, and which has been 
the ground of all the clamour of Robbins' symfia' 

missory vote fiayahle to A. or bearer^ and purchased 
by B. not be collected by the latter^ because he paid 
less tlian its nominal value^ and run the risk of the 
failure of the draivcr ? 



150 MOBOCRACY. 

Was very properly perplext 

Lest his own turn might be the next. 

In grade of crimes but one step higher 
Had brought the vile recorded liar,'* 

thizing friends, merely directed him to be delivered 
up if proved to be a British subject and a pirate 
and a murderer. The man previous to his execu- 
tion acknowledged himself to be a British subject, 
and owned that the sentence by which he suffered 
'Was just. But Mr. Carleton would not agree to this. 
This tender hearted gentleman, editor of the Salem 
Register, and his brethren in iniquity, declared that 
Robbins was a good man, and an American citizen, 
and Adams a tyrant, who had been instrumental in 
his destruction. Indeed it is not very marvellous 
that a good democrat should feel an interest in ihe 
sufferings of one whose life and conversation de- 
dared him to be a member of their fraternity. 

" Never did trusty squire with knight 

Or knight with squire e*er jump more right," 

HUDIBRAS, 

*9 Had brought the vile recorded liar. 

Carleton has been indicted, found guilty, and 
jpunished with fine and imprisonment for publish- 
ing a false and malicious libel on Mr. Pickering, 



MOBOCRACY. 151 

(Were justice done in such a case) 
To Robbins, alias Nash's place. 

Thus theives are rarely known to toast 
Their enemy the whipping post, 
And felons commonly exhibit 
No little spleen against a gibbet. 

Hence, in these democratic times, 
This hanging people for their crimes 
Is thought a most obnoxious thing. 
By those who know they ought to swing, 

I Now common decency defying, 
I They ply their dirty trade of lying, 
/ Hold out such falsehoods, ^/^ lerrorem, 
{ That no good man can stand before 'em. 

And many a patriot's forc'd to doff his 
Old fashioned honesty for office. 
Become a supple, and time serving 
Rasoal, to keep himself from starving. 

Each lie they tell, though ne'er so horrid a 
Vile gang repeats from Maine to Florida, 
And when found out and people hiss it 
In sneaking silence they dismiss it» 



IS* MOBOCRACY. 

No cur can wag his tail or yelp 
But what puts in his mickle help, 
For every puppy in the pack 
Is taught his proper scent and track. 

In short they lied, through thick and thin, 
Till Jefferson at last came in, 
And made fair promises in plenty. 
Provided he'd kept one in twenty. 

Yes.. ..we wereraptur'd when he said 
We're all republicans and fed- 
Ral, fellow countrymen, Americans, [canes. 
And hop'd we'd done with Factions hurri- 

With such professions all were suited 
But soon his conduct all refuted, 
What time his highness made a shift 
To send our staunchest men adrift. 

The veteran chiefs of seventy-six, 
If by sad chance their politicks 
Displeas'd the Carter Mountain hero, 
\JIe persecuted like a Nero ;"* 

^^ He persecuted like a Nero. 
I do not mean to assert that Mr. Jefferson hung, 



MOBOCRACY. 153 

Humphrey and Putman, Fish, and others, 
Whom Washington esteemed as brothers, 
Displaced to please the vilest set 
That ever plagu'd a nation yet. 

burnt, or guillotined his opponents. But perhaps 
the means by which the federalists have been " op- 
pugnated," have been but little less destructive to 
the sufferers, and but little more honorable on the 
part of those who have adopted such means. Starv- 
ing a nian and his family, is doubtless, an effectual 
method of dispatching him. 

Most of the federalists, who held offices under 
the Washington and Adams administrations, had > 
devoted much time and expense to qualify them- 
selves for such offices, and in many instances had 
relinquished lucrative professions and branches of 
business, that they might the better perform the 
duties of those offices. These have been displaced 
for young and ignorant persons, and in many in- 
stances foreigners, whose sole recommendation has 
been their Jeffersonian politics, while the war-worn 
veteran who had fought the battles of our Inde- ( 
pendence, and grown, not only old, but fioor, in ac- / 
live services for his country, is prohibited from/ 
lasting the fruits of his labours, by the faction, 
which is now dominant, and seems willing " to owe 
their greatness to their country's ruin." 

To give a catalogue of all the worthies, who have 
adorned Mr. Jefferson's Proscription list, would be 
to name almost every honest man who held an)c^ 



154 MOBOCRACY. 

But as I had from natal hour 
Respect for great men, ivhile hi power ^ 
I mean right merrily to chaunt o- 
Ver his praise in my next canto. 

office under government, at the time Mr. Jefferson 
was elected. 

The following is a list of a few, who were remov- 
ed from office, for no other reason than their being 
obnoxious on account of tfeeir political opinions : 

John Wilkes Kittera, Attorney for the Eastern 
District, Pennsylvania ; John Hall, Marshal of the 
same District ; Samuel Hogdon, Superintendant of 
Public Stores at Philadelphia ; John Harris, Store 
Keeper at the same place ; Henry Miller, Super- 
visor of the Revenue of the District of Pennsylva- 
nia ; J. M. Lingan, Attorney for the District of 
Columbia ; Thomas Iwan, Attorney ; John Pierce, 
Commissioner of Loans for the State of Nevvhamp- 
shire ; Thomas Martin, Collector of the District 
of Portsmouth, in the same state ; Jacob Sheaffe, 
Navy Agent at Portsmouth ; Richard Harrison, 
Attorney for the District of New-York ; Aquila 
Giles, Marshal of the same District ; James Wat- 
son, Navy Agent for New- York ; Joshua Sands, 
Collector of the Port of New-York ; Nicholas Fisli, 
Supervisor of the District of New-York ; William 
Smith, Minister Plenipotentiary to the Court of 
Portugal ; William Vans Murray, Minister Resi- 
dent to the Batavian Republic ; David Humphreys, 
Minister Pleoipotentiarjr to the Court of Madrid j 



MOBOCRACY. 155 

Good reader these are merely sketches 
Of democratic feats and fetches, 
Their tricks, to which no honest man 
Has ever stoop'd nor ever can. 

EHzur Goodrich, Collector of New-Haven, John 
Chester, Supervisor of the District of Connecti- 
cut ; Ray Greene, Judge of Rhode-Island District ; 
Winthrop Sargeant, Governor of the Missisippi 
Territory ; David Hopkins, Marshal of the District 
of Maryland ; Andrew Bell, Collector of the Port of 
Amboy ; Aaron Dunham, Supervisor of the Dis- 
trict of New-Jersey ; James Dole, Marshal of the 
District of Albany ; Robert Hamilton, Marshal of 
the District of Delaware ; Harrison G. Otis, At- 
torney for the District of Massachusetts ; Chauncey 
Whittlesey, Collector of Middletown, Connecticut; 
Amos Marsh, Attorney for the District of Ver- 
mont J Jabez Fitch, Marshal for the same District ; 
Samuel Bradford, Marshal of the District of Mas- 
sachusetts ; Thomas Perkins, Commissioner of 
Loans for the State of Massachusetts ; cuin multis 
aUis^ all good men and true ; and we believe that 
their successors in office have been men, whose 
talents, reputation, or pretensions to public patron- 
age, could in no way entitle them to take the pre- 
cedence of the gentlemen who were displaced, had 
not the spirit of party turned the " world upside 
down." 

Well might Mr. Bayard observe of such manage- 
ment by the party in power *• It is in this path we 



156 MOBOCRACY. 

Thus Weishaupt erst had made no pother 
His brat to poison, and its mother, 
Lest crimes reveal'd should cause a schism 
With founders of Illuminism. . 

'Twould cost whole Mexic gulphs of rhyme, 
(To deal in Crusca'strue sublime,) 
Their deeds of darkness to display 
And drag these Cacusses to day.'*** 

see the real victims of stern, uncharitable, unrc- 
lentinj^ power. It is here, we see the soldier 

WHO FOUGHT THE BATTLES OF THE REVOLUTION ; 

ivho sfiilt his bloody and wasted his strength to estab- 
lish the Indefiendence of His coun'ry ; defirived of the 
reward of Jus services^ a?2d left to fane in penury and 
toretchedness. It is along this path that yozi may. see 
helpless children crying for breads and gray hairs 
sinking i?i sorrow to the graive ! It is here that no 
innocence^ no merits no truths no services can save the 
unhappy sectary, who does ?iot believe in the creed oj 
those in power." 

wi And drag these Cacusses to day. 

In order to please, if possible, those of our readers 
who are fond of the *' mazes of metaphorical con- 
fusion" we have here jumbled together narrative 
and metaphor in a delightful manner. The Cacus 
to -whom we allude was a sturdy democrat wh» 



MOBOCRACY nr 

Although, as has before been seen. 
The federal hands were ever clean. 
Our public money has i!s charms 
To tickle democratic palms. 

Good democrats can't Jive on brouse and 
Take therefore now and then a thousand 
Of public cash, and make amends 
By being « We the People's'' friends. 

A hundred thousand, it is said 
Was pocketed by dashing Ned,io^ 

stole some cattle and hid tlieni in a cave, (very like Mr 

Jefferson's.) He was fouiul out however and destroyed 

by Hercules, and 

Panditur extemplo foribns domus atra revulsis ; 

Abstractasque boves, abjurataequc raping 

Coelo ostenduntur; pedibusque informe cadaver— 

Protrahitur.— . , 

YEneid Lib. viii. L. 262, &c. 

102 Was pocketed by dashing Ned. 

Mr. Harrison was displaced from the office of District 
Attorney for having, like Washington, Adams and other 
Antijacobins. been guilty of the heinous crime of fede- 
ralism, and Ned Livingstone appointed by virtue of his 
P 



158 MOBOCRACY. 

And patriot Randolph had before 
With fifty thousand run a shore. ^03 

Had these been Federal men no doubt 
There'd been a most confounded rout, 
IV Aurora fraught with Duane\s thunder 
Had quick aveng'd such "public plujnder." 

mighty merits as a democrat. Mr. Harrison, the obnoxi- 
ous federalist discharged the duties of his office, as his poli- 
tical opponents acknowledge, with ability and fidelity, 
and was never even suspected of having applied to his 
own use the people's money. But Mr. Ned took the li- 
berty to appropriate to his own private purposes the trif- 
ling sum of one hundred thovrsand dollars as appears by 
a judgment obtained against him in the District Court of 
the United States, and is now liWng on the people's mo- 
ney, in a stile of genuine extravagance at New-Orleans. 
If one feels a disposition to be a rogue, what a fine affair 
it is to be a good democrat ! 

103 With fifty thousand run ashore. 

It is very remarkable that with all the clamour against 
Messrs. Pickering and Wolcott for pretended defalcations, 
misappropriations and other malconduct in office, that 
our goad democratic cominittees, &c. should be so care^ 
ful to forget to mention the deficiency of Mr. patriot 
Randolph, former Secretary of State. 



MOBOCRACY. 1^9 

But every democrat intends 
To use some freedom with his friends. 
And if contented with their purse 
Let them be thankful 'tis no worae. 

But still it seems there's something hard in 't. 
When federal men, with zeal most ardent, 
Have serv'd their country, every gander 
Should hiss, and spatter them with slander. 

Behold the play wrigbt Barney Bid well, ^^o 
(And democrats declare he hid well) 

UO Behold the play Wright Barney Bid well. 

Mr. Senator Bid well the subject of the present eulogi- 
um, exhibited the germ of those talents, which have since 
budded, and blossomed and bloomed in the rankest lux- 
uriance of democracy, in a juvenile production of most 
' astonishing ingenuity, **inlitled and called the merce- 
nary MATCH." From some specimens of that perform- 
ance with which we have been favoured by the Editor of 
the Boston Repertory, we are led to suppose that the good 
goddess of dullness could never boast of a more hopeful 
pupil. A small calf may make a large bullock, and a 
stupid and cquceited boy is often matured to a very know- 
ing demagogue. 



IdO MOBOCRACY. 

Has twisted into one oration, ^*i 
Falsehoods enough to d — n a natio». 

But this man lies to such degree I 
(Forc'd, ex necessitate rei,) 
With due civility, will strip him. 
Then take and tie him up, and whip him. 

And I will teach this Mr. Barney 
To cheat the people with his blarney. 
And I will teach him to be plying 
The dirty trade of party-lying, 

And first he tells us, our Great Nation 
Was born slap dash, by Declaration 

14 1. Has twisted into one oration. 

We ought, perhaps, to apologise to our readers for 
troubling them with remarks on such an insipid thing as 
t}ie harangue in question. But as this production of Mr. 
Bidwell may serve as a specimen of the general tenor of 
the democratic Fourth of July speeches which have fallen 
■within our notice, we hope that our remarks may be ©f 
service to such of our young gentlemen of the New School 
as may be called hereafter to exhibit oratorical talents on 
any similar occasion. 



MOBOCRACV. 161 

Of Independence, in the day time. 
Most vile economy ! — in hay time /i^s 

What next evinces that his knowledge is 
Enough to enter some neiv Colleges, 

142. Mojt vile economy !— f« hay thne ! 

" By the Dedaration of Independence, which has ju&t 
Ipeen read, a Nation was politically born in a day." 

The story of our Nation's being born on the Fourth of 
July, 1776, has been told us in prose and in poetry, times 
without number. Mr. Bidwdl has added an important 
appendage of drcumstances ; and we have taken the li- 
berty to enlarge further on the phenomena attending this 
birth. In the first place, we learn by Mr. B. that our na- 
tion was born very suddenly. Secondly, ti)at in this 
wonderful birth, the Declaration of Independence acted 
z.^ accoucheur. Thirdly, that this was -d political h\Y\.h , 
Fourthly, that ail this was done in a day. Fifthly, that this 
important instrument, or agent, or accoucheur, hadjiist 
been read. Sixthly, we have taken the liberty to add, that 
in such a busy season of the year, genuine republican 
economy should have directed all these operations to 
have been performed in the night, which, besides a sav- 
ing of time, would have superadded the advantages of all 
the silence and solemnity of a Virginian caucus, 
t2 



162 MOBOCRACY. 

We find him most precisely showing 
How long the late war was a gomg.^'^^ 

He tells us even to a minute 
What time the British did begin it ; 
And likewise, what some don't remember. 
We made a peace once, in November. 

After this flight, which most immense is. 
Before you find your scattered senses. 
Behold our orator still rising. 
To matter more and more surprising. 

For that in his sublime opinion, 

George Washington ivas a Virginian! ^^^ 

143. How long the late war was a going. 

" The revolutionary war," quoth Mr. Bid well, " occupi- 
ed a little more than seven years and a half, from the bat 
tie of Lexington, on the 19th of April 1775, to the sign- 
ing provincial articles of peace on the 30th of November, 
1782. Highly important ! 

144 George Washington was a Virginia^. 

*' The British troops commtncsd actual hostilitie* ia 



MOBOCRACY. US 

Which, since 'tis down in black and white, 
'' I'll bet a beaver hat" he's right. 

One thing, by accident he rniss'd 
To state he was a federahst. 
Possessed antipathy, niost hearty 
To Barney Bidwell's precious party J^^ 

April, 1775. An army was raised for defence, and 
George VVash^^ngton, of Virginia was appointed 
commander in chief." Surprising intelligence ! 

145 To Barney Bidwell's precious party. 

The following extract of a letter from General Wash- 
ington to Cliarles Carrol o^" Maryland, dated Mount 
Vernon, August 2, 1798, several months after passing 
all those laws, wi^ich seem so obnoxious to the party 
BOW in power, will show what right they have to claim 
any advantage from the popularity of his name. 

** Although," says Gen. Washington '^1 highly approve 
of the measures taken by government, to place this 
country in a posture of defence, and even wish they had 
been more energetic, and shall be ready to obey its call 
under the reservations I have made, whenever it is made : 
yet I am not without hope, mad and intoxicated as the 
French are, that they will pause, before they take the 
liast step. That they have been deceived ki their calct- 



164 MOBOCRACY. 

Then full of patriotic choler, 
He yells out syllables of dolour 
Against your British rogues^ who would 
Have hungoiir best whigs-if they could, i'*^ 

But carefully forgets to say- 
How Jefferson had run away ; 

lations on the division of the people and the powerful 
support they expect from their party is reduced to a cer- 
tainty, though it is somewhat equivocal still, whether 
THAT PARTY, who have been the curse of this 
COUNTRY, and the source of the expences we 
HAVE TO encounter, may not be able to continue 
THEIR DELUSION. What pity it is the experKe could 
not be taxed upon them." 

146 Have hung our best whigs— if they could. 

'' With halters about their necks, the signers of the 
Declaration of Independence set their names to an in- 
strument, which in case of failure, they knew must be 
their death warrant. Yes, my friend, had the revolu- 
tion been crushed, they would have been distinguished 
from common rebels, and signally executed, or exiled." 
Very true Mr. Bidwell, bat wc shall see presently w'her« 
your party will land with this kind of reasoning. 



MOBOCRACY. 16S 

How many more, in whom he glories 
Had sav*d their necks by being tories.^*^ 

He next proceeds like ignoramus. 
Or artful rogue as you could name us. 
To state the motives and intendments. 
In constitutional amendments, i^* 

U7 Had sav'd their necks by being tories. 

I would not be understood as intending io satirize the 

tories as such. There were, undoubtedly, many to- 
ries, who were honest men and true friends to their 
country, but who supposed that opposition to Great- 
Rritain was, wrong in principle, and impossible in prac- 
tice. But since our democrats are stigmatizing the fede- 
ralists, with this among other unpopular epithets, it be- 
comes necessary to repel the charge as often as it is made 
or insinuated. I believe it will be found difficult to find 
any among the native Americans, who took an active 
part during the revolutionary war against their country, 
who have not since been induced, by the same kind of 
time-serving policy, and want of principle to become 
democrats, and who, like Talleyrand, or the Vicar of 
Bray are not willing to become any thing and every thing, 
which interest dictates. See note 19, p. 12. 

148 Of constitutional amendments. 

Mr. Bid well affirms that the amendment of the consti- 
tution, which declaretl a state not suable by a private 



160 MaBOCRACY. 

Through labyrinths of nonsense trudges, 
To fib about the federal judges,^ ^^ 

citizen, and that which made it necessary to designate 
by electoral votes the distinct candidates for President 
and Vice President were republican. If Mr. Bidwell 
will give the same meaning to the term republican that 
Buonaparte has ever done, we shall ijot dispute with 
him. The republicanism of the latter is but despotism in 
disguise, and that of the former with a proper analysis 
will be found to be substantially the same. 

The legislature of the stale of Georgia, under shelter 
of its inviolability has been guilty of a flagrant breach of 
contract — hiis burnt its records and shaken the pillars of 
society by striking at the right of property. Similar cases 
may again happen, and according to Mr. Bid well's re- 
publican amendment, there can no responsibility attach 
to the violation of a principle, which forms the basis of 
civilized society. The other republican amendment opens 
a wide door for intrigue and corruption, takes away a pow- 
erful check which the smaller states possessed over the 
larger, and flies directly in the face of the constitution 
as it originally stood. 

The reasoning of Mr. Tracy respecting this amend- 
vient, (falsely so called) one would suppose was irresisti- 
ble ; and indeed we do not pretend to so much charity as 
not to be induced to impeach the motives of those State 
cobblers, who by this and other similar proceedings, have 
frittered away our Constitution, and broken down those 
barriers which, by the wisdom of its framers, were de- 
ftigneU to give stability to society. 



MOBOCRACY. Uf 

Proceeds, adroitly to abridp^e 
The subtle speech of Breckcii ridge. 

The following extract, quoted from Mr. Tracy'a 
speech ill the Senate of the United Stales upon this sub- 
ject, contains arguments and facts, which ought to have 
been conclusive against this mischievou-. innovation. 

♦^ The constitution, is nicely balanced with the Federa- 
tive and the popular principles ; the Senate are the guard- 
ians of the former, and any pretence to destroy this ba- 
lance, under whatever specious names or pretences they 
may be mentioned should be watched with a jealous eye. 
Perhaps a fair definition of the constitutional power of 
amending is that you may, upon experiment, so modify 
the constitution, in its practice and operation as to give it 
in its oxvn principles a more complete effect- But this is 
an attack upon a fundamental principle, established after 
long deliberation, and by material concession : a princi^ 
pie of essential importance to the instrument itself, and an 
attempt to wrest from the small states a vested right ; 
and by it to increase the power and influence of the large 
States." 

** Nothing can be more obvious than the intention of 
the plan, adopted by our constitution for choosing a Pre- 
sident. The Electors are to nominate two persons, of 
whom they cannot know which will be the President, 
This circumstance not only induces them to select both 
from the best men ; but gives a direct advantage into the 
hands of the small state--, even in the Electoral choice; 
for they can always elect from the two candidates, set up 
by the Electors of large states, by throwing their votes 



168 MOBOCRACY. 

Then prates about each federal tax. 
And dealing out his thumps and thwacks, 
Hits Madison, a clever jwke,i'^o [stroke 1 
Right o*er the sconce, a knock down 

upon their favorite ; and of course giving hira a majorityi 
or if the Electors of the large stales should preveni this ef- 
fect they can scatter their votes for one candidate, then the 
Electors of the small states would have it in their power 
to elect a Vice President. So fiiat in any event the small 
states v'iil have a considerable agency in the eleciion. 
But if the discriminating or designating principle is car- 
ried, as contained in this resolution, the whole agency of 
the small states, in the Electoral choice of Chief Magis- 
trate is destroyed, and their chance of obtaining a federa- 
tive choice, by states, if not destroyed is very much di- 
tiiinished.'* 

JC9 To fib about the federal judgei^ 

Among the sophisms and misrepresentations with 
which this harrangue is teeming, those respecting our 
federal judges are not the least mischievous. Mr. Bid- 
well informs us that ** the office of an English judge is 
and always has been repealable by an act of the Legisla. 
ture." To this we shall oppose the conclusive reasoning 
of General Hamilton, taken from his " Examination of 
the President's Message ab the opening of Co'-gress De* 
cember 7. 1801. than which a more able political tract 
never fcil from the pen of a statesman. 



MOBOCRACY. 169 

The stamp act rails at, as a horrid 
Thing with the beast's mark in its forehead, 

** One more defence of this formidable claim^* (to 
wit, of abolishing the ofifices of the Federal Judges) " is at. 
tempted to be drawn from the example of the Judiciary 
establishment of Great Britain. It is observed, that this 
establishment, the theme of copious eulogy on account of 
the Independence of the Judges, places these officers on 
a footing far less firm than will be that of the Judges of 
the United States, even admitting the right of Congress 
to abolish their offices, by abolishing the Courts of which 
they are members: and as one p;oof of the assertion, it is 
mentioned that the English Judges are removable by the 
King, on the address of the two houses of Parliament. 

** All this might be very true, and yet would prove noth- 
ing as to what is, or ought to be the construction of our 
Constitution on this point. It is plain from the provision 
respecting compensation that the framers of that Consti- 
tution intended to |)rop the independence of t])e Judges 
beyond the precautions which have been adopted in 
England in respect to the Judges of that country ; and 
the intention apparent in this particular, is an argument, 
that the same spirit may have governed other provisions. 
Cogent reasons have been assigned, applicable to our sys- 
tem, and not applicable to the British system, for setij,- 
ring the independence of our Judges against the Legisla- 
ture, as well as against the Executive power. 

*' It is alleged that the statute of Great Britain of the 13 
of W illiam III. was the model from which the franiers of 
Q 



170 MOBOCRACY. 

Although *tis known to all but asses. 
It did not touch the lower classes. ^"^ 

our constitution copied the provisions for the independ- 
ence of the Judiciary. It is certainly true, that the idea 
of the tenure of office during good behaviour, found in 
several of our constitutions, is borrowed from that source. 
But it is evident that the framers of our federal system 
did not mean to confine themselves to that model. — Hence 
the restraint of the legislative discretion, as to compensa- 
tion ; hence the omission of the provision for the removal 
of the judges by the executive, on the application of the 
two branches of the legislature ; a provision, which has 
been imitated in some of the state governments." See 
No. 17 of aseries of essays with the signature of Lucius 
Crassus, originally published in the Evening Post, and 
afterwards printed in a pamphlet. 

Again, says the learned orator Bidvvell, " The very act 
erecting the circuit courts expressly abolished pre-existing 
courts.* Yet it was afterwards contended that the courts 
created by that act could not be constitutionally abolish- 
ed." 

Thetruth, however, is, that that act did not abolish pre- 
existing courts in such a way as to affect the dignity or 

* '' The act now under consideration is a legislative 
construction of this clause in the constitution, that can- 
gress may abolish as zvell as create these judicial officers ; 
because it does expressly, in the Sith section, abolish 
the then existing courts for the purpose of making waff 
i'or thepiese7)t.'' — Breckenridge's speech. 



MOBOCRACY. 171 

Then heaps upon the honest head« 
Of independent upright Feds, 

emoluments of the judges wlio held offices under the first es- 
tablishment. The number of the judgesof the supreme 
court was to have been reduced from six to five, and the ac- 
reduction was deferred to the happening of a vacancy. 
But an extract from Mr. Morris' speech will exhibit the 
fallacy of Mr. Bidwell's reasoning in a point of vie\f 
■which cannot but be conclusive against him. 

" Jt is said, that by this law, the district judges in 
Tennessee and Kentucky are removed from office, by 
making them circuit judges. And again, that you have 
by 'law appointed two new offices, those of tb.e circuit 
judges, and filled them by law, instead of pursuing the 
modes of ai)pointment prescribed by the constitution. 
It does indeed put down the district courts, but is so far 
from destroying the o^ces of district judges, that it de- 
clares the persons filling those offices shall perform the 
dwiy oi \\o\(\\w^ circuit courts ; and so far is it from ap- 
pointing circuit judges y that it declares the circuit courts 
shall be held by the district judges." 

Mr. Bidwell in the next place is pleased to inform us 
that judges are annually elected in Connecticut. But he 
does not say that such annual election is brought about 
by violating the constitution ; neither does he say that an 
ijidependent judiciary would not be a desideratum in that 
state. 

170 Hits Maddison, a clever joke. 

Mr. Bidwell rails at the federalists for levying dire<;t 
taxes, complains of the permanent olfices {contingent he 



;172 MOBOCRACY. 

Whatever measure could be found. 
With something dreadful in its sound. 

should say) thereby created ; and among others, the land 
tax is an object of his particular animadversion. The act, 
liowever, wliich imposed this terrible tax, was not altoge- 
ther of federal origin ; and if there is any odium to be at- 
tached to that measure, (which I deny) our democrats 
ought, in due degree, to suffer. This will appear from 
the following statement, every word of which can bt 
abundantly proved from public documents : 

*' A ccnimittee of wajs and means, consisting of one 
member of each state, were appointed for the purpose of 
dt vising t]ie best method of raising a tax. The democratic 
gentlemen, with Mr, Maddison at their head, proposed, 
and (this liaxing become the opinion of the majoiity) 
reported in favour of a land tax, and in consequence Mr. 
Wolcott was directed to frame a report for that purpose, 
and present it at the next session of congress, when are- 
port was accepted in favour of the land tax. Mr. Maddi- 
son, whose measure it was considered to be, was the man 
who particularly appeared on the floor as its defender and 
supporter. Jt islikewii^e a fact, that Mr. Gallatin, in his 
book of finances, has expressly recommended a land tax 
to tl'.e admihi-tiation." Aciv-York Eienitig Pest, July 
\b. 1S03. 

17 1 It did not touch the poorer classes. 

Nothing can prove more effectually the influence of 
names, abstracted from tJie things which they represent, 
than the circumstance of the federal stamp act having 



MOBOCRACY. 173 



At length winds up with such a series 
Of wicked and deceptive qaerie s 



.172 



been obnoxious to the middling, and lower classes of the 
American people. Farmers and meclianics, who perhaps 
would not be liable to pay a cent a year, were prevailed 
upon by demagogues to be very much alarmed at the 
idea of this tax being something dreadful in its nature 
and tettdency, — something like the old British stamp act, 
in which, not the tax itself, but the right to impose it was 
the object of di>pute. 'loo many well meaning men 
were prodigiously frighted at the idea of the stamp act 
being the harbinger of Federal Monarchy, or some other 
sort of incomprehensible tyranny. They therefore op- 
posed this tenible measure, and were i.xdulged with 
taxes on brown suii;ar, salt and bohea lea, in its stead, by 
which a revenue is derived altogether from the middling 
and lower classes. This looks as if it might be possible 
for the people to be '* their own worst enemies." 

172 Of wicked and di^ceptive queries. 

We shall not fatigue our readers, with a repetition of 
those queries. They are in suostance merely inquiries 
whether the people of the United States would be pleased 
witii the re-adoption of the same measures which former- 
ly charactet ised the federal administration? Whether a 
land tax, excise law, a standing army, &c. &c. would be 
again submitted to by the citizens of the United States? 

To this we might answer in a word : Similar circum- 
stances miglit render similar measures not only advisable,. 
(^2 



ir4 MOBOCRACY, 

That all must own this son of slander 
Well fitted for his party's pander. 

Honestus joins in dismal tone,n3 
And howls about a dreadful loan, 
In which the Fed'ral Government 
Gave no less sum than eight per cent.^'^'* 

but indispensable to preserve our independence as a na- 
tion. If a Gallatin should organize an insurrection ; if* 
Gallo- American faction should form a league with Buona- 
parte, or a French ambassador, aided by wrong-headed 
and treacherous Americans, should attempt to prostrate 
our country at the foot of France ; if Great-Britain or 
France should find leisure from their own disputes to com- 
mit depredations on our commerce, we shall be under 
the necessity of again recurring to federal men, and fede- 
ral measures, or resign our honour, our respectability, 
and probably, our independence as a nation. 

173. Honestus joins in dismal tone. 

One of the proprietors, and the principal writer in the 
Bostpn Chronicle, assumes the signature of Honestus. 

174. Gave no less sum than eight per cent. 

This loan which has occasioned so much clamour 
among our demagogues, was rendered necessary by the 



MOBOCRACY. IfS 

Though well the said Honestus knows 
From what necessity it rose. 
And had foundation, in reality. 
From his dear party's own rascality. 

He knows peculiar exigencies 
Led to great national expences. 
And that this loan at its creation 
Received our best men*s approbation. 

He knows that Washington declared 
Those great expences should be shared 
Among such fellows as Honestus 
And others like him, who infest us.^'^^ 

dangers wiiich threatened us from France, and from the 
expences of Gallatin's insurrection. A committee of con- 
gress, who were, no doubt, nearly 2ls, competent to judge 
oftliis business as Mr. Honestus, with the concurrence of 
Mr. Nicholson, and otiicr democrats, unanimously re- 
ported that they saw " no reason to doubt that these loans 
were negociated on the best terms which could be procur- 
ed, and with a laudable view to the public interest." 

175. And others hke him, who infest us. 

In proof of this assertion, we would refer to General 
Washington's letter to Mr. Carrol. Seepage 1G3' 



176 MOBOCRACY. 

Yet still this creature's always carping. 
The self sarna tune for ever harping 
And has a deal of mischief done. 
As drops perpetual wear a stone. 

Thus have our Fed*ral men been branded 
By artful modes, and underhanded. 
And slander'd in a way surpassing 
The cruelty of an assassin. — 

By vile imported convicts goaded, 

Harrass'd, with ignominy loaded. 

By imputation, oftentimes 

With weight of their opponent's crimes. ^"^^^ 

176 With weight of their opponents crimes. 

Pre-eminently hard is the fate of federalism, and sad is 
the destiny of the followers of Washington, in being stig. 
matized with the crimes of their opponents, and criminat- 
ed tor the misfortunes and expenses which were the ne- 
cessary result ofllie conduct of their political adversaries, 
Virginian delinquency caused great depredations on our 
commerce, and this was imputed to federalism. Demo- 
crats organized a whiskey insurrection, which caused great 
national expenses, these too were said to be the conse- 
quence of federalism. The domineering views of France, 



MOBOCRACY. i77 

But look at evVy Federal measure 
Which has incurred such high displeasure. 
And there's not one which you can men- 
But pleads at least a good intention, [tion. 

Have they their private interests furthered 
That now their reputation's murther'd ? 
And have they not 'iiiid party-war 
Made public good their polar star ? 

It must be own*d that their political 
Career was not a little critical ; 
Such times our land would overwhelm. 
If democrats had been at helm. 

It mus; be own'd wbateVr they've done 
Was sanction'd by our Washington, 

aided by the French faclioii in tliis country, in the opinion 
of Wasiiin^lon, Adams, and the oiiier sages and ^atrioti 
who at that time directed our councils, rendered a provi- 
sional army necessary. This too was the sin of federalism. 
But 

"Troy yet may wake, atone avenging blow. 
Crush the dire authors of their country's woe." 



178 MOBOCRACY. 

And be allow'd as no less trno 
He had no private ends in view. 

Though many a rogue belonguig unto 
The liireling JetTersonian junto. 
Mils boldly said, but saying lied, 
Oljr Washington was on their side ! — 

Yet he abhorr'd them, and what worse is, 
DonouncM them as our nation's curses, 
But gave his strongest approbation 
To Adams's administration. 

And each and all the accusations 
or Federal crimes and peculations. 
Their adversaries knew full well 
Were lies malicious, liilse as h-ll. 

If such must be the modes that our 
Great men must zcrig^lc into pow'r, 
Our government will prove a curse 
Than that of Algiers ten times worse : — 

Until a tyrant of a king, 

An emperor, or some such thing, 



MOBOCRACY. 179 

And he the essence of the devil 
Become a necessary evil.^'^"^ 

177 Become a necessary evil. 

It is well known that the faction, whicli lias built ilscU' 
up on the ruins of the Washington and Adams' adminis- 
trations, have been clamorous in their complaints against 
the fedoralisls, for iheir pretended preililection to monar- 
chy. Treatises written expressly in favour of the Ameri- 
can government, and of the republican constitutions of the 
several stales have been tortured into meanings finite 
foreign from the ideas of their authors, in order to suit the 
nefarious purposes of unprincipled parti/ans. Private 
conversation, uttered in moments of conviviality, lias been 
reported and misrepresented, with all Ihu artifice of llie 
nn)st malicious ingenuity. Still we ar(r not informed of 
any thing more having escaped the lips of any of tiie lead- 
ing federal characters than general expressions of appre- 
Iwnalon, lest this government should degenerate through 
anarchy to despotism; and the hon. Fislier Ames, who 
staiub among the most prominent of these pretended 
monarchy-loving men, has declared in substance, that (/* 
mniiarchj .should ctcr he estahlidicd in thia count ry, it 
will be the work of the jacobins. 



KNi> OF THE I'IKST VOLUME. 



ay 

DEMOCRACY UNVEILED, 

OR, 

TYRANNY 

STRIPPED OF THE 
GARB OF PATRIOTISM. 



BY CHRIS rOPHER CAUSTIC, L. L. D. 

i>;c. Sfc. S^c. S;c. 8^c. S^x. ^c. SfC. SfC. 



— ■ ' Citcum domus scelus ornne rdtxit. 

You rogues ! you rogues ! you're all found out 
And, ** We the People," I've no doubt. 
Will put a period to your dashing, 
And honest men will come in fashion. 



IN TWO VOLUMES. VOL. II, 



THIRD EDITION, WITH LARGE ADDITIONS. 



NEIF-YORIC: 

PRINTED FOR I. RILEY, 4^ CO, 

180«. 



€ANTO IV. 



€Se leffer^ottiat. 



ARGUMENT. 

With deference due, and huge humlfitj^ 
Approaching Don Perfectibility, 
We laud the man, by Demo's reckon'd 
A sort of Jupiter the second, 1 
Whose most correct administration 
In annals of Illumination, 
Will ever shine superbly splendid, 
A long ti?ne after time is ended. 



With awe, scarce short of adoration. 
Before the glory of our nation. 
With scrape submissive, cap in hand. 
We, Doctor Caustic trembling stand > 

1 A sort of Jupiter the second. 

A very judicious encomiast on the " greatest man in 
America," in an cZegawifpzi^, published, and republished 
ia almost every democratic Newspaper in the United 



4 THE JEFFERSONIAD. 

And offer with all veneration 
Due to his Highnesses high station. 
Our services to daub and gloss over 
A philanthropical philosopher. 

The mighty Chief of Carter's Mountain, 
Of democratic power the fountain, 
We would extol, his favour buying 
By most profound and solid lying.^ 

States, has amoug other daslmig matters, drawn a fla- 
ming comparison between Messrs. JeffersoH and Jupiter. 
Ihese two deities seem to share the universe betweea 
them, and to hurl about their thunder and lightning at 
an astonishing rate. Perhaps there never was a compa- 
rison, which, as rhetoricians express themselves, went 
more completely on all fours, than this to which we al- 
lude. We think, however, that our Mr. Jupiter jun. 
whenever he condescends to put on the terrible, is muck, 
the most august of these two personages. 

2 By most profound and solid 'yi ng. 

Hutler, speaking, doubtless of a demagogue, says that 
he was, 

■ ■■ ■.■■ « ■ for profound 

And solid lying much renown'd. 
A man may lie not only with impunity but with ap? 
plause, provided his falshoods have a tendency to further 



I 



THE JEFFERSONIAD. 5 

Sure never lucky man of rhyme 
Was blest with subject more sublime. 
And ere his virtues weVe reported. 
We shall or ought to be — transportedl 

Touched by our pencil, every fault 
Shall fade away like mount of salt. 
Which late, 'tis said, in weather rainy,. 
Was melted in Louisiana.^ 

Posterity shall puff the Statesman, 
Whom we will prove is our first rate's man. 
Nor Gaffer Time shall dare to tarnish 
The character we mean to varnish. 

But shall we not, as poets use 
First set about to seek a muse, 

the views of the hypocritical demagogues of the day. 
See note 12, p. 8. vol. 1. 

3 Was melted in Louisiana. 

Although we liave not yet received official intelligence 

of this most extraordinary phenomenon, yet, the silence 

•which Mr. Jefferson has of late observed on the subject of 

this stupendous curiosity, warrants the conclusion which . 

we here take the liberty to draw, of its absolute fusion. 
a2 



6 THE JEFFERSONIAD. 

One of Apollo's fiddling lasses. 

Who runs to grass on Mount Parnassus ? 

Dost think we had not better choose 
Some mad cap Delia Cruscan Muse, 
To teach us featly to combine 
A world of nonsense in a line ? 

Or call on some frail worldly wench. 
As did the revolutionary French, [knees on 
When th' impious monkies bent their 
Before their strumpet-goddess Reason ?'* 

Or shall we undertake to hire 
Some democratic muse, a liar. 
Who would, for pelf, in lays most civil. 
Sing Hallelujahs to the devil ? 

4 Before their Strumpet-Goddess Reason ? 

It is a fact well known to every one in the least con- 
versant in the history of the French Revolution, that re- 
ligious homage, with a great number of blasphemous cer- 
emonies was rendered by the chief actors in that scene of 
desolation to a common harlot. The object of their ado- 
ration was tricked out with characteristic tawdriness, and 
"personated Reason at that time the idol of those atro- 
cious infidels. 



THE JEFFERSONIAD. r 

Or seek in dark and dirty alley 

A Mr. Jefferson's Miss Sally, 

In our Fj^ec Govtrnment no matter 

Whether coal black, or swart mulatto ? 

No— but with Gallatin's best whisky 
OuRSELF will get a little frisky, 
Then, either foot a poet's stilt on. 
We'll strut away sublime as Milton. 

Some say our chief regards religion 
No more than wild goose, or a pigeon. 
But I'll maintain, what seems an oddity^ 
He's overstock'd with that commodity. 

The man must have religion plenty 
To soar from " no god" up to " twenty^'* 
No doubt of common folks the odds 
As no God is to twenty Gods.^ 

5 As no God is to twenty Gods. 

"We have ever greatly admired the wonderful political 
pliancy of some of our clerical characters, in supporting 
with so much ardour, a man wiio has ever been 
hostile to the christian religion. But these gentle- 
men no doubt suppose, that the reports of xMr. Jefferson's 



8 THE JEFFERSONIAD. 

Though his high mightiness was skittish. 
When menaced by the bullying British 

infidelity are all federal lies. We will however furnish 
them with a few facts and arguments with which the 
federalists fortify their assertions, not doubting in the least 
that these candid and learned divines will contrive to 
muster arguments to prove, that Mr. Jefferson is a very 
pious and orthodox sort of a man ; and though perhaps 
they would not go so far as to assert with a certain itine- 
rant holder-forth in Massachusetts, that Mr. Jefferson is 
the sixth angel mentioned in the revelation, yet, they will 
probably maintain, that he has as much political piety as 
Oliver Cromwell, oi genuine republican memory. 

Mr, Jefferson's invitation to Tom Paine, has somewhat 
the appearance of no great regard to religion. But doubt- 
less it was supposed, that the claims of the latter as a po- 
litician were such, as to entitle him to the very extraor- 
dinary attention of the former, especially, as Paine liad 
written a letter against General Washington, an oppo- 
nent to Mr. Jefferson's party, which teemed with the 
most unqualified abuse. 

Mr. Jefferson says, in his Notes on Virgiiiia, " It does 
me no injury for my neighbour to say, there are twenty 
Gods, or wo God; it'neitber picks my pocket, nor breaks 
my leg ; if it be said, his testimony in a court of justice 
cannot bcrelied on, reject it then, and be the stigma on 
him ;" and speaking of the state of religion in Pennsylva- 
nia and New- York, he says, ** religion there is well sup- 
ported, of different kinds indeed, hut all good enough ; 
Sill sufficient to preserve peace and order." 



THE JEFFERSONIAD. 9 

The Feds are wrong to make a clatter 
About the Carter-Mountain matter.^ 

Now, although federal clergymen might be induced to 
adopt the language of Mr. Smith, and exclaim, " which 
ought we to be most shocked at, the levity or impiety of 
these remarks r" yet, democratic clergy men. will, if they 
\vould be consistent, declare all this to be a federal lie, and 
that those passages in the Notes on Virginia which we 
have quoted, are federal interpolations, intended to tra- 
duce the fair fame of the " greatest man in America." 

But there is an astonishing charge lately made by a 
writer in the United States Gazette, that demands a 
refutation, which we, although the professed eulogist 
of Mr. Jefferson, are sorry to confess, are unable to fur- 
nish ; but we hope our fellow-labourers in the vineyard of 
democracy will supply us weapons, wherewith to knock 
down this impudent adversary of our immortal chieftain* 

'*Tiiemost gentle temper," says this anti-JdTersonian 
scribbler, " may be urged until it becomes impatient, and 
this, I confess, was the case with m}self, when on the 
road between Baltimore and Philadelphia, 1 heard a min- 
ister of ^he gospel declare, that the repoit of Mr. Jefftr- 
son's infidelity was " a Federal lie. '^ To counteract an im- 
putation so ungenerous and unjust, and for the informa- 
tion of those, who are not so entirely hoodwinked as not 
to see anything, however obvious and palpable it may 
appear, 1 have thougiit proper to subjoin the following 
statement, and if Mr. Jefferson will deny its truth, heshall 
be immediately informed of the name of the person wh^ 
made it. 



10 THE JEFFERSONIAD. 

'Twas better far to make excursion. 
By way of something like diversion, 

*' B. Hawkins Esq. (don*t start Mr. Jefferson) once a 
member of congress, and now high in trust and presiden- 
tial favour, wrote a pamphlet in vindication of the doc- 
trines of thellluminati, and among others, of the doctrines 
o^ chance and materialism. He sent one copy of tliis pam- 
phlet, yet in manuscript, to Mr. Jefiferson, and anothei 
copy to Mr. Macon, speaker of the house of representa- 
tives. I say he sent those copies, and I ask Mr. Jefferson 
to deny it. 

*' Mr. Jefferson, in order to elude the curiosity of the 
Post-Office, sent him an answer in latin, in which he 
has- recourse to that unintelligible slang which marks his 
public messages, but in which he does unequivocally ex- 
press his approbation of every sentiment contained in the 
work, and does request Mr. Hawkins to cause it to be 
published, in order to enlighten tlw minds of the people of 
America. I say he did send this letter, and I beseech 
the President to deny it. The answer of Mr. Macon was 
not in latin ; Mr. Macon does not write latin." 

This impudent federalist, who thus slanders the chief 
magistrate of a christian country, certainly deserves to be 
indicted, and not allowed to give the truth in evidence. 

6. About the Carter Mountain matter. 

Some of our good democrats, as it behoveth tliem^ 
have strenuously denied the fact of Mr. Jefferson's master- 



THE JEFFERSONIAD. 11 

Than like w/e-philosophic hot-head 
To run the risk of being shot dead. 

ly retreat from Charlottesvilleto Carter's Mountain. Now, 
altliough we propose to proceed at least to the end of the 
Canto, stating "false facts" in favour of the sub- 
ject of our present eulogy, yet we propose to lie with 
somewhat more caution than Mr. Jefferson's advocates 
have generally done. We therefore will state what some 
of the wicked federalists have asserted, and leave it to 
some of our fellow-labourers in the vineyard of democracy, 
to lie doxvn such opposition. 

Mr. Smith of South Carolina, in his impudent pam- 
phlet, to which we have referred before (see pages 105 and 
110, vol. 1.) has the following allegations against Mr. 
•Jefferson : 

" Mr. Jefferson has generally sacrificed the civil rights 
of his countrymen to his own personal safety. We are 
told in a public address, by Mr. Charles Simms, of Vir- 
ginia, who must have been well acquainted with the cir- 
cumstances, " that Mr. Jefferson, when governor of Vir- 
ginia, abandoned the trust with which he was charged, 
at the moment of an invasion by the enemy, by which, 
great confusion, loss and distress, accrued to the state, 
in the destruction of public records and vouchers for ge- 
neral expenditures,* 



^ Mr. Leven Pozvell, ofFirginia, also states, in his pub- 
lic address, ** That when Tarleton, with a few lighthorte, 
pursued the assembly to Charlottesville, Mr. Jefferson 
discovered such a want of firmness, as shewed he was twt 



12 THE JEFFERSONIAD. 

Such saving prudence mark'd a sage 
A great man of a former age, — 

♦• Now, here was a period of public danger, when Mr. 
Jefferson's attachment to the civil rights of his country- 
men, might have shone very conspicuously, by facing and 
averting the danger; here would have been a fine oppor- 
tunity for him to have displayed his public spirit, in brave- 
ly rallying round the standard of liberty and civil rights ; 
but, though in times of safety, he could rcZ/y round the 
standard of his friend, Tom Paine, yet, when real/ianger 
appeared, i\\Q governor of the ancient do?ninion dwindled 
into the poor, timid philosopher ; and instead of rallying 
his brave countrymen, he lied for safety from a few light- 
horsemen, and shamefully abandoned his trust. t 

fit to fill the first executive office ; for, instead of using hit 

talents, in directing the necessary operations of defence, 

lie quitted his government by resigning his office; 

this too, at a tittle zvhich tried tneti's souls; at atiitie ivlien 

the affairs of America stood in doubtful suspense, and re- 

<|trired the exertions of all." Tlie Goiernor of P'irginia, 

dunng the invasion of the state, by a small British force, 

instead of defending the cottmionxvealth at that alarming 

juncture, voluntarily and suddenly surrendered his office, 

and at that crisis, his country teas required to choose ano- 

tlier Governor ! Is there any security he ivould not act 

in like manner again, in like circumstances ? 

t This charge has been attetnpted to be got rid of, by 
producing a vote of the atsetnbly of Virginia, after an in- 



THE JEFFERSONUD. U 

One FalstafF, famous as our head man. 
Thought hojiour nothing in a dead man. 

There is likewise one Thomas Turner, Esq. of Virginia, 
a gentleman of very respectable character, &c. &c. but 
■we are somewhat apprehensive that he is a federalist, and 
as such, in our capacity of Eulogist to Mr. Jefferson, we 
shall most assuredly take the liberty to be very severe upon 
him, for stating the following most abominable truths 
(for, « the greater the truth, the greater the liber) against 
Mr. Jefferson. 

'' At the time Petersburgh was occupied by the British 
troops, under command of Generals Philips and Arnold, 
Mr. Jefferson, who was then governor of the state, did 
participate in the partial consternation excited by the 
situation of the British army, and did abandon the scat 
oi government, at a period, and with an awkward pre . 
clpitation, indicative of timidity, unwarranted by any 



quiry into his conduct, acknowledging his ability and in- 
tegrity, are altogether silent on his want of firmness, which 
had been the cause ofhisjlight. 

" It was natural for his friends in the assembly to var- 
nish over this business- asivellas they could; and the dan- 
ger being past, there being no prospect of his being again 
exposed in that station, and his Jiight proceeding not 
from any criminality, but from a constitutional weakness 
of nerves, it was no difficult matter to get such a vote 
fromthe assembly ; more especially, as the character of 
the state was no less implicated in the business than that 
of the governor.*' 

B 



14 THE JEFFERSONIAD. 

But being Governor of the State, 
(Some carping folks presume to say't,) 
He ought t' have stood some little fray. 
Smelt powder ere he ran away. 

immediate movement of the enemy, and forbidden by a 
jegard to those duties, which belong to the station he 
held. This fact is well recollected, and can be prov- 
ed by many of the oldest and most respectable inhabi- 
tants of the city of Richmond, and I bf^licve would not 
be denied by the candid supporters of Mr. Jetferson him- 
self. 

" The sequel of his conduct, after the assembly re- 
turned to Charlottesville, and on the approach of Colonel 
Tarleton, to that place, stands attested by thousands of 
witnesses, and can never be forgotten by those of his 
countrymen, who respect the character of a firm and vir- 
tuous public officer, and wlio abhor that of the dastardly 
traitor to the trust reposed in him. His retreat, or rather 
hhjiight from Monticello, on the information that Tarle- 
ton had penetrated the country, and was advancing to 
Charlottesville, was ctfecied with such hurried abruptness, 
as to produce a fall from his horse, and a dislocation of the 
shoulder. In this situation he proceeded about sixty 
miles souths to th€ county of Bedford, whence he for- 
"warded his resignation to the assembly (who had in the 
niean time removed to Staunton, and) who theretfpon 
elected General Nelson governor. The circumstances 
are substantidly and literally true ; nay, the abdicatioa 
of the government must be a matter of record.'* 



THE JEFFERSONIAD. 15 

Modern philosophers know better 
Than their most nobie minds to fetter,-— 
Their new-school principles disparage 
With honour y hontsty and courage. 

Besides, His said by other some 
That charity begins at home^ 
That each man should take care of one. 
Nor fight when there is room to run. 

It is moreover my desire 
That Turner be esteemed a liar, 
Convict, by Duane's Declaration, 
And hung for theft and defamation.'^ 

7 And hung for ihefi and defamation. 

The very respectable editor of the Aurora, a=> well a«? 
Ids coinpcers; Mr. Eichie o^ the Richmond Enquirer, 
Mr. Paine and other democratic writers, have sliown won- 
derful adroitness in parrying the thrusts which have been 
made at Mr. Jefferson's character. Some have said tliat 
theaccu-ations, provided they were all ir^e, amounted to 
nothing. Others have undertaken to prove the whole a 
parcel of federal lies. But the Aurora-man has attacked 
the character of Mr. Turner, in order to invalidate his testi- 
mony with so much vigour, that the same Mr. Turner will 
never be able to show his head among honest men. Pie has 



16 THE JEFFERSONIAD, 

And I'JI make plain as College Thesis, 
Our Chief as bold as Hercules is. 
By proofs which must confound at once. 
Each carping, scurrilous Federal dunce. 

A Chief who stands not shilly shally. 
But is notorious for — a Sally^ 

told a cdlnical, and, xvhat is wonderful, in part, a true 
story, how one Tom Turner stole a cloak from a member 
of congress from Virginia. But the editor of the Evening 
Post has spoiled the whole, by the following explanation : 
'* The truth is, the cloak in question belonged to Mr. 
William Hillhouse, member of congress from Connecti- 
cut, and it was taken from him by one Mr. Thomas Tur- 
ner, or as Duane has it, Tom Turner ; but Tom Turner, 
instead of the respectable Virginia planter, who wrote the 
letter to Dr. Park, was a man of the same name, who 
belonged to the Philosophical Society of Philadelphia, of 
which Mr. Jefferson was President; and what is more, he 
was like pillory-Nichols, of Boston, and Callender, one of 
Mr. Jefferson's confidential correspondents." 

8 And is notorious for — a Sally. 

This line contains, we think, what Edmund Burke 
would call " Tiigh naatter." Indeed, we are far from being 
positive, that wc are not in this place somewhat heyondour 
own comprehension ; an error of which, we are the more 
apprehensive, as we have observed it to be a common 
fault among those writers who advocate democratic poll- 



THE JEFFERSONIAD. 17 

Might Mars defy, in war's dire tug. 
Or Satan to an Indian hug. 

Therefore ye Feds, if ye should now hard 
Things mutter of a nerveless coward, 
'Twill prove your characters, ye quizzes. 
Black as an Empress's black phiz is. 

'Tis true some wicked wags there are. 
Who laugh about this dark affair. 
But I can tell this shameles faction 
They ought t' admire the same transaction ; 

And did they rightly comprehend 
How means are sanction'd by the end^ 
They'd change their grumbling tones sar- 
To eulogies encomiastic. [castic 

'Tis our right- worshipful belief. 
This fine example of our Chief, 

tics. We think, therefore, that it will be most judicious 

for us to leave it to our commentators to decide, whether, 

by the terin Sally, we mean an attack upon an enemy, or 

dalliance with ^friend. 

B 2 



18 THE JEFFE RSONIAD. 

Of commerce join*d to manufactures 
Makes in his character no fractures : 

And we will prove, sans disputation. 
Our Chief has wondrous calculation ; 
In politics nine times as able 
As Mazarine or Machiavel. 

For Where's a readier resource 
For that sweet " social intercourse,'* 
Which at a grand inauguration 
Was promis'd this our happy nation ? 

And if, by his example, he goes 
To recommend the raising negroes. 
The chance is surely in his favour 
Of being President forever. 

A southern negro is you see, man , 
Already three-fifths of a freeman. 
And when Virginia gets the staff. 
He'll be a freeman and a half.^ 



9 He'll be a freeman and a half. 



.4 



The preponderance which Virginia has already ob- 
tained in the scale of representation, will enable her to 



THE JEFFERSONIAD. 19 

Great men can never lack supporters. 
Who manufacture their own voters ; 
Besides 'tis plain as yonder steeple. 
They will he fathers to the people. 

And 'tis a decent, clever, comical, 
Nfew mode of being economical ; 
For when, a black is rais'd, it follows 
It saves a duty of ten dollars, i® 

proceed to increase the privileges of her black popula- 
tion. Ill this she will be governed by the strict rules of 
Tepublican propriety, which always consults the greatest 
good of the greatest number. 

10 It saves a duty often dollars. 

This is a duty, which has been proposed, and probably 
will at some future period, be adopted in the southern 
states, to prevent the importation of slaves. It is surpris- 
ing, that, among- all the calculations which have distin- 
guished our penny-saving administration, this pleasant 
scheme has not been adopted more generally. But a word 
to the wise will not be thrown away. Our southern na- 
bobs will improve on this hint: sable nabobbesses will 
be all the rage ; and establishments for the manufacturing 
of slaves, will be as common as those for gin or whiskey. 



20 THE JEFFERSONIAD. 

Besides, sir opposition-prater. 
That foul reproach to human nature. 
The most nefarious guinea trade 
Ma}^ fall by presidential aid. 

And he's a wayward blockhead, who says 
This making negroes or pappooses 
Is not accordant with the plan 
OfTomPaine's precious "Rights of Man." 

Therefore, your best and and wisest course 
With Antifeds to join your forces, [is 

And all combine to daub and gloss over 
Our philanthropical Philosopher. 

I know it has been urged by some. 
That he who has a wife at home 
Flesh of his flesh, bone of his bone. 
Might let mulatto girls alone. 

But they who say it must be fools 
In doctrines of th' illumin'd sciiools^ 
Not one can cobble human nature. 
Or make a modern Legislator : — 



THE JEFFERSONIAD. 2i 

Indeed, they show in this respect 
So small a reach of intellect, [ing 

Thej^ must have shallow pates, command- 
Scarce one inch depth of understanding. 

One whose philanthropy's embrace 
Incloses all the human race ; 
Is forced full many schemes to try, 
Where more is meant than meets the eye. 

All kinds of cattle, 'tis agreed. 
Improve whene'er you cross the breed. 
With sheep and hogs it is the case. 
And eke the Jacobinic race. 

We therefore' think it best to tether 
Your blacks and democrats together ; 
For in thiy pleasant way 'tis said 
The lustiest patriots may be bred. 

And we've no doubt this making brats 
Between your blacks and Democrats^, 
Will serve like varnish or japan 
For perfecting the race of man. 



2J& THE JEFFERSONIAD. 

Fine scheme ! the more we turn it over,. 
The more its beauties we discover ; 
This intercourse of blacks and whites 
Will set the wicked world to rights. 

Behold the Hartford Mercurj^-maiT 
Adopts with ardour this new plan,** 
Will doubtless aid us in his station, 
To bring it into operation. 

1 1 Adopt with ardour this new plan. 

In the Mercury, a democratic newspaper, was re-pub 
lished from the National Intelligencer, a paper, under the 
immediate patronage of Mr. Jefferson, a precious para- 
graph, piettily prefaced as follows: 

"THOUGHTS ON THE TRUE PATH TO NATIONAL 
GLORY." 

** The course of events will likewise inevitably lead to 
a niixlure of the iildtts and blacks ; and as the former are 
about five times as numerous as the latter, the blacks wil] 
ultimatel}' be merged in the whites. This, indeed, ap- 
j;cars to be the great provison made by nature, and, view- 
ing the subject in its political aspects, we cannot feel too 
much satisfaction at there being an ultimate issue, how- 
ever remote, independent of the exertions of statesmen, 
which, notivithstanding its repugnance to our 7'eason, as 
well as prejudice, will arrive," 

No doubt, Mr. Mercury-man ! — a most happy expe- 
dient truly ! — '^notwithstanding its repugnance to our 



THE JEFFERSONIAD. S2 

And other ministerial prints, 

(No doubt from Presidential hints) 

Are all alive upon this topic. 

So pleasant, and so philanthropic. 

The more the thing we look at, true 'tis. 
The more we see its myriad beauties. 
For this most precious plan discovers 
A new and charming field for lovers. 

reason' ! — And what mortal can sufficiently admire thy 
wonderful magnanimity, O thou! the great man, 
"whom we are humbly attempting to eulogize, in the being 
-one of the first to put in practice this philanthropic plan; 
by virtue of which, " the blacks will ultimately be merged 
in the whites. " ! 

What say you, O ye fair daughters of Columbia ! (we 
mean the white ones) will ye be pleased with a hymeneal 
jottery, for the purposes aforesaid, in which every fifth 
lady-adventurer shall draw the delectable prize of ablac/c 
paramour? 

But as this notable scheme is of democratic origin, it 
would be the heighth of impudence for your old-fashion^ 
edy 2f?2-philosopI;ical federalists, to interfere in tiie least. 
Ko — ihe benefits which may result from ths motley mix. 
ture, and scheme aforesaid, ought to be shared exclu- 
sively among genuine democrats. Those alone will be 
found worthy to walk in 



24' THE JEFFERSONIAD. 

Each flaxen-headed swain will trill his 
JLove song to vvoollen-pated Phillis ! 
And pining Corydons will bilk 
Their Mistresses of buttermilk ! 

Each flaunting buckish tippy bobby. 
Will take a black wench for hi« hobby, 
And Belles keep fashionable honeys, 
Crow-colour'd loves, like Desdemona's. 

And none but fools and arrant asses 
Will care for " pale un ripened" lasses. 
Who can succeed to storm the trenches 
Of blooming beautiful black wenches ! i 

And when in billing kisses sweet 
Pasteboard and blubber lips shall meet, 
'Twill be allowed such love surpasses 
E*en nectar sweetened with molasses I 

Besides our daughters and our zvives. 
If happily this project thrives. 
Will strengthen Jefferson's resource* 
By Sambo's social intercourses. 



THE JEFFERSONIAD. 25 

And pray friend Babcock send your wife, 
(Now while your theory is rife) 
Or bid your daughter sans a fee, go 
And practice on it with a negro. 

The uglier monster too the better. 
But should you hesitate to let her, 
'Twill prove the scandalous hypocrisy. 
Of your pretensions to democracy. 

All hail Columbia's transmutation 
To one great grand mulatto nation i 
And may success attend each dally. 
Of Mr. Jefferson and Sally [ 

But left this subject so adorable. 

To future bards who may be more able ; 

In lays supernal and amazing. 

To set it absolutely blazing. 

We will pass on and fmd out whether, "" 
We cannot find another feather. 
Or sprig of laurel, which may hap 
To fit his Mightinesses cap. 



2$ THE JEFFERSONIAD. 

Our noble Chieftain is, I wist. 
The most renovvn'd philanthropist^, 
That ever yet has hatch'd a plan 
That went to meliorating man : 

Has formed a scheme, which we delight in. 
To stop the horrid trade of fighting -, ^^ 

12 To stop the horrid trade of fighting ! 

To prove what a prodigiously benevolent sort of a gen- 
tleman we have taken the Hberty to eulogize ; and to fur- 
nish our readers with a most delightful specimen of close, 
accurate and invincible logic, we will oblige them with 
some extracts of a letter from Mr. Jefferson to Sir John 
Sinclair, President of the Board of Agriculture at Lon- 
don, dated'March 23, 17S8, but lately republished in the 
democratic papeis, by way of applauding the passive 
obedience and non-resistance measures of our creeping 

ndminis*:ration. 

*' 1 am fixed with awe (says our Chieftair,) at tiie 
mighty conflict, in which two great nations are c:dvanc- 
ing, and recoil with horror at the ferociousness of man.* 

* fffe cannot but observe, that Mr. Jefferson's being so 
terribly terrified at the thoughts of shedding human blood, 
even in a " mighty conflict," is a total departure from the 
principles of his sect of philosophers. The illuminati in 
(reneral, and Mr. Godivin in particular, Juive no scruples 
af that sort. See Note 53. p. 16. Vol. I. 



THE JEFFERSONIAD. 27 

Bid England cease from war*s alarms. 
And Buonaparte lay down his arms. 

Will nations never devise a more rational umpire of dif- 
lerencesthan that of force ? Are there no means of coerc- 
ing injustice, more gratifying to our nature, than a waste 
of the blood of thousands, and the labour of millions of our 
felloW'Creatures ? We see numerous societies of men (the 
aboriginals of this country) living together without the 
acknowledgment of either laws or magistracy, yet they 
live in peace among themselves, and acts of violence and 
injury are as rare in their societies as in nations which 
keep the sword of the law in perpetual activity. Public 
reproach, a refusal of common offices, interdiction of the 
commerce and comforts of society are found as essential 
as the coarser instrument of force. Nations like these in- 
dividuals stand towards each other only in the relations of 
natural right. Might they not like them he peaceabli/ 
punished for violence and wrong ? &c. Sfc. 

Now let us look at, and of course, as in duty bound, 
admire this stream of humanity issuing from the fountain 
of philanthropy. What a sublime idea is that of provi- 
ding a " rational umpire of differences" between warring 
nations who shall ** coerce injustice" by " means grati- 
fying to our nature," and teach them to 

feel " the halter draw. 

With good opinion of the law." 

And because a parcel of American savages, sparsely 
scattered over immense wilds, "live without tiie acknow- 
ledgment of either laws or magisti'acy, in peace among 



28 THE JEFFERSONIAD. 

That is to pacify all nations. 
By fine palavering proclamations. 
Stating in lieu of cannon's thunder, 
'Tis unpolite to rob and plunder. 

themselves," &c. how very logically follows the ergo {he 
populous/ambitious,[ancl powerful nations of the old v^-orld 
may be ruled by Mr. Jeiferson's notions of " the relations 
ofrigUy* and warring empires, as well as hostile indivi- 
duals be peaceably punished by ** public reproach, a re- 
fusal of common offices," &:c.* 

Now were we not absolutely and bona fide determined 
to be Mr. Jeiferson's advocate, we should first pick a quar- 
rel with his premises, and then proceed to knock down 
his conclusions. We should say that the aboriginals of 
this country have their Chiefs, who have the authority of 
7nagisirates ', that they are far from always living at 
peace among themselves, but murder is among others, a 
common crime, and sometimes a whole tribe is extin- 
guished in cold blooded revenge of accidental homicide ; 
that their wars are as bloody as those of civilized nations, 
and that they generally torture and put their prisoners to 
death, with fiend-like malice and ingenuity. 



* This mode of subduing (he refractory was probably 
invented by Mr. Gallatin, uho in his zvhiskey insurrec-* 
Hon concern, tuas chairman of a eommitiee of insurgents y 
•who resolved to have no intercourse nor dealings uiih the 
officers of government, " ivithdraw from them every as* 
sistancet and withhold all the comforts of life f' 8fc. 



THE JEFFERSONIAD. 29 

The only obstacle I see to't. 
Is, that some rascals won't agree to*t ; 
For spite of all our Chief can say. 
They will go on and fight away i 

But then he sbows the good he would do. 
Provided, what he would he could do ; 
And when a man's a good intention. 
He ought said good intent to mention. 

And I'd rely with all my heart. 

On his persuading Buonapart' 

To give us liberty, as much 

As France has done the Swiss and Dutch. 

All this indeed might be said by Mr. Jefferson's oppo- 
nents. But li-e would by no means be guilty of such an 
ill-advised attack on such fine practical philosophy, and 
recommend to this great philanthropist, and his sagaci- 
ous adherents to rely altogether on the perfectibility of hu- 
man nature, and the probability of nations submitting to 
he peaceably punhhcd without any force, in some way 
gratifying to our nature. And therefore we would have 
tjaeni set about destroying the remains of our navy, army, 
forts, arsenals, &c. &c. so that it may not be possible for 
us to engage in any of those " mighty conflicts," which 
cause Mr. Jefftrson such excess of trepidation. 



30 THE JEFFERSONIAD. 

Then don't let fed'ralists provoke him, 
And Mr. Jefferson will stroke him. 
Till he will condescend, I trow, 
Our commonwealth to take in tow. 

No doubt our bright affairs ^ith Spain, 
Are in their present happy train. 
In consequence of our sweet temper. 
And President eadem semper. 

But should we chance to think that our 
Security consists in poiver, 
Neffociate with our arms in hand. 
The Lord knows only where we'll land. 

Most of our democrats know fully. 
That lying down disarms a bully ^ 
That nothing ever is a stranger 
To every thing that looks like danger. 

And doubtless French and Algerines, 
Will be persuaded by such means, 
'Tis best to let alone our commerce. 
Not take our hard-earn'd money from us. 



THE JEFFERSONIAD. 31 

Therefore I say, and will maintain. 
The man must be a rogue in grain. 
Who won't acknowledge our good Presi- 
dent, 
The greatest man on this earth resident. 

m 

Though Gossip Fame has been a talker, 
Of some attempts at Mrs. Walker ^^^ 

13 Of some attempts on Mrs. Walker. 

Here we shall be obliged, once more, to be severeon the 
before-mentioned Thomas Turner, £^q. for having the 
temerity to tattle slander against the man, whom good de- 
mocrats delight to honour. 

" The father of Colonel John Walker (says this man, 
who thinks he can " tell truth and shame the devil") was 
the guardian of Mr. Jefferson, and advanced a part of 
those funds, which were applied to the education of the 
latter; an education affjrding those talents, which have 
been so strangely perverted, which have been insidiously 
e mfilo yed in the conception of schemes, foul, ungrateful,, 
homble. At a very early period of their lives. Colonel 
Walker and Mr. Jefferson contracted an attachment which 
grew up with their years aiid ripened into the closest in- 
timacy. — Their professions were mutual ; their confidence 
unbounded. While things were in this situation, Mr. 
Jefferson was meditating the unnatural purpose of seducing 
the wife of his best friend, and to this end (taking advaii- 



32 THE JEFFERSONIAD. 

Yet this is silly, slanderous stuff. 
Or if 'twere true 'tis right enough. 

tage of the confidience of Colonel Walker, and availing 
himself of the timidity of the lady, whose affection for her 
husband preventeil the disclosure of a transaction, which 
might lead to an exposure of his life]fi^evoted himself for 
ten years, repeatedly and assiduously making attempts, 
■which were as repeatedly, and with horror repelled. For 
ten years was this purpose pursued, and at last abandon- 
ed (a» he himself acknowledges) from the inflexible 
virtue of the lady, and followed (as .he also acknow- 
ledges) by the deepest and most heart-wounding re- 
morse."* 

All this I HAVE SEEN : NOT in newspapers ; not in ex- 
tracts; not in copies of letters. — I have seen it in the 

ORIGINAL correspondence BETWEEN MeSSRS. 

Walker and Jefferson, every letter of whicn bears 
the signature of the writer, or has been since acknowled- 
ged by him, under his own hand. In this correspondence 
Mr. Jefferson repeatedly and fervently confesses that the 
guilt is all his own ; the innocence all Mrs. Walker's ; and 
that he shall never cease to revere, and attest the purity 
of her character, and deprecate his unpardonable ar^JNin. 
successful artempt to destroy her. His contrition, his mi- 
sery, are asserted in the warmest terms, and his acquittal 
of Mrs. Walker pronounced in the strongest language of 



* The reader zvill please to observe, that this remorse 
of Mr. Jefferson^ so unworthy a philosophist, took place be- 
fore his illumiaatioa. C. C. 



1 



THE JEFFERSONIAD. S5 

Your pure professors of perfection. 
In morals can have no defection -, 

his pen. Among other concessions he owns, that in order 
to cover the real cause of the separation between Colonel 
Walker and himself, he did fabricate a note respect- 
ing an unsettled aceount which he said had produced the 
schism, and which he expressly acknowledges had no 
FOUNDATION IN TRUTH. Let it uot be forgottcn that 
the attempts against the honour of Mrs. Walker were car- 
ried on DURING THE LIFE TIME OF MrS. JeFFER- 

soN, than whom a better woman and better wife never 
existed." 

And must the head of a great nation, the idol of zfrec 
people, and the patron of Tom Paine, be lacerated and 
scarified in this manner? Surely not whh impunity, for 
lo, Tom Paine hath taken up the gauntlet in his def<;nce I 
and now it behoveth all who would not choose to be bu- 
ried alive in the filth of obloquy, to sneak out of the 
scrape of opposition to Mr. Jefferson, with al! possible 
celerity. 7 he letter of Mr. Turner, says the author of 
the Age of Reason, and the enemy of Washinton, 
and the friend of Mr. Jefferson, is a " putrid pj-oduc- 
tion" but " having nothing e!se to do" he has "thrown, 
away an hcur or two," in *' examining its component 
parts." Mr. Turner and Mr. Ilurlburt, (the latter is 
the gentleman, v/ho distinguished himself by a famous 
speech in the Legislature of Massachusetts, in the lauda- 
ble attack made by the minority of that body on the liber- 
ty tof the press) he politely stiles " two skunks ivho 
stink in concert.'' This is succeeded by other arguments 
at least as convincing, and as delicately expressed, but 
somev/Iiat too " lengthy'^ for insertion. 



34 THE JEFFKRSONIAD. 

Like upright people, so particular. 
They stand up more than perpendicular. 

Now I've no doubt but what this scandal. 
Is nothing but a federal handle. 
To blast our Emperor's fame, who's not 
Than Scipio or Joseph spotless. [less 

But protest enter'd first I may. 
Just mention what some people say. 
Who ought to suffer bastinading. 
For crime of President-degrading. 

Some say 'twas vile ingratitude, 
In Mr. Jefferson, so rude. 
To attack his benefactor's wife. 
The pride, the solace of his life ; — 

The virtuous woman to annoy. 
By siege as long as that of Troy, 
And bring bad principles to aid i^ 
His systematical blockade. 

14 And bring bad principles to aid. 
We have heard it reported by some vilitier of Mx. Jet- 



THE JEFFERSONIAD. 35 

But I'll maintain he is consistent. 
His conduct has n't a single twist in't i 
If having twenty Godsy he drives 
To have at least as many wives. 

Among your new-school rights and duties 
There's no monopoly of beauties, ^=> 
And he's a churl, who will not lend 
His pretty wife t' oblige a friend. 

No man, \vho is not old and frigid. 
Be most unconscionably rigid. 
Will e'er " oppugnate" this morality 
Of such a pretty genteel quality^ 

And were all true which is related 
About a note once fabricated, 

ferson, that he endeavoured to induce Mrs. Walker to 
compliance with his wishes, by putting in hef way cei- 
tain sentimental i^Q2X\%QS, said to be proper on such oc- 
casions. 

15 There's no monopoly of beauties. 

. For some further illustration of tliis delectable doctrine, 
^se would refa- our reader to p. 57, Note 45. Vol. I. 



56 THE JEFFERSONIAD. 

By which his highness did intend 
To ruin one he cali'd his friend -, 

'Twas right to set himself a brewing 
This cross-grain*d lady's husband's ruin. 
Who, had he been polite, had chuckled 
At chance to be a great man's cuckold. 

From such examples husbands may chance 
To learn a little French complaisance. 
And married prudes to put no cross over 
The wishes of a great philosopher. 

Though he imported Thomas Paine, 
(For Chronicleers have lied in vain,)'^ 

16 (For Chronicleers have lied in vain.) 

The Boston Chronicle, and we believe many other de. 
mocratic papers, delclared that the report of Mr. Jeffer- 
son's having invited Paine to return to this country, was 
a falsehood of federal fabrication, invented on purpose (o 
slander Mr. Jefferson. But, when Paine published tiie 
letter, with that accommodating versatility, which is no 
doubt absolutely necessary for the support of their party, 
they applauded the President for that very measure. The 
letter itself is couched in terms so highly respectful, and 



THE JEFFERSONIAD. 37 

T' oppose with acrimonious vanity. 
Law, order, morals, and Christianity. 

Twas right, for aught I can discover. 
To send and fetch the fellow over. 
For Freedom, by his aid may chance 
With us to flourish as in France.i^ 

is highly lionorary to both parties in the correspondence. 
The following arc extracts: 

"Dear Sir, 

" Your letters of Oct. 1st, 4lh, 6lh, 16th, camedi>i . 
iy to hand, and the papers which they covered were, ac- 
cording to your permission, published in the newspapers, 
and under your own name. These papers contain precise- 
ly our principles, and 1 hope they will be generally recog- 
nised here. 

" You expressed a wish to get a passage to this coun- 
try in a public vessel. Mr. Dawson is charged with or- 
ders to the captain of the Maryland to receive and accom- 
modate you back, if you can be ready to depart at such 
a short warning. 

" That you may long live to continue your useful la' 
bours, and to reap the reward in the thankfulness of na- 
tions, is my sincere prayer. Accept assurances of my high 
esteem and affectionate attachment." 

16 With us to flourish as in France. 
\ 

Taine has given us a specimen, in one of his letters to 

the citizens of the United States, of the success of his 
Vol. II. D 



38 THE JEFFERSONIAD. 

The man who has such service done. 
By neat abuse of Washington, ^"7 

labours in the cause of liberty in that genuine republican 
coi'.iilrj. Robespierre seized him, together with many 
otlier oninent patriots, and imprisoned him eleven 
months, proposed to requite his revolutionary services 
with the guillotine. The downfaloi" the tyrant, however, 
prevented this termination to Paine's political labour 
and the arch Infidel has come, not to infect this country 
with the poison of his seditious and blasphemous publica- 
tion, but, as Mr Jefferson says, to *' continue his useful 
labours among us." 

But it somehow unfortunately happens, that Tom 
Paine's merits are not fully appreciated by certain of Mr. 
Jefferson's admirers. In a newspaper entitled the Free- 
man's Journal, established under the auspices of Governor 
M'Kean & Co. at Philadelphia, we find Mr. Tom Paine's 
quondam friends attacking him in a most merciless man- 
ner. We will give a short paragraph as a specimen of the 
unmerited abuse which is lavished on tins almost a mar- 
tyr, in the cause of licentiousness and infidelity. 

** Had this polluted monster remained in France, he 
would have conferred a particular favour on this country. 
Infamous and execrated, he might have " gone to his 
own place," unheeded and unregarded, like any other 
outcast from society. But, as if the measure of his iniqui- 
ty was not yet full, this foe to God and man has come 
hiiher to plague us." 



-+ 



THE JEFFERSONIAD. 39 

Deserves theiiighest approbation 
From our great tip-end of the nation. 

But let Mr, Tom Paine never seem to mind a little quid 
abuse, for !ie lias received " assurances of" Mr. Jefferson'* 
'* high esteem and affectionate attachment." 

17 3y neat abuse of Washington. 

A specimen or two of delicate invective, taken from 
Pal ne's letter to George Washington, President of the 
United States, dated Paris, July 30th, 1796, and printed 
by Benjamin Franklin Bache, the worthy predecessor of 
William Duane, the present editor of the Aurora, will 
doubtk^ss very much oblige our good democratic readers 
and show what a well qualified champion Mr. Jefferson 
has enlisted in his defence. 

" I declare myself opposed to almost the whole of your 
administration; fori know it to be deceitful, if not even 
perfidious." 

" Injustice was acted under pretence of faith ; and the 
Chief of the army became the patron of the fraud." 

" Meanness and ingratitude have nothing equivocal in 
their character. There is not a trait in them that renders 
them doubtful. They are so original vices, that tiiey are 
generated in the dung of other vices, and crawl into exist- 
ence with the filth upon their back. The fugitives have 
found protection in you, and the levee room is the place 
of their rendezvous." 



40 THE JEFFERSONIAD. 

Moreover 'tis a proper season 
To burnish up the " Age of Reason," 
Lest, peradventure, too much piety 
Sap the foundations of society. 

And we moreover understand, he 
Supports the state — by drinking brandy^ 
And if he hves, will free the nation 
From debt, without direct taxation. 

But though our Chief to all intents is 
A paragon of excellencies. 
The w icked Feds are always prating 
Mattejr the most calumniating. 

• 
Fcr I've heard many a crabbed Fed, 

While things like these he muttering said, 

" The chaiacter which Mr. Washington has attempted 
L to 2ct in the world, is a sort of non-describable, camelioji 
coloured thing, chWtd prudence." 

*' As to you. Sir, treacherous in private friendship, and 

) a hypocrite in public life, the world jMill the puzzled to dc- 

\ cide whether you are an apostate, or an impostor; "whe* 

/ ther you have abandone^jlJ^g'ood principles, or %\hether 

vou ever bad z^Kkc. fcc. 



THE JEFFERSONIAD. , 41 

Though I stood tortiir'd all the while in 
A state which set my blood a boiling : 

A fine man he to head our nation> 
The very soul of fluctuation ; 
*Twould take the stamina of two men 
Like him, to make out one old woman. 

What though the democratic host 

His wisdom and his talents boast. 

For pelf or office, I would lay all 

I'm worth, the rogues would worship Baal : 

But they may white-wash all they can. 
They cannot quite disguise their man. 
For something of his native hue. 
With all their daubing, will peep through. 

Wisdom, in him descends to cunning ; 
Talents — a knack at danger shunning; 
Morality — to be complete in [ing. 

What some old-fashioned folks call cheat-^ 



In literature, his reputation 
A fabric is, without foundation. 

D2 



42 THE JEFFERSONIAD. 

What serves to please his party, some say 
Is quite exuberant and clumsy. 

What though he writes with some facility 
What fascinates our wise mobility. 
Who ever find out something grand in 
Whate'er is past all understanding ; 

With all his sophimore's rotundity. 
With all his semblance of profundity. 
Pore pages over, you'll scarce see a 
Novel, or well-express*d idea. 

His stile is tinsel, glare and whimsey. 
No lady's novel half so flimsey ; 
As full of glaring contradictions 
As Ovid's works are full of fictions.** 

18 As Oviii's \vork6 are full of £ctions. 

Mr. Jefferson's writings, both poruical and philosophi- 
cal, have been so often the subject of the very just enco- 
miums of his party, and have on the contrary been so of- 
ten bandied to and fro as the footballs of federal raillery, 
that it would be difficult to excite public attention to a 
efitical canvass of their merits. Hi« pretensioBS to merito- 



THE JEFFERSONIAD. 4J 

And what, indeed, we might expect. 
His morals are as incorrect 

rious authorship appear to be founded, principally on his 
" Notes on Virginia," a work which few village school- 
masters could not have executed better. We will how- 
ever compare some of his tenets as displayed in that 
work, with some later productions of the distinguished 
author, for the purpose of showing his consistency as a 
politician. 

/Speaking of the population of An>erica, Mr. Jefferson 
remarks, that "the present desire of America is to pro- 
duce rapid population, by as great importation of foreign- 
ers as possible. But is this founded in good policy? Arc 
there no inconveniences to be thrown into the scale against 
the advantage to be expected from a multiplication of 
numbers, by the importation of foreigners? It is for the 
happiness of those united in society to harmonize as much 
as possible in matters which they must of necessity trans- 
act together. Civil government being the sole object of 
forming societies, its administration must be conducted 
by common consent. Every species of government has 
its specific principles : Ours, perhaps, are more peculiar 
than those of any other in the universe. It is a composi- 
tion of the first pFinciples of the English Constitution with 
others, derived from natural right and reason. To these 
nothing can be more opposed than the maxims of absolute 
f monarchies. Yet from such we are to expect the greatest 
i Bumber of emigrants. They will bring with them the 
^ principles of the government they leave, imbibed in their 



44 THE JEFFERSONIAD. 

As are his writings — froth and flummery 
Express them both hi manner summary. 

early youth ; or if able to throw them off, it will be an ex- 
change for an unbounded licentiousness, passing as usual 
from one extreme to another. It would be a miracle were 
they to stop precisely at the point of temperate liberty. 
Their principles with their language they will transmit to 
their children. In proportion to their numbers, they will 
share with us in the legislation. They will infuse into it 
their spirit, warp and bias its direction, and render it a iie- 
terogeneous, incoherent, distracted mass, I may appeal 
to experience, during the present contest, for a verification 
of these conjectures; but if they be not certain in the event, 
are they not possible, are they not probable? Is it not safer 
to wait with patience for the attainment of any degree of 
population desired or expected ? May not our govern- 
ment be more homogeneous, more peaceable, more dura- 
ble? Suppose twenty millions of republican Americans, 
thrown all of a sudden into France, what would be the con- 
dition of that kingdom ? If it would be more turbulent, 
less happy, less strong; we may believe that the addition 
of half a million of fv)reigners, to our present number, 
would produce a similar effect here." 

Now for the display of that convenient versatility, 
which is one of the most essential characteristics of a great 
statesman. In the President's message of December, 1801, 
we are told that " a denial of citizenship under a residence 
of 14 years, is a denial to a great proportion of those who 
ask it, and controls a policy pursued from the first settle- 
ment, by many of these state:, and still believed of conse- 



THE JEFFERSON I AEK 45 

With great pretence to Mathematics, 
I'd ask, is his report on Staticks, 

quenc€ to their prosperity. And shall we refuse to the un- 
happy fugiiives from distress that hospitality, which the 
savages of the wilderness extended to our fathers arriving 
in this land r Shall oppressed humanity find no assylum 
on this globe ? Might not the general character and ca- 
pubilities of a citizen be safely communicated to every 
Ont manifesting a bona fide purpose of embarking his life 
and fortune permanently with us?" 

In the Notes on Virginia we also learn, " That the po- 
litical economists of Europe have established it as a princi- 
ple, that every slate should manufacture for itself : and the 
principle like many others we transfer to America, with- 
out calculating the different circumstances, which should 
often produce a different result. In Europe, the lands 
are either cultivated, or locked up against the cultivation. 
Manufacture must, therefore, be resorted to of necessity, 
not of ch<aice, to support the surplus of their people. But 
we have an immensity of land, courting the industry of 
the husbandman. Is it best, then, that all our citizens 
should be employed in its improvement, o.-, that one half 
should be called off from that, to exercise manufacture 
and handicrafts for the other ? Those who labour in the ^ 
earth are the chosen people of God, if ever he had a cho- ? 
sen people ; whose breasts he has made the peculiar de- 
posit for substantial and genuine virtue.— It is the/focus 
in which he keeps alive that sacred fire, which otherwise 
might escape from the earth. Corruption of morals in the \ 
mass of cultivators is a phenomenon of which no age nor 



46 THE JEFFERSONIAD. 

And Standard Measures worth a fig ?i^ 
No ; 'twould disgrace the learned pig. 

nation has furnished an example. It is the mark set on 
those viho, not looking up to heaven, to their own soil and 
to industry, as does the husbandman, for their subsist- 
ence, depend for it on the casualties and caprice of cus- 
tomers. Dependence begets subservience and venality ; 
suffocates the germ of virtue, and prepares fit tools for the 
designs of ambition. This, the natural progress and con- 
sequence of the arts has sometimes perhaps been retard- 
ed by accidental circumstances: but generally speaking, 
the proportion which the aggregate of the other classes of 
the citizens bears, in any state, to that of its husbandmen, 
is the proportion of its unsound to its healthy parts, and 
is a good enough barometer, whereby to measure its de- 
gree of corruption. While we i)ave land to labour let us 
never wish to see our citizens occupied at a work-bench 
or twirling a distaff. Carpenters and smiths are wanting 
in husbandry t but for the general operation of manufac- 
ture, let our workshops remain in Europe. It is better to 
carry provisions and materials to workmen there, than 
biing them to the provisions and materials, and with them 
their manners and principles. The loss, by the transpor- 
tation of commodities across the atlantic will be made up 
in happiness and permanence of government. TJie mobs 
I [ of great cities add just so much to the support of pure go- 
'; vernment, as sores do to the strength of the human body." 
The above was written in 1782. In the year 1793, Mr. 
Jeffersjon, then Secretary of State, haying occasion to fall 
out with Great Britain, in a report relative to com- 



THE JEFFERSONIAD. 4,7 

Some borrozved things are well enoiigli,20 
But all his ozvji is stupid stuff, 

iTjercial restrictions of other nations, and the measures 
which the United States ought to pursue to cuiinteract 
tliem, recommends the imposition of heavy duties, or 
excluding such foreign manufactures as we take in 'Great- 
est quantities, for ** Such duties (he observe?) having the 
effect of indirect encouragement to domestic manufac- 
tures of the same kind may, induce the manufacturer io 
come himself into these States ; and here it would be in 
the power of the State governments to cooperate essen- 
tially, by opening the resources of encouragement which 
are under tlieircontrcul, extending them Hberally to ar- 
tists in those particular branches of manufactures for 
wliich their soil, climate, population, and otlier circuni- 
stances have matured them, and fostering the precious 
efforts and progress of houseiiold manufacture, by some 
patronage suited to the nature of its objects, guided by 
the local information they possess, and guarded against 
abuse by their presence and attention. The oppressions 
on our agriculture in foreign parts vs'ould thus be made the 
occasion of relieving it from a dependence on the coun- 
cils and conduct of others, zmX promoting arts, inanufac' 
tures 3.1x6 population at liome." 

Mr. Jefferson's Message contained the first proposition 
for an attack on the judiciary, and he is well known to 
have gone hand in hand with his estimable party, in the 
courageous and successful inroad made on the aristocratic 
constitution of the United States, by putting down the 



48 THE JEFFERSONIA]^ 

And goes with fifty proofs beside 
To prove his head and heart alllied»2i 

federal judges by the dozen. That in this respect he has 
made great improvements in the theory of liberty, since 
writing his Notes on Virginia, will abundantly appear 
from the following quotation from that work, so highly 
celebrated by the admirers of genuine freedom. 

Speaking of the government of Virginia, he remarks, 
that *' All the powers of government, legislative, execu- 
tive and judiciary, result to the legislative body. The 
concentrating these in the same hands is precisely the de- 
finition of despotic government. It will be no alleviation 
that these powets will be exercised by a plurality of hands, 
and not by a single one. One hundred and twenty-three 
despots would surely be as oppressive as one. Let those 
who doubt it turn their eyes to the republic of Vejiice. 
As little will it avail us that they are chosen by ourselves. 
An elective despotism was not the government we fought 
for ; but one which should not only be founded on free 
principles, but in which the powers of government should 
be so divided and balanced among several bodies of ma- 
gistracy, as that no one should transcend their legal limits 
without being eifectually checked and restrained by the 
others. For this reason, that convention which passed the 
ordinance of government, laid its foundation on this basis, 
tiiat the legislative, executive and judiciary departments 
siiould be separate and distinct, so that no person should 
exercise the powers of more than one of them at the sar»e 
time. But no barrier was provided between these several 
powers. The judiciary and executive members wera 



ii 



THE JEFFERSONIAD. 4t 

Who's vile enough to be defender 
Of his base paper money tender, 

left dependent on the legislative for their subsistence in 
office, and some of them for their continuance in it. If 
therefore, the legislature assumes executive and judiciary- 
powers, no opposition is likely to be made, nor if made, 
can be effectual ; because in that case they may put their 
proceedings into the form of an act of assembly, which will 
render them obligatory on the other branches. They have 
accordingly, in many instances, decided rights which 
should have been left to judiciary controversy ; and the 
direction of the executive, during the whole time of their 
session, is becoming habitual and familiar." See Notes on 
Virginia, Query xii. 

One more specimen of Mr. Jefferson's openness to con- 
viction, and the facility with which he relinquishes an 
error of opinion the momeiiL he discovers it, we shall fur- 
nish from his philosophical disquisition on the colour and 
other properties of negroes. Our philosopher, after stat- 
ing certain modes by which the evil of slavery in Virginia 
might be annihilated, such as that the black slaves 
" should continue with their parents to a certain age, then 
be brought up, at the public expense, to tillage, arts or 
sciences, according to their geniusses, till the females 
■should be eighteen, and the males twenty-one years of age, 
when they should be colonized to such place, as the 
circumstances of the time should render mosfc proper 
sending vessels at the same time to the other parts of the 
world for an equal number of white inhabitants,'* proceeds 

with the following profound observation: "It will pro- 
E 



50 THE JEFFERSONIAD. 

In which he would defraud, forsooth, 
The friend and patron of his youth. 

bubly be asked, why not retain and incorporate the blacks 
in this state ? I answer, deep-rooted prejudices entertain- 
ed by the whites, ten thousand recollections by the blacks 
©f the injuries they have sustained, new provocations, the 
real distinction which nature has made, and many other 
circumstances, will divide us into parties, and produce 
conrulsions, which will never end but in the extermina- 
tion of the 0)ie or the other race. To these objections, 
which are political, may be added others, which arephysi. 
cal and moral. The first difference which strikes us, is 
that of colour ; whether the black of the negro resides in 
the reticular membrane, between the skin and the scarf- 
skin, or in the skin itself; whether it proceeds from the 
colour of the blood, or the colour of the bile, or from 
that of some other secretion, tite dijerence is fixed in na- 
lure, and is as real as if its seat and cause were better 
known to us. And is this difference of no importance ? 
Is it not the foundation of a greater or less share of beauty 
in the two races? Are not the fine mixture of red and 
■white, the expressions of every passion, by the greater or 
less suffusion of colour in theone, preferable tothe eternal 
monotony, which reigns in the countenances of the other 
race?^Add to these, flowing hair, a more elegant symmetry 
of form, their own judgment in favour of the whites, de- 
clared by their preference of them, as uniformly as is the 
preference of the ourang-outang for the black women over 
those of his own species. Besides those of colour, figure, 
;indUiiij-, titer? are other physical distinctions proving a 



THE JEFFERSONIAD. ' 5i 

Ingratitude, of crimes the worst. 
In none but serpent-bosoms nurst, 

different race ; they have less hair on the face and body ; 
they secrete less by the kidnies, and more by the glands 
of the skin, which gives them a very strong and disagree- 
able odour." 

" They are in reason much inferior to the whites. It is 
not against experience to suppose, that different species of 
the same genus, or varieties of the same species may pos- 
sess different qualifications. Will not a lover of natural 
history, then, one who views the gradations in all the 
races of animals, with the eye of philosophy, excuse an 
effort to k00j^ose in the department of man as distinct 
as nature ^^/^-fned them." 

He a%£/ ^^ observes, " that the improvement of the 
blacks itfimy and mind, in the first instance of their 
mixture with the whites, is observed by every one, and 
proves that their inferiority is not the effect merely of 
their condition in life. Among the Romans, their slaves 
were often their rarest artists; they excelled too in sci- 
ence, insomuch as to be employed as tutors to their mas- 
ters' children. Epictetu^ Terence and Phoedrus, were 
slaves ; but they were of the race of whites. It is not their 
condition, then, hut nature, which has produced the 
distinction," 

Mr. Jefferson doubtless wrote these observations previ- 
ous to his having obtained an intimate acquaintance with 
the good qualities of tlie blacks. But some subsequent in- 
vestigations, could not but lead a man of his penetration, 
to reject any pre-conceived opinion, unfavorable to this 



52 THE JEFFERSONIAD* 

It seems but qualifies a man 
To head the democrat ick clan. 

" race ofanimah»^ And instead of keeping those in the 
department of man as distinct as possible, he now not only 
maintains, that the *' true path to national glorij" leads 
to a mixture of the tvhitea and blacks, (See note 1 1 , p, 22, 
Vol, II,) but has condescended to add example to pre* 
cept, to teach us by his own experiments the soundjie«s 
of his philosophy. 

It is probable that the new light, which he obtained 
by the only true mode of philosophising, led him to the 
candid confessions contained in a congratulatory letter to 
his worthy and learned brother, Benjamin Banneker, said 
LO be, the author of an almanack, &c. In this last produc- 
tion, he declared in the teeth of his former theory, that 
" he rejoiced to find that Nature had given to his black 
brethren talents equal to those pf other colours. 3n^ *|~-* 
*i,c appearance o( z want of them, was owing jnerely to 
the degraded condition of their existence, both in Africa 
and America." 

There is a philosopher of pliability for you! none of 
your rigid personages who will remain obstinate in ejror, 
against the light of reason, and his own and other men's 
experiments. This whirling to the left about> in conse- 
quence of the wonderful phenomenon of a Negro Alma_ 
nack, (probably enough made by a white man) was as mas* 
terly a manoeuvre, in a political, as the retreat to Carter's 
mountain, in a military point of view. 



THE JEFFERSONIAB. S3 

Was it not scandalous hypocrisy. 
To please the looking-on mobocracy, 

19 And standard measures worth a fig ? 

Mr. Jefferson's report on weights and measures has^ 
been highly celebrated by his party, but the mischief 
making Federalists have made many unmercifuj stric- 
tures on its defects. To show with what kind of logick Mr. 
Jefferson, has been assailed we shall again have recourse 
to the pamphlet of Mr. Smith, in which Mr. Jefferson 
and liis pretensions are so roughly handled. 

Mr. Jefferson was required *• to report to the House a 
proper plan for establishing uniformity in the currency 
of weights and measures of the United States." 

" The object of a plain, sensible man, more anxious to 
render solid services to the country, than to acquire re- 
putation by Tupedantick display of science, would natural- 
ly have been, to ascertain the existing currency, weights 
and measures in the United States, and to establish such 
2l standard, as would be most conformable to the general 
use, and attended with the least innovation and distress. 

'* In respect to uniformity in measures, nothing more 
would have been requisite than to have proposed that 
some determined standard should be made and lodged 
in some public depository, to which access might be liad, 
wben necessary. 

** Instead of this, Mr. Jefferson proposes a system, which 
professes extreme minuteness, precision and accuracyy 
and yet, when examined, is found to leave every tJilng ta, 
E2 



54 THE JEFFERSONIAD. 

For him to sob, and sigh and groan 
0*er the green grave of Washington .2* 

the skill and accuracy 9f a Watchmaker ;* a system, de- 
pending on criteria, which he considered as important , 
and yet, which are not defined in such manner as to 
admit of an application of them. 

** He begins the report with observing, *' that there 
exists not in nature a single subject, or species of sub- 
ject accessible to man, which permits one constant 
and uniform dimension." The causes of this variation 
of dimension are stated to be expansion and contraction^ 
occasioned by change of temperature. Iron is stated to 
be the least expansible of metals, and the degree of ex- 
pansion of a pendulum of 58. 7, inches is said to be 
from 200 to 300 parts of an inch, 

Mr. Jefferson, however, says, "that the globe of the 
earth might be considered a< invariable in all its dimen- 
sions, and that its circumference would furnish an inva- 
riable measure** But if a small portion of the least ex- 
pansible metal, iron, is so affected by temperature, how 
can it be true,, that the globe would furnish an invariable 
measure ? Is not the whole earth, composed as it is of 
various elements, all more expansible than iron, liable t» 
be affected by changes of temperature? Are not differ- 



" * Report, p. 3. *' In order to avoid the uncertainties 
"ivhich respect the centre of oscillation, it has been proposed 
by Mr. Leslie, an ingenious artist of Philadelphia, to 
substitute for the penduluin, an uniform cylindrical rod, 
XDithout a hob.*' 



THE JEFFERSONIAD. 55 

When this same gentleman had paid 
One who set up the lying trade, 

cnt sides of the earth presented to the sun, at different 
Seasons of the year? Is not the whole globe nearer to the 
sun in some parts of its orbit, than at others? Is it not, 
of course, more susceptible of heat, and more affected 
by attraction, both of which operate to affect the dimen- 
sions of our globe? Is it likely that earth, water, and 
other elements, are so equally distributed through our 
globe, as that the degrees of expansion and contraction, 
occasioned by changes of seasons, exactly counter- 
balance each other ? Was it not known to Mr. Jefferson, 
that no two of the great circles of our globe are of equal 
circumference, and that this rendered his position, at 
least doubtful ? 

" Mr. Jetferson says, " that no one circle of the globe 
is accessible to admeasurement in all its parts, and that 
tile trials to measure portions have been of such various 
result, as to shew that there is no dependence on that ope- 
ration for certainty. If this be true, what were the i/afa 
upon which it was asserted, that the whole circumference. 
would furnish an invariable measure ? The Frencli phi- 
losophers now say the conirary, and they have lately ac- 
tually taken a section of the earth for their standard. Who 
is to decide between these doctors, or are they all aiming 
to puzzle plain -people, by an afectaiion of accuracy, 
which is unattainable ? 

" Mr. Jeiferson's standard is " a uniform cylindrical rod 
of iron, of such length, as in latitude 45 degrees, in the 
level of the ocean, and in a cellar or other place, the tem- 
perature of wliich does not vary throughout the year, shall 



55 THE JEFFERSONIAD. 

A scoundrel from a foreign nation 
To stab that hero's reputation ?23 

perform its vibrations, in small aiid equal arcs, in one se- 
cond of mean time." 

" The degree of 45 degrees is assumed, because it was 
proposed by France, and because it was the northern 
boundary of the United States. He says, "let the 
completion of the 45 degrees then give the standard for 
our union, with the hope, he facetiously adds, that it 
may become a line of union , with the rest of the world;" 
a pleasant conceit ! it was kind in this profound philoso- 
pher to emerge from the depth of his experimental cel- 
lar, to enliven this scientific and abstruse subject with a 
pun. 

'* But our philosopher's hope of a line of union with the 
rest of the world is already defeated; the French, have, 
since his report, taken a section of a meridional line for 
their standard*. Their pendulum for ^5 degrees is to 

* Notivithstamling this friendly hope, the French haic 
treated our philosopher very cavalierly, by altogether dis- 
regarding, in their late system, his learned labors. 
Though he tvas so ready to adopt whatever they proposed, 
they have not even condescended to take the leant notice of 
his report. Even Fauchet, in his, letter to the secretary 
of state, communicating the French standard of weights 
and measures, seems not to have even heard of the secre- 
tary's report ; for he says, " France was the first to place 
those researches among the cares of government. Ameri^ 
ca, if ImistoJce not, has since followed the example, far 



THE JEFFERSONIAD. 57 

What think you of his double shuffle. 
When he and Genet had a scuffle/^ 

vibrate 100,000 seconds, while Mr. Jefferson's is vibrating 
86,400. 

" I'he French have outdone even Mr. Jefferson in in- 
novation ; thus illusory lias the expectation proved, that 
the hobby-horse of one philosopher will be respected by 
another. 

'* But why this attempt at absolute accuracy? He ad- 
mits that the pendulum of 45 degrees differs from the 
pendulum of 31 degrees, only 1-679 part of its whole 
length, and that this difference is so minute that it might 
be neglected, as insensible for the common purposes of 
life. There was some reason for the attempt beyond a 
display of learning, or there was not ; if perfect exact-' 
ness was desirable, why where the following causes of 
uncertainty and error unnoticed ? 

*' 1st. The experinient, he says, must be made in 
the level of the ocean, to prevent that increment to the 
radius of the earth and consequent diminution of the 
length of the pendulum, which a higher situation would 
produce : what is the level of the ocean ? the tide rises iti 
45 degrees about fifteen feet, and there are levels of the 
ecean at high-water, low-water, and 2Li all points between 



[think I have heard that the present government were en- 
imaging in the same changes, and even waited the result of 
the operation made in France on this subject, for the pur- 
pose of commencing their return." 



^ THE JEFFERSONIAD. 

Did it become one in his station 
To show so much prevarication ? 

these extremes. Perfect exactness required that the ex- 
pression, level of the ocean, should have been defined : 
this omission has since been rectified in a bill which 
passed the House of Representatives last session.* 

" 2c]. The experiment, says the report, must be made 
in a cellar or other place, the temperature of which does 
not vary throughout tlie year. This is important, or it is 
not: if important, why x^ot defne the temperature, that 
it might be ascertained by a thermometer. There arc 
few or no natural caves or cellars, in which the tempera- 
ture does not vary : variations are frequently noticed in 
the deepest caves and mines: various causes may affect 
the temperature: Mr. Jefferson admits this, in his Notes, 
p. 21, where he allows that " chymical agents may pro- 
tluce in subterraneous cavities, 2. factitious heat ;" and 
these may more or less, affect the temperature inmost 
caves or cellars. 

'^"Yhependulumh, however, admitted by Mr. Jeffer- 
son, to be liable to uncertainties, for which he offers no 



* That hill directs, that " the experiments shall he 
made in the latitude of Philadelphia, at anyplace between 
the rivers Delaware and Schuylkill, at a known height 
above the level of cominon high water in the Delaware, 
and in a known temperature of the atmospliere, according^ 
to Farenheii's tlhermometer. 



THE JEFFERSONIAD. s9 

Will any democrat declare 
That was a very pious prayer, 

rejuedies : how does it appear that these uncertainties are 
not more important than the causes of error, to which his 
attention has been directed ? 

*' 3d. Machinery (says the report, page S,) and a 
power are necessary, which may exert a small but con. 
slant effort to renew the waste of motion, but so that they 
shall neitlier retard nor accelerate the vibrations." 

" But it adds, in the next page, " to estimate and ob- 
viate this difficulty is the artist's province." "What is this, 
but to say, that the standard of the United States shall be 
the pendulum of some clock, made by Mr. Leslie, or 
some other artist, thus discarding at once all reliance 
upon the principles before advanced. The difficulty of 
ascertainingthe centre of oscillation, (which he admits 
to be impossible, unless in a rod, of which the diameter 
is *' infinitely s)nall,*') he thinks however can be obtiat- 
edby Mr. Leslie, the watchmaker. 

♦' Mr. Jefferson then proceeds to apply his standard, 

" 1st. To measures cf capacity. These he proposes 
should he four-sided, with rectangular sides and bottom, 
for which he gives the following reasons : *' cylindrical 
measures have the advantage of superior strength ; but 
square ones have the greater advantage of enabling every 
one, who has a rule in his pocket, to verify their contents, 
by measuring them." Did it not occur to this profound 
mathematician, that a man with a rule in his pocket, 
could a* easily measure the diameter and depth of a cy- 



60 THE JEFFERSONIAD. 

Which he for Adams, whom he hated. 
So solemnly ejaculated P^^ 

lindrical half bushel as the sides and depth of a square 

1)0X? 

'* 2d. To weights. The standard of weights is pro- 
posed to be a definite portion of lain water, weighed 
always in the scnne temperature. " It will be necessary, 
says he, to refer tliese weights to a determinate mass of 
substance, the specifick gravity of which is invariable ; 
rain water is such a substance, and may be referred to 
every where, and through all time/' But the tempera- 
ture is not defined ; rain water is varied by several causes ; 
dust, insects, &c. will create a difference in its weight. 
The French, in their late plan, have outdone Mr. Jeffer- 
son ; their standard is distilled water, ascertained by a 
defined temperature." 

Such is the cruel manner in which the federal rogues 
cut up a genuine philosopher. 

20 Some borrowed things are well enough. 

A part of Mr. Jeflferson's report on weights and mea- 
sures, was founded on ideas taken from a volume of the 
society of Arts and Agriculture, published in Europe, 
The fluxional calculations are the work of a Professor in 
Columbia College. Seethe Minerva, a newspaper printed 
in New-York, of July, 1796. 



THE JEFFERSONIAD. u 

Hds he paid nothing to maintain 
Tiie press of demagogue Duane, 

2 1 To prove his head and h^art allied. 

There is a great affinity between that obliquity of in- 
tellect, which It-ads a man to M?//^ incorrectly, and that 
depravity of heart, wliich tends to immoral conduct. A 
i^rong-tKaded enthusiast, who is addicted to an incorrect 
and whimsical mode of reasoning and thinking, may easi- 
I;- »..;ay the qualms of conscience by the opiate of sophism, 
and even become what Godwin calls an '* honest assas- 
si?i.'* Perhaps there have been but few crimes of magni- 
tude committed, in which the perpetrators have not been 
able to' persuade themselves, that they were justiliable, if 
not commendable. Religious, political and philosophi- 
cal enthusiasm have, each in their turn, impelled man- 
kind to deeds of horror, from which the most abandoned 
would revolt with abhorrence, if they did not believe 
that they were actuated by motives which are praise- 
worthy. 

Thedexterity with which our knight-errants in sedition 
reconcile their conduct to the dictates of their reason, is 
well exemplified by Butler, in the character of Hudibras, 
who thus justifies the breaking of his oath : 

" He that imposes an oath makes it. 

Not he that for convenience takes it ; 

Then how can any man "be said 

To break an oath he never made." 

Butthese being grave old-school reflections, it would 
F 



62 THE JEFFERSONIAD. 

Teeming with foulest defamation 
Of Washington's administration.*^ 

be very improper toindulgetliem in acanto, set apart like 
this, ("or celebrating an illuminalus. 

22 O'er the green grave of Washington. 

It is well known that Mr. Jefferson made a very pretty 
and suitable parade of grief at the tomb of General Wash- 
ington. And as remarked by a poet in the Utica Patriot, 

"A genuine tear from a genuine chief 
Is a genuine proof of a genuine grief !'* 

The federal editor of the New- York Erening Post,, 
in his aristocratical way thus remarks upon this subject : 

" Will the reader once accompany us to the saddened 
groves of Mount-Vernon. Behold this same Thomas Jef- 
ferson at the tomb of Washington ! See him approach 
the hallowed spot, surrounded by spectators ! — he kneels 
before the sacred dust ! — he weeps outright at the irre- 
parable loss of this greatest, best, and most beloved of 
men ! — sobs choak his utterance ! he clasps his hands in 
token of pious resignation to the will of heaven, and re- 
tires in silence amidst the blessings of those whose sym- 
pathy he had beguiled by " presenting his profession of 
sorraw." 

23 To stab thsit hero's reputation ? 

Though the circumstance of Mr. Jefferson's having 
pai«l Calleader foe his services iu abuse of the Federal 



THE JEFFERSONIAD. 63 

Pray plaster over, if you can, sir. 
The ibolish and sophistic answer 

Constitution, fFashington, Adams, and many others of 
our revolutionary patriots, is proved by letters written with 
his own hand, yet democrats, with that laudable pertina- 
city, which is the soul of their party, would never believe 
a word about the matter. 

" Convince some men against their will. 
They're of the same opinion still." 

The intelligent and indefatigable editor of the Boston 
Repertory, makes the following plaint on the occasion : 

'*How often have we been stigmatised as infamous 
slanderers, for asserting that Mr. Jetferson patronised Cal- 
lender in his virulent abuse of the Federal Constitution, 
Washington and A<;|ams. It was a federal lie, and «o de- 
mocrat would yield credit to a circumstance, which, if 
true, would exhibit Mr. Jefferson in the blackest colours 
of political hypocrisy, and allied to that demon of slan- 
der, for the purpose of lyijig down his betters. We now 
offer irresistible proof— Mr. Jeifersou's letters to Callen- 
der, in his own hand writing. One democrat, and 
one only, has called to satisfy himself!" 

Now this is as it should be. Stick to your party, genu- 
ine republicans ! right or wrong. 

Our good democrats, with the greatest propriety, as it 
adds to their popularity, are always fond of uniting th* 
names of Washington and Jeiferson. That M r. Jeffer- 
son was friendly to General Washington, and his adminis- 
tration, will appear from the following elegant extracts, 



64 THE JEFFERSONIAD, 

"Which his sublimity did dish up 
About th'appointment of old Bishop. 

taken from the ** Prospect before Us," at that time patron- 
ised and its specimen sheets inspected by Mr Jefferson t 

Speaking of General Washington, Mr. Jeiferson's edi- 

// tor says, *' He could not have committed a more pure 

and net violation of his oath to preserve the constitution^ 

and of his official trust ; or a grosser personal insult on 

the representatives." 

** By his own account, Mr, Washington was twice a 
^ TRAITOR. He first renounced the king of England, and 
thereafter the old confederation. His farewell paper con- 
tains a variety of miscliievous sentiments." 

"Under the old confederation matters never were 
t nor could hare been conducted so wretchedly, as they ac- 
• tually are under the successive monarchs o{ Braiutrec and 
Mount Ftrnon." 

" Mr. Adams has only completed the scene of ignomi- 
ny, which Mr. Washington had begun." 

" The republicans were extremely well satisfied at the 
demise of the general. They felt and feared hi* weight ia 
the scale of aristocracy ; but they found it necessary to save 
appearances with tiie multitude by presenting a profession 
of sorrow. It is a real farce to see the manner in which 
the citizens at large were treated, in this instance, by both 
parties. The second burial ! But it i.i impossible to proceed 
with gravity ; or to comprehend by what means Adams- 
and congress kept jrom laughing in each other's faces, 
when they past their unanimous resolution to recom- 
mend the delivery of suitable orations, discourses and 
public prayers." 



THE JEFFERSONIAD. 65 

Have not his partisans so senseless [less P^t 
Stripped our great nation quite defence- 

Callender having thus handsomely handled Gen. Wash- 
ington, attacks Mr. Adams in a manner equally masterly. 
But by further quotations we may perhaps, by the tueight 
of our notes, break the peg of our poetry, and fall into 
the merciless fangs of the criticks. Good democrats, 
liowever, with their usual ingenuity, have attempted to 
wipe away every stain from Mr. Jefferson's immaculate 
character. 

In the first place they contended that the report of 
Mr, Jefferson's having been concerned in the Prospect 
before us was a " federal lie." Mr. Jefferson's letters 
however put them down on that point. 

They then affirmed that Mr. Jefferson paid Callender 
one hundred dollars after having read the specimen sheets 
of " the Prospect" out of charity. Finding this ground 
untenable they pretend that Mr. Jefferson knew nothing 
of the contents. But it appeared that Mr. Jefferson paid 
Callender fifty dollars, in part, after Callender had been 
convicted of sedition for publishing ♦' the Prospect," and 
of course Mr. Jefferson must have been acquainted with 
the contents of the work, and that Mr. Jefferson more- 
over remitted Callendcr's fine of 200 dollars, when the 
contents of the Prospect had long been known. 

The editor of the Boston Repertory declared that he 
was possessed of a paragraph in Mr. Jefferson's hand- 
writing, which was incorporated with Mr. Jefferson's 



66 THE JEFFERSONIAIJ. 

VJhile Europe rings with war's alarms^ 
And half the world is up in arms ? 

own slander in the body of the Prospect " without marks 
of qaotation." The Enquirer (a man liired to vindicate 
Mr. J(ffferson) admits that Mr. Jeffersotj wrote a short 
and harmless paragraph and hut one, in fhe v/hole book. 
Unfortunately, however, for Mr. Jefferson's advocate the 
paragraph which he acknowledges was written by Mr. 
Jefferson is totally different from that mentioned by tlie 
editor of the Repertory. But this Enquirer-m^n is doubt- 
less well versed in what Cheethini calls the ** arts of 
able editors. '^ 

24 When he and Genet had a scuf!!e. 

Genet was /)r/rflie.^y encouraged by Mr. Jefferson u*. 
his projects to prostrate America at the feet of France, 
but opposed officially in his capacity of Secretary of State. 
Genet complained that Mr. Jefferson had treacherously 
become the instrument of his recall, after having per- 
suaded him that he was his friend, and initiated him into 
the mysteries of state. And declared " if I have shown 
my firmness (in opposing the President,) it is because it 
is not in my character to speak as many people do in one 
way and act in another, to have an official language and 
a language confidsntial." 

25 So solemnly ejaculated ? 

When Mr. Jetf^rson entered on the daties of his ofiace 



THE JEFFERSONIAD. 67 

Oar native rigour paralysed. 
That now our character's despised, 

as Vice-President he eulogised Mr. Adams, then Presi- 
dent, in the following terms, *•' No man more sincereiy 
prays that no accident may call me to the higher and 
more important functions ; (the presidency) they have 
been justly confided to the eminent character, which has 
preceded me here, whose talents and integrity have been 
known and revered by me through a long course of 
years, and I devoutly pray he rnixy be long preserved for 
the government, the happiness, and the prosperity of our 
common country.' ^ 

This was a masterly stroke of policy, more especially, 
when it ii considered that Mr. Jeiferson, at the time of 
uttering this solemn petition was employing his purse, 
pen and influence, in ruining the reputation, and destroy 
ing the influence of Mr. Adams. 

26 Of Washington's administration. 

Mr. Jefferson is one of the principal patrons of the 
Aurora, and was the institutor and patron of the Na- 
tional Gazette, which abounded with abuse against the 
federal administration, with Washington at it» head. 

27 Stripp'd our great nation quite defenceless? 

Of thirty-four armed ships, our administration havesa" 
crifjced, at the shrine of economy (sold for one-fourth 



68 THE JEFFERSONIAD. 

And sunk in foreign estimation 
To lowest point of degradation ? 

Plundered by every rascal pirate. 
Who thinks us mark enough to fire at. 
And forced to suffer with humihty 
Insults from Spanish imbecility .*8 

Though democratick impudences. 
To merit making false pretences. 
Proclaim us prosperous and happy. 
Like Stingo with his jug of nappy. 

part of their cost) all but thirteen, and some of those 
-which remain are rotting in philosophical dry docks. 
But economy is tlie order oi the day, and a wasteful econo- 
my, is a contradiction in terms. 

28 Insults from Spanish imbecility. 

Depredations on our commerce are committed daily, 
by the Spaniards and other nations of Europe (Sept. 
1805.) Mr. Jefferson however, has said, that ** history 
bears witness to the fact, that a just nation is trusted at 
its bare word, when recourse is had to armaments and 
wars to bridle others." It is to be lamented that these 
•depredators should spoil the president's/rtc theory. 



THE JEFFERSONIAD. 69 

Yet this prosperity they boast. 
The theme of many a July toast. 
Is all the fruit of Federal toils, 
Though Demo's riot in their spoils. 

What though they boast their knack at sav- 
'Gainst Federal waste forever raving, [ing. 
Still decency should keep them dumb, 
For what they say is all a hum. 

.In Africk, lo, what triumphs won 
Have told the world what might be done, 
Did not a weak administration 
Contrive to paralyse the nation ! 

The /e'fl^e'?Yi/ navy overawes 
Fell h-^rdes of murderous Bashaws, 
From whence each democrat assumes 
To deck his sconce with borrovv'd plumes/-^ 

30 To deck his sconce with borrow'd p'unies. 

Mareat cnrnicula visum 
Fuvtivis nudata coloribus, II o R , 

•' Stripped of their borrow'd plumes, these crows forloni 
Shall stand the laughter of the public scorn." 



ro THE JEFFERSONIAD. 

Thus Duane's Turner cut a figure, 
And felt, no doubt, as big, or bigger 
In cloak he'd stolen, as if the same 
Had been his own by rightful claim. 

Why don't our Carter-hill commander. 
Who's so beset with Federal slander. 
Pursue the rogues who " dare devise" 
Against his Majesty such liesi^^ 

The federalists are accused by their political oppo- 
nents of having been sparing of their eulogies on the he- 
roes who distinguished themselves at Tripoli. This, if 
true, evinces the folly and stupidly of that party ; for 
those men, who have been most distinguished by their 
exploits against those pirates, were /rt/fra//^^5, and most 
of them commissioned by Washington and Adams. 

50 Against his Majesty such lies ; 

To show to what an amount the impudence of some 
federal newspaper editors will carry them, we will make 
one or two extracts from remarks of the editor of the New- 
York Evening Post, on Mr. Jefferson's inaugural specck 
No. 2. 

Mr. Jefferson, having reference to some tough libellou$ 

trutJis, which have appeared in the federal newspapers 

agauist him, observed in his speech, that " the artillery 



THE JEFFERSONIAD. ri 

Because in spite of his renown 

He knows the truth would put him down, 

of the press has been levelled against us, charged with 
whatsoever its licentiousness could devise or dare," and 
that "he who has time, renders a service to public mo- 
rals and public tranquillity, in reforming these abuses by 
the salutary coercions of law." Coleman, supposing, no 
doubt, that nobody could ever find *' time" for attend- 
ing to these "salutary coercions," makes perhaps very 
tr ue, but very libellous remarks. 

Mr. Jefferson in his speech had observed, " I fear not 
that motives of interest may lead me astray ; I am sensi-^ 
ble of no passion which could seduce me knowingly from 
the path of justice." Mr. Coleman comments as follows : : 
" He, who with the bribery of office has corrupted the | 
integrity of the nation, has demoralized the American ■ 
people for the purpose of personal aggrandizement, now ) 
boasts that no motives of interest can lead him astray. / 
He, who in a publick address to the senate of the United 
States, solemnly declared that Mr. John Adams was an 
eminent character, whose talents and integrity had been 
long known and revered by him (Mr, Jeiferson) through 
a long courie of years, and had been the foundation of 
a cordial and uninterrupted friendship between them j 
and concluded with " devoutly (his own word) devout- 
ly praying," that the same Mr. Adams " might be long 
preserved for the government, the happiness, and pros- 
perity of our common country," went away and hired a 



7« THE JEFFERSONIAD. 

Nor has he hardihood to sport 
His rotten character in court. 

mercenary rascal 1« make it his business to traduce thl* 
very Mr. AdanisTTn the most violent language that his 
invention could supply. Yes, he feasted his eyes with 
the perusal of the manuscript, in which the man vith 
•whom he had so long, as he told the senate, " maintain- 
ed a cordial and uninterrupted friendship," was spoken 
of as the lowest of wretches, where he was denominated 
the most execrable of scoundrels, the scourge, the 
scorn, the outcast of America, without abilities, and 
without virtue, and then returncd'it with the most un- 
qualified approbation, saying, that " such papers could 
not fail to produce the best effect,^* and as a part recom- 
pence, sent him an order for fifty dollars on account of 
previous vork. Need any thing mure be added ? yes, 
one tale shall be added, and in v«ry explicit language, so 
that if the Attorney General of the United States caa 
** find time," and Mr. Jefferson should still remain of 
opinion, after seeing the article, (and I know he honours 
the Evening Post with his pt^rusai) that it will be render- 
ing a ** service to pubiick morals and publick tranquilli- 
ty," to resort to tlie *' salutary coercion of law," and 
prosecute the editor for a libel, Ridtter may not be want- 
ing on which to found the indictment. I only stipulate 
for the pritilege of giving the truth in evidence. Then 
be it known, that he who now holds himself up to the 
/ \Torld as a man incapable of being seduced by passion 
\from the path of rectitude, stole to the chamber of his 



THE JEFFERSONIAD. 73 

Thus spake this mattering son of slander. 
And made it plain to each bye-stander 

absent friend by night, and attempted to violate his 

bed. * •* * 

" As it generally happens, that when once tlie devil 
gets hold of a man he seldom lets him go with a single 
crime on his head, so this man, to the baseness of his first 
attempt, added a second. As a cover to the abrupt discon- 
nection of intercourse that followed the disclosure of the 
secret to the husband, he told abase and slanderous lie, 
and said, that his intimacy with Mr. Walker had been 
broken off by Mr. Walker's unhandsome conduct in the 
settlement of an estate, which he had in charge ; all 
which now stands on record, being very handsomely en- 
grossed with his omi hand. Now let Mr. Jefferson, if 
he pleases, call this a " false and defamatory publica- 
tion," and recommend a prosecution accordingly." 

What a daring fellow this, but nobody can " find 
time" to prosecute him. Moreover, Mr. Jelferson's vin- 
dicator in the '* Richmond Enquirer," has made this ap- 
pear to be a very trivial aifair, for he says, 

If THE TALE OF M RS. WaL KER W AS REHEARS- 
ED TO A NATION OF Anchorites, they would 

SMILE AT its ABSURDITY ; THAT AN INDIVIDUAL 
SHOULD BE ABUSED, CENSUREL, AND THREATEN- 
ED WITH EXPOSURE IN THE PUSLICK PRINTS, TOR 
HAVING, FORTY YEARS SINCE, FELT AN IMPRO- 
PER PASSION: AT A TIME WHEN YOUTH, EXEMP- 
TION FROM MATRIMONIAL OBLIGATIONS, AND 
THEFORCEOFFEELINGMIGHT BE PLEADED WITH 
JUSTICE ! I ! 

G 



74, THE JEFFERSONIAD. 

He was a rogue belonging unto 
The most nefarious Essex junto.^' 

But should r ever hear again 
A scoundrel mutter such a strain, 
I'll teach the knave by dint of banging, 
A prettier method of haranguing. 

For know ye stubborn Feds, that I 
Am very nearly six feet high. 
Stout in proportion, own a cudgel 
For those of Jefferson who judge ill. 

31 The most nefarious Essex Junto, 

The Essex Junto is one of the bugbears, with which 
the Boston Chronicle scribblers frighten the babes and 
old women of democracy. But this, like many other 
gun-powder plots against the peace and dignity of the 
sovereign people, is a phantom which they have conjured 
up for the purpose of deception. The men whom they 
would designate as an Essex Junto, are as much inter- 
ested in the preservation of a;Republican government, as 
any men in the community, and would, by the intro. 
duction of a Monarchical government, dig a pit for their 
0wn destruction. 

So say the Federalists, but they are Monarchy-men 
notwithstanding, and wish to make John Adams king. 



THE JEFFERSONIAD. rS 

With plenipotent paw a club in, 
I'll give each Fed'rai rogue a drubbing 
Who wont humillime succumb. 
At beat of our poetick drum. 

And kneel before the mighty man. 
Who leads the democratick van. 
The glorious Chief of Carter's mountain 
Of democratick power the fountain -, — 

The theme of demi-adoration. 
The very right-hand of our nation. 
Compared with whom, all heroes must rate 
As gun-boat liken'd to a first-rate, 2* 

32 As gun-boat liken'd to a first rate. 

The curious system of Mr. Jefferson, for creating a 
naval force adequate to the defence of our commerce, by 
gun-boats, No's. 1, 2, &c. up, perhaps, to 5 or 6, is 
thus described in the New Year's Message, from the 
carriers of the Boston Palladium. Although gun-boat 
number one, as there exhibited, may appear to be some- 
what too consequential to be introduced by way of com- 
ment on om political text, yet, as it appears to have som e 
connection with our simile, we give it a place. 



76 THE JEFFERSONIAD. 

And though I shan't have much to say t'ye, 
You'il find my arguments are weighty. 

Have not our wise adnVmistration 
Done certain wonders for the nation ? 
O yes— they've built us more than one boat. 
In modern jargon caliM a Gun Boat. 
Yes ; — they have built us — let me see. 
Enough to make out nearly Three, 
But one of those, O what a rare go, 
March'd to a cornfield for a scare-crow ! 
Which show'd Miss Gun-Boafs calculation, 
And that she knew her pi'opcr station ! 

did her masters but know theirs, 

L — d, how 'twould brighten our affairs. 
Our Gun-Boats ! themes of adiiiiration 

1 o every seaman in the nation, 
Tiie very essence, in reality, 
Of vast philosophis^cality ! 

One round half dozen, I've a notion. 
Would carry terror through the ocean, 
Andeight or ten, in my opinion, 
Would give us Neptune's whole dominion ! 

Should Britain come, with ali i;er shipping, 
Good I. — ^d, we'd give her such a whipping. 
She'd wish the navy of lier island 
Had been just nineteen leagues on dry land 
Before she'd impudence to enter 
On such a perilous adventure ; 
For Number One will sink her navy, 
In half a second, to old Davy, 



1 



THE JEFFERSONIAD. 7 

Withal, so manfully propounded. 

If not convinced, you'll be confounded. 

Then, as we wish her nothing but ill. 
Her petty, paltry isle we'll scuttle. 
And since 'tis time th' Old Nick had got 'em, 
Send the whole nation to the bottom ! 

What mighty matters might be done, 
For instance, Gun-Boat Number One, 
From Washington descends in might. 
With head and tail " chock full of fight !'* 

Abash'd, potowmack hides his head ; 
Neptune, half petrifi'd with dread. 
And awe, and admiration rapt in. 
Resigns his chariot to the Captain. 

Great Captain Buckskin ; please to ride in't, 
Terrific Sir, and here^s my trident ! 
You cut a dash so big and mighty, 
You've sadly frighten'd Amphitrite ! 
My sea-nymphs sure have lost their wits, 
There's Thetis in hysteritk fits ! 
Take my dominions, every foot, 
O L—d ! O L— d ! but pray donU shoot ! 

Now gallant Number One, by chance. 

Meets England's fleet combin'd with France, 

Is soon prepared at bolh her ends, 

Stand clear all rogues, except our Friends ! 

Now comes the fleet in line of battle. 

The heaven's rebellowing cannons rattle, 
G2 



78 THE JEFFERSONIAD. 

By knocking down each Federal prater, 
I'll e'en surpass our Legislature, 
In bold display of sheer authority, 
In dumb and digiiifi'd majority .^^ 

Each smoke envelop'd grand first-rater, 
Lojks like the mouth of .'Etna's crater.— 
Pop ! goes our gun, like Pluto's mortar. 
Splash \— there they are — all under water I ! ! 
Not quicker, struck by Jove's own thunder, 
Did earth-born Titans erst knock under. 
Than these when liit by their superiors. 
From Gun-Boat, Number One's posteriors. 

But were it true, as has heen said. 
By many a wicked muttering Fed, 
That every Gun -Boat is a wherry. 
Which migiit disgrace old Charon's ferry ; 

Still, when Sir Johnny Randolph's taught her, 

She'll keep the peace in shalloiv watery 

Strike rampant porpoises with awe. 

And govern mackerel by law ; 

Dog-fishes, dolphins, if they've wit, 
« To our Sea-Mammoth will submit. 

No grampus dare to stand a scratch. 

And even a shark would find his match ! 

33 la dumb and dignified majority. 
The wisdom of our democralick members of Congress 



THE JEFFERSONIAD. 79 

But now my modest little Muse, 
Who drips with Hybla's honey dews. 
Her court'sy makes to curry favour. 
With Federal gentlefolks, who waver. 

Good Messrs. almost Democrats, 
If you were not as blind as bats. 
Before our Chief, your trembling knees on. 
You'd deprecate his wrath in season. 

No more at Jefferson be railing, 
Nor scout the party now prevailing, 

was never more abundantly manifested, than in the affair 
of their condescending to remain silent, when they had 
nothing to say for themselves. There is, unquestionably, 
no small share of prudence and self-denial necessary, for 
an individual to curb that unruly member, the tongue. 
How great then ravist have been the prudence and reso- 
lution of our good deinocrats, in congress assembled, who, 
for the sake of expediting publick business, could sit mute, 
and endure to be pelted by arguments which they could 
not answer. 

Mr. Dana's eulogy* upon the "dumb legislature," 
will remain a monumentum cevi of the wonderful wisdom 
w hich tvas manifested by the majority on that occasion. 



* See debate* of congress, 1802. 



80 THE JEFFERSONIAD. 

Although the tail " has got the upper 
Hand of the head, for want of crupper. ''^-^ 

The character of this our nation, 
'Tis time to place on some foundation. 
Which may without deceit declare 
To all mankind just what we are. 

And IF Americans are jockies. 
If public virtue but a mock is. 
Then—" Hail Columbia ! happy land I" 
""^ Where scoundrels have the upper hand ! 

34 " Hand of the head, for want of crupper." 

This beautiful simile we have borrowed from Butler. 
That author applies it as descriptive of the democracy of 
the body natural of his hero, Hudibras ; but we think it 
happily illustrative of the present organization of the body 
politick of our country. If the reader, however, better 
likes the following simile, from the same author, Butler, 
it is much at his service. 



I 



For as a fly that goes to bed, 
Sleeps with his tail above his head. 
So in this mongrel state of ours. 
The rabble are the supreme powers. 



THE JEFFERSONIAD. Bt 

JBut let Columbia be contented, 
As she's at present represented, 
Nor at our democrats be vext, 
Lest their great prototype come next. 

Now I'm a man, who would not keep ill 
Terms, with my sovereign friends, the 

people, 
Have therefore strove v/ith main and might 
To wash their Ethiopian white. 

That I might suit them to a tittle. 
Have stretch'd the truth— and lied a little. 
For which, my complaisance, I beg. 
They'll hoist my bardship up a peg 

Or two or so, for I've a notion 
That none can better bear promotion. 
And I'll accept of any thing 
From petty juryman to king. 

Besides, I fancy that his highness 
Wont treat his eulogist with shyness, 
But compliment me with a pension. 
And fine things which I need not mention ; 



82 THE JEFFERSONIAD. 

For Canto Fourth, of this my poem. 
Read by his Mightiness, will show him. 
He has a friend expert enough in 
The democratick art of pufFmg. 

But please his Righness-ship, I wont 
Be Deputy to Mr. Hunt — ^5 
No, were it offered 'twould be vain, he 
Wont catch me in Louisiana. 

35 Be Deputy to Mr. Hunt. 

The appointment of a Mr. Hunt to be governor of a 
district in Louisiana, exinbits wonderfal proof of Mr. 
Jelferson's solicitude to reward merit, and lon% tried and 
faithful services. It is true, that this gentleman is yet a 
boy in ye.irs, to say nothing of his intellect ; but his ex- 
ertions iu favor of Mr. Jefferson, have been to the full 
amount of his abilities. Only those who are best ac- 
quainted with his excellency, governor Hunt, can appre- 
ciate the stupendous degree of discernment, which Mr. 
Jeiferson has displayed in his appointment. 



CANTO V. 



THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. 



ARGUMENT. 

The Bard proceeds in an ungrateful 
Task, which is, hangman-like, and hateful, 
A gang of hypocrites t'expose. 
And deeds ot intamy disclose; 
And on the rack of satire, stretches 
A set of weak and wicked wretches, 
Whose inauspicious domination 
Portends destruction to the nation. 

Ye Tories, Demos, Antifeds, 
Of hollow hearts, and wooden heads. 
In Washington's own estimation. 
The curses of our Age and Nation.^e 

36 The curses of our Age and Nation. 

General Washington expressed this idea in his letter to 
Mr. Carrol, See note 145, p. 168, Vol. I. 



S4 THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. 

Who and v/hat are ye. Patriots stout. 
For Freedom, who make such a rout ? 
Ye are, or should be, men, I'm sure, [pure* 
Whose hands are clean, whose hearts are 

O yes ! your purity so nice is. 
The best among you have their prices ;37 
Flour-Merchants, public defalcators,^^ 
Horse- Jockies, swindling Speculators. — 

37 The best among you have iheir prices. 

Citizen Fauchet of glorious memory, in his intercepted 
letter, (which caused the dismission of citizen Randolph, 
also of glorious memory, the virtuous author of " Pre- 
cious Confessions") has the following passage : " Mr. 
Randolph came to see me with an air of great eagerness, 
and made the overtures of which 1 gave you an account 
in my No. 6. — ^Thus, with some thousands of dollars, 
the Republic of France could have decided on civil 
WAR, or on peace! Thus the consciences of the pre- 
tended patriots of America, have already their prices ! 
What will be the old age of this government, if it is thus 
early decrepid !" See Phocion's Pamphlet. 

38 Flour-Merchants, public defalcators. 

The " Precious Confessions/' of Pscudo- Patriot "Rail- 



THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. 85 

The scum — the scandal of the age, 
A blot on human nature's page 5 
In these two epithets mcluded. 
Deluding knaves, and fools deluded. 

Step forward now, and '' hear affrighted. 
The crimes of which ye stand indicted s" — 
Now elevate your culprit paws. 
While " We the People,'* try your cause. 

dolpli, are too we\l known to require any elucidation in 
tJiis place. Mr. Randolpli, however, is not the only pre- 
tended good republican, who has been a public defal- 
cator. 

39 Deluding knaves, and fools deluded. 

We speak of the leaders of the Faction. There arc, 
undoubtedly, a great number of honest Democrats, who 
have been led away by tlie Faction, to whom this line is 
not applicable. If a man has no better means of politi- 
cal information, than the Jacobin Newspapers through- 
out the union, he can be no other than a Democrat, al- 
though he may be deficient neither in integrity nor dis- 
ceniment. 

H 



86 THE GIBBET OF SATIRE, 

Step forth, Honestus, lank and lean,4o 
With lantern jaws and haggard mien, 
A wight, Lavater would decide. 
Was Envy's self personified. 

Sir, ha\'e you any thing to say 
Of scrape fraternal with Genet ? 
And did you, if the truth were told^ 
E'er pocket any of his gold r 

Does the arch Democrat inherit 

A greater spleen against true merit P^^ 

40 Step forth, Honestus, lank and lean. 

This Honestus is a well known scribbler in the Boston 
Chronicle, one of the most mischievous and malignant 
democratic Newspapers in the United Slates. "We should 
say nothing of the man's phiz, did we not believe it to be 
indicative of the qualities of his mind. 

41 A greater spleen against true merit ? 

% adverting to Mr. Honeslus's writings, with the sig- 
nature of ** Old South," &CC. we shall perceive that 
his demagogue-ship has spirted his venom at many of the 
most distinguished characters in the union. He has at- 



THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. tl 

And though Democracy he founded/ 
Is he by viler gangs surrounded ? 42 

tacked the clergy in a most insidious manner, and some 
oF iiis essays are better calculated to da mischief with- a 
certain class in society, than if they were Oeiier written; 
as tiiey are addressed to ih^ prejudices and ivea/messcs oi 
the loivest classeG in tlie community. . 

He is constantly criminating the clergy i..-; ii>;t..;uiiig 
in politics. Tiie '' People (lie says, p. '21%, ofhls voiiinie 
of Chronicle Essays) are willing lo \\t^x gositl truths^ 
though, tliey n)ay be displeased with political heresy.** 
And pray what is this political heresy? Opposing the 
man with */ no God or twenty Gods.*' Again, p. 220 of the 
same volume : " Jf (he apostles had acted as some of our 
modern clergy do, tliey ivould Imve ruined, in the Jir.^i 
outset, the whok system ofrevcLdton /'' Mr. Jefferson has 
liere an advocate worthy of himself! 

1 think lean in no way express tijo reasons why the 
clergy ought to exert themselves in opposition to Mr. 
Jefferson, more forcibly than by presenting my readers 
with the following extract from remarks on tlxcThanks- 
givir.g Sermon of xMr. Parish, by tlie Editor of the Bos- 
ton Repertory. 

" it is true, tlie President of the United States, 'and 
the clergy of our country are at variance; but. the con- 
troversy is not on subjects of politics, on forms of gov- 
ernment, or measures of administration. Tlie clergy 
have not "quit their proper character, to asuime wha 
docs wui belong to them." It is th( ir inislbrtune to live 



88 THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. 

Hast tlToii supported thy life long, 
One measure not precisely wrong, 

in an age, when a man is promoted to the chief magibtra* 
tyof tlie nation^ who has wantonly assaulted the religion 
of our fathers, and treated tiiose doGtrines with contempt, 
-which Christianity teaches us are essential to human feli- 
city. It is Mr. Jefferson -who has left the character of the 
civilian, who has sported with the principles of our reli- 
gion, and no alternative is left for the watchmen of the 
christian faith, but to retreat before hi» baleful influence, 
and apostatize from the injunctions of tiieir divine teach- 
er, or to step forth like faithful soldiers, and repel the 
scoffs, the sneers, and sophistry of tlie assailant The 
elevated station of Mr. Jefferson, so far from imposing aa 
obligation of silence, calls on the clergy for a more zeal- 
ous exertion of their powers in defence of reiigicn, in 
proportion as his writings are like to possess greater weight 
from his political ascendance.'* 

4-2 Is he by viler g2ng«> surrounded ? 

We do not pretend to gh'e a history of Hone's private 
Jockey-club, buflice it to say, that the nefarious rene- 
gade, Pasquin, is one of his privy counsellors, and he 
alone is a gang. 

Since writing the above, Pasquin has relinquisjied the 
service of tiic Boston Chronicle, in which he and Hones- 
tusv ere Co-editors. [Oct. 1805] 



4 



THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. «9 

One single thing, when you your best dicl^ 
Whose usefulness by i hue is tested ?'^^ 

When did the tyrant Bonaparte, 
E'er find an advocate more hearty ? 
Or one more ready to advance 
The wildest whims of frantick France ?^^ 

43 Whose usefulness by twie is tested* 

This observation does not apply, exdusively, to the de- 
magogue now under consideration. Is'one of tliose mea- 
sures, of which democrats have been such strenuous ad- 
vocates, have been found of practical utility ; and since 
they have been in power, they have copied (he example 
of the federalists, except in certain measures, which are 
calculated to oppress the poorer people ; such as repealing 
taxes on carriages, loaf-sugar, and oUier luxuries, and in- 
creasing them on salt, and other necessaries of life. 

44 The v/ildest whinvi of frantick France? 

A review of tJie scrawl of tliis, an-i other Ciironicle pa- 
triots, on the subject of the French revolution, ever rccaliS; 
to memory, the following lines from Cowper:. 

" Yon roaring.boy.s, who rave and fight. ,: 

On t'other side tlvAtlaniick, 
I always thought were in the riglit, 

But iVJGstso, when most frantick."' 
H2 



90 THE GIBBET OF SATI KE. 

Are you the Jacobin of spirit, 

Who first found out your own great merits 

And in political careering, 

First practis'd self-electioneering ?^^ 

How came you, modest Sir, to hit on 
This horrid practice of Great Britain, 
When you, as every body knows. 
Are one of her determin'd foes ? 

Are you indeed the very man. 

Who seenCd t* oppose the Funding Plan, 

An hypocritical pretence 

To pocket its emoluments r*^ 

45 First practis'd self-electioneering ? 

We believe Honestus is the personage vfho introduced 
iu Massaciiusetts that appendage of British corruption, 
self-electioneering. He first mounted the hustings, West- 
minster-like, and told all the world zvluit nobody kneiv be- 
fore, that he was himself a very proper candidate for of- 
fice, a friend to the people, &c. 

46 To pocket its emoluments ? 

Honestus was once a very strenuous opponenttothe fund- 
ing system. Now, forsooth, as Commissioner of LoanSj 



THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. di 

Has it not been your constant aim, 
The passions of the mob t' inflame ; 
Their jealousy and pride exciting 
By flattery, falsehood, and backbiting?^.? 

he is pocketing the people's money, in consequence of 
holding an office, which isan appendage of the same owe 
obnoxious system. What a pure patriot ! ! 

47 By tlattcry, falsehood, and backbiting ? 

We have but one simple apology to make for taking 
notice of " Old South,*' alias " Honeslus." In this 
apology we beg leave to repeat a sentiment wliiqh we have 
before expressed, that the bite of an asp may be as fatal 
as ihe pazv of a lion. Old South's writings would be es- 
teemed by us as too insipid for animadversion, were they 
not calculated, by virtue of that same insipidity, to be 
very miscliievous. He never soars above tiie level of the 
undejstanding of the lowest class of the community, and 
like a fanatical preacher, his essays are always addressed 
to the passions and the feelings of those men, whose pas- 
sions and feelings are strong] but whose intellects are 
iveak,^nd who are tiie soul of ail these violent revolutions, 
v^hich leave society worse than they found it. 

*' Old South'* is ever harping on the subject of the 

" BENEVOLENCE AND THE DIGNITY OF THE PEG- 

1>LE." It would be very well to recommend those vir- 
tues, and to suppose that they do exist in a high degree 
in America, as this supposition may do something tn- 



92 THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. 

Pray Sir, if one may be so bold. 
How many lies may you have told, 

wards forming aNATiONAL character among Ameri- 
cans, and lead to a high sense of honor and honesty, 
without which there can be no real freedom, or long con- 
tinued national prosperity. But what conclusions does 
Mr. Old South draw fromhis premises under that head ? 
That if the people were left destitute of restraints, by en- 
ioying liberty without law, all would be "BENtvo- 
LEN'CEand DIGNITY-" But thc experience of all ages 
!5 against him. A purely democratick government would 
soon ha^i savage state* 

. <' Old South," in a long essay/ on the subject 
of " the benevolence and dignity of the people," produ- 
ces one extraordinary instance of democratick insanity, 
in proof of his assertions : " As soon," says he, *' as 
peace was proclaimed between the two nations, (France 
and England) the people exercised their natural benevG- 
Icnce, and rushed forth like a torrent, to receive with open 
arms, the messenger of this joyful intelligence ; the city 
of London resounded with *' long live Bonaparte ! long* 
■live the French nation ! the horses were dismissed from 
the carriages, as beiiig too slow in their progress, and the 
people became the promulgators of the glad tidings, by 
conducting tlie herald to the metropolis." 

Here is Bone's specimen of " benevolence and 
.DIGNITY." These hlped coach-horses of Mr. Lauriston, 



•* Sec nf>leQ9.p, 2\, Fcl L 



THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. 93 

Since you, and certain other knowing 
Knaves, set the Chronicle a going ? 

Now, ere too Jate, begin repentance. 
Before the people pass their sentence, 
That they no longer will be bit 
By such a shallow hypocrite/^ 

exhibited much democraikk d'l^^hliy In their silly manceu- 
vre of dragging this ** herald of peace/' to St, Janie/s- 
pabce. But what said those who knew something of tbis 
subject ? That the peace was hollow, insincere on tlie 
side of Bonaparte, and that England must arm, and be on 
the alert, or submit to the doiniuatiaa of that anprinci. 
pled usurper. 

I'iiis is an instance among a thousand, of Hod6*s incon- 
sistencies. The man is wrong-headed ; he has furnished 
his noddle with a jumble of facts and principles, but has 
not sufficient strength of intellect to digest, zx\<\ draw pro- 
per conclusions from the thingv which come within the 
sphere of his knowK^dge. A ** little /earmng,'^ with a 
great dtficit of common sense, makes a man very mis- 
chie\ous in society. 

4S By such a siiaiiow hypocrite. 

V/e are not fond of calling names, but it somelimes be- 
eomes necessary fsjr a right uiulerstanding of thmgs. 
That Mr. Honcslus has endeavoured to make his palriot- 



94 THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. 

For though you stride, without remorse. 
Fell faction^s hobbling hobby horse, 

i5m a stepping-stone to power, is evident from his con- 
duct, which has not hccn quite so equivocal as his pro- 
fessions. 

Mr. Honestus pretends to rank himself with tiie patri- 
ots of 1775, and anathematizes all those who will not pro- 
nounce his Shibboleth, as old tories. Bat unless we are 
wrongly informed, thii gentleman, during our revolution- 
n: }■ w'ar, although perhaps not iii a cave, sought an asy- 
lum in obscurity. He began, however, to fish in the 
troubled waters, which succeeded the revolution, about 
the time of Shays' insurrection, and has been ever since 
constant in his efforts to arm the passions against the in- 
tellect of the community, and set the physical, in battle 
array against the intellectual powers of society. 

The motives of Honestus in such proceedings, are 
]?;-jb ably, similar to those of all other demagogues. Pride 
and ambition impel him to strive to be a great man. 
But nature having been somewliat niggardly with regard 
to those endowments, which, in regular governments, are 
thought necessary to qualify a man for office, Honestus 
has no other way of gratifying his- leading propensity, 
than to excite confusion, in order to rise in the tumult. 
But, notwithstanding all .his canting about his fri-endbhip 
to the people, we have never heard of his hesitating to 
pocket their money, even for services in those offices 
which he had stigmatised as burthensonie and expensive. 
A ng for such a friend to the people ! 



THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. 95 

The jade may toss, by sudden flirt. 
Your demagogue-ship in the dirt.-*^ 

For freedom you may make a pother. 
But 'twill be known, one time or other. 
How oft the People's good is lost in 
The greater good of Mr. ^uJfCCn^ 

Step forward, "simple" Tony Pasquin,^^ 
In Presidential favour basking,5i 

49 Your demagogue-ship in the dirt. 

" So have I seen with armed heel, 
A wiglit bestride a common-weal. 
While still the'mofejje kick'd and spurr'd. 
The less the sullen jade has stirr'd." 

HuDiBRAs, Canto I. 

jO Step forward, "simple" Tony Pasquin. 

This reptile, who is the right hand Chronicle-mart, 
has been so pre-eminently infamous, that it appears there 
was put one step which the creature could take io com* ' 
pletethe degradation of his character, to the lowest pitch 
of which human nature is capable. This step he has 
taken, by enlisting into the Chronicle service, and ex- 
erting himself to diffuse the poison of his principles among 



96 THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. 

A very proper sort of crony. 
For such a wight as Mr. Hone 

the poor deluded beings, ^ho are so simple as to reap 
the effusions of his " jobbernowl." 
' We shall n©t here attempt, what we once intended, a 
sketch of his biography, but merply state a few particu- 
lars, which will beevinciveof theJkindof talents, which 
are necessary to qualify a man for the eminent station of 
Editor of a democratic Newspaper. 

In Tony's celebrated law-suit against Faulder and 
others, which has been published in the Repertory in this 
town, and which we remember to have seen in England, 
there appears such adevelopement of the infamy of this 
most detestable of all wretches, that one would not 
think it possible, that a human being, who possessed the 
least pretensions to respectability in society would be his 
associate. 

I will not trouble the reader with' any minute strictures 
on the character of this pitiful vagrant, but merely con- 
clude this note with the concluding remark of Mr. Gar- 
row, in the trial to which I have above referred, together 
with a statement of the result of the trial, in which this 
pure-hearted patriot sought recompense for having been 
calumniated. 

" I see by your countenances, gentlemen, tiiat it is 
unnecessary to proceed any further with tiiis man's infa- 
mous and abominable productions. I will not, therefore, 
harrass your feelings; let them rest for the present — but 
I will appeal to your sense of propriety, to that of all 



THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. Sr 

I'm free to own, that I'm amaz'd. 
Your heart deprav'd, your noddle craz'd/^ 
That even our leaders of sedition. 
Should use you for a politician. 

who hear me, and ask, whetlicr this common libeller, 
this vile traducer of honour and integrity, this hireling 
blaster of youth and innocence, should be suffered to 
coiiie into this court, and ask satisfaction for being des- 
cribed under the cliaracter he has voluntarily and osten- 
tatiously assumed ? Should he, who has been proved be- 
fore you to be the author of works, of which every line 
is calumny, sue for your protection, under the pretence 
that he is calumniated? Shall he say to you, gentlemen, 
I have been, from my youth up, earning a scandalous 
subsistence by vilifying my sovereign, insulting his au- 
gust family, belying his ministers, traducing his courts of 
justice and subjects, from the highest to the lowest; give 
tt^erefore, ample dariiages, because this dirty occupation 
is not sufficiently proiitable? 

*♦ Shall he say, 1 have violated the ear of modesty in my 
writings, 1 have ridiculed the ordinances op 

OUR HOLY RELIGION, I HAVE BLASPHEMED '* 

Here some of the juri/gotup, and Lord Kenyon desir- 
ed Mr. Garrozu to stop, that more was evidently unne- 
cessary. 

He then said, that it was tlieir duly to consider whether 
the author of such works aj Ihey he:ii\I read and describ- 
-cd, Iiad a right to call for damages. 
L 



98 THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. 

Our Yankey-Statesmen put to school. 
To such a sorry sort of tool, 

" With what face (ccmtinued his lordship) can this fel- 
low find fault with the publication of the defendant, when 
it appears that the passage here libelled, attaches to him 
merely as Anthony Pasquin, a name which he has pre- 
fixed to writings of the most infamous nature ?* It ap- 
pears to me that the author of the Baviad, has acted a 
very meritorious part in exposing this man ; and I most 
earnestly wish and hope that some method will, ere long, 
be fallen upon to prevent all such unprincipled and me)'- 
cenary ivretches from going about, unbridled in society 
to the great annoyance and disquietude of the public." 

The jury, without a moment's hesitation, nonsuited 
the plaintiif, and the audience •* hissed Jiim out of 
Court." 

52 In Presidential favour basking. 

We have good authority for asserting, that this ^;jc 
•ivriter, received a very handsome douceur from Mr. J(-f- 
ferson, for his services in puffing the Notes on Virginia. 



* Among other stupid productions of Tony , uhich Here 
read on this occasion, was his Pin-Basket for the Children 
ofThespis. In this he thus speaks of the celebrated Ed- 
mund Burke -. 

" And— MuN, with his mouthful of Christ!. J" 

Horrid wretch ! 



THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. 99 

Who CHii't write English if he dies,^^ 
Will, doubtless, turn out wondrous wise 1 

With such a dirty wretch as Tony, 
Who but Honestus would be crony ? 
And what vile renegade but Tony, 
Would be the intimate of Hone ? 

53 Your heart deprav'd, your noddle craz'd. 

We have seen sundry specimens of Tony's '* admir- 
ed performances," as he calls them, which were so stu- 
pidly wild, unmeaning, and unintelligible, that we have 
thought with Mr. Gilford, in a similar case, that nothing 
could match them short of a *' transcript from the dark- \ 
ened walls of Bedlam." ' 

54 Who can't write English if he dies. 

Mr. Garrow has justly said of Tony, that his English 
was as incorrect as his conduct. 

This paltry scribbler, since the above was written, has 
quitted the Chronicle service, after grumbling a few ana- 
thema respecting the small encouragement afforded him 
in his labours in the cause of republicanism. What we 
have written, however, will serve to show what sort of be- 
ings constitute the bestof democratick newspaper editor?^ 



too THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. 

Your friends, the Feds, are much delighted 
To see such noble souls united. 
And when death threatens squally weather 
Theyhope e'en then you'll, hang together t 

Come forward, spitting Mathew Lyon, 
Thy flaming wooden sword pray tie on,^^ 

and stand as a monument of infamy sgainst the party 
in whose service such a rotable advocate was retained ; 
and in v.hose service lie would, probably, have continued 
his meritojious exertions, had not the voice of puhlick 
contempt fairly hooted liini from the scene of acti( 



tiou. 



54 Thy fliniing wooden sword pray lleon. 

A wooden sword is said to have been presented to this 
■warrior, who is ahke renowned in the cabinet and in the 
fieid, as ?i tribute of respect iov hzv'mg prudently retreated 
from a post, where it is not impossible he might have 
been killed or taken by the enemy, had he remained. 
General Gates, however, like an old aristocrat, ordered 
our Irish Fabius to be drummed out of camp for cow- 
ardice. 



THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. 101 

Hold up thy head, man, don't be frighted, 
A bolder warrior ne'er was knighted. 

Great Hero of Ticonderogue, 

So long as valour is in vogue. 

Thy name and merits shall be shouted,^^ 

Nor once by infamy be scouted. 

Thou shalt be held in more repute 
Than fam'd Calig'la's Consul brute ; 

55 Thy name and merits shall be shouted. 

We are extremely solicitous to eulogise this vvondtrful 
warrior, and have even gone so far as to hammei out a song, 
in the prettiest stile imaginable, for no other purpose than 
to celebrate, and, if possible, to perpetuate the achieve- 
ments of our Hibernian hero. Although we are not ad- 
ilicted to be very vociferous on the theme of our own 
praises, still we must beg leave to observe, that in our 
opinion, the following song has more delicacy, sweetness,, 
sense, sensibility, &c. &c. than all the sonnets of Miss 
Charlotte Smith put together, and we recommend it to 
be sung by way of catch, glee, sonata, &c. &c. at all 
the meetings of good democrats, assembled in self-creat- 
ed constitutional societies, or midnight eleclioaecring cau- 
Gusses, ox-roasting junkets, &c. &c. &c. 



1.2 



10% THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. 

Or mighty Mammoth, prairte dog, 
Or the best educated hog. 

THE DAGON OF DEMOCRACT, 
A BRAN NEW SONG. 

jTuNK— .*• O Cupid ForecerJ^I 

O COME let us praise 
In beautiful lays, 

A wonderful idol of party, 
And each Democrat, 
Shall laud Mister Pat, 

The Wooden Sword hero so hearty. 

CHORUS 

O then ye are lucky. 
Good men of Kentucky, 

To choose spitting Matt, for your idol ; 
Come frolic and caper. 
By the blaze of his taper,* 

And sing, fol de rol,, diddled! dol. 

No Commandment you break, 
Though an Idol you make. 

Of the ugly, old Democrat, seeing 

* * Thereby hangs a tale.* 



THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. 103 

Diiane and tbou at loggerhead s,5<> 
Make fine amusement for the Feds, 

That nothing at all, Sirs, 
Flies, walks, swims or crawls. Sirs, 
In the likeness of such an odd being, 
O then ye are lucky, &c. 



How one pair of stags. 

Erst paid for his passage from Europe; 
But the price of a score. 
Would scarce send hint o'er. 

And pay for his hangman a new rope !* 
O then ye are lucky, &:c. 

When our Independence 
He strove to defeiid once. 

Great Britain look'd blue at his wrath, S5rs ' 
But Gun-powder's smell. 
Didn't suit him so well. 

So he*s knight of the dagger of Lath, Sirs. 
O then ye are lucky, &c. 



* IVe mention this circumstance to shexv that the price 
ttf the beast has risen. If hen he first landed in this coun- 
try, he toas sold to a Mr. Hugh Hanna, of Litchfield:, 
in Connecticut f for a pair of steers. 



104. THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. 

And all good men are overjoyed. 
To see such patriots thus employ'd. 

When once he was bor^d, 
'Bout his line wooden sword. 

He show'd what resentment is fitting. 
For the sturdy old Pat, 
Like a rampant ram-cat, 

Even vented his venom by spitting ! 
O tJien ye are Uicky, &c. 

To be sure he does right. 
Is very polite. 

Whenever affronted, to drive a 
Great quid of tobacco. 
In folk's faces, whack-o, 

And porringers full of saliva ! 
O then ye are lucky, &c. 

Though he did not budge ill. 
To 'scape from the cudgel. 

What time a fell Yankey beset hiia ^ 
No doubt with the tongs. 
He'd righted his wrongs 

Provided the \ ankey had let him ! 
O then ye are lucky, &c. 

Although it be true, 
That setirchthe world through 
No uglier beast can be fgufld; Sirs I 



THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. 105 

And thou hast well contrived to win. 
The heart of Goodman Gallatin, 

Good L— d, what of that ? 
lie's a fine Democrat ; 
And healtli to the brute shall go round, Sirs ! 
And O ye are lucky. 
Good men of Kentucky, 

To choose such a brute for your idol ^ 
Come froliek and caper. 
By the blaze of his taper. 

And sing, fol de rol, diddle di dol. 

56 Duane and thou at loggerheads. 

TJiis pair of paddies have lately attacked each other 
^ith no small degree of virulence. Lyon, (the less fero- 
cious beast of tlie two) by turning Stages* evi- 
dence., has brought out iiis friend Duane, and given some 
characteristick sketches of himself and party, which can- 
not fail to amuse all those who can contemplate the 
backside of human nature with complacency. Had not 
the tail of the body politick in Ameiica, got the up- 
perhand, and as Butler says, "sergeant bum invaded 
shoulders," we would turn with disgust from such exhibi- 
tions of enormity as are presented to view by the falling- 
out of these rogues among themselves. But as they have 
a more intimate acquaintance with each other's projects 
tlian honest men can have, it may not be bad policy ta 



106 THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. 

And IVe no doubt, but he would pleasure 
With all the money in the treasury. ^"^ [ye, 

attend to their criminations, set a thief to take a thief, and 
pardon a few who will be active in convicting the rest. 

Lyon has lately addressed a letter to Duane, which 
perfectly bewrays the character of both these turbulent 
demagogues ; and if Americans will hereafter be duped by 
such unprincipled wretches, they will deserve to be doom- 
ed to slavery. A short extract or two from Lyon's letter, 
will show what soit of a tool Duane is supposed to be, 
by his own party, and what honest means those in power 
have employed, in order to aggrandize themselves at the 
expense of the country. 

After comparing Duane to a ** skunk " and declaring 
him to be a ** ivould-be tyrant ^^^ he proceeds as follows : 

** A wretch (to wit, Duane) hunted tor his crimes, from 
Asia to Africa, from Africa to Europe, from Europe to 
America, landed on the Atiantick shore of the United 
States, seven or eight years ago, incapable of earning 
his bread, by common honest laborious industry, poor 
and pennyless, driven for his petulence from the station 
which first offered him subsistence in America, when a 
ragged vagabond, with a downcast guilty look HkeCain, 
expecting every man's hand to be raised against him ; 
bemired with filth, and shunned as a spectre ; with no 
other distingnishing property than that of ability to 
write with severity ; to give falsehood and lies somesem- 
hlance of truth, and to give truth the appearance of false' 
hood. The democrats of this country were taken in by 



THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. lor 

'Tis said by some, O far faiii'd Matt, 
Although a noted Democrat, 

him ; by their countenance and indulgence, he became 
the conductor of a press, wliich had been distinguished 
for its correct course : they enabled him to put on a clean 
shirt, to fill his belly, to look a little sleek and hold up 
his head. * * * 

*' 1 told the members (of Congress) to give the man 
money, all you can atford — let us support him through 
the crisis, and if our party succeeds in obtaining the reinS 
•of the government, the paper will support itself; if we 
fall, it must fall." 

*' I foresaw, his charges would be made up, something 
Jike those made for printing for the house of representa- 
tives of the United States, which the committee of that 
house, with all their vigilance, have not been able tore 
duce, nearer than 30 per cent, to what other pe( pie will 
now do it for, when the lowest bidder has the woik." 

" I often told my republican friends, in those days, 
that the lies of this man would injure our cause, if 
the conflict lasted long enough to have them exposed. A 
thousand times has he brought a blush on the face of the 
honest men of our party, when they read his unfounded at- 
tacks against their opponents ; with regret, the most dis- 
cerning foresaw, that themselves would be subject to the 
same insults and indignities, whenever they happened 
to displease this unprincipled scaramouch of their own 
architecture." 



108 THE GIBBET OF SATIRE- 

Thou dost design to turn about. 
And join the fallen Federal rout. 

" This person is suspected by some, to be at this 
time favourable to the views of a foreign potentate, 
[Buonaparte] wlio wishes to see democracy and republi- 
cams?n;' (very distinct things by the way) *' wrote 
down and brought into disgrace in this country, &c. &c.'* 
Thus spake the valorous knight of the wooden sword ; 
but he still remains tiie very good friend of this '* unprin- 
4;ipled scaramouch" and,tells Duane ** although a provok- 
ed monitor, still your old friend is not your enemy,** 
That ** his republican friends think highly of Duai>e's 
services." &c. 

One would suppose, that if Lyon had the least symp- 
-toms of returning honesty, lie would not continue to sup- 
port a man, whom he declares to " be a wretch hunted 
for his crimes from Europe to Africa," &c. and whose 
claims for patronage, consist altogether " in ability to 
write with severity ; to give falsehood and lies sonic 
semblance of truth, and to give truth the appearance of 
falsehood,^ one that he suspects to be ** favourable to 
the views of a foreign potentate," &c. &c. And that Iiis 
party would not feel proud in having employed, and 
continuing to employ, an *' unprincipled wretch, whose 
LIES, they were told, would injure their cause." But 
like masters like man. They are all democrats, thev 
are all shuflSing demagogues. 



THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. 10 

And wouldst thou condescend, my hearty^ 
To head the tertium-quid third party P^s 

57 With all the money in the treasury; 

The Genevan evinced his partiality ^to the paddy/ a$ 
follows : 

The Knight of the Wooden Sword, was, in 1803, agent 
to the United States, for furnishing supplies to the army. 
He drew a bill on the treasury of the United States, for 
money which would not be due for a number of months. 
The bill, however, was presented, and immediately paid. 

Mr. Steele, late secretary for the Missisippi territory, 
drew on the treasury of the United States, for money 
which was then due to him, under an act of congress, 
for services performed in collecting the direct tax. The 
■ bill was presented, and Gallatin acknowledged it to be 
due, but would not pay it until a!l the returns under the 
direct tax had come in, and the accounts were settled. 
The bill remained unpaid fourteen months, till the ac- 
counts were settled, when the holder called again on Mr. 
Gallatin. But the cunning Genevan would not then pay 
the bill, because all the money due for these services was 
-not dra-Au for at the same time. 

The Washington Federalist makes the following re- 
*marks on this scandalous procedure : 

"The baseness of this transaction is only to be fully 
^•nderslood, by comparing it with the one first detailed. Ih 
K 



110 THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. 

Demo's and Feds would all be merry, 
Fell Discord's tomahawk to bury. 

the first, we see a man despised by every person of char- 
acter in the United States, made the agent of Govern- 
ment, and such anxiety shown to render him services, 
and to honour his drafts, that they are paid many months 
before they are due. On the other hand, we see a faithful 
and good officer, universally respected and esteemed, 
draw'ing upon the treasury for money acknowledged to 
be due to him. The secretary, instead of paying it, 
puts it off on frivolous pretexts, for more than a year, 
and then subjects the drawer to very great expense, 
trouble, and delay, which might have been avoided, by 
stating the objections at first. The damages occasioned 
by the protest, are regulated by the different states. In 
few are they less, and some more than 1 5 per centu ni 
on the whole amount, besides interest, cost, and charges. 
A pretty little sum for an American to pay, for the whina 
or caprice of an insolent foreigner ! 

58 To head the tertiuvi-quid third party ? 

Many of our formerly violent democrats, have be- 
come disgusted with their party, and have learned in 
the dear school of experience, what was foreseen by the 
federalists trom the time in which our government was 
first organized, that the kind of liberty and equality, for 
which they have been contentious, would not be practi- 
cable in society. These gentlemen talk about forming 



- THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. Ill 

Thy dagger, formed of toughest lath. 
Would quell the rage of party wrath ; 
And, wav'd by thee like conjurer's wand. 
Chase Discord's demon from the land. 

Next on our list is Tony Haswell, 
But he's so small a thing, that as well 
Might giant bold assail musquitce. 
As we attack the puny creature. 

a third party, of what they are pleased to call true Ame- 
ricans, which is to comprise all the moderates of both 
parties. This may be well enough, but these true Ame- 
ricans, must become in effect Federalists, whatever they 
may be pleased to denominate themselves, if they pur- 
pose to pursue the real interests of their country. But if 
their intention is to introduce a new order of things, a 
system of measures different in principle from those of 
the Washington and Adams administration, their leaders 
should be chosen from among the Democrats who distin- 
guished themselves by thwarting the views of those 
men who laid the foundation for whatsoever of national 
prosperity we now enjoy. Among these we can think of 
no person whose courage and conduct so well entitle him 
to that superb station, as the Knight of the wooden 
Sword. 



tl2 THE GIBBET OF SATIRE, 

Still as bis party set him high. 
For once, we'll condescend to try. 
If we, by any possibility. 
Can hit this essence of niliility. 

But lest the reader think the trpic 
On which we treat, too microscopic. 
We'll merely undertake to show. 
Our gnat-ling in a note below. ^^ 

50 Our gnat-ling in a note below. 

This^ petty dealer in sedition, has, a number of years 
past, edited a Newspaper, printed at Bennington, Ver- 
mont, \v!/ich has been as virulent and mischievous, as 
the limited talents of ihe particle, which conducted it, 
would permit. 

Wc once ef.dcavourcd to give the public an idea of 
the thing, and its Newsp.ipcr, in the foi lowing lines : 

At Bennington, a set of fellows. 
Of Tony made a [xiirof bellows, 
, Then plied their tool, with skill amazing. 

To set sedition's coals a blazing ; 
And hope by dint of pei'severance. 
To make all smoke within a year hence. 
In other words, the crooked set, 
Hir'd him to print a dull Gazette ; 



THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. 113 

The next great man that I can think on. 
Is no less man than Lawyer L — — n. 
With whom compared, your Mansfields, * 
Are but a set of asses* colts. [Holts^. 

A viler and a dirtier thing, 

Ne*er caus'd its editor to swing. 

His papers, take them as they rise. 

Have fewer paragraphs than lies; 

E'en Virgil's Fame, with all her tongues. 

And many a hundred pair of lungs. 

And who with ease, as Poet's say, 

Can forge ten-thousand lies a day, 

Has brok'n her brazen trump, and sighing;, 

To Tony yields the palm of lying I 



+- 



But quoth the reader, tell me why 
You thus would cannonade a fly ! 
Would not a warrior simple be. 
At tilt and tourn'ment with a flea ! 
We own our error, gentle reader. 
And stand rebuk'd for our procedure. 
1 hen, Tony, thou may'st creep along, 
Unnotic'd in our future sofig. 
From satire's arrows still exempt, 
B«;cause thou art beneath contempt f 



Tony, however, continuing to swell like the frog i a 
theiabie, we were under the disagreeable necessity of mak- 

K2 



114 THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. 

Lord how my Muse and I should glory 
To paint his matchless oratory, 
, For benefit of future times, 
'111 i€Vi-monumentiim rhj^mes. 

ing a second attempt to liit him, and in our/g^inion, 
«nade a very good shot, in the following sketch-cf^ 

The origin and FORMATION 

0f the Soul of a noted little Democrat. 

. CERTAIN sages, learn'd and tvAsticcdl 
By reasoning not one whit sophistical. 
Have prov'd what's wonderful, to wit. 
The smallest atom may be split. 
Then split again, ad infinitum, 
And diagrams, which much delight 'ra. 
By Mr. Martin, make it out. 
Beyond the shadow of a doubt. 

Matter thus splittable, I ween. 
With half an eye it may be seen. 
That spirit, being much diviner, 
May be proportionably finer, 
Nor is this merely postulatian, 
^ris prov'd by facts, and thus we state 'cm. 

Dame Nature, once. In mood of merriment, 
jT Pcrform'd the following droll experiment. 



THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. 115 

But poets, critics, each a million. 
And each a Homer or Quintillian, 
With each a pen can't set forth tuWy, 
The merits of our modern Tully.^*^ 

She took a most diminish'd sprite. 
Smaller than microsopic mite. 
An hundred thousand such might lie, 
Wedg'd in a cambric needle's eye ;— 
And then by dint of her divinity. 
Divided it one ivhok Infinity, 
Next cuU'd the very smallest particle^. 
And shaped the Democratic article. 
That little, d-l-sh, dirty dole, 
Whicli serves for Tony Haswell's soul ! 

But, mirahile dictu ! notwithstanding we thus impaled 
this insect on the poiiit of the needle of Satire, the puny, 
cat-lived animalcule is still in existence, and dashes m 
the character of a leading Democrat in Vermont. 

GO Tlie merits of our modern Tully. 

The idea expressed in this stanza, we have borrowed, 
with some little alteration, from The Battle of the Kcg&. 

*' A hundred men, with each a pen, 

Or mure, upon my v;oid, Sir, 
It is most true, would be too few, 
Their valor to record. Sir." 



If 6 THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. 

Not e*en the facund Mr. Bangs^i 
Can equal his sublime harangues. 
When all his eloquence unmuzzling. 
He untwists Jury cause so puzzling. 

By help of statute, tome and code, 
A pretty decent waggon load. 
When Sugar Cause he had in hand, he 
Had almost made it sugar candy. ^^ 

61 Not e*en the facund Mr. Bangs, 

A notorious Counsellor at Law, who displayed much of 
the art of turning and twisting, in the Legislature, in the 
famous case of Young and Minns, alias the Common-. 
v?euLh of MaasachubCUs, vs. Mr. Jeiferson. 

62 Had almost made it sugar candy. 

Perhaps some of our readers would prefer to have the 
«tory of this famous cause told in prose, and as we are so- 
licitous to gratify the palates of all those who expect en- 
tertainment from our Parnassian Restaurateur, we beg 
leave to present them, tog<'tncr with the flummery of our 
poetry, a relish of roast beef fcoiu the Fxedcrickstown 
Hei aid, of September 29, 1804. 

'i'he editor of that excellent Newspaper, thus expres- 
ses iiiiu-rlf of the personai-e wlw»e case ii> ik)W uudef . 
conijideriUiunj 



THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. 117 

With Common ^ud j//?-Common Law, 
In which no maa could pick a fiavv, 

" In the National Intelligence • of the 19th inst. the 
folIo\vii)gconip;inient is paid lo Mr. lincoln, by a writer 
under the signature of Curtius, ■ The short period 
during \v!iic!i he held his seal [in Congress] had not ad- 
mitted of a devdopanent of las tai'^nis, but he cnlered 
the body with the reputation of emineit taients." — We 
should be glad to know with what reputation he Ifft it? 
The truth is, that he entered the body witii the reputa- 
tion of being one of the vvr ters of a "Worcester paper 
called the iEgis, and was supposed to be one of the au- 
thors of a series of essaySy (if a mass of slander, person- 
al, vindictive and unjust, deserves I lie name) called the 
"Farmer's Letters;" this was tiie only evidence 
■which tlie public had received of his talents, and with 
this reputation he entered the house, and with this repu- 
tation only- he left it. It is true, tliat a farther " devdopc 
inent of his talents'' did not take place during his stay in 
Congress ; but it is not true that it was owing to "the 
short period" to which it was confined. He remained 
sufficiently long to have developed his talents on tlie 
many important and interesting topics which were each 
day the subject of discussion. Awed by the splendor 
which surrounded him, he dared not expose his prate to 
the keen animadversion of his contemporary opponents. 
Having just sense enough to practise tlie ir.?x;mof " vlr 
sapit qui pauca loquitur ,' he shieldvd himself in a stu- 



118 THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. 

He did so learnedly begin, 

'Twas thought his head was Lincoln's Inn. 

pid silence, and sat scowling at the eminence which he 
had not the power to resist. lie therefore went out of 
Congress as he came in, with the reputation of being a 
veak spoke iu the wheel of government, 

** Mr. Lincoln was now appointed Attorney General of 
the United States, and during the long period in which 
he has held, we will not say discharged, that office, he has 
permitted a farther developement of his talents, by making 
one speech and an half in the Supreme Court. 

** The first speech was a sufficient developement of his 
talents, to induce Administration to believe that in any 
future developement, it might be necessary for the inter- 
ests of the country, that he should be assisted by other 
counsel, and therefore, in the celebrated case of the Sugar 
Refiners, Mr. Dallas was employed, at the expense of 
several hundred dollars, to render this assistance. Th^ 
cause was tried at the capitol, in Washington, during 
llie sitting of Congress, before chief Justice Marshal,^ 
and Judges Chase and Washington. The hall of the 
court was crouded with spectators, among whom were 
observed many foreigners of distinction, and members 
of Congress. The honourable Levi Lincoln arose — one 
liand was rested on a large pile of law books, which it 
"would seem he intended to Use, the other contained a roll 
of manuscript notes of the case, to which it would seem 
ke intended to refer. He neither used the one nor referred 



THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. 110 

First he advanced with hems ! and hahs ! 
'' May't please your honours, inthis cause, 
" With your good leave, I say, as how, 
*' My point the first, I'll cpen now : 

to the other. He was on the floor about ten minutes, 
when having concluded his prefatory remarks, he said, 
** I will now inform tiiis honourable Court, of the first 
point which I have taken in this case."— He paused, " 1 
say, may it please your honours," (continued he, after a 
Jittle hesitation) and paused again. — The Court listened 
with the utmost attention ; the spectators who were at a 
little distance^rom the bar, anxious to witness the event 
which t/his illustrious instance of the " montes parturU 
unt" seemed to promise, closed up in a semicircle 
around the balustrade of the forum. ** And I was say- 
ing, (said Mr. Lincoln) I have made a point.*' — He had 
so. He had reached one which he could not surmount. 
He told the Court that he begged their kind indulgence; 
that he felt Exceedingly embarrassed, and wished a few 
minutes for recollection. The Court bowed assent, and 
Mr. Lincoln sat down. 

" After a pause of fifteen minutes, during which there 
•was the most solemn stillness, Mr. Lincoln rose again. 
He continued to speak about ten minutes more. His 
manner was wild, incoherent, and unargumentative, 
and seemed to be an unconnected, promiscuous, and 
irregular assemblage of words, without the smallest at- 
tention to an ordo verborum. " I have now come, (said 



120 THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. 

*' May*t please the Gonrt---I would say- 
hem, 

" Fore Gad I'm in a fine dilemm' ! — 

*' May't please the Court— your honours 
please, 

*' My arguments are 6*/;w/?/j/ these : 

«^ Let my opponents do their worst, 
" Still my first point is — point the first — 
" Which f'llly proves my case, because 
^' All stritiite laws are — statute laws ! ! ! 



he) may it please your honours, to the second point pro- 
posed — I say — 'tiie second point which I have taken is 
this — I have got (said he) to the second point." — He, 
however, was never able to get any farther, and the 
Court remain yet to be informed what tiiat second point 
was. Mr. 'Lincoln was obliged once more to apologize 
to the Court for being unable to proceed. He said, he 
felt an embarrassment which he could not cdnquer, and 
that Mr. Dallas would go on with the cftuse. A confused 
murmur was heard throughout the hall ; it was the hum 
of vexation, disappointment, and keen remark. Some 
bf the auditory felt chagrined at this debaisement of our 
national dignity ; some felt disappointed and astonished 
that this exertion of forensic eloquence, should have ter- 
minated in such a \x\Qi\^W\iig devdopement of the talents 
of the Attorney General ; and others laughed at tue im- 
^ot^r.cy which they had predicted — wixilst the poor Mr. 



THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. 1«| 

^ That is to say — the matter's here, 
^' Since I have made this point so clear, 
'* In favour of my cause and client, 
^* Then our side's right, you may rely on't. 

" I think this argument is pat 
" In point, it therefore follows — that — ; 
"' Good Lord, I wish I were a mile hence!'* 
Quoth Lincoln— but quoth Sheriff— "si- 
lence!'* 

Our Lawyer having found, I trow. 
That point the first would hardly go. 
Now stopp'd to cogitate a little. 
To hit point second to a tittle. 

Point first delivered, as you see, hi$ 
Head was not pregnant with ideas. 
Therefore to put things in a train, 
lie sat down to conceive again. 

Lincoln sat do^yn at the bar, and covered liis face wItK 
his hands. It would be vain to deny the truth of this 
5l.itement; the hundreds who were present can testify to 
its truth. 

L 



i22 THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. 

For our great elocution's model. 
Having discharged his loaded noddle. 
Found that he must, let who would scoff, 
E*en load again or not go off: 

Now having chargM, he rose and fix'd — 
A word or two, which all admir'd. 
Then for truce put in petition. 
As he was out of amunition. 

And after many a tug, he found 
That point the second kept his ground. 
With most provoking*^ oppugnation^^ 
To our great Lawyer's grand oration. 

But tho he suffered sad defeat. 
Friend Dallas cover'd his retreat. 
And, luckily, by his assistance. 
The enemy was kept at distance. 

But I by no means would pronounce ill. 
Of our great man, as chamber counsel. 
Although some say he did not shine 
In Callender's remitted fine.^^ 



THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. 125 

Siill his opinion's always good. 
Provided this be understood, 

63 In Callendei's rerniUed fine. 

The following account of the leadhig features of the 
case to wliich we here allude, is extracted from the New- 
York Evening Post ; 

" On the 28th of May, 1800. James Thompson Cal- 
Jender, was legally convicted of a misdemeanor, and 
sentenced to pay a fine of two hundred dollars, to be im- 
prisoned nine months, and find security for his good be- 
haviour for a certain term, *< beyond the expiration of 
his imprisonment." Shortly after Callender had paid 
(he fine into the hands of the Marshal, and after the term 
of his imprisonment had expired, a general pardon of 
{he misdemeanor, remitting and releasing all penalties 
incurred, or to be incurred, 1)y reason thereof, was 
granted, and sent to the Marshal. Doubts were sug- 
gested, whether, having once received the money from 
Callender, the officer could legally pay it back to him. 
These doubts were communicated to the acting Secretary 
of State; [to wit, the Hon. L. L. Esqjire] who, altera 
tlelay of nearly a month, replied, that the question had 
been considered, and that ** before a fine is paid into ihs 
Treasury, a pardon remits and restoces it to the party ; 
concluding with a direction to ** restore the money t« 
Mr. Callender," which was accordingly done." 

The arguments which are adduced in the able discwr>' 
sion of the subject, a part of which we have here quole<4 



124 THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. 

That when you have it stated, nicely^ 
'Tis what it should not be, precisely. ^^ 

In fine, I think his honour*s law-miil. 
Should go by water, like a saw-mill. 
For that his only chance, I trust, is 
To chance to do his clients justice. 

But surely never man shone brighter,^ 
Than our said lawyer as a writer, 

proving that when a fine is paid, it becomes property 
vested, and that a charter of pardon does not imply rese 
titution, are too long to be heie inserted. 

€i *Tis what \ishould not be, precisely, 

I hare often thought Pope's sentiment, expressed in 
the following lines, peculiarly applicable to the profession 
of law. 

" A little learning is a dangerous thing. 
Drink deep, or taste not the Pierian spring; 
For shallow draughts intoxicate the brain 
But drinking largely, sobers us again." 

A man who lias but a smattering of law knowledge, it- 
sure to steer wide of justice and common sense, and at- 
tempt to make mischeivous di^inctions between law and 

rl^ht. 



THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. 125 

Not even Honestus can write better 
Than I've seen many a " Farmer's" let- 

^ [ter.<5i> 

S5 Than I've se^n many a " Farmer's'' letter. 

The acute, sagacious and subtle essays, which are suppo- 
seJ to have been written by our American Junius, with 
the title of " A Farmer's Letter to the Peo- 
FLE," will ever remain a suipendous monunient of the 
astute, penetrating and profound genius of Democracy's 
" DemosthenesV* Such ductility of fancy, ^uch mal- 
leability and intertexture of oi:j.t;le nonsense, into com- 
plicated and unintelligible r'rapsody, was never, perhaps, 
exceeded by the mad cap French revolutionary declaim- 
crs OH liberty and equality. We did intend to have fa- 
voured our readers with our critical remarks on these won. 
clerful productions, pointing out some of those passages 
which seem possessed of Colossean merit. But as\yeda 
Dot wish to inundate our readers with a flood oi verbiage, 
whhout so much as a tinkling rill o( mcaninf^, we carinot 
do ourselves the iiigh honour of making copious quota- 
tions. We will, however, mention two sentences from 
L^^tter No. X. the one a little involved, and the other not 
quite true. 

I - - - ' ■ - ■ ■ ■ I - H I ■ 

* The ■merit of t las figure, we conftjs, consi'its entirthj 
in its appiication,forive borrowed it from one rfthc Fur" 
liter's Lttters (xie forget zihich) ivherein the pj-ophei /lU" 
bakkuk is styled ** Prophecy's Demosthenes." 
L2 



125 THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. 

'Tis true, he has not much pretence 
To grammar, reason, common sense; 

*'If there is no senseof decency remaining, none incul- 
cated by public teachers; if no beauties are seen in pro- 
priety or consistency of couduct ; if principles of enmity 
to public authority are disseminated and nurtured; if 
the precepts of the wisest, and the experience of the 
greatest men of ancient and niodern times, are held in 
contempt and rejected, because they are embraced by 
the officers of government ; if their unexamined, and un- 
tried measures should continue to be rudely, suddenly, 
prematurely and wickedly anathematised by vulgar rash- 
ness and sacerdotal prejudice, merely because they are 
theirs ; vain will be our retrospect on past exertions, or 
revolutionary acquisitions; delusive our hopes of the fu- 
ture, and miserable the condition of the present and af- 
ter generations." 

** If a body meet a body" — &c. or to rise to the 
*' pinnacle of the foundation" of this subject, 

Ijf a man be like a man, who 

" Sometimes to sense, sometimes to nonsense leaning, 
" Is always blundering round about his meaning." 

pray who else is he like ? 

The next paragraph which we shall select for our rea- 
ders "negative instruction," is an absolute falsehood. 

Speaking of a Note addressed to the public by the Edi- 
tors of the AJercury, proposing to enlarge its size, and 
•ntitle it the Kew-iLngland Palladium, our author says;^ 



THE GIBBET OF SATIRE, lit 

What then ? his language is sonorous. 
And," We the People," forms the chorus. 

What though he flirts about and flounces^ 
From falsehood into nonsense bounces. 
He works for our good like a dray horsq. 
Or satan journeying through Chaos. 

Sure such an Ovid in a Murray, 
W^ont be forgotten in a hurry ,6^ 

that *' for kss, infinitely ]es«, was Lyon convicted, CallcB- 
tier and Cooper punished." To those who have read the 
note and the libels to which it was compared, any corap- 
Bicnts on this round assertion, would be perfectly frivo- 
lous. 

€6 Wont be forgotten in a hurry. 

" How sweet an Ovid in a Murray lost," 

said the Poet; but had he been so fortunate as to havfc 
heard the Sugar Cause argued, and have j)erused the 
*< Farmer's Letters," he would have ejaculated something 
very like the above happy couplet, on perceiving the fine* 
writer, and profound lawyer, happily blended in the per- 
son of the Attorney General. 



128 THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. 

Whose every word contains an adage. 
Meant to reform a bold and bad age. 

We next will stretch on satire's rack, 
A callous wretch in faded black, 
A nuisance in our " happy land," 
A sort of junior Talleyrand. 

Democracy has not a rogue. 
Amongst her dashers now in vogue, 
A single Jacobin, or scarce one 
More mischievous than this said Parson. 

'Twere well had he been hung, before he 
Began to print th' Observatory,^ 

67 Began to print th' Observatory. 

I1ie following sketch, from the Boston Gazette of July, 
1804, is somewhat declarative of the demerits of this re- 
negado Parson : 

*' The Walpole Observatory is understood to be edited 

by a broken Parson, who, we are told, was drummed out 

of a p^ish in Connecticut. There is no want of candor 

in remarking, and we leave it to others, to apply the re- 

■ mark, if they think it applicable, that there is no wors< 



THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. 12» 

Which would have sav'd an inundation 
Of lies, which overspread the nation. 

man in society than he who is a renegade from his own 
profession. When a black coat is too tight for a man's 
linabs he seldom gets any decent one that will fit them. 
When the virulence of a man's politics or temper, or the 
high bribes tliat a party offers for his profligacy, have 
induced a person to strip off the clergyman, he is gene* 
rally found to be more deeply corrupt than if he had ne- 
ver endured the restraints of a good character. Tirtd of 
being a hypocrite, he spits, like Matthew Lyon, in the 
"world's face, and says. Shame, I defy you — r'aclion pay 
me and I will lie for you. 

"In the most Federal part of Newhampsliire, there 
was, and still is, a verv respectable and useful Newspa- 
per,. called the Farmer's Museum. The old revolution- 
ary patriot, so well known, Isaiah Thomas, whom Mr. 
Jefferson has dismissed for his good services from the 
Post office, is the principal j)roprietor. To attack Fede- 
ralism in its strong holds, and to carry the party war into 
the enemy's country, like Scipio when he invaded Africa, 
this Parson, who had nevej: seen a Printer's type, was sent 
every one will believe, by the Administration, to print 
an Opposition Paper, at Walpole, where it was not wan- 
ted for information, as there was an excellent paper prin- 
ted there before. There must be something found to ei:- 
courage this poor Parson to set up a press, where it is 
wianifest there was so little room for his business. W hsl 



l:0 THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. 

For this same Jacobin high flyer. 
Is such a Satan oi^ a liar, 

could be done for hiin belter tlian resort to the Adminis- 
tratioij for a good fat offering, that this Priest of Jacobin- 
ism might live upon it, till he could revolutionize the 
slate of New-Hampshire, and bring in Mr. Langdon to 
be governor. For that end no doubt he was sent , and to 
cover up from the eyes of the people the intermeddling 
of our rulers in the politics of the state, this new comer 
was a]>pointed Printer of the Laws of the United states. 
But the office, it is understood, was erected for the man, 
and for the occasion; for the Laws were printed before in 
Portsmouth, and one printer to a State is as much as has 
been heretofore deemed necessary, especially when wc 
consider that New- Hampshire is a small state. 

*' A needy tool for our great men, -\vas, however, wan- 
ted, and must be providsd for, and in sucli a way as to 
hide or seem to hide the business— for in truth, saving 
appearances was all that was regarded. 

" Now we beg to know, how iriuch is allowed to the 
•Observatory for printing the Laws of the United Statesl 
Enougli, we believe, to support a Jacobin press. If we 
are right in this conjecture, then the people's money is 
taken by the friends of reform and economy, and squan- 
deicd on a worthless tool of office, a profligate minion, 
in reward for deceiving and inflaming the people of New- 
Hampshire. We hope the accounts of the Department 
•«f State for publishing the Laws, will be scrutinized, and 



THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. 131 

He lies through habit, strange to tell,4» 
Even when the truth would do as well : 

though the Federal inembers cannot hinder the work of 
corruption, they may be able publicly to expose it. In- 
stead of the press being free to combat error, as a great 
raan chooses to say we make no doubt the Jacobin press 
is supported by the people's Rioney, to deceive them. 
It is a servile, base, wicked tool of a Jacobin faction. It 
is a bell that never ceased ringing for fire, when there was 
none; and now the Brissotiness and Robespierrists are ia 
power, and have set the country and constitution in a 
blaze, at the four corners, the bell is muffled. 

** No sooner did this man come into New-Hampshire, 
than he began to know more than any body else about 
the affairs of the state ; and very busily spread jealousies 
and suspicions about the honesty and correctness of the 
State Treasurer's accounts. In this he followed the ex- 
ample of the Committee of Caluntnies in Congress, who 
reported agaiust Wolcot, Pickering and Mc. 
Henry, a number of charges, thnt even a Democratic 
majority in congress did not dare to support. In like 
mnnner there was a Democratic majority in the New- 
Hampshire legislature ; but they, more candid than the 
Nicholson and Randolphs, did examine the charges and 
ibond them false. 

*' The same Observatory man has stated in his paper, 
that the votes for Governor Oilman were a minority. In 
this he has been solidly confuted ; still, however, a lie 
"Well stood lo, he thinks, as good as the trulli, and he standu 



132 THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. 

JTis every paragraph's invented 
To. make the people discontented, 

to it. He stands to it, that Mr. Jefferson is chaste — 
no poacher in Mr. Walker's family — is a brave man — 
never hid from Tarltou — is a good christian — as good as 
Condorcet or Pain — and breaks out into the most out- 
rageous exclamations against the Federal slanderers, wlio 
can dare to publish that such a Joseph for virtue, such a 
Joseph Surface for talking about it — such a Solomon in 
council — such a Sampson in combat — who so abhors to 
shed blood, and so delights to shed ink — such an Old 
Testament saint, as his Notes on Virginia attest, can be 
nothing less than an American Bonaparte, a Dieu dou'- 
tik — heaven sent to be our Consul for life, and our Em- 
peror by inheritance — \^ith renjainder over to Mr. Eppes 
and his issue. 

"A good salary for printing the laws, requires, that 
tough stories by Col. Walker, or Callender, or any body 
else, should be resolutely brow beaten. A thousand dol- 
lars a year will greatly assist a man to stand strong in his 
faith. This reverend Vicar of Bray will not believe, nor 
allow the people of New-Hampshire to believe a word 
to the prejudice of his patron, as long as he holds his 
cffice. 

" The post riders make their contracts with the Post- 
Master General, and it is easy to see that Jacobin zealots 
wilt be preferred. See then how completely the press is 
'made subject to the new administration ; how \\iq Obser- 
▼atory can be almost forced upon readei'van^ I'ow the 



THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. 13i 

To raise the restless mob, and shove 'cm. 
To pull down all that seems above 'em. 

Museum can be obstructed. The French is not more 
subject to his Imperial Majesty, the Citizen Consul, than 
Ihe Jacobin press to Mr. Jeiferson. 

" We are told that for weeks before election in this 

-^ state, the Federal papers did not circulate in some parts 

of the district of Maine. Every one can conjecture why 

it happened, though no one can precisely unravel the 

tircumstances, and tell how. 

" Is it the opinion of the Administi-ation, that the peo- 
ple of New-Hampshire are more easily deluded than 
those of Connecticut? This Observatory man was known 
In Connecticut,^and there he had no influence. Was it 
necessary to send him away from home, to enable him to 
do mlsclnef; or is New-Hampshire thought to be stupid 
enough to give success to a baffled and disgraced Con- 
necticut. Jacobin ? For our parts, we believe better things 
of the Citizens of New-Hampshire; and as the attempt 
to influence them is barei"ace, and truely insulting to their 
independence, they will, we trust, evince at the next e- 
lection, that they are as Federal as Connecticut." 

68 He lies through haliit strange to tell. 

This stupid fib-teller hammered out half si doaen false, 
hbods about a single toast, drank on the 4th of July, 1804. 
What made the thing the more ridiculous, and would 

M 



134 THE GIBBET OF SATIRK. 

And he has been at work to plaster 
His grand illuminated master/^ 
But time would fail to set forth how well 
He daubs it on, as with a trowel. 

At length the rogue has drawn a prize, 
An office^ earn'd by peddling lies, "^^^ 
But this said office is at most. 
An exile to a western post. 

hare silenced him for ever, had he not been a Democrat, 
and ergo, a friend to tlie people, was, the circumstance 
of there being a number of respectable persons in the 
neighbourhood, ivho were witnesses to his falsehoods oa 
that occasion. 

69 His grand illuminated master. 

This man, with matchless effrontery, has repeatedly 
affirmed in his lying vehicle, in substance, that a purer 
and more spotless character than that of Mr. Jefferso* 
»ever was enjoyed by any mere man ; aad even goes so 
far in his blaspheriious impudence, as to compare this 
man, with " twenty Gods, or no God,'^ with our Saviour !! 1 

70 An Office, earn'd by peddUng lies. 

Mr. G. is appointed Secretary to his Excellency Gen. 
H«ll, who is also appointed Governor of MichigaH. 



THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. ISS 

We have the honor next to pin 
On Satire's Gibbet, Gallatin, 
(Our Gibbet not his only one. 
If Justice always had been done.)'i 

71 If Justice alwavs had been clone. 

That Mr. Gallatin was active in tiie Pittsburgh insur- 
rection, will not, we presume, be disputed by Democrats, 
if we present them with vouchers, extracted from a News- 
paper under the direction of their own party. 

In Bachc's paper of Sept. 1, 1792, appeared the fol- 
lowing account of the proceedings of the insurgents, at 
the commencement of an insurrection, wliicii cost the 
United States above a million of dollars : 

At a meeting of sundry inhabitants of the Western 
Counties of Pennsylvania, at Pittsburgh, on the 21st day 
©f August, 1792 : 

Col. Jolrn Gannon was placed in the chair. 
Albert Gallatin, appointed C/erAr. 

The Excise Law of Congress being taken into consid- 
eration, a committee was appointed to prepare a draught 
of resolutions, expressing the sense of the meeting on the 
subject of said law. 

Adjourned to 10 o'clock to-morrow. 

The committee appointed yesterday, made reyojt, 
which being ftwce read, was unanimously adopted: 

•' And wliereas ^ome men be found amongst us so far 



13ft THE GIBBET OF SATIRE, 

For that th* imported Financier, 
Deserves such destiny, is clear ; 
Nor shall the rogue, by any fetch. 
Escape us, as he did Jack Ketch. 

lost to every sense of virtue and feeling for the distresses 
of this country as to accept offices for the collection of the 
duty; 

" Resolved therefore. That in future vre will consider 
such persons as unworthy of our friendship: Havenoin" 
ier course or dealings xviih them, withdraw from 

THEM EVERY ASSISTANCE, and WITHHOLD ALL 

THE COMFORTS OF Li^E, which depend upon tliosc 
duties, that as men and fellow-citizens, we owe to eack 
other, and upon all occasions treat them with that con- 
tempt they deserve, and that it be, and it is humbly, and 
most earnestly reconimended t» the people at large, to 
follow the same kind of conduct towards them." 

(Signed) Jokn Cannon, Chairman. 

ALBERT GALLATIN, Clerk. 

Mr. Gallatin, afterwards, perceiving the insurrec^ 
tion would fail, sought and obtained pardon of General 
Washington. But that he retained his political rancour, 
is evident from the dismission of General Miller from the 
«ffice of Supervisor, immediately after Mr. Gallatia*g 
coming to the Tr^sury, whose offence consiited in his 
Jbaving commanded a body of troops wlio were actite in 
•jueUing Mr. GaUatia's insurrection. 



THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. 13/ 

But no ! our moderate Feds say " tut ! 
*^ The man deserves some notice — but 
" The truthy though quoted from the Bible, 
^^ Against such great men, is a libeW^"^^ 

You, Gentlemen, may think, perhaps, 
That you are mighty prudent chaps. 
But know, good Sirs, as these times are. 
The heighth of prudence, is — to dare. 

Go, timid Lilliputian souls, ■^' 

Whom such a vile old saw controuls, 
Go, hide your carcases in caves. 
Or sit ye down, contented slaves. 

73 " Against such great meii; is a likel." 

We find many of our moderate Federalists some'#hat 
squeamish in this particular. They urge, that the exposi- 
tion of the crimes of great men chosen into office by tiie 
people, is a disgrace to our national character. But thete 
so very candid gentlemen should inform us, whether our 
national character would not be more disgraced by suffer- 
ing such characters and such conduct as enter into the 
composition of our men and measures to pass without ani-: 
madversion ? 

M2 



138 THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. 

But I'll make, with your worship's leave, » 
Slap at this great man from Geneva, 
Who wormed his way to elevation. 
And holds the purse-strings of the nation I 

'Tis true, this gaunt Genevan, whilome. 
Found this our land, a rogue's " asylum,*^ 
Since which, in public matters, his chief 
Delight has been in making mischief. 

Was soon an imp of insurrection, 
A veiy Jack Cade to perfection. 
And seized the horns of Mercy's altar. 
To save his gullet from a halter ! 

In faction's cause alert and brisk, he 
Was once a champion in the whiskey 
Rebellion.... therefore was amoi^g 
The rogues whom Justice might have 
hung. 

And had her Ladyship foreseen 
His future management, I ween. 



THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. 139 

la her strong noose she*d made his neck 

fast. 
As cheerfully as eat'n her breakfast. 

By Washington, this rebel, pardon 'd. 
In wickedness grew still more hardened. 
His industry and cunning bent 
To overturn the government. 

To Congress sent, in evil hour, 
To head the party now in power j 
When mischief was a-foot, 'twas certain 
This arch rogue was behind the curtain. 

And oft he would the Feds surprise. 
By artful, well, digested lies, 
Wire-drawn, thro' many along harangue, 
W ith all the art of all the gang. 

But, whereas, in these happy times, 
A wretch is qualified by crimes 
And scoundrel cunning for high station. 
He holds the purse-strings of the 

KATION ! ! ! 



140 THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. 

Well, if no sages of our own 

Can give our Government a tone. 

Let us submissively receive a 

Set, fresli from Ireland, France, Geneva. 

- Let us in Congress hear with patience. 
The worthless scum of foreign nations. 
Threaten in vile outlandish squeal. 
To stop of Government *' de vtel /" 

Though many a foolish Demo, fancies,. 
This man's the soul of our finances ^ 
That we have not a single native 
Can rival this imported caitiff. 

Pray, tell me, what the wight has done 
', But simply copy Hamilton ^ 
Such plodding imitative work 
Might be performed by any Clerk. 

Thus a poor wretch, with scarcely brains 
Enough to walk in when it rafins. 
May whirl an organ handle round. 
And make it all so sweetly sound. 



THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. 141 

But should the lubber of a Vandal 
Pretend he had the skill of Handel, 
The very mob would find hhn out,. 
And hoot him for a lying lout-'^ 

But let us grant, in mere civility. 
That Gallatin has vast abilit\' 
And in finance, yields not a whit. 
To Sully, Hamilton, or Pitt, 

'Tis neither politic nor just, 
A foreign runaway to trust, 
A treacherous and intriguing pest 
As keeper of the public chest. 

Indeed I'll bet you ten to one, he, 

(His fortune made with Yankies* money) 

72 Arid hoot him for a lying lout. 

The idea pourtrayed in this sin^ile we borrowed from 
the " Balance," an excellent federal paper, printed at 
Hudson, (see an editorial article of Jan. 1st, 1805 ) Mr. 
Crosvvell will be good enough to help himself to an equiv- 
alent from any of our best rhetorical flourishes, and accept 
•four acknowledgments into the bargain. 



142 THE GIBBET OF SATIRE- 

Without a drawback, will reship^ 
And give his silly gulls the slip. 

Then, should we sink in Anarch*s sea, 
AVould this Genevan care ? Not he. 
Provided he can save himself. 
Together with his ill got pelf. 

Step forward. Demagogue Duane, 
Than whom, a viler rogue in grain 
Ne'er, fortified by mob alliance. 
Durst bid the powers which be, defiance J3 

Law, Order, Talents, and Civility, 
To thy right worshipful mobility [man. 
Must bow, whilst thou, their knowing 
Lead'st by the nose, thy kindred clan.''^ 

73 Durst bid the powers wliicli be, defiance. 

Tliis vile renegado, by virtue of his influence with the 
mob, is one of the most powerful personages in the United 
States. He is said to have remarked, that Mr, J——— a 
dare as well be d— d as afTro-wt hijn. 



THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. 143 

Thou art, indeed, a rogue as sly. 
As ever coin'd the ready he,^^ 

74 Lead'st by the nose, thy kindred clan* 

The efforts of Duane, and of his designing and wrong* 
headed scribblers who labour for the Aurora, are ever di- 
rected to the purpose of destroying all kinds of distinc-* 
tion in society, except merely such as a cunning man may 
establish as leader of a mob. The learned professions ar« 
the constant objects of his abuse, and that of the advo- 
cates for levelling systems who dash in the Aurora. Should 
his plans succeed, brutal strength, and savage cunnings 
will be the only foundation for eminence. Indeed he has 
laid the axe at the root of civilization, and unless graat 
exertions are made to counteract the influence •f that vile 
Yehicle of poison, which he publishes, its deleterious ef- 
fects will, for ages, be felt in America. 

75 As ever coin'd the ready lie. 

The man who cannot otherwise be convinced of thf 
turpitude of this and certain other artful Pseudo-Patriots, 
is requested to peruse certain statements raade by a Mr. 
John Wood, a foreigner, printed at New- York, 1802, re- 
lative to a history which he had undertaken to write o^ 
the *' Administration of John Adams." This history was 
compiled, as the author states, Irom materials collected 



lU THE GIBBET OF SATIREo 

And, on emergence, art not loth 
Thy lies to sanction with an oath.'^^ 

from the Aurora, Duane's private letters, and Callender's 
works, and was suppressed by the influence of Col. Burr, 

Mr. Wood's statement bears many marks of veracity 
and candor, and if we may believe him, the Jacobins who 
furnished hini with materials for his history, are the most 
deceitful of mortals. 

" Mr. Duane, (he says) sent me occasionally, informa- 
tion as to characters and events, sometimes couched in the 
form of history, leaving it to my discretion, whether te 
alter the language or not. Notwithstanding the active 
part v/hich Mr. Duane had in the compilation of this his- 
tory, he is pleased to assert in the Aurora of the 12th of 
July, (1802) that it contains neither veracity nor dignity. 
Such an observation would certainly have proceeded with 
more propriety from any critic than Mr. Duane, for the 
facts furnished by him, are well known to be the most 
false and libellous in the whole book." p. 7. 

Again, " All the circumstances furnished by Mr. 
Duane, in his letters to me, proved afterwards to be the 
grossest falsehoods, most probably fabricated by himself.** 
p. 26. 

1f6 Thy lies to sanction with an oath. 

JBy turning to the Freeman's Journal, of July, t805> 
iiublished by Duane's former patrons and admirers, we. 



THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. US 

Few good or great men can be nam'd 
Thy scoundrelship has not defamed. 
And scarce a rogue, who ought to hang. 
But may be numbered in thy gang. 

With impudence the most consummate. 
You publish all that you can come at. 
To make, for discord's sake, a handle 
Of private anecdote and scandal.?? 

shall perceive, among other proofs of the want of princi- 
ple of this flagitious wretch, that he made oath to a false- 
hood about his having been a long time a citizen of the 
United States. 

77 Of private anecdote and scandal. 

In the pamphlet of Wood, above quoted, we find the 
following remark : « A man, (to wit, Duane) who has 
partly the means of ransacking, in a clandestine manner> 
the books of a public office, who did not hesitate to pub- 
lish to the world the contents of letters, evidently intend- 
ed for the post-office—who glories in being the discloser 
of secrets and the unfolder of private caucusses, ought to 
veil himself from society.'' p 82. 

N 



146 THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. 

Your rogue-ship*s object seems to be 
On " Liberty's tempestuous sea/* 
To set our Commonwealth afloat, 
Sans rudder, in an open boat. 

'Twould ask some folios to unfold 
The various lies which thou hast told. 
Published with matchless impudence. 
In face of thine own documents. 78 

Here we have Jacobin against Jacobin, and it is to be 
Loped that those who reject Federal testimony, will not 
tefuse credence to their own party. 

•78 In face of thine own documents. 

This wretch continued to publish slanderous lies about 
the alledged defalcations of Mr, Pickering, while Secre- 
tary of the Treasury, long after a committee, composed 
of Gallatin and others,had acquitted Mr.Pickering of any 
malconduct in his office. After as minute an investiga- 
tion as could be made by the eagle eye of party, these 
democrats themselves testified to his innocence (see Vol* 
I, Note 53, page 135) still this factious cur kept yelping 
against Mr. Pickering with as much virulence as ever ! ! 



THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. Uf 

Among the Catalines of faction, 
None call more energies in action, 
And, if not clieck'd in thy career, 
Thou*lt make a second Roberspierre."'^ 

79 Thou'lt make a second Roberspierre. 

In the Aurora, of March 2 1st, 1805, are the following 
expressions, which shew what are the views of this would- 
he tyrant : — 

" They will petition loudly for a repreive— they 

Mill stir up every interest in their power to procure their 
pardon — they will writhe,and twist,andtum — they know 

THEY ARE ON THE ROAD TO THE SCAFFOLD AND 

MUST MEET THEIR FATE; bu\. that FATE they will 
endeavour to procrastinate — Republicans, be not n^oveil 
by their intreaties. 

" Tiiey look'd at the tree, they travers'd the cart, 

** They handled the rope, but seem'd loth to depart." 

These expressions; say the editors of the Freeman's Jour- 
nal, are " diabolical." They most truly are so, but they 
present nothing new to the Federalists. The Federalisfcs 
knew from the beginning, where Duane and the faction 
of which these gentry composed a part would lead us. 
But Duane, M'Kean and Co. were theaall Democrats, all 
Republicans* 



148 THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. 

And thou, audacious renegadoe. 
With many a libellous bravadoe, 
Assairdst Columbia's Godlike son. 
The great, th' immortal Washington !8» 

so The Great, th' Immortal Washington ! 

We shall trouble our readers with an extract from one 
of these libels. Although it has frequently appeared in 
fugitive publications, by way of testimony against the dar* 
ing demagogue, by whom it was first penned, it ought to 
be again and again presented to those who pretend that 
Ihe supporters of the present administration were the 
friends of Washington. 

In the Aurora cf March 6th, 1797, this favorite of Mr. 
Jefferson thus expresses himself: — 

" Lord, now lettest thou ihy servant depart in peace^ 
for mine eyes have seen thy salvation/' was tlie pious 
ejaculation of a man, who beheld a flood of happiness 
rushing in upon mankind — if ever there was a time, which 
would licence the reiteration of the exclamation, that 
time is now arrived ; for the man, who is the source of all 
the misfortunes of our country, is this day reduced to a 
level with his fellow-citizens, aud is no longer possessed of 
power to multiply evils upon the United States. If ever 



}C 



THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. U^ 

Through patriotism's specious mask, all 
Your own gang could discern the rascal. 
But tertium quids, quoth spitting Matt, 
Esteemed you none the less for that. si 

there was a period for rejoicing, this is the moment-*- 
every heart in unison with the freedom and happiness of 
the people, ought to beat with high exultation that the 
««we of Washington from tiiis day, ceases to give a 
currency to political iniquity, and to legalize corruption-* 
a new aera is now opening upon us, a new aera, which 
promises much to the people ; for public measures musfc 
HOW stand upon their own merits, and nefarious projects 
can no longer be supported by a name. — When a retro- 
spect is taken of the Washington administration for eight 
years past, it is a subject of the greatest astonishment* 
that a single individual should have cancelled the princi- 
ples of Republicanism in an enlightened people, just 
emerged from thegulf of despotism, and should have car- 
ried his designs against the public liberty so far, as to have 
put in jeopardy its very existence: — such, however, are 
the facts, and with these staring us in the face, this day 
V^ ought to be a Jubilee in the United States" 

81 Esteem'd you none the less for that. 

At least were willing to encourage him, and " give him. 
money, all they could afford." See vol. ii. note 5€.. 
page 108. 

N2 



ISO THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. 

Thus the Arch Fiend, the prince of liea. 
Assumes, at will, an Angel's guise. 
But with a Seraph's borrowed mien 
The cloven-foot is always seen. 

Though hunted through so many cHmes, 
A very prodigy of crimes, 
Yourfriends, the quids, still love you dearly. 
And spittiiLg Matt is yours sincerely. ^3 

Dost thou remember much about a 
Droll scrape of thine once, at Calcutta, 
What time, invited to a breakfast. 
In noose thou nigh hadst got thy neck fast. 

[88 
S2 And spitting Matt is yours sincerely. 

See the conclusion of Matt. Lyon's letter to Duane, hi« 
*' old friend," &c. 

83 In noose thou nigh had got thy neck fast. 

Duane is said to have set up the trade of a Patriot at 
Calcutta, and commenced his useful labours as Editor to 
a Newspaper, by exerting himself t« foment a quarrel be- 



THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. Ul 

Sir John, however, on the whole. 
Was wrong to set thee 07i a pole. 
For such a patriot onght to ride 
Suspended from the under side. 

We next beg liberty to handle. 
Another vile, imported Vandal, 
A Hatter, who, by intuitioUy 
Is a most ivondWous politician !84 

tween the civil and military departments. Sir John 
Shore,* the English commander, paid so little regard to 
the rights of man, that he merely rewarded him with a 
fend of wooden-horsical promotion, which is not thought 
to confer very great honour on those who are the subjects 
of that kind of elevation. He then sent him to England, 
from whence he vidiS imported, to teach Americans liberty 
and equality, under the auspices of Emperor Jefferson. 
Duane says, that he was kidnapped by Sir John, having 
been invited to breakfast. But the man is so given to ly- 
ing, that we wish our readers to place no dependence on 
that part of the story. 

S4 Is a m ost tvond'roits politician ! 

We mean no reflection upon mechanics. But a man 
to be an editor of a news-paper, in a large city like New- 

* This Gentleman, if I mistake not, is now Lord 
Teignmguth, and author of ''Memoirs of the Life^ 
Writivgs and Correspondence of Sir H^iliiam Joiiet." 



152 THE GIBBET OF SATIRE- 

But highly merits being hung 
For murdering — the EngHsh tongue,85 
Though that's among the smallest sins 
Committed by our Jacobias. 

York, of a paper too, which boasts the patronage of gov* 
ernment, ought, together with natural powers, to have 
possesed the means of information, and to have superad- 
ded culture to native luxuriance of genius. Even a " nee- 
dy knife grinder," must serve some apprenticeship before 
he can set up for himself. But in our land of Liberty 
ignorance may be so qualified by impudence and scurrility 
as to entitle its happy possessors to the patronage of our 
irst characters \n the capacity of News-paper editors^ 
and thus to occupy the most important and least respon- 
nhle situations in our government* 

85 For murdering — the English Tongue, 

Had we nothing of more importance to command our 
attention, we might point out hundreds of instances, in 
vrhichthis Mr. '' Daggerman," has absolutely o^ta*- 
sinated the English Language, Sometimes Mr. Jeffet^ 
son's dress is " Terse," sometimes he is not " empopu- 
lar," sometimes we are told "Mr. Denniston, another 
gentleman and me called on him at his house." — ^^But 
really we wish to get the creature oif our hands as 
quick as possible, and shall not therefore enlarge upoa 
these minor faults. 



i 



THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. 153 

To honesty he's no more claim 
Than Satan to a Christian name ; 
Is no more bound in honour s fetters. 
Than it' he stole and opend lettersM 

5ff Than if hesti)Ie and opsnM letters, 

Somebody once stole two letters, w'littcn at the Gily of 
Washington, one on the 6th and the other on the7lh of 
-December, 1801, by Richard Teters, Jun. Esq. both scal- 
ed and directed to E. Bronson, Esq. editor of the United 
States Gazette. These letters were on political topics, 
and were afterwards published in iiie Aurora. 

Mr. Bronson states a number of circumstances which 
seemed to implicate one James Chketh am, an English- 
man, a hatter by trade, and editor of a paper called the 
American Citizen . 

I'he editor of the New-York Evening Post, after attend- 
ing to the evidence which appeared against this man, 
declares that ** he either stole the letters himself, or that 
he received them from another, knowing them to be sto- 
len. In the eye of the law both are equally guilty." He 
afterwards invites this immaculate patriot to either sit 
down ** infamous and contented," with the reputation of 
being a Thief or to appeal to the laws of the land for 
redress. Patriot Jim. was best pleased with the former 
alternative. 




154 THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. 

'>■>. 
Sometimes quite demon-like he swaggers^ 

And threatens sleeepmg men — with dag- 
gers 1«7 
The vevy next breath, to be sure, 
No man has principles so pure. 

And this is renegadoe Jim, 
A patriot of the Godwin trim, 
A useful tool in party strife, 
A wicked, faction's butcher knife. 



.^This man, tjie tale might well surprise one,, 

jbeals but aefeily dose of poison, 

d 



87 And threaten j/ccpzVig- ?7/en— with daggers ! 

This true imported, *' genuine republican," in an un- 
guarded moment fairly ihrevv off the maak, and told the 
world what kind of treatment his political opponents may 
expect, if he and his gang should ever obtain their medi- 
tated ascendency. He declared in the Citizen that th« 
anti-revolutionists deserved to be assassinated " in the 
unsuspecting moments of sleep." Can it be possible 
that such a ruffian is sutfered not only to go at large, but 
that he and other incfendiaries, of similar views, are pat- 
ronized by some of our most prominent political charac- 
ttrs. 



THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. 155 

Most deJeterlous, and designed 
To operate on the public mind. 

The drivel of his dirty brains, 
(And Demo's pay him for his pains) 
Spins from his jobbernowl, and then 
Displays it in the " Citizen." 

For that is what he calls the paper, 
/ Where he and faction huff and vapour. 
But 'tis a sink of defamation, 
A slaughter-house of reputatioji. 

If it should suit his matter's " gestion," 
We'll put Sir Daggerman a question 
Or two, that he may shew How fair 
A character, some folks should bear. 

Pray Jim. didst ever know a man 
Who join'd a certain wicked clan. 
That in their revels, every night. 
Against the bible, aim'd their spite ? 

And as that fellow, it appears. 
Still keeps possession of his ears. 



156 THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. 

Pray Sir, did Justice merely loan 'em 
Or does he absolutely own them f 

And, prithee give me leave to ask it, 
Was't in a dirty, old clothes* basket, 
(Come ! come ! no quibbling, what a' ye 

Traid of) 
Like Sir John FalstafF, that he made off ? 

Sorpe say 'twas in a hatter's chest. 
But I'm assur'd thatj/ow knoxo hesty 
If that's the case, man, no denial. 
Let's have the i^hole truth on this trial. 

Did my informant tell me fibs. 

Of Constables, and broken ribs ? 

A man knock'd down, who strove to quiet 

A certain scoundrel in the riot. 

Supposing half these things were true 
Of some " imported rogue," like you. 
Should not the vilest partizan 
Be quite ashamed of such a man ? 



THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. iSY 

And can it be, this side the Atlantic 
A faction now exists, so frantic. 
They hire a wretch to print their papers. 
Who is notorious for such capers ? 

Go, get your bread some honest way. 
You can make decent hats, they say, 
Go, and thank God you yet abide 
Your former domicile*s outside,^^ 

Pray, reader, how dost like this show. 
Of three exotics in a row, 
Duane,and Gallatin, andCheetham, 
Dost think a score of fiends could beat 



'em ? 



O ! what a dirty, dirty faction ! 
What dirty tools they keep in action ! 

SS Your former domicile's outside. 

Patriot Jim was furnished with lodgings at the expence 
©f the Government of Great Britain, as a token of rtrgard 
for his prowess exhibited in the nocturnal adventure,\vhic(i 
terminated in the demolition of the unfortunate Coaita- 
ble's ribs. 

o 



^8 THE GIBBET OF SATIRE, 

Worse than the rogues they offer daily 
At shrine of Justice at Old Baily ! 

Let each Columbian hide his face. 
And blush to own his native place. 
If such a vile imported band 
Must govern our degraded land. 

But now the Muse of Satire bids 
Us glance at certain Tertium Quids, 
Who've run their skiff almost aground. 
But lately tackM for coming round. 

Pray, how goes on your caterwaulling 
With certain gemman of your Galling,^^ 
With whomy'embark*d, in wondrous glee. 
On *' Liberty's tempestuous sea" ? 

89 With certain gemman of your calling. 

The Third Party gentry of Pennsylvania, a spawn froni 
the same litter with the New- York Burriies, have made 
violent news-paper attacks on must of their quondam 
friends and associates, with whom they were formerly 
ynited in sapping the foundations of the Federal Govern- 
ment. 



THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. tS^ 

Indeed, good Messrs. Quids ^ I think. 
Unless you ply your pumps, you'll sink. 
And, though I*m very loth to say*t. 
You almost merit such a fate. 

But may you only almost drown. 

Or, if you*YQ hung, be soon cut down. 

And never feel afflictions' rod 

With greater force than Doctor Dodd.^^ 

'Twas you, who first afforded aid 
To Duane in his lying trade. 
But now he strives to take you all in. 
You thwart him in his civil calling ! — 

Had principle enough to hire. 
Him, for an ex officio liar^ 

90 With greater force than Doctor Dodd. 

It has been said that tlus divine whose guilf, con- 
trition and punishment have excited so much attention, 
after having suffered the penalty inflicted in England 
for the crime of forgery, was resuscitated^ and lived In pri- 
vacy a number of years. 



160 THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. 

Knowing, for so old Matthew tells. 
The man was good for nothing else. 

Now, since you are the sine qua non 
Of all the evils you complain on. 
It would be Justice to a tittle. 
To let such patriots swing — a little^ 

But as you have some claims to merit, 
Have fought the Demagogue with spirit. 
For that, and sure no other reason, 
I*d cut your honours down in season. 

Adversity's the best of schools. 
For teaching vain men. Wisdom's rules. 
And when you've suffered most severelvi 
You'll see your former folly clearly. 

ThusNeb'chadnezzar was an ass 
Until they turn'd him out to grass, 
And Trumbull's Mack, in air suspended. 
Found that his intellect was mended. ^^ 



THE piBBET OF SATIRE. ICT 

Dear Democrats, now tell me, pray do. 
How many a Tory renegadoe,^^ 
YouVe raia'd, by crooked politics. 
Above the Whiors of seventv-six« 

O if 

SI Found that his intellect was mended, 

" As Socrates of old at first did 

To aid Philosophy get hoisted. 

And found his thoughts flow strangely clear. 

Swung in a basket in mid ail ; 

Our culprit thus in purer sky. 

With like advantage rais'd his eye ; 

And looking forth in prospect wide 

His Tory errors clearly spied." 

M 'Fin GAL, Canto iii; 

92 How many a Tory renegadoe. 

Among the numerous instances of the unblushing ef- 
frontery of the dominant party, may be included their 
charging the Federalists with having been enemies to 
their country during the revolutionary war. This con- 
duct evinces that hardihood in guilt, which distinguishes 
the veteran offender from the mere Tyro in iniquity. It 
is an attempt to fasten the dead weight of Jacobin enor- 
mity about the neck of the Federalists, and to sink the 
followers of Washington in the tempestuous sea of Jeffer- 
sonian liberty. See vol. 1, note 147, page 165. 
2 



162 THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. 

Yet, inconsistent, lying prigs. 
You call yourselves exclusive Whigs, 
And Qft, with other vicious stories. 
Proclaim the Federalists old Tories) 

First comes, the should-be hung, Tench 
A Jeffersonian orthodox, [Coxe^ 

Who gained immensity of glory 
In the capacity of Tory. 

Although, my fine sir, it was thy lot 
To be the British army's pilot. 
And lead Howe's myrmidons of thunder. 
Your Countrymen to rob and plunder ; 

Since Jefferson began his reign. 
The Democratic smoothing-plane. 
In spite of all your Tory tricks, sir. 
Has chang'd you to a seventy-sixer.^^ 

93 Has chang'd you to a seventy-sixer. 

Seventy-sixer, a cant word adopted by some of our 
mushroom patriots, to designate the men wlio fii"st assert- 
ed American Independence in the year 1776. 



THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. 165 

Although for treason erst attainted,9i 
Thou'rt now politically sainted -, 
Become a very proper man. 
For Emperor Jeff' a partizan. 

Good Democrats reward you now 
For services you rendered Howe, 
And feast you with the daintiest dishes 
Of Governmental loaves and fishes. 

Three thousand dollars, every year ; 
Three thousand precious dollars clear ! 
The rogues from labour's hard hand 

wrench. 
To fill the purse of Tory Tench I 

Next on our list is tory Danie!,95 

And though I would not treat the man ill, 

04 Although for treason erst attainted. 

Tliis tory of the first water, who is moreover a most 
charming Democrat, was attainted of treason, by th« 
Legislature of Pennsylvania. 



164 THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. 

In name of Justice, common sense. 
To office, what is his pretence ? 

How dare the fellow have the face 
Toe rowd himself in Watson's place. 
To batten thus on merit's spoils,^ 
And reap the fruit of glory's toils ? 

O ! he's a thrifty sort of save-ally 
Has woad'rous skill in matters naval. 
Writes letters too, which would not sulLy 
The reputation of old Tully.se 

95 Next on our list is Tory Daniel. 

This man was appointed Navy Agent in the place of 
Mr James Watson. The latter was an officer in the Con- 
necticut line, in the revolutionary war. 

96 The reputation of old TuUy. 

We shall trouble our readers with but a brief specimen 
of this gentleman's elegant epistolary stile. 

In an official letter to " Gen, Samuel Smith, Esq." dated 
New-York, May 13, ISai, occurs th« following highly 
polished paragraph. 



THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. 155 

And there's a Mister Consul Ervino- 97 
Who is so wondrous well deserving, 
That sure his present elevation 
Reflects high honour on the nation. 

He kindled to our great man's glory. 
That brilh'ant blaze of oratory. 
Which gave him nineteen times the odds 
Of Homer's stoutest heathen Gods.^s 

** I had the honour of writing to you yesterday, to 
which beg your reference. The hasty result of my ob- 
servations respecting a navy yard are as follows. The 
situation combined has, undoubtedly, advantages for tha 
purposes intended— one disadvantage most striking to me 
is the exposure to an enemy landing in the rear, the dan- 
gers of which 25 not so great on reflection, and more in 
sound than in reality." 

Tiie " result are'' that, in the appointment of sucli an 
ignoramus, in the " situation combined'' there is ''one 
disadvantage" which although " most striking" *' the 
dangers is very great on reflection" 1 1 

*)7 And there's a Mister Consul Erving. 

This Gentleman has tasted of i\Ir. Jefferson's bounty 
in an aj)pointment to a Consulship in London. 



166 THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. 

And dealt in thunder and in lightening, 
And cut a dash so very fright'ning, 
And did the horrible such credit. 
That our teeth chattered when we read it I 

He is, indeed, a pretty chip 
From Tory block, a kindred slip 
A cion from a certain famous 
Old Tory Counsellor Mandamus.?' 

A Mister Mansfield takes the place 
Of General Putnam, in disgrace, 
A warrior whig, O what a scandal 1 
Supplanted by a tory Vandal, loo 

58 Of llomei's stoutest Heathen Gods. 

We have before hadtlie honour to allude to a subii«ie 
specimen of tliis young man's eloquence in vo', 2; note 
I, p. 3, 

139 Old Tory Counsellov Mandamus. 

The fafiier of this sprig of Deniocracy was one of Go. 
vernor liulciiiiisoii's Mandamus Counsellors, 



THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. 167 

And one old Edgar stands confest^oi 
A Democrat among the best ; 
What fits him nicely for such rank, he'a 
Accessory to scalping Yankies. 

100 Supplanted by a Tory VandaJ. 

The cloven-foot of the vile faction was never more 
completely displayed than in this infamous transaction. 

Gen. Rufus Putnam served under Washington during 
the revolutionary war. He had grown poor in his coun- 
try's service, and was obliged, in the decline of life, to 
migrate into the wilds bordering on the Ohio, and en- 
deavour to provide for a rising family, by submitting ta 
the hardships of a first settler in a dreary wilderness. 

Gen. Washington, in order to smooth the path of his 
life's declivity, appointed him Surveyor General, with a 
handsome salary. 

He was, however, marked as a victim to the relentless 
tyrants now in power, and the war-worn veteran was dis- 
placed to make room for Jared Mansfield, a zvorth'ess old 
Tori/,hu^ Sigood Democrat. Yes, this same Mansfield was 
not only a notorious British partizan, but was active in the 
destruction of some books, in New-Haven College Libra- 
ry, which were supposed to be favourable to liberty. 

Thus does Mr. Jefferson fulfil his promise of ** injuring 
the best men least," and placing the hand of power on 
'* anti-revolutionary adherence to our enemies." 



168 THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. 

This fine old fellow found the Savages 
With implements for making ravages. 
Guns, Tomahawks, and Scalping Knives, 
For us, our Children, and our Wives. 

Not only these, but well I wist, 
Thousands might help to ^well the list 
Of vile old tories, fierce and flaming, 
Now democratic honors claiming. 

I might •include with other lumber. 
Judge Stevens, Wilson, and a number 
Of such as Harrison and Warner, ^^- 
For faith they svvarm in every corner. 

101 And one old Edgar stands confest. 

This gentleman, tory, democrat,and tomahawk vender, 
has been repeatedly honored with the confidence. of the 
Kcw-York genuine republicans, &c. He has been chosen 
to represent that party in the legislature; is one of the di- 
rectors of the Manhattan Bank and is in high repute, no 
doubt, for revohitionary services. 

102 Of such as Harrison and Warner. 

William Stevens of G-orgia, was appointed Judge of 
the District Court by Mr. JefiTerson. The amount of his 



THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. 169 

Alight swell our catalogue with various 
Like idiotic Arcularius, 
But cannot stoop in our progression. 
To pick up every dirty Hessian, 103 

But though democracy now glories 
In such a wondrous gang of tories, 

claims for that station consist, we believe, in liis be- 
ing a good democrat ; in his having been Chief Jus- 
tice of the State of Georgia, and Lieutenant-Colonel 
of the Chatham county militia, in our revolutionary 
■war, and while holding those offices of trust and con- 
fidence, deserting from the American service ; receiving 
a British commission ; being attainted for treason by the 
Legislature of the State of Georgia. Such are the men 
whom our pretended Republicans '* delight to honour." 
Wilson is a tory Democrat, of Worcester, Massachusetts, 
advanced to office by the present administration. Har- 
rison is in office by virtue of an appointment by the 
New- York tory hating democratic corporation, as a re- 
ward for his services as a midshipman on board one of 
his Britannic Majesty's ships, during the revolutionarv 
war. This gentleman supplanted Mr. Jeremy Marshal, 
dismissed from office, for having been, as Governor Clin- 
ton (then General Clinton) affirmed of him, one of the 
most useful men in the American army. These are only 
afcwof the many instances, which might be adduced to 



170 THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. 

With many fools, its knaves contrive. 
To pass for wbigs of seventy-five. 

prove that our good Democrats have been, and still are, 
hostile to those who were found faithful in times whick 
" tried men's souls."* 

103 To pickup every dirty Hessian. 

Philip Arcularius was appointed, by the New-York 
Corporation, Superiutendant of the Aims-House. He 
is a Hessian by birth, and, during the revolutionary war, 
kept a sutler's shop for the supply of his countrymen in 
the British army. We cannot, in this place, give a de- 
tail of the particular services which recommended this 
man to our Democrats. To complete the story, it is to 
be added, that he supplanted Mr. Richard Furman, an 
American, who had served his country, both by sea and 
land, during the whole war, and was several limes wound- 
ed. This gentleman had been frequently employed by 
his fellow citizens in offices of trust and confidence, and 
had ever approved himself a faithful public servant and 
•^•orthy man. He had been extremely useful in the office 

— ■ '—4 

* For a more particular account of the proceediiigs 
g/ tfie New-York corporation, the reader will please to 
consult th'i Neto-York Evening Post of June ^oth, in which 
the able and indefatigable editor iias exhibited in its Just 
light, the management of this i m maculate 7 wi/o <?/ genu- 
ine Jejersonians and redoubtable seventy-sixers. 



THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. 171 

They pile their own abominations. 
Enough to damn a dozen nations. 
All on the simple harmless heads 
Of passive inoffensive Feds, 

Deprive them first of bread to eat. 
And then their conquest to com}>lete ; 
They hire the scum of foreign nations. 
To blast their victims* reputations. 

Tho* Burnet ** fought in freedom's cause/' 

He*s doom'd to Chectham's Harpy 
claws,^04 

of Superintendant of the Alms-House ; but, as he was 
noUhcr a Tory nor a Democrat, he was obliged to give 
place to the fellow who has the honor of a peg on our 

Gibbet. 

l04 He's doom'd to Cheetham's Harpy claws. 

Captain Burnet, another of our revolutionary ofiftcefs, 
and one of the oldest post- masters in the United Slates, 
has been turned out of employment by Mr. Jefferson.— 
Here again we perceive the sincerity of Mr. Jefferson's 
declaration, that removals from office should be thrown 
as much as possible on ** anti-revolutionary adherence t© 
cur enemies." 



i72 THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. 

And Spencer, having put down Foot, 
Murders his character to boot.^^^ 

'Tis thus some canibals, 'tis said. 
Still spite their enemies, though dead ; 
And worse, if possible than Cheetham, 
Can't be contented till they eat thetn I 

As soon as he was displaced, patriot Cheetham began 
to open upon him for misconduct in having been in the 
habit of "stopping and destroying Republican paper?." 
Indeed, in every instance -where the mushroom tyrant 
Granger, has exerted his ^' brief authority," by a remo- 
val from office, we have seen the paltry prints of his 
party replete with lying statements, designed to destroy 
the character of those they had oifered at the shrine of 
the Democratic Moloch. 

105 Murders his character to boot. 

Mr. Foote was another revolutionary patriot who has 
been displaced by the intolerant demagogues who are 
now dominant. Foote had the misfortune to tliink with 
Washington on political subjects, and was, of conse- 
quence, deprived of office, and his reputation after- 
wards attacked, by way of palliating such an iniquitous 
proceeding. 



THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. 17J 

Here reader, is a pretty sample 
Of rogues for " negative example J^^^^ 
Cuird from among some score of dozens 
You'd think th* arch Democrats fir&t 
cousins. 

To this vile crew there might be added 
Full many a hollow heart and bad head, 
And some for infamy as famous. 
As any history can name us. 

Among the rest, fanatic preachers. 

Your self-inspir'd, and self-taught teachers, 

106 Of rogues, for ** negative example,^ 

** We do not give you to posterity, as a pattern to 
i mitate, but as an example to deter — We mean to make 
you a negative Instruction to your successors for ever." 
Junius to the Duke of Grafton. 

107 Among the rest, fanatic preachers. 

We always ix)sse5sed a violent antipathy to your bawl- 
ing, itinerant, field and barn preachers; and having pro- 
mised them a dose, (P. 20. N. 24) we now proceed to 

P2 



iH THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. 

Whose piety, so dark and mystical. 

Is Godvvard zealous, manward — tzoistical. 

[108 

administer a little of the nitrous acid of Satire, which we 
hope may etfect a radical cure of their disorder. Our 
medicine is as follows : 

FANATICISM. 

I HATE your hypocrltic race. 
Who prate about pretended grace ; 

With tabernacle phizzes ; 
Who think Omnipotence to charm. 
By faces longer than my arm ! 

O what a set of quizzes ! 

I hate your wretches, wild and sad. 
Like gloomy wights in Bedlam mad. 

Or vile Old Baily culprits ; 
Who with a sacrilegious zeal. 
Death and damnation dare to deal, 

From barn-erected pulpits. 

I hate that hangman's aspect bluff. 
In him, whose disposition rough. 

The porcupine surpasses ; 
Who thinks that heaven is in his power, 
Because his sullen looks might sour 

A barrel of molasses. 



I 



THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. 175 

Creatures, who creep into your houses 
Just to regenerate your spouses, i®^ 

A stupid wretch, who cannot read, 
(A very Jikely thing indeed) 

Receives from Heaven a calling ; 
He leaves his plough, he drops his hoe. 
Gets on his meeting clothes, and lo. 

Sets up the trade of bawling. 

With lenglhen'd visage, woe bedight. 
An outward%\^n of inward light. 

He howls in dismal tone;-— 
** I say, as how, you must be d — d. 
For Satan an't so easy shamm'd. 

And you're the devil's own 1" 

Fools, and old women, blubbering round. 
With sobs, and sighs, and grief profound. 

His every tone respond, Sir, 
O could I catch the whining cur. 
The deuce a bit would I demur. 

To duck him in a pond, Sir, 

If any of the canting race. 

Are sent to visit any place, 

A dieu to all decorum ; 



176 THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. 

With whom the spirit's operation. 
Tends to a carnal termination. 

To every virtue, now adieu ; 
Morality, religion true, 
Are blasted all before 'em. 

A good old woman has the spleen. 
And sees what is not to be seen. 

Or dreams of things uitcommon ; 
Yea, ten times more than tongue can tell. 
Strange things in heaven, and eke in h — H, 

O, what a nice old woman ! 

Straight by the sect 'tis blazM about. 
That she's inspir'd beyond a doubt. 

And has her sins forgiven ; 
How tan the wretches hope for bliss. 
Who palm such foolish stuff as this. 

Upon the God of Heaven ! 

Such doers of the devil's works. 
Are sure than renegado Turks, 

Worse foes to real piety ; 
And though we would not persecute, 
By dint of ridicule, we'll hoot. 

The wretches from society. 



THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. 177 

Your New- York Democratic chickens. 
Might make us most delightful pickings, 
A very pretty little brood I 
For Satire's muse most charming food ! 

We may, perhaps, hereafter hint on 

The management of D. W. C n 

And, though the populace may stare. 
May gibbet an intriguing Mayor. 

If he and party must have pimps 

From Palmer's and from Tom Pain's imps, 

108 Is Godward, zealoua, manward, — twuticaL 

Twistical is a Yankeyism, which we liave introduced, 
by virtue of our authority as a poet (Poetica Liccntia.) 
']"he idea is borrowed from an anecdote related of a coun- 
tryman, who made use of similar terms, in giving a 
character to a fanatic of his acquaintance. 

109 Just to rcf^enerate your spouses. 

We have particular reference to certain notable Demo- 
crats of our acquaintance, who make extraordinary piety 
a pretence for '* leading captive silly women." 



178 THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. 

'Twill prove they're base birds of a feather, 
Whose necks should ail be stretched to- 
gether. 

Wemio'ht allude to money made 
By virtue of a Governor's trade. 
Might tell the world what kind of barter 
Sometimes obtaln*d a grant or charter. 

Might cut down bankers, rank and f]Ie,and 
Hang rogues by hundreds in Rhode-Island, 
Your patriotic Guinea-men— or^'o 
Folks always drunk like G — r F — r.^^^ 

1 10 Your patriotic Guinea men — or 

Some of the most fiery Rhode-Island republicans 
out of their superabuijdaiit regard to the '* rights of 
Mail" are concerned in the slave trade. One Collins 
a violent Jacobin, and of consecjuence appointed a Col- 
lector for Newport, is a patriot of that description. 

1 k 1 Folks ahvay s drunk like G r F r. 

We are told that a gentleman who complained of the 
impropriety of which a friend had been guilty, by in 



THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. 179 

But worlds of folios were too few 
1 o set forth half the crazy crew. 
Of sharping knaves, and simple flats. 
Who constitute good Democrats. 

Besides, for credit of our nation. 
We cease a while our " oppugnatioUy^ 
With these few gibbeted, 'tis best, 
Perhaps to respite all the rest. 

Some Democrats we meant to tickle, 
(And still preserve a rod in pickle,) 
May yet escape, upon condition 
Of quick repentance, and contrition. 

But those most hardened we'll exhibit. 
On this, or something like this, gibbet ^^ i* 
Hope yet to hang them every one, 
A thing which ought, and shall be done. 

troducing him to his E y while he was in a state of 

intoxication, was silenced by a reply, that it could not be 
o herwise, for his E— — — y, when ^wake, was nevGr 
tobcr. 



180 THE GIBBET OF SATIRE. 

1 12 On this, or something like this, gibbet. 

We propose, " till time shall wear us out of action" to 
continue our strictures on certain flagitious demagogues, 
who have hitherto escaped our notice. We shall, 
however, probably publisji them in such form that 
they may serve as a continuation to this work without 
their being blended with what we now place before the 
public. 



CANTO VI 



MONITION. 



ARGUMENT, 



WE now, with due submission, tenture. 
To make ourself the People's Mentor, 
And boldly take the lead of those, 
JVhofain would lead them by the nose ; 
And, if their grand Omnipotences, 
Have not entirely lost their senses. 
By us forewarned, they'll shun the slavery, 
IVhich waits on Democratic knavery. 

AlTHO' not biess'd with second sight. 

Divine inflation, or new light. 

Have ne'er, in supernatural trance. 

Seen through a mill-stone at a glance ; 
Q 



182 MONIIION. 

Ne'er danced with sprites at midnight revel. 
Had never dealings with the devil, 
Nor carried matters to such pitches, 
As did the vi'icked Salem witches ; — 

Hav*nt made w^ith t'other world so free, as 
To go to H — 11, like one yCneas,ii3 
By virtue of divine commission. 
For prospects bright in fields E!3^ssian , — 

Cannot divine like Richard Brothers, 
Aliss Polly Davis, and some others,ii4. 
Who, in the world of spirits, spied 
A gross of wonders — or they lied ; — 

1 13 To go (o H — II, like one ^Eneas. 

For a particular account of this journey, See Book VL 
of the .Eneid. 

114 Miss Polly Davis, and some othcfs. 

Richard Brothers and Polly Davis, \\^\\ known person- 
ages, whose missions and voyages, to the world of spirits, 
have caused much speculation among some very knowing 
•cclesiastics, whom one would suppose were rather of the 
lyin^t than the standing order. 



% 



MONITION. 188" 

Can't prophesy, as well as gingle, 
Like 'Squire Coliinabus, or iMcFingal,^^^ 
And don't see quite so many glories. 
As could be widb'd, now flash before us ; 

Though nothing more than mortal elf. 
Good reader, \'cry like yourself. 
And therefore shan't, by any trope. 
Presume to make ourself a Pope j 

Yet ne'er was conjuror acuteK, 

In prying into matters future ; — 

No old Silenus, though in liquor, [er. 

Could tell you what would happen quick- 

We'll therefore venture to assume, a 
Tone of authority, likeNumas^^^ 

1 15 Like 'Squire Colunibu>, Or McFingal. 

See Barlo.v's " Vision of Columbus," and "TrumbuU's 
McFingal," in which Uie heroes of the poems respectively, 
after the manner of the ancients, take a peep into fu' 

turity 



184 MONITION. 

And give such wondrous counsel, no man 
Shall say, we fall beneath the Roman. 

Good folks, of each degree and station, 
AVhich goes to constitute our nation. 
In social fabric who take place. 
Or at the pinnacle or base. 

With diligence, I pray, attend 
To counsels of a i^eal friend. 
Who tells the truth, when he assures 
You, that his interest is yours s^^'' 

115 Tone of nut!:oritv, Ukc Nunia. 



Nur.ia i'oijipilius wasaKin.a; of \.\\q. Ivnvirn';, who pre- 
tended to intimacy witii a female spirit, whom he named 
Egeria, and whose monitions were piobabl} as pioplielic 
as those ol* our invisible lady, 

J 17 You, that his interest is yours. 

We have before observed, Vol. I. p, 10, that we iiave 
no private nor party views to subserve in this poem. We 
have no interest distinct from the good of our ccuntry^and 
no patron but the public. 



MONITION. 185 

Who hopes, that when you*re plainly 

show'd 
Your Democratic, downhill road. 
Is dire destruction's dismal route. 
You'll condescend to turn about. 

Why should you hardily advance. 
The highway, lately trod by France ; 
Nor take example, ere too late. 
To shun the same disastrous fate. 

(O, could I hope my rush-light taper 
Might penetrate the Stygian vapour. 
That you might see, and seeing miss. 
The Democratic precipice.) 

But now, methinksj you cry as one. 
What shall be done ! What shall be done I 
What method hit on for defending. 
Against such destiny impending ? 

Imprimis, cry down every rogue 
Democracy has now in vogue. 



186 MONITION. 

Who thinks, by dint of wicked lies. 
To cast a mist before your eyes. 

Give power to none but honest men. 
Long tried, and faithful found, and then 
You will not flounder in the dark. 
Still wide from real freedom's mark, 

Distrust those wretches, every one, 
Curses denounc'd by Vv'ashington ; 
Who have of late been busy, brewing 
Their c:r7/, and other people's ruin.^** 

O had we built on that foundation. 
Laid by our late Administration,! iJ^ 

1 18 Their ou'rt, and other people's ruin. 

Our lending Dcmngogues, are quite as likely to be of- 
fered as victims at the shrine of Democracy as the Fede- 
ralists. Governor McKean, uho was active in bringing 
about a Democratic order of things in Pennsylvania, 
staiidson very slippery ground, and is in danger of being 
denounced by the Aurora-raan, who is the Vvat Tyler of 
the Feiiusylvania Democrats. 



MONITION. ia7 

The fabric of our Nation's Glory 
Had never been surpassed in story. 

But ever sedulous in brewing 
Their own, and other people's ruin, 

119 Laid by our late Administration. 

To enumerate the most prominent measures of tlie 
Federal Administration, and the beneills wiiich have re- 
lulteil to the nation from the Federal system, would re- 
t|uire volumes. We sliall sliglitly advert to a few particu- 
lars, by way of elucidating this fact. 

The Federalists found the country without permanent 
revenue, and without money in the Treasury sufficient ta 
defray the necessary expences of Government ; upwards 
of seventy-six millions in debt ; the securities of Govern- 
ment selling at two shillings on the pound; the nation 
distracted at home and deBpised abroad — 

Like *' some wreck'd vessel, all in shatters," 
Scarce " held up by surrounding waters."* 

Such was the state of things when they commencetj 
theii operations. 

They liquidated the public funds for the extinction, of 
the national debt; punctually paid the interest and part of 
the principal. 

They fortified our harbours. 

I . ■ m ' -TW-wi 1 111"! 

* McFingal, 



188 MONITION. 

Our Democrats ha^^e been at work 
To lay all level, with a jerk. 

Not Satan, breaking into Eden, 
Could show more malice in proceeding. 
Or tell more false, malicious stories. 
Than these saidJacobin-French Tories. ^20 

They sought for and obtained indemnity for British and 
French spoliations. 

They suppressed insurrections. 

They built and purchased a Navy of thirty-six armed- 
ships. 

They secured peace abroad. 

They established a Government at home. 

They exalted our national character : under their au- 
spices Agriculture flourished, Commerce was protected, a 
R-venue created without burthening the people, and Two 
Millions and an Half Dollars left in the Public Treasury. 

120 Than these said Jacobin-French Tories. 

If any of our readers are not yet fully acquainted with 
the despicable means by whkh our Jsobins attained the 
great end of destroying the Federal Administration, they 
are referred to Mr. Bayard's speech on the Judiciary Bill, 
spoken February 19, 1802. We should be happy to in- 



MONITION. 189 

Sometimes the rogues w^re picking flaws 
Vv'ith Alien and Sedition Laws, 121 

sert that part of it which relates to a vindication of the 
measures of the Federal Administration, did not its length 
exceed our limits. One sentence, however, relative to the 
clamour, which the Antifederalists have raised against 
direct taxation, the abolition of which, according to Mr. 
Jefferson's late speech, (March, 1803) is one of the mea- 
sures so highly commendable in the gentlemen now at 
the head of our affairs, we cannot forbear to quote. 

** Will gentlemen say that the direct tax was laid in 
order to enlarge thfe bounds of patronage ? If^ill they deny 
that this ivas a measure to zvhich we had been urged for 
years, by our adversaries, because they saw in it the ruin 
of the Federal power?" 

This is the way they have managed — cunningly cla- 
moured the Federal Administration iuto measures, whicii 
they fore-jaw njight be rendered obnoxious to the people, 
and then took advantage of the odium which such mea- 
sures had excited! bee Vol. I. P. 171-2. M. 170. 

121 With Alien and Sedition Laws. 

These laws were among the measures of the late Admi- 
nistration, which were obnoxious to the tyrants in power, 
merely because they were favourable to the rights of the 
citizen. The Alien law provided for the deportation* 



190 MONITION. 

The Constitution next attacking. 

They sent the Federal Judges packing. 122 

With empt}' boasts of their surprising 
Attention to economizing, 
Thousands were thrown away, to sh':w 
How they could decorate the Berceau.123 

under certain circumstances, of turbulent and seditious 
foreigners; thu latter gave our citizens a right to publisli 
the tjtith concerning the measures of government. See 
Vol. I. N. 12. P. 8. , 

122 They sent the Federal Judges packing. 

No man whose head Is not very weak, or hh heart very 
wi.-krd^ can rontemplati^ without emotions loo vlvicl to 
be expressed, the conduct of the Faction in their destruc- 
tion of the Judiciary. The sound arguments on tlie one 
sidcj and the llims:y sophi>ms on tlie other side of thai 
great national question, when contrt-isted, must convince 
every person, tlial those men who laid their sacrileguius 
J)ands on ih.e ark of our safety, were predttermined not 
to be convinced, but to slick to tiieir party, right or 
vixjng. See Vol. I. P. J 63. N, ICD. 

123 Plow they could decorate the Eerceau. 

More than tliirty-two thousand dollars were expended 
in repairing the French Corvette Berccau. The Ganges, 



MONITION. 191 

And public money was such trash, 
Two million dollars, at a dash, 
Without descending to excuses. 
Their honours vote for private usesJ3<. 

The Feds chac'd down, the snarling dves. 
At loggerheads among themselves, ^-^^ 

an American ship of war of 26 guns, and all her stores, 
were sold by administration for only 21,000 dollars, and 
most of the other ships of the Federal navy, we believe, 
in the same proportion. 

124 Their honours vote for private uses. 

See a resolve of Congress of November, 1803, that a 
sum of two millions of dollars in addition to the provi- 
sion heretofore made, should be granted to the purposes 
«f intercourse between us and foreign nations. 

125 At loggerheads among themselves. 

Every body knows that Master Johnny Randolph has 
©f late been attempting to put ojf the monkey, m-\d put on 
ihe tigci^, and to bully ihe nonconformists of his party into 
genuine Republicanism. But his essays in the terrible, 
hare terminated in the ludicrous, for even Miss Nancy 



192 MONITION. 

E*eQ cut and thrust, like gladiators. 
For our amusement as spectators. 

Resolv'd to prove the nation's curses. 
They go from bad to what still worse is. 
As females frail, by regular steps. 
Are prostitutes from demireps. 

Each wicked measure merely leading, 
To more flagitious step succeeding. 
Of late, their frantic innovations. 
Have shook society's foundations. 

Hot-headed Randolph's resolution 
For cutting up the Constitution, 
And that of Nicholson disclose. 
The rancour of its deadly foes.i26 

Dawson declares that she will not be frightened out of her 
independence, by this whipper-in of the puppies of the 
party. 

126 The rancour of its deadly foes. 

it is well known that the Democratic party were for- 
merly most violent opponents of the Federal Constitution. 






MONITION. 193 

That " plague to G — d and man/' Tom. 

Paine, 
Is at his dirty work again,i27 
The Devil's special legate sent. 
And patronizVl by Government ! 

Mr. Jefferson declared that lie " disliked, and greatly 
disliked" many parts of it. We could, therefore, expec* 
nothing better from the enemies of the Constitution, than 
that they would endeavour to destroy it. Someof tiie oat- 
works are already demolished, and the citadel is to be at- 
tacked the next session, (Nov. 1S05.) It is to be hoped 
that those Democrats, who are not rendered quite frantic 
by the spirit of party, will be taught, from the endeavours 
of our Randolphs and Nicholsons, the impolicy of placing 
the enemies of the Constitution of the United States in 
situations where they can, vvitli impunity, aim their blows 
at its vitals. Would any man of a sound mind suffer his 
-house to be tenanted by persons, who, after having vainly 
opposed its erection, had declared that its corner stones 
ought to be subtracted from the building, and its princi- 
pal pillars be laid prostrate ? Yet such is the part which 
Vie have acted in trusting the administratioa of the Fede- 
ral Government in the hands of men who were inimical 
to that government at its establishment, and who, even 
BOW, neglect no opportunity for the display of their hoir 
tiiity to the constitution by which it is aduiinistered. 
R 



194 MONITION. 

But now, methinks, you cry as one, 
What must be done ! What must be done ! 
These growing evils to curtail. 
And make our Demo's shorten sail ? 

Sirs, (our opinion to be blunt in) 
The first step must be, " scoundrel hunt- 
ing !'*128 

127 Is at his dirty work again. 

To wit, scribbling newspaper essays for the Snyderitcs 
at Pennsylvania. 

128 The first step must be " scoundrel hunting !" 

This may seem very harsh doctrine. The sense in 
which I use the phrase quoted y^ this place, may, how- 
ever, be explained, by referring to Vol. I. N. 4. P. 4. 

I would not wish to hunt bad men with mobs, nor with 
mastiffs, but I would hold them out to society in true 
colours, and if the voice of the public does not consign 
them to infamy, Americans will pass from the ** tempes- 
tuous sea" of licentiousness, to the " dead calm of des' 
pntism," with the embittering reflection that they have 
merited their destiny. Thus, in France, after the des- 
truction of Fayette and others of their leaderss, who wert: 
solicitous to reform the abuses of the old government, and 
■who were mostly well-meaning men, a succession of ly 
gers, in human shape, afflicted tlie nation, till the most 
ferocious monster the kingdom afforded, was at lengtlt 
made Emperor. 



MONITION. 195 

Tlie minions of a wicked faction. 

Hiss ! hoot quite off the stage of action ! 

Next, every man throughout the nation. 
Must be contented in his station,^ 29 

1C9 Must be contented in his station. 

There is, perhaps, no pride more preposterous than 
tliat which impels so many, in the middle and lower 
classes in society, lo ixert themselves to confer a collegiate 
education on their children, not only minerva invita, but 
when ti\e?TJ angusta domus opposes insurmountable im- 
pediments to their progress. *« What good end (says an 
English writer) can it answer in these times, when every 
genteel profession is overstocked, to rob our agriculture 
or our manufactures of- so many useful hands, by encou- 
raging every substantial farmer, mechanic, or tradesman, 
to breed his son to the church ;" and he might have add- 
ed, or any other learned profession. " If now and then 
a very uncommon genius in those walks of life discovers 
itself, there are seldom wanting gentlemen in the neigii- 
bourhood, who are proud of calling forth, and \(neccssa' 
rij, of supporting, by a subscription, such extraordinary 
talents." 

1 he multiplying of Academies, and poorly endoived 
Caiieg'3, where that " dangerousthing." *' a little learn- 
in.i.',/' mav be acquired, and fre(iuently to the detriment of 



196 MONITION. 

Nor think to cut a figure greater. 
Than was designed for him by Nature. 

common Schools, in which tliat kind of knowledge is 
tauglit wliich is absolutely necessary for farmers, mechan- 
ics, occ. is, in our opinion, a great and a growing evil in 
America. Happy would it be fjr us if the number of 
that useful class of citizen?, who form the basis of socie- 
ty, was greater in propoition to the population of the 
country. 

J With all the freedom you can boast, 

"T You cannot all be uppermost : 

And where subordination ends, tyranny heginx; at first 
the ''tyranny of all" which soon becomes the tyranny 
of the few, or the despotism of one. See Vol. I. P. 6. 

N. 8. 

In the general scramble for political distinction, which 
takes place in America, in consequence of the door of 
office being open to every pretender, .the basest means are 
resorted to, and the morals cf the people are corrupted 
by the example of t]it)se who are aspiring to take the 
lead in the community. This evil might, in a great de- 
gree, be remedied by lessening the number of competi- 
tors for offices. Let every man have a right to aspire to 
the highest stations, but let the pre-requisite qualifications, 
respecting age, education, talents, citizensliip, bCit abore 



MONITION, 197 

No tinker bold with brazen pate. 
Should set himself to patch the State,^30 

all morals, be such, that the number of competitors would 
be comparatively few. 

Eegulalions of that kinfj would be perfectly consistent 
with freedom, the ascendancy of virtue and talents and 
the experience of ages. 

These remarks apply, not only to the candidates for 
oflices or emoluments under government, but to those who 
are crowding themselves into the learned professions, 
without those qualifications which ought to be considered 
as indispensable. 

1 know that Duane and the Jacobins of his school, 
maintain, that the learned professions, particularly that 
of Law, ought to be annihilated ; and they may as well 
be annihilated, as to be crowded with witlings and un- 
qualified professors. But it is to be hoped the good sense 
of Americans will resist the innovations of these God- 
wiuian schemers. 

Duane and his faction, may as well declare against 
watch-makers, tailors, or any other mechanics, as law- 
yers, or gentlemen of the other learned professions. — 
They are each subservient to the happiness or conveni- 
ence of all, and altogether constitute a civilized nation. 
But if wiiat we have advanced in our exposition of the 
principles of Mr. Godwin, in Canta II. relative to the 
tendincv of these and similar levelling tenets, sliould: 
K2 



198 MONITION. 

No cobbler leave, at Faction^s call. 
His last, and thereby lose his alL 

No brawny blacksmith, brave and stout. 
Our Constitution hammer out, 
For if he's wise, he'll not desire 
Too many irons in the fire ; — - 

And though a master of his trade. 
With politics on anvil laid. 
He may take many a heat, and yet he 
Can't tveld a bye-law or a treaty. 

No tailor, than his goose more silly. 
Should cut the State a garment, till he 
Is sure he has the measure right. 
Lest it ^fit awkward, loose or tight, 

make no impression on tlie reader, we must turn him over 
to the demagogues of the day. 

330 Should set himself to patch the state. 

*' When tinkers bawl'd aloud to settle 
Church discipline, for patching kettle," &c. 

HuDiBRAs, Parti. Canto If, 



MONITION. 199 

No farmer, had he Ceres' skill, 
The commonwealth should think to ////, 
For many soils in human nature, 
Would mock his art as cultivator. 

The greatest number's greatest good. 
Should, doubtless, ever be pursu'd ; 
But that consists, sans disputation. 
In order and subordination. 

Nature imposes her commands. 

There must be heads, as well as hands y^^^ 

131 There must be heads , as well as hands. 

If our New School politicians are not too fastidious to 
peruse with patience, even the Apocryphal part of the 
Bible, we would beg leave to illustrate our ideas on this 
subject, by a quotation from Ecclesiasticus, Chapter 
XXXVIII. V. 24, to the end of the chapter. 

** The wisdom of a learned man cometh by opportuni- 
ty of leisure : and he that hath little business shall be- 
come wise. 

*' How can he get wisdom that holdeth the plough? 
and that glorieth in the goad; that driveth oxen, anel is 
occupied in their labours, and whose talk is of bullocks ? 



200 MONITION. 

The man of body, *^ son of soul," 
The former happiest on the whole : — ^32 

" He giveth his mind to make furrows ; and is diligent 
to give the kine fodder. 

*' So every carpenter and workmaster that laboureth 
night and day -. and they that cut and grave seals, and 
are diligent to nsake great yariety, and give themselves to 
counterfeit imagery, and watch to finish a work : 

" The smith also sitting by the anvil, and considering 
the iron work, the rapour of the fire wastcth his flesh, 
and he fighteth with the heat of the furnace: the noise 
of the hammer and the anvil is ever in his cars, and his 
eyes look still upon the pattern of the thing that hemak- 
eth ; he setteth his mind to finish his work, and watcheth 
to polish it perfectly : 

** So doth the potter sitting at his work, and turning 
the wheel about with his feet, who is always carefully set 
at his work : and maketh all his work by number ; 

" He fashioneth the clay with his arm, and bow- 
€th down his strength before his feet, he applieth him- 
self to lead it over ; and he is diligent to make clean tiie 
furnace : 

" All these trust to their hands : and every one is wise 
in his Avork. 

" Without these cannot a city be inhabited : and they 
shall not dwell vhere they will, nor go up and down : 
They shall nol be sought for in public cou..sel, nor sit 



MONITION. 201 

For toil of body still we find. 
Is Jighter far thau toil of mind, 

high in the congregration : Ihey shall not sit on the 
judges' seat, nor understand the sentence of judgment :* 
they cannot declare jusiice and judgment, and they shall 
not be found where parables are spoken. 

•' But they will maintain the state of the world, and 
[all] their desire is in the v/ork of the craft." 

It is impossible for any person who is truly a pliilan* 
thropist not to feel his indignation excited against the per- 
verse philosophists of the day, who, instead of inculcat- 
ing patience and tranquillity among mankind, are con- 
tinually exciting that restive and turbulent spirit, which 
is the bane of civilized society. It is owing to their ef- 
forts tiiat the hearts of the lower clisscs in the connnuni- 
ty are so frequently " Cankered with discontent, tliat 
they consider themselves as condemned to labour for the 
luxury of the rich, and look up with stupid malevolence 
towards those who are placed above them.''* 

132 The former happiest on the whole : — 

He who has been in early life accustomed to laborious 
occupations, can rarely conform to sedentary pursuits: 
accustomed to the stimulus of violent corporeal exercise, 

* Johnson* s Jtasselas, Prince of Ahysinnia. 



202 MONITION. 

And nought, perhaps, but tooth-ach pain?. 
Can equal " wear and tear of brains.'* 

Blest is the man with wooden head, 
J Wlio labours for his daily bread, 
T More happy he, if truth were known, 

Than Buonapart' upon his throne : — 

Yes, his advantage most immense is. 
In all enjoyments of the senses. 
If health and strength in him are joined. 
With heaven's best boon, a tranquil mind. 

Then think not Providence disgrac'd you^ 
If in some lower rank it plac'd you 3 
Think poverty no punishment. 
And be with competence content 3 

his frame will be disordered, from its discontinuance. 
Listlessness, apathy, hypochondriacal complaints, and 
not unfrcquently madness, swell the catalogue of disorders 
which await a transition of that kind. Hence the im- 
practicability of civilizing tiie aborigines of America, who 
have, in early life, Lccn inured to the toil of the huntes 
slate. 



-^ 



M ONITION. 203 

Do not assume of State the reins. 
If you're but so so, as to brains. 
Because you make yourselves vexation. 
And but disgrace us as a nation. 

Had Johnny Randolph known his place, 
"He had not hunted Mr. Chase,133 
Nor had the pubhc known him to be 
A blundering and malicious booby. 

133 He Iiad not hunted Mr. Chase, 

The failure of this poor little '< ghost of a monkey," 
in his impeachment of Mr. Chase, cannot but afford 
high satisfaction to every friend to his country. We have 
reason to believe that had Mr. Chase fallen, it was the 
intention of the stripling tyrant, and his confederate 
mamelukes, to have destroyed all the Federal Judges, at 
** one fell swoop." 

It was happily so ordered, that he made his attack on 
one every way able to defend himself against the mali- 
cious and vindictive assaults of the Faction, and who has 
not only repelled the shafts of their calumny, but by his 
masterly vindication of his conduct, has done honour t» 
Federalism and to his country. 



201. MONITION. 

Had Lawyer L n staid at home, 

His honour might have pass'd, with some. 
For quite a decent country Squire, 
And no bad Jury — argufier. 

And had our Governor that would be, 
But been contented where he should be. 
His Honour had not been the mark 
So often hit by D— r P— k J34 

Had somebody but known his station, 

Perhaps his blasted reputation, 

\Z^ So often hit by D— r P—k. 

The charges to which we here allude, nre already be- 
fore the public. We offer no comments, but merely ob- 
serve, that the man, who, after having witnessed the de- 
velopement of the character of this candidate for the 
Gubernatorial chair will give him his suffrage, has not 
xiTtuc enough to qualify him to be the citizen of a fret 
government ; and if a majority of the citizens of Massa. 
chusetts are base enough to prefer this man to Governor 
Strong, national freedom is at its last gasp, and the cha- 
racter of the State is fast sinking to the lowest point of 
degradation. 



MONITION. 29$ 

Stain'd by a multitude of sins. 

Had 'scap'd the shafts ofYoung and Minns, 

So much for wiseacres, desiring 

To show their folly by aspiring. 

We turn to those who know their places. 

And form our social fabric's basis. 

I need not tell you. Sirs, how true 'tis. 
That you have rights^ as well as duties. 
Have much at stake in preservation 
Of Law and order in the nation. 



155 Had Vap'd the shafts of Young and Minns. 

We allude here to the well known publication in the 
New-England Palladium, entitled, " The monarchy of 
Federalism," which gives in short hand, a correct idea of 
the man whom our Democrats " delight to honour " Tht 
pamphlet, entitled, " The Defence of Young and Minns," 
which contains copies of the docimients, and statements 
of the facts alluded to in that publication, ought to be in 
the hands of every American freeman who is not disposed 
to rush blindfold into the jaws of destruction. 

s 



206 'MONITION. 

But heed you not the bawling clan. 
Who prate about the^' rights of man," 
Although hke Thomas Pain, and Firm, 
They fix no meaning to the term.i^e 

See Elliot sick 6f the proceduresi37 
Of our good Democratic leaders, 

15^ They fix no meaning to the term. 

Kothing can be more preposterous than the declama- 
lory nonsense of the demagogues of the day, who clamour 
about the '* rights of man." If these gentlemen wish to 
mix a little knowledge with their zeal on this subject, they 
will diligently con Judge Blackstone's Commentaries, par- 
ticularly the first Chapter of the first Book, which treate 
•f the ** Rights of Persons." 

137 See Elliot sick of the procedures, 

Mr. Elliot's letters to his constituents display very con- 
siderable candor, and certain aproximations to rectitude, 
for which he ought to receive a due degree of credit. 

This gentleman, together with many others, much hi* 
inferiors in abilities and integrity, was elected to Congress 
by a party who were opposed to the Washington and 
Adams administrajtion ; but perceiving that the views of 



J 



MONITION. 20r 

Is half resolved on coming round. 
And occupying Federal ground. 

the leaders of that party were destructive to the Consti- 
tution, Laws and Liberty of the Union, he appears now 
to halt between two opinions. He will, by no means, 
acknowledge himself to be aFederalist,although his politi- 
cal tenets appear ?20!y to be very nearly the same with those 
always held by the P'ederal party. Perhaps, however, he 
may hereafter observe of some other political subjects what 
he has already remarked relative to a certain amendment 
of the Constitution, that he ** had never contemplated 
the subject with a suitable degree of cool reflection and 
deep investigation."* No doubt a proper attention to con; 
templationsof that kind might induce him to become «/- 
together a Federalist I 

We cannot, however, forbear to notice a slight incon- 
sistency which appears in his ** political creed," as ex- 
pressed in his llth letter to his constituents. Mr. Elliot 
says, «' I believe that Washington was the greatest warrior 
and probably the most correct statesman in our country, 
I believe Adams to be a man of integrity and talents, but 
the general system of his Admiflistration was wrong." 
Now a <' correct statesman" is not apt to give hissanctioa 
to wrong measures, but Washington did highly approve 
x)f Mr. Adams' Administration, as appears by his letter 
to Mr. Carrol. See Vol. I. N. 145. P. 163. 



See Mr. Elliofs 3d Letter to his Constituents, 



4- 



30» MONITION. 

And others feel a foolish terror 
'Gainst owning they have been in error. 
And though convinced, are not so manly 
As Butler, Elliot, and Stanley. i38 

Be not of good men over jealous. 
Nor lightly trust the clamorous fellows. 
Who 'gainst your true friends set their faces. 
Merely to crowd into their places. 

There must be limits put to suiFrage,^^* 
Although the step excite enough rage, 

138 As Butler, Elliot, and Stanley. 

These gentlemen have all been of the Democratic par- 
ty, but had honesty and independence enough to oppose 
the machinations of the Virginian junto. 

139 't'here must be limits put to suffrage. 

It cannot be necessary in this place, to repeat what 
has been so often urged on the subject of " Universal 
Suffrage." borne qudlifications as respects pioperty, re- 
sidenc-e, and cilizensnip, ever have, and ever vcill be 
fvuiid iic'cesaary in a civilized state of society, in ordur to 



MONITION. 209 

Lest men devoid of information 
And honesty should rule the nation. 

Your multiplying institutions. 
Checks, balances andconstitutionSji^o 
Which rogues can break down with im- 
punity, 
Will serve no purpose in community. 

entitle a man by his rote, to dispose of the property of 
others. What should we say of one, who assumed a 
right to direct the operations, and tax the shares of a 
private company of merchants, who held no stock be* 
Jonging to the company ? 

UO Checks, balances and constitutions. 

In that invaluable digest df the principles of our go- 
vernment entitled ** The Federalist" we find the following 
apprehensions expressed on this subject. 

" Experience assures us that the efficacy of parch- 
ment barriers has been greatly over-rated, and that some 
more adeqiuite defence is indispensably necessary, for the 
more feeble against the more powerful members of the- 
government. The Legislative department is every where- 
S3- 



210 MONITION. 

Thus Despotism France controuls. 
In spite of Sieyes' pigeon holes. 
And Revolutions every Moon, 
Could not secure her Freedom's boon. 

Let honesty and reputation. 

Be passports to your approbation, 

And ne*er support, with zeal most hearty, 

A knave because he*s of your party. 

Remember, mid your party strife, 
Whoso*s a rogue in private li/e,^^^ 

extending the sphere of its activity, and drawing all 
power into its impetuous vortex*"* 

If this ** more adequate defence' should not be found 
in public opinion, our Constitution will fall,, our political 
and civil rigiits wilt soon share its fate, and despotism in 
America, as in France, will at length prove our only 
asylum from the horrors of anarchy. 

J 4 1 W hoso'^s a rogue in private life. 

One of the most dangerous errors of those among our dc- 
mocrats,who are rather the deluded than ihedeludei'sM an 

* The remarks of the eloquent Mallet Du Pan, on the 
fate of Switzerland, corroborate these observations. 



MONITION 2a 

If once he gets you at his beck 
Will set his foot upon your neck. 

Thus Mr. Burr, for aye intriguing. 
With this sideband with that side leaguing. 
Has late contrived a scheme quite handy. 
To make himself, for life, a grandee. ^^2 

opinion that our attention to the affairs of government 
ought to be directed altogether to measures without ad- 
verting iomen. But 2ii\€vil ^rec cannot produce gooG?yrM?V, 
aeither can ignorant wrongheaded and wicked men give 
•rigin and support to measures which are beneficial tothe 
public. Yet how often da we trust those in public station 
in whom we could place no confidence in private life,. 
and how many democrats like Matthew Lyon give 
countenance to your Duanes and Cheethams, knowing 
them such as Lyon has described his ** old friend," thafc 
is entirely destitute of common honesty. Such men de- 
serve to be n)ade '* hewers oi wood and drawers of water," 
as a punishment for their stupidity. Jack of political 
honesty, and public spirit. 

142 To make himself, for life, a grandee, 

Mr. Burr's attempt to obtain the privilege of franking 
letters is an indication of the kind of freedom with vrhieh 



U12 MONITION. 

You next some method must be trying. 
To stop the rage of party lying. 
Which may be quickly done, provided 
You will be honest and decided, 

"When printers are to lies addicted. 
And have most fairly been convicted ; 
For instance, men like Chronicleers, 
Who should be thankful — for their ears. 

From pillory though they are exempt. 
You ought to blast them with contempt^ 
But now they find, by Faction's aid^ 
Lying a profitable trade. 

But you can stop our Demo's dashing^ 
Bring honesty again in fashion. 
Bring scoundrelism to disgrace. 
Bid modest merit show its face. 

be and his party would favour the simpletons, who are ca* 
pable of being lulled to repose by the syren song of Li- 
berty and Equality. 



MONITION. 213 

Instead of sinking in despair. 
Be as with Washington you tverCy 
Revive the measures he approved. 
Restore to power the men he lov'd ! i*3 

143 Restore to power the men he lov'd. 

Those men who were honoured with the confidence of 
their fellow- citizens and appointed to office under Wash- 
ington and Adams' Administration, were selected from 
among their ieliow-citizens, because they were known to 
be ♦* honest and faithful." Now the inquiry, as Mr, 

J n's answer to the New-Haven remonstrance implies, 

is altogether whether the candidate is of the right politi- 
cal sect. The demon of party brought forward the De- 
mocrats, not any intrinsic merits of their own. The 
same evil spirit which gave France her Marals, her Bo- 
berspieres, and her Buonaparte, has given Ameiica the 
tyrants who have put a period to the political t-xistence 
of the Fcdtichsts, and who, as Duane has iniimated, 
would lead them to ilie scaffold if ihey dared. If we 
have not virtue enough to retrace our steps and return to 
primitive men and mt^aburcs, we may fure:,ec in the fall of 
Frr.nce what rausl be the icrmmation of our st.u^gies fox 
Liberty. 



itr liONlttON. 

Then may you rationally hope 
That Libert}^, without a trope. 
And all the virtues of hef train. 
Will deign to visit us again. ^^4 

U4 "Will deign to visit us again. 

Many of our luke-warm Ftederalists, seem disposed ta 
slide down the steep of Democracy, without an effort to 
save themselves and country, frem ihe unlimited misery 
"which awaits such a career. They say, that Americans 
have not virtue enough to support a Republican Govern' 
naent, and that we had belter remain contented ui'der the 
present state of our affairs, than by exertions whicii must 
prove fruitless, to hazar.l the introduction of a stiil wors« 
order of things. But this is very foolish reasoning. As 
veil migiit a physician determine to give no medicine to 
allay the rage of a fever, because the disorder xiill have 
hs crisis. If (he efforts of tlie FederaUsts should be un- 
remitted, they will be, at least, able to muzzle the Mam- 
moth of Democracy, and evade much ol' the evil which 
ivould inevitably ensue, should the monster be suffered to 
roam perfectly unrestrained. But we cannot better con- 
clude this note, than with the remarks of the Editor of 
the Utica Patriot, an excellent Federal Newspaper. 

" The cause of Federalism, we trust, lias passed its 
most gloomy period. The ebb tide has arrived to its ut- 
most point, and will shortly be succeeded by a flood. 



MONITION. 2U 

But, my good sovereign friends, I now 
Must make, alas, my parting bow. 
Still humbly hoping, with submission. 
That you'll attend to my Monition. 

Take my advice, which not pursuing. 
You're surely in the " road to ruin," 
For ruFd by men, and not by law. 
Your rights will not be worth a straw. 

which will overwhelm its enemies in one prodigious ruin. 
The government again in the hands of the Federalists, 
the wounds which have been inflicted on the constitution, 
would be shortly healed, tlie government would conva- 
lesce from its preseat weakness, to perfect health and vi- 
gour, and the blessings of rational liberty would again be 
enjoyed in their pristine purity. Then let Federalists, 
knowing the justice of their cause, and its importance to 
the salvation of their country, be animated to exertion ; 
and let each good man and true patriot adopt for him- 
self, the language of the Poet : 



Here I take my stand. 



^f 



Here on the brink, the very verge of liberty : 
Although contention rise upon the clouds. 
Mix heaven with earth, and roll the ruin onwards. 
Here will I fix, and breast me to the shock. 
Till I or Denmark fali.." 



FINIS. 



^TRACTS FROM REVIEWS 

OF 
AND 

©THER PUBLICATIONS OF THE SAME AUTHOR. 



** WHOEVER reads Democracy Unveiled 
with candour, even if his muscles be distorted 
with anguish by the castigation so liberally be- 
stowed on the rulers of the most numerous 
party in this country, will readily credit the 
assertion of the author, that " personal ani- 
mosity is not among the motives, ^rhich pro- 
duced this poem." Though the smart of the 
culprit, under the beadle's lash, be little allevi- 
ated by the knowledge that his demerits have 
long required this exertion of Justice ; yet the 
public will remember, that the punishment is 
not inflicted through wantonness, nor aggra*- 
vated by malice. 

The Poet, in his commencement, says, 

I M^ould not wantonly annoy, — 
Would no one's happiness destroy ; 
!>Jone lives, I say, with honest pride, who 
Despises slander more than I do. 

And next assigns the reason of his satke, 
T 



218 EXTRACTS FROM REVIEWS. 



ni lash each knave that's now in vogue. 
Merely because he is a rogue. 

"Democracy Unveiled should be read by eve- 
ry person in the community, especially by the 
middling classes of citizens, for whom it seems 
chiefly intended." 

The Monthly Anthology, and Boston 
Review, for July, 1805. 



I 



EXTRACTS FROM ENGLISH REVIEWS OF FOR- 
MER PUBLICATIONS BY THg AUTHOR OF DE- 
MOCRACY UNVEILED. 

** Terrible Tractoration, a poetical petition 
against Galvanising Trumpery, and the Per- 
kinistic Institution," &c....lst edition. 

*' These Hudibrastic lines have afforded us 
amusement. It is not too much to say, that 
the author is a legitimate branch of the Hudi- 
bras family, and possesses a vein of humour 
which will not be easily exhausted." 

Literary Journal, for September, I 803. 

After stating how far inferior to Hudibras are 
the generality of modern imitators, the Re- 
viewers proceed, ** To a charge of this nature 
the author of the present poem pleads not 
guilty. With the mantle of Butler he has like- 
wise something of his inspiration, and has imi- 
tated him no less in his versification than in 
the spirit which supports it." 

Monthly Register Review, for May, 1803. 



EXTRACTS FROM REVIEWS. 219 

" The author deals his blows around with 
such causticity, sparing neither friend nor foe, 
from the ** indelible ink" of Dr. Lettsom, and 
the kindred ** jangle of Matilda's lyre" to Dr. 
Darwin, tracing organised molecules from 
slaughtered armies to tribes of insects, and 
thence again to nobler animals, through the 
profoundest parts of the bathos, and the sub- 
limest of the hiipsos, tliat his real object can-, 
not be always ascertained. We think him, 
however, the friend of the Tractors, and pe- 
culiarly severe on Dr. Haygarth and Dr. Lett- 
som. Our author's knowledge seems to be ex- 
tensive ; and he is by no means sparing of his 
communications. His descriptions are ani- 
mated and poetical." 

Critical Review, for Nove?nber, 1803. 



'* We must acknowledge that this poem has 
a considerable share of Hudibrastic drollery. 
The author is particularly happy in his ludi- 
crous compounded rhymes, and has many 
other qualities to ensure no trifling success in 
doggrei verse." After a quotation from the 
work, the Reviewers again mention its ** in- 
genious burlesque," and *' humorous notes.'* 
British Critic, for May, 1803. 

*^ These four Cantos of Hudibrastic rerse, 
and the copious notes, contain much pointed 
satire and sarcastic animadversion, in the form 
and guise of ironical compliments, on th« 
medical opposers of the Metallic Tractors." 



f fO EXTRACTS FROM REVIEWS. 



After a quotation from the work, they con- 
tinue...." The attack on some of the cruel and 
indecent experiments of certain modern natur- 
alists, which seem limited to the gratification 
of a licentious curiosity, having for their ob- 
ject the production of no one possible practi- 
cal good, is just and commendable : and in- 
deed the author has not merely rhyme but fre- 
quently reason on his side." 

Anti-Jacobin Reviexv, for April, 1803. 

" In the first Canto, the author, in an inimit- 
able strain of irony, ridicules those pretended 
discoveries and inventions of certain pseudo- 
philosophers, both of the natural and moral 
class, which have no tendency to meliorate the 
condition of man." After many extracts from 
t\\& work, and similar encomiums on each of 
the four Cantos, the Reviewers conclude.... 
" Whatever may be the merits of the Metal- 
lic Tractors, or the demerits of their oppon- 
ents, we have no hesitation to pronounce this 
performance to be far superior to the epheme- 
ral productions of ordinary dealers in rhymes. 
The notes, which constitute more than half 
the book, are not behind the verse in spirit. 
Who the author can be, we have not the least 
conception, but from the intimate acquaintance 
he discovers with the different branches of 
medical science, we should imagine him to be 
some jolly son of Galen, who not choosing to 
bestow all his art upon his patients, has hu- 
manely applied a few escharotics for the 
benefit of his brethren." 

QtntUmani Magazine for January t 1804. 



EXTRACTS FROM REVIEWS. 231 

The followi7ig are extracted from such JReviews 
ef the second London edition of Terrible 
Tractoration as have fallen within our notice. 

" For a general character of this ingenious 
and tr«ly humorous poem, we must refer our 
reader to Vol. xiv. of our Review. The pre- 
sent edition is not merely a re-print of the 
former, but contains more than double the 
quantity of matter ; and to its increased bulk 
its value bears a due proportion," 

*' The ludicrous animadversion on the gossa- 
mery theories of the philosophistic Darwin ,> 
now forming a part of the third Canto, is en- 
titled to praise ; and though the extract is^ 
somewhat longer than we could wish, we are 
confident that our readers will derive much 
gratification from perusing it." The Review- 
ers conclude this article by a quotation of seve- 
ral pages from the third canto of the poem. 

Anti- Jacobin Revleiv, for August, 1804, 

" In the second edition of this work the ob- 
ject of the author is more conspicuous : in- 
deed it blazes with a lustre which leaves not 
the smallest foundation for doubt ; and not 
confining himself to the Tractors, he aims his. 
blows at many absurdities in the philosophy 
of medicine. Such, in fact, there are, and 
ridicule is, perhaps, the only weapon witli 
which they can be attacked. Our author applies 
his flagellation with no sparing hand.'' 

Critical Review, Jor January , 1804. 
T2 



222 EXTRACTS FROM REVIEWS. 

EXTRACTS FROM AMERICAN REVIEWS OF TlRltl- 
BLE TRACTORATION. 

" The satire and irony of the burlesque part 
(of Terrible 1 ractoration) are not employed 
solely against the enemies of the Perkinistic 
Institution, which it is his principal object to de- 
fend. In his excursive flight of poetry, and in 
the well written and amusing notes to his mer- 
ry cantos, he has very successfully ridicul- 
ed many of the disciples of the new school^ who, 
either by jacobin politics, or atheistical philoso- 
phy, or perverted literature, have attempted to 
disturb the peace, and deface the ftlicity of 
mankind. The author, whom we know to be 
a disciple of the Old School, and who has al- 
ways proved himself an anti-gallican, anti-jaco- 
binical and anti-fanatical partizan, has acquitted 
himself with great ability in that part of his 
work which is occupied in satirising the upstart 
innovators of the time." " We hope that the 
well pi incipled wit, who has so severely lashed 
the foolish and the flagitious in the Old World, 
will brandish his scourge against the culprits of 
the New." 

The Port Folio, for Ait^ust 18, 1804. 

" This Is a humorous poem, in which the stile 
of Hudibras is most happily imitated. Those 
who delight to laugh at the philosophic follies of 
the day, will be much gratified by the perusal of 
*' Terrible Tractoration." In every age the 
half-learned are offering their wild theories, and 



EXTRACTS FROM REVIEWS. 225 

exhibiting their minute discoverieg to the world, 
for which they claim high seats in the Temple 
of Science, and demand ever-green honours. 
Such always find gazers to look up and admire, 
whilst flattery decorates them with laurels. It 
is the part of satire to assign them their proper 
rank, and to strip from their brows the unmerit- 
ed wreaths, which encompass them. To a cer- 
tain portion of the philosophists and empyrics 
of the day, Christopher Caustic has performed 
this office. 

Montfdy j4nthologij and Boston 
Review, Jar February, 1805. 

*' In commending Christopher Caustic, 
we are only subscribing to the opinions express- 
ed by the people of another country. To be 
behind that country, in our appreciation, of his 
merits, were a stigma ; it is very pardonable to 
go beyond it. National vanity may be a folly, 
but national ingratitude is a crime. Terrible 
Tractoration was successful on its first appear- 
ance in England, and as yet seems to have lost 
none of its popularity. It belongs to that class 
©f productions, which have the good fortune ta 
escape what Johnson angrily, but too justly, 
denominates the general conspiracy of human 
nature against cotemporary merit." 

"The Monthly Anihalogy., for April, 1805,. 



224 EXTRACTS FROM REVIEWS. 

EXTRACTS FROM ENGLISH REVIEWS OF " ORIGI- 
NAL POEMS, BY THE AUTHOR OF ** DEMO- 
CRACY UNVEILED.'* 

" A vein of pleasantry and sportive humour 
is manifested by this American writer, which 
cannot fail to amuse and conciliate the reader, 
when he is disposed to quit his serious studies 
and welcome a playful guest.'' ''Whenever an 
opportunity occurs, the author takes care to in- 
culcate in the minds of his countrymen a spirit 
of manly independence, and a rational love of 
liberty." The Reviewers then make a quota- 
tion from the work, and conclude as follows : 

*' We recommend these patriotic lines to the 
attention of our own countrymen, as worthy of 
a great and independent nation. In the mean- 
time, we are happy to observe that this author 
expresses his wishes to preserve and perpetuate 
harmony between his country and England. 
We trust and hope that such a disposition is 
cordially cherished by the freeborn inhabitants 
of both states." 

Monthly 'Reviexv, 

" We were amused with the burlesque poem 
ealled '< Terrible Tractoration." That Mr. F. 
possesses a singular genius for burlesque poetry 
is undeniable, and is rendered still more evident 
by the present volume. 

" But there is another circumstance which 
strongly recommends these poems to notice. 
They present a new literary phenomenon j a 



EXTRACTS FROM REVIEWS. 225 

poetical miscellany written bj^ an American au- 
thor; and what is still more pleasing to us, an 
American friendly to England and to genuine 
liberty." 

" Of the author's humour, we might produce 
as specimens, his burlesque Sapphics, in the stile 
of the famous " Needy Knife Grinder."-^ 
The Vermont Pastoral is in a new stile, and 
very illustrative of local manners ; the allusions 
to which give an air of novelty to every part of 
the volume. Mr. Fessenden is seldom more 
successful than when he is satirizing the profli- 
gate democrats of America. His poems have 
afforded us much gratification.'' 

British Criiie. 



" AVe presume this writer to be an American \ 
and, considering the state of literature in that 
country, his productions are quite as good as 
could be expected from one of its natives. His 
serious productions are, upon the whole, the 
best ; still he is, by no means, destitute of hu- 
mour." 

Critical Review* 



" In a well written preface to this volume of 
poems, Mr. Fessenden makes some judicious 
remarks on the growing importance of Ameri- 
ca, in the scale of nations. 

** The major part of these poems are humor- 
ous, and are principally worthy of attention flpjr 



226 EXTRACTS FROM REVIEWS. 

their accurate delineation of rustic manners in 
New-England. The patriotic ode, at the be- 
ginning of the volume has much merit ; and 
the serious pieces that arc inserted, afford 
a favourable specimen of the author's poetical 
talents, as well as of his political and moral 
principlei." 

jinti- Jacobin BevieUf. 




Errata, 



IN THE FIRST VOLUME. 

Page 25, lines 5 and 6 from the top, for ^* additional 
notes at the end of ihe volume" read following notes in 
this volume. 

Page 35, line 6 from the bottom, before " 'whom^' !»• 
sert to. 

Page 53, line 15 from the bottom, Greek word, for 
" Pantogratory" read Pantokrator. 

Page 98, line 3 from the bottom, for " Edwin" read 
EiLsden. 

Page 104, line 3 from the bottom, for ** mouldering" 
read smouldering. 

Page 122, line 2 from thebottom, dele "Churchill." 

Pas^e 12<5, line 4 from the bottom, for '* led to that 
step" read was laid. 

Page 159, line 10 from the top, for ** hid" read did. 



IN THE SECOND VOLUME. 

Page 19, line 5 from the top, for "comica" read 
eomical. 

Page 68, line 4 from the bottom, for " Mareat" read 
moveat* 



fnUtjc 



pF PERSONS MENTIONED IN DEMOCRACY 
UNVEILED. 



N. B. The Jirst figures denote the Folumes and the ffh 
loxving the pages. 



A 

Adams, i. 45, 127, 130, 149.— 11. eo, 67,71, 

[143, 144, 145 

Absalom, . . . * . . I. 123 

Abner, I. 125 

JEgis-man, I. 11 

JEneas, II. 182 

Addison, , . . . . . I. ® 

Amar, ... . , . I. 64 

Ames, I. 179 

Arcularius, . . . - , II. 169, 170 

B 

Babcock, . . • -* 4 . IL Sf, 35 

U 



230 INDEX. 



Babieuf, I. 6S 

Bailly, I. 52 

Banneker, II. 52 

Bangs, II. 11« 

Barnave, ...... I. 62 

Bayard, II. 188, 189 

Bidwell, I. liiS to 174 

Billaud, I. 64 

Blackmore, ...... I. 98 

Bowdoin, I. 103 

Breckenridge, I. 170 

Bronson, 11. 153 

Buonaparte, . . I. 78 to 8i2— II. 2%, 29, 202 

Burnet, II. 171, 172 

Butler, See Hudibras 

Burr, II. 211 

Burroughs, I. 83 



Cataline, ; . . , . I. 1 

Cheetham, ... I. 12—11. 151 to 172 

Gallender, ? . I. 119—11. 62 to 66, 123, 132 

Chappe'.lier, I. 62 

Croswell, .... I. 9— II. 141 

Coxe, ... .1. 14—11. 162, 163 

Cromwell, I. 26 

Coleman, . I. 91, 99—11. 62, 71, 72, 73 



INDEX. 2S1 



Colman; I. 44 

Chenier, , I. 62 

Couthon, . . . . . . I. 64 

Collot, ibid 

Carrier, , , . . . • ibid 

Coffinliall, ....:. ibid 

Catherine ir, I. 78 

Christiern VII, ibid 

Condorcet, . . . . I. 105 

Campbell, . . . . I. 131 

Craik, ... . . I. 134 

Carpenter, . . . . I. 142 

Churchill, . . . , I. 143 

Carleton, . . ; 1. 149, 150 

Carrol, . . . . I. 163 

Cowper, . . . i II. 89 

Cannon, . . . . II. 135, 136 

C n, . . i .11. 177 

CointreLe, . . ... I. 29 

Curtius, . . , . I. 10 



Dryden, . • . . I. 3 

Diiane, I. 12, 84, 126, 135—11. 103, 105 to 109, 

[142 to 147, 197 
Domitian, , . . . I. 13 

Darwin, . » , . L 35 



9S% INDEX. 



Diderot, .... I. 49 

D'Alembert, .... ibid 

Dumas, . . . . I. 6i 

Drouet, . . • . I. 68 

Dexter, . . . . . I. 143 

Dana, .... II. 79 

Dallas, ... II. 118, 120, 122 

Davis, . . . . II. 182 

DawsoDy . . . . II. 192 

Dodd, .... II. 159 



E 




I. 9$ 

II. 132 



EUSDEN, » • • • 

Eppes, . . • • 

£rving, . , • "■ 165, 16« 

Edgar, ... ". 167> ^68 

Elliot, ... n- 206, 207, 208 



F 



II. 178, 179 

II. 84 

II. 96 

II. 172 

I. 102 

I. If 



IN»EX. 233 



GRiswoLD, Stanley, . I. T— 11. 128 to 135 

Gerry, . . , . - I. 1 1 

Guthrie, . . . . I. 27 

Godwin, . . I. 54, 70 to 7 8—11. 197 

Gustavus III, ... I. 78 

Gallatin, I. 121, 131—11. 105, 109, 135 to 142 

Griswold, Roger, Esq. . . I. 134 

Gardner, .... ibid 

Giles, .►».!. 139, 14? 

Genet, . . . ^ * II. 57, 66 

Garrow, » . . II. 96 to 99 

Gates, .... II. 100 

Gil man, * . . . II. 13t 

Gregoire, .... 1. 62 



H 



Haswell, . . ► I. Ill to 115 

Helvetius, . . , I. 56, 58, 59 

Hutchinson, ... I. 88, 89 

Hudibras, .. I. 108, 109—11. 80, 95, 198 

Hamilton, . . I. 134 to 144— II. 141 

Humphreys, . . . . I. 153 

Harrison, Esq. . . . L 157 

Harrison a Tory, . . U. 168, 169 

U ?. 



«34 INDEX. 



Hawkins, . . . , II. 10 

Hurlburt, . . . . II. 33 

Hone>tus, ... II. 86 to 95 

Hunt, .... II. 82 

Hanna, ... .II. 103 

Hijll, II. 134 

Howe, , . . . II. 162 

Hillhouse, • . . . II. 16 



Joseph 


II, 


. 


. 


I. 78 


Jefferson » 


. 


I. 104 to 111- 


-II 


. 3 to 83 


Joab, 


. 


. 


, 


I. 125 


Judas, 


. 


• * 




ibid 


Junius, 


, 


. 




II. 173 


Jay, 


. 


. 


, 


I. 14 i 


Johnson, 


. 


. . 




II. 301 



K 



Kins, . , . . I. 14S 

l^§an,Mc. . . I. 119—11. 147, 186 



Louis, . , . . I. 55 

Livingston, . . . L 157, 158 



INDEX. 2S* 



Leslie, - - - - II. 54, 59 

Lauriston, - - - - II. 92 

Lyon, - . - - n. 100 to 111 

Lincoln, - - II. 113 to 128,204 

Langdon, - - - - H. 1^0 

Ludlow, - - - II. 163 to 165 

LeBo . - . - L 62 

Longeiat - - - - I. 6l 



M 



Mallet BU Pan-, - - ^- 11.210 

Marshall, Jeremy, - - - 11. 163 

McFingal - - I. 2—II. 160, 161 

Marshall, Envoy to France, - - I. 1 1 

Mirabeau, . . - I. 62, 65 

Milton, - - - - I. 91, 92 

Minot,' ^ ' - - - - I. 98 to 101 

Morris, - - - - I. 137, 171 

Maddison, - ' - - L 168, 171 

Macon, - - - - II. 10 

Mazarine - - - - II. 18 

Machiavel, - - - - ibid 

Mercury-man, - - - 11. 22 

McKean, - - I. Uf— U. 147, 186 

Mansfield, - - - - II. 16« 



23« INDEX. 



N 



Newton, - - - I. 51 to 54 

Nicholson, - - - - L 134 

Nicholas, - - - . jbij 

Nelson, - - - • II. 14 

Nichols, - . - - II. 16 

Numa, - - . . 11. 184 

o 



Orpheus, 


I. g9 


Otis, 


I. 134 to 142—11. 134 




% 




P 


Pain, I. 4, 


54, 89, 148—11. 33, 37 to 40, 177, 193, 20G 


Pasquin, 


I. 12—11. 95 to 100 


Pinckney, 


1. 11 


Page, 


I. 63 


Paley, 


I. 65, 65 


Poniatowski, 


I. 78 


Pitt, 


I. SI— 11. 141 


Fickering, 


I. 127, 131, 134, 135, 158 


Putnam, 


L 153—11. 166, 167 


Powell. 


II. U 


Park, 


II. 63, 65, 66, 87, 88, 204 


Parish, 


11. 87 


Palmer, 


. . - . II. 177 



INDEX. «$7 



RoussEA¥, - - - I. 17 to 45 

Robison, - - I. 18 to 25, 29, 50 to 55 

Kandolph, Edmund, - I. 157, 158—11. 8i 

Roberspierre, - - - I. 51, 64 

Robins, - - - - I. H^ 

Richie, - - - - - II. 15 

Randolph, John, - - II. 191, 193, 203 



StKVENS, - - - II. IflS, 169 

Spencer, - - - - II. 172 

Shore, Sir John, - - . IL 151 

Strong, • - . . 11^ 20'J. 

Smith, Editor, - - . - I. 12 

Silenus, - - . . II. 183 

Sf^ays, j^ 10^ 

Stanley, • - - - II. 208 

Smith, William, Esq. I. 105—11. 9 to 15,. 53 to 60 

Sjeyes. - - - . II. 21« 

Smilie, - - . . j. 131 

Stone, . - - . I, ]34 

Sally, - - . - II. 16, «5, 141 

Sinclair, - - - - II. 2€ 

^"lly» • - • - II. 141 



m INDEX. 



Talleyrand, 


• 


- 


I. 26 


Thomson, 


- 


-' 


I. 38 


Tallien, Madam, ^ 


- 


- 


I. 59 


Tracy, 


- 


I. 


166 to 168 


Tarleton, 


- 


. 


II. 14 


Turner, 


- 


II. 13, 


15, 31, 33 


Teignmouth, Lord, 


- 


- 


II. 151 


Tyler Wat, 


V 


- • 


11. 1S6 


Virgil, 


- 


. 


I. 3 


Voltaire, 


. 


I. : 


26, 54, 13'6 



w 

Warrens, Lady, - - - I. 32 

Weishaupt, - - - I. 47, 50, 106 

Washington. IL 126to 130—11. 39, 40, 83, 139, 186,213 



Wolcott, 


L 133, 136, 143, 149, 158 


Walker, Mrs. 


IL 3i 


Walker, Col. 


IL 31, 73, 132 


Wood, 


IL 143 to 146 


Watson, 


IL 164 


W^ilson, 


IL 168, 160 


Warner, 


- - IL 168 




Y 


Young and Minns, 


IL 116, 215 



In some few espies tJie follomng ERRATA, 2*71 the Pre- 
face and Introduction, escaped notice. 

Page vi, line 21 from the top, for " ins," read com' 
plains. 

Pageviii, line 17 from the top, for "scourge," read 
lash* 



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